Might Club (His Name Is Phillip Coulson)

Might Club (His Name Is Phillip Coulson)

PAY ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS! THE THINGS AFTER THE TINY DOTS:  Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 91 “Baltimore Bart’s Bed And Breakfast”  I made you a LoFi Comic about Mad Men!  Dallas Fan Days is THIS WEEKEND (October 19-21) and I am going to be there in the artist alley. I will have books and shirts and sketches. Thanks to Joss Whedon, we can now utter Phil Coulson in the same breath as Tara and Wash. Whedon really knows how to go straight for the heart, which is funny consdering each of those characters were “the heart” of their show (maybe less so with Tara), they were ACTUALLY shot IN the heart (with a bullet, a giant pike and a magic spear) and their deaths hit us, the audience, right in the heart (specifically in the area governing the FEELS). I know Coulson will make at least an appearance in the new S.H.I.E.L.D TV series, but I hope they find a way to bring him back as more than just the occasional flashback. I don’t, however, hope this means the whole series would be set in a world before The Avengers. I’d like to see a team of post-Avengers S.H.I.E.L.D agents making passing references to “the big green guy” and “the pompous ass in the robot suit. Maybe Coulson will be an A.I. construct the team consults with. Or perhaps one agent is studying Coulson’s video logs to learn more about his methods. Or maybe he’s the god damn Vision. Who knows. All things being equal, Joss is probably going to use Coulson as his personal Kenny, and find a different, more brutal way to kill him in every...
The ADristocrats

The ADristocrats

KNOW THESE THINGS TO BE TRUE:  Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 91 “Baltimore Bart’s Bed And Breakfast”  Dallas Fan Days is THIS WEEKEND (October 19-21) and I am going to be there in the artist alley. I will have books and shirts and sketches. My wife and I are currently plowing through all 5 seasons of Mad Men. We’ve been running an average of about 3 episodes per night and are about halfway through season 4 (NO SPOILERS!!!!). Almost immediately I knew everything I’d heard about the show was true. The acting, the writing, the believability of the world, ALL were superior to nearly everything else on TV (save for Breaking Bad). There are moments when the racism and sexism are TRULY and BRUTALLY shocking, but those elements are never used in a sensationalist way. Rather they just remind the viewer how far society has come in 50 years and occasionally how far we’ve left to go. Consuming so much superlative TV in such a short amount of time (the same way I blasted through Breaking bad, 1-2 episodes a night, every night), I’m starting to really coalesce a Unified Theory of Television. What I mean is, I’m beginning to realize that regardless of genre, setting or subject matter, every television show geared towards me (a human person smack in the middle of all the prime demographics) either fails or succeeds based on the exact same successes or shortcomings. I noticed that not even 3 episodes into Mad Men, I was pausing the show to talk to my wife about a character’s motivation, how they really felt vs. what they were saying/doing, what their next...
That Boy Ain’t Right

That Boy Ain’t Right

Here are some things:  People have asked for a print or poster of the Sesame Street comic. You can click “Buy a Print” under any comic and get a very nice, high quality print mailed to you in regular or gigant-o-size. If you are at NYCC right now, head over to booth 950 (Blind Ferret) and buy some of my stuff why not? Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 90 “BONE TOKENS!”  Dallas Fan Days is next weekend and I am going to be there in the artist alley. Not in the main hall, but up on one of the higher floors (four, I think) where all the celeb panels are held. I will have books and shirts and sketches. DO NOT get me wrong. I have enjoyed immensely every Bryan Fuller created show I’ve ever seen (especially Dead Like Me and the cancelled-by-fox-after-only-4-epsisodes Wonderfalls). All I’m saying is the guy has a particularly morbid ouvre. It shouldn’t come as a shock that your shows keep getting cancelled when the subject matter typically concerns the two main thing the average American’s don’t want to have to face: mortality, questioning of their belief systems concerning God and the possibility of an afterlife. This illustrates, however, just exactly how watered down the “average American” forces all of our art/media to be. Wonderfalls and Dead Like Me were highly introspective and unreasonably creative shows that deserved mass audiences. They were shows that, while not forcing you, certainly ASKED you to think about “the big questions.” I can’t say I was looking forward to The Munsters reboot, Mockingbird Lane, but I was at least going to give it a chance considering its pedigree....
The Perils Of Companionship

The Perils Of Companionship

Here are some things:  People have asked for a print or poster of the Sesame Street comic. You can click “Buy a Print” under any comic and get a very nice, high quality print mailed to you in regular or gigant-o-size. Here is a new Lofi Comic about doing my taxes. It’s funnier than it sounds. If you are going to NYCC, head over to booth 950 (Blind Ferret) and buy some of my stuff why not? Here is the most recent HE Podcast: Episode 90 “BONE TOKENS!”  Dallas Fan Days is next weekend and I am going to be there in the artist alley. Not in the main hall, but up on one of the higher floors (four, I think) where all the celeb panels are held. I will have books and shirts and sketches. Farewell, Amy and Rory. You were cute and ginger and stubborn and I liked you a lot. Go along, Ponds. COMMENTERS: How do you feel about the Pond’s exit? Spoilers are fine. It’s been a couple of weeks, right? DON’T READ THE COMMENTS OF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS!!!    Tags: amy pond, bbc, companions, doctor who, rory williams, scifi, the ponds,...
But When I Like Something, It’s A Manifesto

But When I Like Something, It’s A Manifesto

A bunch of my T-Shirts are only $12 in the store right now. Check it out!  New episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! Episode 89 – John Quincy Adams: Mummy Strangler Thus ends another short run story-ish style continuity-let. Now to make some comics about The Pondless Doctor and Looper (which was super duper). COMMENTERS: Feels, right? They’re the worst. What’s the most ACTUAL HUMAN EMOTION you’ve ever felt about something that happened in a TV show? A few shows have definitely made me cry actual man-tears, but none are coming to mind at the moment. Perhaps you will jog my sadness memories. I remember when the Galactica jumped into atmo on New Caprica, I actually stood up and cheered like I was at a sportspuck arena and a score had just happened. Tags: alf, Storyline: The Grand Opining,...
Red Octoberfest

Red Octoberfest

A bunch of my T-Shirts are only $12 in the store right now. Check it out!  New episode of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast! Episode 89 – John Quincy Adams: Mummy Strangler Based on last week’s episode, Revolution is 0 for 2. This had me feeling like the fall TV season was off to bad start. Then I watched the pilot for Last Resort and my excitement was decidedly renewed. Almost instantly I was caught up in the premise (a nuclear sub disobeys questionable orders and seeks haven from it’s own government in the harbor of a tropical island that appears to be run by a pirate/drug lord/pimp). I was nervous, tense, excited, guessing and theorizing throughout the entire episode. These are all good signs. It’s so much more rewarding to be mentally screaming at the screen “NO NO NO! DON’T DO TH… OH CRAP HE DID IT! THAT SONOVABITCH!” than, “I’m SUPPOSED to like this kind of show, right? I mean, it’s sort of sci-fi. I bet it gets better.” The laws of attraction apply to TV as well as people. Sure, you need to give people (and TV shows) a chance to show you what they’re really all about, but there needs to be an initial spark. Something to cling onto right off the bat that keeps you wanting more. Last Resort definitely has that spark. It’s the first new show I’ve seen in at least 3 years where the casting, the acting, the premise and the writing were ALL the strong suits. It’s also the only one I can recall in recent memory where all those elements...
The Grand Opining

The Grand Opining

I really do have SO MANY OPINIONS about TV shows, you guys! Especially some of the ones that haven’t actually come out yet. How are those opinions even formed? Upon what basis do they situate themselves? I will answer these question in order. EXPERIENCE AND PURE CONJECTURE! That is either the answer to one or both of the questions. Perhaps all or none of them as well. I will probably explore these opinions about shows both real and soon-to-be-real in the next few comics. It’s a very dangerous game I play, this liking and disliking stuff and tell people about it game. The strategies involved compare closely to master level chess or even dad-against-children level Monopoly. The bottom line is, my opinions are too big to keep inside. I must share them! I feel so strongly about things like TV shows and movies that were I to contain my critiques of them, my brain would go super nova and take out half the galaxy with it. Better to let me make my silly Internet comics and posts to exorcise my demons rather than clean up such a cosmic mess. The word “opinions” actually comes from the old phrase “old pine ones.” As in, “That guy won’t shut up about what he thinks about stuff. Let’s beat him to death with bats. These old pine ones will do the job.” In the future, opinions will be cultured in a lab, freeze dried, powered and baked into snack foods. Opin-YUMZ! will revolutionize the worlds of eating garbage and feeling ways about stuff, since each time you pop an Opin-YUMZ! flavor discus into your...
We All Want To Change The World

We All Want To Change The World

NEW LOFI COMIC! “Dumb And Number” DONORS AND SUBSCRIBERS: The LoFi Comics aren’t showing full sized in the Premium RSS Feed yet. I’m working on it. SEE WHAT I DID! I made a geek joke AND finished the 3 comic arc about how unbearably sick I’ve been all week AT THE SAME TIME! I’m not saying I’m great, but if you were to say it I would probably stand behind you and nod knowingly. Revolution premiered this week. It is at least the 5th or 6th work of fiction I can recall from recent memory that deals with something akin to a worldwide EMP that knocks out all electricity, integrated circuits, electronic devices, etc. This is pretty well trodden ground, but that doesn’t mean the creators can’t tell an original story within a familiar framework. The odd thing (and the thing they damn well better expand upon pretty quickly as not to alienate their core target audience of over analytical geeks) is the show is proposing that the “laws of physics went crazy” so even though man has not magically lost of the knowledge of how to harness electricity, he cannot “begin again” as it were. Further more, mankind seems likewise unable to return to an industrial revolution era society… because of reasons. Reason that… will be explained? None of the characters grabbed me right away. The main girl, let’s call her Katniss, because that’s exactly who she is (being dressed like Katniss and given a bow and arrow to run around with) seems… bland. Emotionally bland. Elizabeth Mitchell (who I enjoyed in LOST), seems to have a very truncated role,...
Scalzi Comic Dare: All My Sweet Pitches

Scalzi Comic Dare: All My Sweet Pitches

HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST Episode 87 “ZombieWhatever.com” is live! Alternate Title: Pitch Slapped Alternate Alternate Title: Pitch Slapped 2: Pitch Better Have My Money In the past, only Wil Wheaton has been deemed worthy to wield the power of THE COMIC DARE. This week, however, another was found who possessed the strength of will and the Strength Of Wil (TM) required to harness The Comic Dare’s awesome might and use it for its most righteous purpose: SAYING DUMB STUFF ON TWITTER THEN FORCING ME TO DRAW IT! That person, the Beta Ray Bill to Wheaton’s mighty Thor is noted sci-fi author, Internet opinions haver, and celebrated balding ukester JOHN SCALZI (hold for applause). Scalzi occasionally finds himself in the precarious position of being asked by TV executives how to put things on our watching boxes that are not overwhelming terrible, reprehensible and offensive. So far they don’t seem to be taking his advice to heart. He had just one such meeting earlier this week at which he pitched original ideas for shows, and clarified via INTERNET SHOUTING that said shows would not involve “goats, vampires or sleuths with mental issues.” As we all know, these are the three cornerstones of modern televised shenanigans. Well, the last two are. The goats… must be an Ohio thing. Subsequently he issued the challenge to bring Sherlock: Vampire Goat to life and I, obliged by my 1000 year curse… uh, obliged. TV is at an all-time weirdness juncture. It is currently producing fictional dramas and comedies that will certainly go down in history as “the best things humanity was able to accomplish before The Fire Ocean cleansed the Earth of all...
Sherlocked And Loaded

Sherlocked And Loaded

My wife and I shotgunned Sherlock series 1 and 2 in three days. It wouldn’t have taken THAT long if she hadn’t insisted on feeding, caring for and paying attention to our child. A child who can almost open a the Pop-Tarts box by herself which essentially makes her self sufficient. When we finished the series I felt that strange mix of relief and anticipation that comes with totally immersing yourself in a particular fiction for days at a time. You’re satisfied to have completed your goal, but anxious for there to be more of it. More to consume. When something is THAT good, waiting months for new installments is like… well, it’s almost like a REAL problem. Which it is not. Still… HURRY UP AND GET ME BACK TO 221B BAKER STREET! There’s mysteries what need solvin’! I feel like Sherlock’s immensely impressive powers of deduction would be wasted on someone like me who rarely leaves the house other than to run simple errands or go to the airport, and who posts nearly every detail of his goings on to the Internet. He’d step foot in my dwelling (presumably where I had either just been murdered or been accused of such), rapidly flash across the items lying about – my suitcase (still packed from my last convention), my office (the room where I keep my piles of things), the couch with a big my-ass-shaped divot in it and me with my makes-British-look-Jamaican skin tone) – mumble, “Booorrrring,” under his breath and let D.I. Lestrade take it from there. Then he’d go convince Watson to let him shoot a...
Remuneration

Remuneration

HE Podcast Episode 85 just went live! Subscribe via RSS or iTunes.  Toronto Fan Expo starts TODAY!!!  I’ll be there with Blind Ferret and booth #1244. More info HERE. The following weekend I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm. THE END! The Eli/Boxcar Pete story is over! So is the comic! I’m done! Exclamation points!  Actually the comic isn’t over, but I know a few of you are IN NO WAY sad to see Boxcar Pete go. Interesting thing about moving from single, self-contained gag comics to longer form stories is that when someone hates what you’re doing, they don’t just hate it for one day. They hate it, and you for days and days and days and let you know about it in the rudest ways imaginable. I will certainly be keeping the stories shorter (and possibly further apart) from now on, but overall I am pretty happy with how this turned out. I pushed myself to draw people and places I am not comfortable with drawing, and to draw poses that weren’t just two 3/4 turned heads talking at each other. Since this story line wraps up something that started in the Avengers arc (the first mini story line), I feel like the whole thing has a bit of closure. It seems like a mini “season” to me. Anyway if you liked it, I’m glad. If you didn’t and managed not to send me a rude comment or email, I’m also glad about you. You are why we are almost able to have a society. Everyone else is on my list. I drew this comic at my friend Paul’s house in Buffalo. Later...
Breaking Fast

Breaking Fast

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!   There’s also a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! Toronto Fan Expo is very soon! Are you coming? I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm. The Fancy Sketch Drive Sketches are just about sold out. I suspect I’ll be ending the drive this week. Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home to replace the exploded one which is too exploded. The HE Podcast is coming back! More info HERE. First new episode drops tomorrow! I posted a tweet on Sunday night that sums up what loving Breaking Bad has done to me: @hijinksensue So should I send the medical bill for this ulcer to AMC or directly to Vince Gilligan? #BreakingBad Of course it would be silly to send it directly to Mr. Gilligan. I’m sure he has people for that. Hell, they probably have a whole department devoted to helping fans find treatment for ulcers, nervous disorders, panic attacks, stress induced spontaneously bleeding eyeballs, hyper-wafflefication, Mrs. Butterworth’s Syndrome… the list goes on. Walter White is perhaps the most fascinating character ever created for the small screen. I could (and DO) talk for hours about the subtlety and complexity with which he has transformed over 5 seasons from a loser (and a bit of an asshole) who wanted to be a bad guy, to a monster (who wants to be an even bigger monster) who fancies himself a good guy. Every time I meet or speak to someone who works as a writer, either for...
Rival Smugglers

Rival Smugglers

Alternate Title: The Smugglers Brothers NEW PRINT SIZES IN THE STORE! I might have some prints of this comic with me at SDCC. If you would like a print and you won’t be at SDCC, you can click the “Buy A Print” button beneath the comic [or click HERE] and select from either 8.5×11″ for $15 or 11×17″ for $25. They are printed on SUPER nice matte stock and ready to be framed. The Fancy Sketch Drive ends TODAY Wednesday 7/11/12! I will be turning it off as soon as I leave for San Diego, around 2pm central time.  San Diego Comic-Con is right now! I will be hanging out at booth 1332 with Blind Ferret. Check my Twitter for signing times and availability. More info HERE. Grammar Dalek Shirts will go on presale after I get back from SDCC. I was going run some of the Fancy Sketch Drive sketches as filler while I was away at SDCC, but at the last minute I got inspired to post a colored and be-backgrounded version of the original art I did for the Edmonton, Alberta chapter of Can’t Stop the Serenity 2012. Apparently the drawing raised over $100 for Equality Now. Pretty shiny. COMMENTERS: I don’t really think the Star Wars and Firefly universes would crossover well, but I was having a conversation recently that (with a little rule bending) the Avatar and Firefly universes could co-exist. What other sci-fi or fantasy ‘verses would mesh nicely together? I bet Blade Runner takes place 40, maybe 50 years before Fifth Element. Tags: firefly, han solo, mal reynolds, movies, scifi, serenity, star wars,...
The Final Countdown

The Final Countdown

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie Pre-Sale STARTS TODAY HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the pre-sale. They’re $19.95 + shipping. Buy one for you, one for a friend and one to customize with a little fez or horrible spacesuit sweater! Responding to this tweet from @NicaRedHead gave me the idea for this comic. You see, my friend Wil has what science doers call “Hockey Brain.” It is a horribly debilitating condition that causes one to flail about uncontrollably, run around the house screaming and gesture incomprehensibly at the television. As of right now there is no cure and no one is currently working on a cure or doing any research on the subject. Luckily for sufferers and their families, symptoms seem to subside… oh, about right now. Science doers can not explain this sudden onset total remission, because they don’t know what channel the NHL is broadcast on and chances are they probably have it deprogrammed from their cable box anyway. COMMENTERS: Do you or someone you love suffer from Hockey Brain? Can you explain it to me? How many downs are in an inning? Is the goal master allowed to throw his ice mallet like a javelin? Wouldn’t it be easier to play on grass or concrete? Ice seems like it would be quite slippery. I wonder if the Mayor of Sports Puck called to congratulate The Le’ Kings (must be a french team) on their victory against the Othertown Differentcolors. Tags: hockey, lost, sports, tv, wil...
Know What I’m Saying, Holmes?

Know What I’m Saying, Holmes?

UPDATE 05/18/12: Donation subscribers of any level will get access to an RSS feed with the full comic in it. I am going to be at Dallas Comic Con this weekend with Randy Milholland of Something Positive. I will ONLY BE THERE SATURDAY. Randy will be there Saturday and Sunday. You can find us at table 132. I will have books, prints, stickers and sketch cards, but no shirts. Really testing the waters on this one. If you guys come out and make it a good show, I will probably be back next year in full force. Here’s another stand alone to break up the continuity before the next mini story arc. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person. I am giving T-shirt ads in the posts a rest for a couple of weeks while I make some new ones, but why not check out The HE Store anyway? It’s still there. Professional Science Doers project that by 2020 we will have moved to an entirely Sherlock Holmes-based entertainment society. Between House, Moffat’s Sherlock, Robert Downey Jr.’s steampunk bromance with Jude Law, and the new CBS Holmes series, Elementary, I just don’t see any way out of this...
Location, Location, Location

Location, Location, Location

The first mini-story arc is over. There are going to be a couple of stand alone gag comics before the next bit of continuity starts. Read more about the new direction I am taking the comic in and how you can help HERE if you haven’t already. Gigantic thanks to everyone that has donated last week, especially to the new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue and even flourish, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of comics, I would consider you to be a pretty awesome type of person. Who would have known Sean Hannity was decended from the Qartheen?  Game Of Thrones basically boils down to matters of real estate. Everyone wants to be their own, as well as everyone else’s, landlord. The desire to collect rent AND not pay it are the only real driving forces behind those seeking power in Westeros. Well, that and sex. Everyone does seem to enjoy a healthy bit of boot-knockery. Everyone except Jon Snow, that is. I bet even Hodor has a romantic trist with a wine barrel or a dresser every now and then. A giant has needs. Hodor (Hodor). A few notes about Season 2 of Game Of Thrones: A couple of episodes back when Tyrion slapped Joffrey and delivered the line, “And now I have struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?!” I ran out into the street and slapped the shit out of the first privileged blond boy I could find. Stop seducing me, Peter Dinklage! I am a married man...
Cryptidillated

Cryptidillated

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you!  I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! The whole cast of Star Trek: TNG is going to be there as well, but you are probably more excited about seeing me or whatever. Right? RIGHT?! Well, you know who AIN’T gonna be there? Lieutenant Barkley. Fuck that noise, Space Admiral Dickhole. Broccoli or GTFO. MORE INFO HERE. I caught maybe 45 seconds of an episode of Finding Bigfoot a few weeks ago and the “expert” in “bigfoots” on the “show” kept saying things like “squatches REALLY love this time of night for goin’ out and fiddlin’ ’bout in the woods,” or “these ain’t sqautch droppings. I can tell by the taste,” and “one thing a squatch really hates is when you keep saying SQUATCH all the time.” They also hate that they are make believe and thus don’t get a lot of respect. This dude was just throwing out details and factoids about this fictional beast left and right. He had obviously done his homework (i.e. reading Wikipedia or listening to an elderly dementia patient in a rocking chair on a porch of the nursing home where he was raised as a ward of the state after his parents were mauled to death by a squatch). It’s one level of bullshit to go on TV and pretend noises are ghosts and different noises are bigfoots, but it’s a whole different tub of shit to pretend to be a certified ghost expert or squatchologist. COMMENTERS: Please share your brushes with the...
Guest Comic By Brian Patterson Of D20 Monkey

Guest Comic By Brian Patterson Of D20 Monkey

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt!  Since I am packing and print-making and prepping for C2E2, Brian Patterson was kind enough to provide you with an illustrated funny-time concerning role playing, Time Lords and a completely different kind of role playing. Brian makes a comic called D20 Monkey, which should quite adequately fill the dungeon and or dragon shaped hole in your geek soul that HE just doesn’t do anything for. Brian did THIS other HE guest comic last June, this one from March and THIS guest comic for my friend Alina just a few weeks ago. He has a shirt HERE that I think is amazingly well designed and funny, even though I would be a total poser if I were to wear it. COMMENTERS: Have you ever had a game or movie or whatever that you were just DYING to share with your friends? Something from childhood that you might have perhaps been remembering through a filter of stupid child memories? Did it live up to the hype or were you disappointed and embarrassed. This has happened to be a few times with movies. The first was the partial-Python Beatles spoof The Rutles*, and the other was the 90’s gangta rap Spinal Tap homage Fear Of A Black Hat. Both were quite unique and hysterical when I first saw them (around age 15), but context is everything. In the intervening decade the mockumentary format was run pretty square into the ground, and I (as well as those I was so excited to share these films with) had become desensitized and jaded to the genre. *Upon further reflection I...
Eterni-T

Eterni-T

Did you know my books have 1000’s of words (many of them quite funny) that you haven’t read? I don’t just put the comics you’ve already seen on the pages. I write NEW COMMENTARY for each and every comic. There’s also funny character pages, forewords, stories, random nonsense and embarrassing crap I drew in middle school. What I’m trying to say is BUY MY BOOKS! I worked really hard to make them special and I think they’re great.  This is a thing I have been concerned about for a while. WHY DOESN’T MR. T AGE?! He is identical to the man (or is it myth?) that I knew of as a boy. Had that god damn son of a bitch kid that lived next door to me when I was 8 NOT broken my Mr. T action figure, I’m sure I could compare it to the man today and see no discrepancy other than his lack of a torso joint that spun 360 degrees! Oh, and REAL clever using Scotch tape to reattach Mr. T’s head, shitty fucking neighbor kid. Like I wasn’t going to notice. I was in honors classes! They taught us to look for shit like that! Context clues, motherfucker! Comprehension! And I was SUPPOSED to get to borrow your scooter in exchange for letting you take my Mr. T for the weekend, but when I went to claim my half of the bargain, your step dad told me it was locked in the shed and you were at your mom’s! FUCK YOU IN THE FACE FOREVER. But I digress. My working theory is that Mr. T always has been and always...
The Itty Bitty Symphony

The Itty Bitty Symphony

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] As last Sunday approached I really did start to get desperate. Without adding HBO to my already bloated television package, how was I going to watch Game of Thrones? I was lucky enough to shotgun all of season one  during a weekend long HBO free preview last June, but no such serendipity presented itself this time around. I assumed that, this being a non-insane world, I would be able to purchase HBO Go on my iPad and hook it up to my TV for the weekly viewings of beheadings and blood fountains and wolf maulings and such. Turns out this is in fact a TOTALLY INSANE WORLD, where HBO only offers it’s mobile service to those that ALREADY pay for HBO through their cable or satellite provider. You would think they would want, let’s say, $6-10 a month from all of the people who want to watch their content but don’t want 275 other channels of bullshit. It is one of those “shut up and take my money!” situations where the other party REFUSES to A) shut up and B) take the aforementioned monies. I know this frustration is the result of existing deals the premium channels have with the cable companies that stipulate they not offer their content a la carte. The reason for these deals is to keep you paying $100 a month to get the 10 channels you watch instead of paying $2 or $3 a month per channel for those same 10 channels. Cable companies essentially operate under a model of prolonged...
Where’s Carl?!

Where’s Carl?!

NEW SHIRT!!!  Where’s Carl?! Shirts based on this very comic are live at Sharksplode! Where’s Carl? NOT where you told him to be, that’s for damn sure. That kid is exactly where he is NOT supposed to be (where ever the most zombies are), doing exactly what he is NOT supposed to be doing (which is anything but staying nearby and surviving) with EXACTLY who you told him NOT to be with (basically anyone that aren’t his parents). That Carl is a scamp and a half!  The Walking Dead season 2 ended last night and my spoiler free review for the entire season goes thusly: There were five boring episodes then one cool thing happened at the end of number six, then five more boring episodes followed by two rather awesome episodes. Looks like AMC’s whole “give us double the episodes for half the money” strategy didn’t really pan out. You could probably edit the entire season down to six quality episodes, but as it stands there was hardly three hours of good story telling or interesting action in the whole season. There was too much time filling, too many arguments over the same issues, NOT ENOUGH ZOMBIES, too much of every character saying the same thing over and over again, episode after episode, NOT ENOUGH ZOMBIES, too much time standing around the god damn farm, and NOT ENOUGH ZOMBIES. If you want a high quality print of this comic, you can get it HERE. Might look nice as a print triptych with my Calvin & Hobbes/Serenity comic and my Calvin & Hobbes/Game of Thrones comic. Just sayin’. If there...
Guest Comic By Lar deSouza

Guest Comic By Lar deSouza

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.  JoCo Cruise Crazy II guest week starts now! I will be on a boat all week with about half of the Internet and a dozen or so of my close friends and at least a handful of my creative heroes, and YOU sent me there with your generous participation in my fundraiser! So, thanks for that. What a swell lady or gent or undefinable organism you are. I will karaoke “Come Sail Away” by Styx in your honor. Was I being too presumptuous in classifying you as an organism? I’m trying to be sensitive but at this point I will have been drinking rum punches with dolphins for several days and I should not be held responsible for… well, anything. Of course I am technically writing this the Thursday before I leave, so… now my eyes have gone cross. RUM PUNCH STAT! It is a safe bet that you aren’t Lar deSouza, which is to say I am not as fond of you as I am of Lar deSouza because I AM SUPER FOND OF LAR DESOUZA! He is essentially the greatest guy. Completely disregarding the fact that he can draw EVERYTHING in nearly any style or configuration, have it look amazing and somehow seem effortless – disregarding all of that – he is one of the most genuine, sweet men I am ever met. Let’s see, you got the talent. You got the sweetness. You got the MIGHTY MIGHTY beard. You got the penchant for wearing fezzes and various other novelty chapeaus....
From The Makers Of Abilomaxocilizor

From The Makers Of Abilomaxocilizor

1000’s of words you’ve never read! Dozens of images you’ve never seen! Embarrassing crap I drew in highschool! BUY MY BOOKS! Pre-JocoCruiseCrazy Lo-Fi comics undulate ever floorward in a sort of heap! Which is to say it is 3:48am on the morning that I get on a plane to get on a boat to stay on a boat for a week with a bunch of my friends. Maybe I should sleep. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH YOUR GOD DAMN MO… yeah, I should sleep. Still I could not resist turning some of my late night TV viewing Tweets into one last LoFi comic for you before I left for vacation. The particular commercial that sparked my Tweeting tirade was for a stop smoking drug (I dare not name it for fear of spammers), that might cure your addiction to cigarettes and also might make you KILL YOURSELF. I also once saw an ad for a migraine medication where one of the side effects was headaches. So, yeah… there’s that. Guest comic week starts on Monday and boy are there some doozies waiting for you. SPOILERS: One of them is probably about boners. COMMENTERS: Based on the comic above, please come up with your own drugs and their various side effects which are always worse than the thing they are supposed to be treating. FLORIDA FANCY BASTARDS: If you are headed down to MegaCon in Orlando this weekend, please stop by booth 331 and see my Blind Ferret cohorts. They will have a selection of some of my most popular shirts at the booth including “The Doctor Is In,” “George” and “Winter Is Coming.”...
The Final Problem

The Final Problem

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you. @sizemore twatted a tweet so good I had to ask for permission to make it into a comic. Luckily he obliged, and thus you have the only ending to House that I will ever accept. ‘House‘ Ending: Season 8 Will Be The Last So what does the end of House mean for Fox’s Fringe and Terra Nova? The Real Story Behind House’s Cancellation Before the pedanti-squad gets their pedanties all knotted up, I do know that once during season four of House “it” was, in fact, Lupus. I’m actually quite glad House is ending. It’s really the only formula driven, procedural show I’ve ever appreciated. I think the blame for that appreciation falls squarely on Hugh Laurie. He has remained consistently captivating for eight years. Even when the plot was faltering, the sidekicks were boring or the case was too fantastic to get emotionally invested in HE was the grizzled glue that held it all together. Despite my stubbley crush on the pill popping, leg limping wonder doc, I firmly believe the writers and producers of House have taken that character absolutely everywhere he could possible go. He has gone through various stages of addiction, recovery, self-destruction, and re-recovery more than a few times. He’s taken the same physical and emotional journey through the peaks and valleys of self loathing and self discovery over and over and to have him continue to circle around the depths of the human condition for 1 or 2 more years would be abusive to the character and the audience. In all honesty, the...
#truemetalfacts

#truemetalfacts

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! I am sort of obsessed with the VH1 Classic show Metal Evolution. It chronicles the origins of metal from the earliest Celto-Scandinavian troll worshiping proto-Druids to today’s loud and angry angry-loud dudes, and ties it all together with lineage charts, moon phases, farmer’s almanacs, bundles of sage and armor piercing cod-pieces. As Eli says above, it IS a rich and storied history. Last week’s episode regarding the proliferation of European “Power Metal” was particularly fascinating. Power Metal is a sub-genre that involves fast soloing with classical influences, powerful high vocals, and lyrical content about dragons, destiny, glory, battle, brothers and sisters rising, challenges, more destiny, a boat, more dragons, a bigger boat, ice, THE MOUNTAIN, overcoming, an enchanted lute, a regular lyre, a sorceress’s betrayal, the last unicorn, a dwarf, crystals, and valor. Another thing worth mentioning about Power Metal is nearly all of the songs sound like they COULD be glorifying white supremacy. They aren’t. But they sound like they COULD be. I strongly recommend Metal Evolution for all fans of music and the endless permutations of musical genres. COMMENTERS: Please create more #truemetalfacts. If you post them on Twitter, use the hash tag. You can now purchase a super high quality 11×17″ print of any HE comic by clicking the “Buy A Print” button between the “Previous” and “Next” buttons in the navigation menu. If you don’t see it, try refreshing your browser cache. Tags: heavy metal, metal, music, ronnie james dio, tv, vh1, video games, yngwie...
The Fringe Candidates

The Fringe Candidates

You’re The Last Of The Timelords, Charlie Brown Your foreign policy record is questionable at best, and you have yet to form a coherent theory as to where Nina Sharp’s true allegiance lies. What makes you think you can lead this country?  Sorry, non-Fringe fans. Not because you don’t get this comic, but because you aren’t enjoying the best show on TV. This will likely be Fringe’s final season (a year sooner than J.J. Abrams would like), due to it being too fantastic to be profitable. This seems to be the fate of all original, thought-provoking, well acted (extremely well acted in the case of John “Please let me curl up in your grandpa cheeks” Noble), well produced sci-fi on television. Any show that refuses to dumb down it’s intensely complicated, yet expertly executed premise in order to reach a wider audience just isn’t commercially viable on TV. I think Fringe is the type of show you have to already be a sci-fi fan to enjoy. It asks a lot of the audience, but the average sci-fi fan is already used to accepting things like alternate dimensions, shapeshifters, techno-organic hybrid beings, and Leonard Nimoy. Each of those is probably a stumbling block for the average Joe “Is Real Housewives new tonight?” Television Viewer. J.J. Abrams has said that this season’s finale  can act as a series finale if the worst happens, but that certainly won’t be ideal for the fans or the creators. I want, just for once, to know what the actual planned ending of a high concept sci-fi show was supposed to be. LOST and BSG don’t count since...
A Good Day To Buy

A Good Day To Buy

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Thanks to Lar, who inspired this comic via a twitter exchange a couple of weeks ago. Lar has some AMAZING prints for sale, including all 11 Doctors as totes adorbs bunnies. There is a sort of reality distortion field for geeks that tends to envelop them and dampen their higher cognitive functions at events such as ren faires, comic-cons and… places where nerdy things are for sale. The example I always use is the one where you’re at a ren faire and you convince yourself that you REALLY NEEED an 11 foot tall driftwood wizard staff topped with a pewter dragon clutching a power crystal. I mean it’s only $200, and it’s basically one of a kind, and it would look SO BAD ASS propped up in the corner of your apartment between your alabaster Middle Earth chess set and your replica Xena shuriken/Gabrielle bowstaff. It seems like such a fantastic and fiscally responsible idea until you walk back to the parking lot and the reality distortion field fades. I know some of you are able to get these items home and feel very good about your purchases, but for me they are just buyers remorse waiting to happen. I’ve never allowed myself to purchase something expensive that doesn’t actually do anything. I want to, believe me. I’ve just never had that kind of disposable income, or unclenched long enough to allow myself that kind of indulgence. I’ve had friends who own fantastic movie props, replica swords and lightsabers, hyper realistic costumes, etc but I’ve never...
Welcome To The Rock

Welcome To The Rock

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! I like to imagine that if Jorge Garcia and Sam Niel backed out of J.J. Abrams‘ Alcatraz due to extreme insulaphobia, the producers would just go down the list of combination Lost and Jurrasic Park stars. First they would ask Matthew Fox and Jeff Goldblum, then Evangeline Lily and Laura Dern until they eventually settled on the guy that played Boone and the bottom half of an animatronic triceratops. I watched the two episode premiere of Alcatraz and I definitely enjoyed it. It seems to be the J.J. Abrams show that has learned from the mistakes (real and perceived) of previous J.J. Abrams shows. It is a serialized mystery like LOST, but they have clearly planned out a trajectory for the show as opposed to “let’s keep doing crazy shit and hope it all works out in the end.” I say this only because there is no way he would pitch another show with no endgame after the complete shit-bagel that was the final three seasons of LOST. It also relies on the LOSTesque “present day/ flashbacks” plot device to tell it’s 50 year spanning story. It worked for the first few seasons of LOST and I expect it to work for this show as long as they don’t lose themselves trying to make TOO MANY interweaving back stories in the flashbacks. Despite the fact that I think Fringe is the best show on television, period, I know that there are aspects of it that have scared off a mass audience and even universal adoption among geeks and sci-fi fans. Chief among them...
Somewhere In Time And Relative Dimension In Space

Somewhere In Time And Relative Dimension In Space

  Just before The Doctor saves the planet, that bitch Harriet Jones jerks it out from under him. ARRRRRRRGH! I owe a lot to Mystery Science Theater 3000. In all honesty I owe my job to that show. I didn’t realize it at the time, but every episode of MST3K I saw as a kid was teaching me how to be funny. From Joel, Mike, Crow and Tom Servo’s example I learned how to find the common threads in totally unrelated things and exploit them for comedy. I learned how to index, search and retrieve references and how to find the one glimmer of humor in a seemingly humorless situation (or film, in their case). They taught me less about “making jokes” and more about learning how to look at situations to see why they are already funny, or the find the missing piece that would make them funny. I use those lessons every single day and I am grateful that there was such a resource available to me. Considering none of that was even remotely funny, perhaps I have forgotten all I learned. Oh well. I was lucky enough to get to hang out with Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett at SDCC last year and tell them just how much of an impact they had on my comedic upbringing. If you haven’t spent a great deal of time with Joel, Mike and the bots, I strongly suggest you stream the available episodes of MST3K on Netflix and FOR THE LOVE OF SPACE CHIEF you have to check out Rifftrax. The very fact that their commentary made both Eragon...
What Is The Deal With Airline Peanuts?

What Is The Deal With Airline Peanuts?

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! While I wait for TBS to complete its inevitable transition into the “24 Hour Seinfeld Rerun Network” I satiate my need for unlikable characters dissecting the minutia of the human experience with the paltry 3 to 4 hours blocks of daily programming they currently provide. Seinfeld is one of those shows, like Newsradio, that I find to be infinitely rewatchable. Last week I was about 3 episodes deep into a Seinfeld binge when it dawned on me that nearly every premise, every complication, every problem these characters experience has been rendered moot by the modern smart phone. Take the exact same characters and pose them with the same situations in 2012 and each episode would be about 4 minutes long, if not zapped out of existence entirely. “Are you sure we’re going to the right movie theater?” Check Elaine’s original txt, then Google Map it. “Where did I park my car in this parking garage?” Pardon the phrase, but there’s an app for that. Couple in the Hamptons wants you to see their ugly baby? Check the photos they posted on Facebook before you bother making the trip. Have you ever stopped to think about how much of Seinfeld involves getting lost? Or just not having access to a specific piece of information? In the age of the smart phone the show basically becomes the story of 4 extremely organized friends who rarely miscommunicate, have misunderstandings, or get lost. If you examine this idea deeper the whole concept of Seinfeld really starts to unravel....
I Know My First Name Is Santa

I Know My First Name Is Santa

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up! Lifetime: The Network Your Aunt Likes (You know that ONE aunt? The one that moved back in with your grandma after her divorce.)  My mom pays for an entire array of cable channels, but she really only uses four of them: Lifetime, Lifetime Movies, Lifetime Real Women and The Hallmark Channel. Around Christmas time (roughly August through February) she parks the TV squarely in the middle of this estrogen programming block and feasts on programming designed to both uplift the spirit and tug at the tear ducts of middle-aged lady types. Also, most of the movies are about your dead relatives returning for Christmas as angels. I saw one over at her place about a dead grandma that just shows up at her family’s house at Christmas, and instead of calling the boys in the grayish-brown suits with the nuclear backpacks they’re all just, “Grandma, it sure is great that Jesus let you come down here and bake cookies for us!” It was intensely creepy. Everything about it that made my mom go, “Awwww,” made me go, “AHAHGHGHGHGHG!!!!” Not 2 weeks later I was back over there and, I shit you not, there was an entirely different movie about a dead relative coming back as a Christmas angel. I expect there are hundreds of them. Like Pokemon. CONFESSION TIME: I have seen one Lifetime movie that actually made me sad, nearly to the point of tears. I...
¿Terra? No Va

¿Terra? No Va

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] “¿Terra? No Va” translates to “Terra? Doesn’t Go.” As in, “With such a great premise Terra Nova could go SO MANY AMAZING PLACES, but choses not to.” I have written at least four pages of stream of consciousness, black and white notebooks from Se7en-style commentary on how I would fix Terra Nova. I am going to try to arrange it into a coherent, readable, non-manifesto format and post it here for your perusal. The bottom line is Terra Nova is a FANTASTIC concept with loads of potential that the writers and producers of the show seem hell bent on completely ignoring. I have several holiday-time, family-style obligations keeping me from organizing my mad ramblings now (plus I’ve been awake for 2ish days and the voices are starting to make some really good points), so check back over the weekend and hopefully I will have completed my transformation into a great and terrible red dragon… posted my thoughts on how to fix Terra Nova. UPDATE: I have resurrected my TUMBLR and posted my Terra Nova rant all in one fell swoop. COMMENTERS: Who else could save Terra Nova and how would they do it? How would you save it (which specific issues would you address)? Do you think it doesn’t need saving? That is certainly an opinion one could have… IF THEY WERE A SIXER SPIE! Of course there is no actual punishment in Terra Nova for being a Sixer spie, so… carry on I guess. [thanks to @doctoravenue, @robgonzo and @dotcomaphobe for the title to today’s comic] It being...
How It’s Laid

How It’s Laid

OMG FOR THE LOVE OF KRAMPUS, CAN WE PLEASE MAKE #howitslaid A THING?! PLEASE?! It’s all I want for Christmas.  Earlier this week I was live tweeting an episode of How It’s Made where, from the sounds of it, they were either hand-crafting horse saddles or reanimating Frankenstein’d leather daddies: “He inserts the bushing in the center hole.” #howitslaid “The seat area gets one last leather buildup.” #howitslaid “He glues leather around the base of the horn, an area called the swells.” #howitslaid “This makes it smooth so it won’t chafe the horse or the rider.”#howitslaid Man, my nipples are getting pierced just thinking about all of that. [Thanks to @d20monkey for coming up with the hashtag. Go read his comic.] COMMENTERS: Let’s just go ahead and keep this about unintentional dick jokes, preferably from show like How It’s Made, since they are so often discussing things like shafts and flanges and obvious dong-analogies and what not. Those dirty birds. Any episodes that really stuck out as offenders? I should mention how much I really do LOVE that show. Dick jokes not withstanding (is THAT a dick joke?), what’s the most interesting thing you’ve learned from How It’s Made or shows like it? I thought it was crazy when I found out they froze soapy water inside trombones so they could bend the bend the tubing without kinking it… [snicker snicker]. Tags: gay, how its made, science, sex,...
Is Your Incorporeal Clock Ticking?

Is Your Incorporeal Clock Ticking?

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastards should NOT miss it. More details HERE. Of the recent slate of new shows, I’d have to say American Horror Story is probably my favorite. That title comes with an asterisk, however. The creators of the show, are also the creators of Nip/Tuck and Glee. Their pedigree screams, “GREAT CONCEPT! GREAT FIRST SEASON! THEN EVERYONE STARTS ACTING LIKE CARTOONS AND THE WHOLE THING TAKES THE SUCK TRAIN TO SHIT TOWN FOR 5 MORE SEASONS!!!” AHS has been showing some of the Nip/Tuck stink since day one (in that people, haunted or not, continually behave in ways that human beings would never behave, so much so that it begins to distract you from the story), but it has managed to balance that out by also keeping the plot moving and continually surprising the viewer. It also suffers a bit from having no likable characters. Not one. Not one who is living, at least. Some of the ghosts are sympathetic, but they also suffer from being extremely one note as ghosts are wont to do. I get the idea that being stuck between realms with unfinished business might lead one to having a very singular focus, but eventually the ghosts constantly chanting their one desire over and over gets annoying. Add to that the fact and all of the living human characters are also dumb as tombstones...
The Boy Who Waited

The Boy Who Waited

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.  Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastards should NOT miss it. More details HERE. In honor of The Doctor and my current allergy-related headsplosion, I am drinking a cocktail of Dayquil, Sudaphed, vodka and orange juice. I call it a Sonic Screwdriver*. I can’t say I’m happy that The Doctor is leaving for so long, but I would rather them make a great series than rush to meet some arbitrary deadline. Plus, The Doctor always comes back eventually. My daughter is starting to figure out that Santa Claus isn’t real. [SPOILERS] Recently she’s said things like, “I bet scientists don’t think that Santa can really see everyone all the time,” and “I don’t think Santa’s reindeer can really fly. I bet they just walk everywhere.” I think I’m going to start telling her that Santa is and has always been a lie, because it’s The Doctor that brings her presents every year. Then we can leave fish fingers and custard on the fireplace for him on Christmas Eve. Doctor Who hopes you’ll excuse his TARDIS in 2 funny Xmas clips Hear The Doctor‘s desperate plea for help, in the prequel to the Doctor WhoChristmas Special! 18 magical new Who pics will have you feeling like it’s Xmas NOW Steven Moffat reveals we’ll have to wait a LONG time for new Who COMMENTERS: Mofftatt said the incredibly long Doctor Who hiatus (Doctor Whiatus)...
Comfortably Numb

Comfortably Numb

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it. Saturday 8-11 pm Sunday 12-5 pm **Q&A panels by reservation only!** Sat: 6-8 pm Sun: 10-12 before signings 8-11 pm after signings There is a whole class of “gift” one may receive around the holidays that says, “Hey. I don’t really know you that well, nor do I care to. Here’s some bullshit I paid money for.” The Snuggie (the blanket with arm holes) and the Forever Lazy (the blanket you wear like a shame-suit while you go tailgating or play Wii) have the distinction of falling not only into this category, but all into the “Thing that solves a problem that isn’t really a problem at all and actually makes trying to solve that fake problem more difficult that using the thing you already have or just ignoring it outright” category. These types of items flood the stores around December as if to say, “SHOPPING IT TOO HARD! BUY LIKE 40 OF THESE AND YOU’LL BE DONE AND YOU CAN GO HOME AND HATE YOURSELF!” They also play into the worst part of Christmas and other gift-giving holidays: the idea that buying something, ANYTHING, for someone is a requirement. Nay, an obligation. I have successfully managed to strategically distance myself from most of my family in such a way that I A) Do not receive any bullshit X-mas trinkets,...
Not Cool Cool Cool Cool, NBC

Not Cool Cool Cool Cool, NBC

Not cool cool cool cool at all.  TV actors live under the constant threat of their livelihoods being ripped away by some faceless executive. Which I suppose is better than having their faces ripped away by some lifeless executive. It has to be an unbelievable shock going from a professionally unemployed actor to making 10’s of thousands of dollars a week to wondering how you’re going to afford your pool boy’s Lexus payment when essentially not of the decisions that affect those major life changes are in your control. Hollywood is basically a glorified temp service broadcast to the world. I’m a big Community fan, and it’s a shame to see NBC shelve their second best show (sorry Abed-heads, but 30 Rock is perfect) because not a wide enough swath of middle America can relate to its deep pop culture references, bizarre concept episodes and general geekiness. It’s one of the only shows actually pushing the boundries of what can be done with a comedy on network TV. I guess the problem is if you keep pushing boundaries, you eventually hit a wall. I hope the show rebounds and comes back stronger than ever, but it might just be too quirky, smart and genuinely funny to survive. At least we still have Whitney, right? What do you bring to your Whitney viewing parties? Chocolate? Red wine? A bullet? TV Bits: ‘Community’ Gets Benched and More The 10 geekiest moments of Community “Philosophy of Film and Television Narrative”: How NBC’s ‘Community’ Shatters the Boundaries Between Reality and Fiction ‘Community‘ Creator Fully Aware What We’re Doing Whenever Alison Brie Jiggles COMMENTERS: Lament the seemingly inevitable demise of...
The Hip Hop And The White Funk

The Hip Hop And The White Funk

HijiNKS ENSUE Holiday Cards are back!   AWESOME NEWS! My Desertbus auction to appear in a HijiNKS ENSUE comic raised $410 for Child’s Play. Thanks to all who bid and especially to Fancy Bastard Luke T. who won! FANCY BASTARD ASSEMBLE Limited print update: The prints are at my house and will start shipping this week. Thank you for your patience. Josh may be a bit off base, but Jesus, are those shows really 20 years old? I guess I’ll just crawl in bed and wait for my organs to fail. I came up for the idea for this comic while watching YouTube videos of the 80’s cartoon Kidd Video. Each animated episode would feature a live action music video from the show’s real titular fake band. I couldn’t help but thinking things might not have gone well for the four ethnically diverse, hair teased teens miming those instruments. That’s when I remembered that Nickelodeon offspring channel TeenNick recently started airing many of the early 90’s shows I used to watch as a kid. All That (the preteen’s answer to SNL and the pedophile’s answer to Kids In The Hall), Hey Dude (another Nick show about 16 year olds that NEVER EVER EVER leave their summer jobs) and Doug (which broke new ground in racial discourse by featuring the only white kid in an all colored neighborhood) are all part of the “90’s Are All That” block. This sent me down a man eatin’ jack rabbit hole of Youtube videos and wiki articles. I emerged on the other side, feeling so much older and hardly any wiser, yet grasping on to this fundamental truth:...
The State Of The Universe

The State Of The Universe

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU. [Sorry, non-Doctor Who fans. This one doesn’t make any sense to you.] The Whitehouse’s official stance on aliens, UFO’s and the like is that we haven’t yet made contact, and no information regarding extraterrestrials has been concealed by the government from the public. But, isn’t that EXACTLY what they would say if they WERE covering something up? And if The Silence are involved, do they even know they are covering it up? If Fox Moulder voted for Obama, would it be “Change I WANT TO BELIEVE in?” Further more, do astronauts have sex in space? How does that even work? So many mysteries. When I was a kid, I was both facinated and terrified by the idea of aliens visiting Earth. The early 90’s saw a strange surge in alien related media. Perhaps The X-Files started it, or perhaps the interest in UFO’s paved the way for the show. Either way, there were TV specials, movies and books coming out left and right that all seemed to say the same thing: We are not alone, and the truth is being kept from us. I soaked up every bit of info I could (which was hard pre-Internet) and felt that I had an above average working knowledge of “the truth.” I knew all about the inconsistencies of the reports surrounding Roswell, the military personell that had come forward only to be discredited, the similarities in abduction stories and the “greys.” I just accepted that this was the secret truth and...
Wheaton Comic Dare: Sterling Cooper Maverick Goose

Wheaton Comic Dare: Sterling Cooper Maverick Goose

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you! No, really. Specifically FOR YOU. Occasionally Wil Wheaton dares me to turn random tweets into comics. This burden, this curse is mine alone to carry. One day I will find a way to break the chains that bind me to the will of Wheaton, but until then you can benefit from my suffering. That is assuming you have any idea at all what is happening in the above comic. Do you? Can you explain it to me? I blacked out about halfway through drawing it and when I awoke the house was on fire. [He makes me doooo thiiinnnngs… baaaaad thiiiinnngs] This particular Wheaton comic dare originated from a tweetversation between me and Fancy Bastard @pipsipirate regarding “Top Men” and their relationship to both Top Gun and Mad Men. Highway to the danger zone, indeed. Apparantly Wil Wheaton has my twitterphones tapped or else I retweeted the exchange, because mere moments after the initial transmission he threw down the gauntlet.  Having completed the challenge and being hardly any worse for the wear [some of my skin has started to grow back], I am now hoping someone far more talented than me will remake the entire Mad Men intro using elements of Top Gun. There’s already all of that falling. The work practically does itself. AUSTING COMIC CON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! [MORE INFO] November 11-13 at the Austin Convention Center! Look for me in the artist alley.  Tags: don draper, john hamm, mad men, movies, tom cruise, top gun, tv, wheaton comic dares, wil...
A Real Fixer-Upper

A Real Fixer-Upper

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] American Horror Story is only 5 episodes in and it’s already banana tits insane. Every single day 100 unspeakable horrors  happen to the family in the murder house, any one of which would cause regular, sane people to curl up into the fetal position and scream until they were dead. It is impossible to watch this show without constantly wondering WHY ARE THEY STILL IN THE HOUSE!?!?!! At any given time there are at least 3 creepy murder neighbors (2 of which are probably ghosts) lurking uninvited in the house, 3 or 4 people are who supposed to be dead (and probably are) trying to break into the house and a host of demons, ghouls and haunting visions plaguing every waking moment of this family’s lives yet they never just GET THE FUCK OUT. Oh, the market is bad? You can’t sell the house without being upside down? FUCK IT! GET OUT! SAVE YOURSELVES! It’s super frustrating how unbelievable everyone’s actions and reactions are. It’s like asking us to believe a family gets a new dog and it turns out the dog farts bullets, so every single day someone is getting accidentally fart-shot and yet they NEVER get rid of the dog. Boo! American Horror Story scares up a second season from FX Zachary Quinto just saved American Horror Story COMMENTERS: Are you watching American Horror Story? Post your thoughts, theories, etc. in the comments. I’m sure there will be some spoilers, so read at your own risk. Tags: american horror story, bob vila, fx, horror,...
A Wrong Turn At Albuquerque

A Wrong Turn At Albuquerque

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic] If regular episodes of Breaking Bad give me ulcers, the season finales typically cause my stomach to attempt to digest itself. I can’t really comment on this Sunday’s season finale since essentially everything I can say is a SPOILER. I will say this, however, “OMGWTFWALTERWHITEABQ!!!” Yeah, it was that type of situation. COMMENTERS: The idea for this comic was born out of some fun I was having with the Fancy Bastards on Twitter this weekend coming up with alternative, alliterative shows that might star Bryan Cranston as Walter White. I started with Baking Bread, Braking Boards, Busking Broads and went full speed to stupid-town from there. I will post some of my favorite @responses from readers in the comments. Feel free to come up with your own. Please do not post any Breaking Bad spoilers in the comments. GUEST WEEK AND NYCC!!! I am going to be at New York Comic-Con with Blind Ferret at Booth #1821 this weekend  (10-13 to 10-16). I will have books 1 and 2, T-Shirts (including the new “Winter Is Coming” shirt and maybe a debut of another new shirt), stickers, sketches and prints. I am going to be staying in Brooklyn so I hope to hit up the Doctor Who themed bar, The Way Station. Maybe we can do a bit of an informal Fancy Bastard Meetup there. Starting tomorrow (Wednesday), I will be running a few guest comics created just for you by several of my webcomicing cohorts (Paul Southworth, Sam Logan, Randy Milholland and Alina Pete). Based on what I’ve...
Warp Factor 1080p. Engage.

Warp Factor 1080p. Engage.

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this Three Wheaton Moon shirt. You can buy it! Then you can wear it! Only two steps to total geeky happiness? Sign me up! I was super excited to hear that Star Trek: TNG was finally coming to Blu-Ray in HD. They are going back and scanning the original film stock and re-editing each episode to match the original. The thing I am having trouble with is that they are supposedly replacing all of the special effects with CG. Does that mean they are going to trash the beautiful starship models in favor of a CG Enterprise? I know they did that with TOS a few years back, but that wasn’t MY Star Trek, so I didn’t really care. Now I’m wondering of replacing the amazing model work in TNG is a distrespectful Lucas-izing of the series. I know the HD scenes mixed with blurry model shots, poorly blue screened onto backgrounds wouldn’t make for a cohesive viewing experience, but it still seems a bit wrong to me. Oh, hey! That was me turning old. I am old now. Where are my turnips? Video: ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation’ is Coming to Blu–ray in 2012 UPDATE: It looks like they are going back to the original model shots and recompositing them. So no CG Enterprise as far as I can tell. It actually looks pretty fantastic. A THING: After a power surge last week, my file server (the one that holds all of my HE-related files) died (despite being plugged into a heavy duty surge supressor). The drives were OK but I have to...
Causality And FX

Causality And FX

Alternate Title: Tera Novella Before you jump up my ass, YES I know they wrote off the possibility of a paradox in the pilot of Terra Nova by saying the past they travel to is in an “alternate time stream.” More on why I think that’s bullshit later. Ok, so I gave the Terra Nova pilot a shot. The short version is that it’s Jurassic Park meets Avatar with a little bit of Lost thrown in for good measure. There’s dinosaurs and humans juxtaposed, there’s escaping a dystopian Earth in favor of a hostile but majestic jungle environment and there’s “no matter what you were, you get a second chance on the island in the past” to round out the premise. There are even a group of  “others” to add a little mayhem and mystery. Let’s start with the shitty future humanity traps itself in. Fans of sci-fi will find nothing new about the present day future of Terra Nova. It’s all well trodden ground. Humanity destroys itself with greed, overpopulation and environmental devastation. The air sucks, the living quarters are tiny and only the most wealthy and connected don’t live on the brink of extinction. Through a coincidence, seemingly caused by parking two supercolliders next to each other, scientists discover a “fracture” to 85 million years in the past. A probe is sent through, assuming it will automatically show up somewhere in the present. When it doesn’t they determine this past is in a different time line, so it’s ripe for exploring, and settling and butterfly stepping on without fear of paradox… IN OUR UNIVERSE. What about the...
Accepting WHO I Am

Accepting WHO I Am

I’ve felt this change coming for a long time and “Let’s Kill Hitler” finally pushed me over the edge. Matt Smith is my favorite Doctor. It’s not JUST him, it’s the whole show really. I guess I should rephrase and say “Matt Smith’s episodes are my favorite Doctor Who episodes.” It’s the writing, the look of the show (it some how seems more expensive… better lighting? Better cameras?), the companions (Rory and Amy are amazing but RIVER… dear god, River. What a fascinating character arc.), the chances they are taking with the story, the stakes they just keep raising, the departure from the typical “A) Go to a planet B) Fix a problem” formula… the whole show is just orders of magnitude more captivating that it’s ever been. That’s a considerable achievement when you take into account how much I enjoyed Tennant’s run. I feel like the last two seasons of Doctor Who are proof that you can make satisfying, complicated genre fiction on TV IF YOU HAVE A PLAN. And if Steven Moffat DOESN’T have a plan, then he’s the best bullshitter on the planet. All of the little loose threads just keep weaving themselves back into the main story. It’s never boring, it’s never hack. It’s just purely entertaining, cohesive and rewarding story telling. Watch the deleted Doctor Who Hitler scene too expensive to film Doctor Who and the One Woman the Doctor Can’t Screw Up [Tv Recap] COMMENTERS: Come on! Who’s with me on this? Matt’s the best, right? Ok, so who‘s YOUR favorite doctor? WARNING!!! THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR “Let’s Kill Hitler” IN THE COMMENTS. Tags: bbc, doctor...

Bonus Comic For Fans Of The @Nerdist Podcast

I enjoy me some Nerdist Podcast, so while listening to Chris Hardwick lament about a topsy turvy world where no one but himself knew what cottage cheese was, I was inspired to make this comic. WARNING: This comic makes MUCH more sense if  you have listened to Nerdist Podcast Episode #114, which is why it’s posted down here and not up in the main comic area. If you are new to the site and you dig this comic, you might like some more comics about Doctor Who, Apple, Tech, Sci-Fi, featuring Chris Hardwick or our mutual friend Wil Wheaton. Also, the HIJINKS ENSUE STORE is a place where you can buy nerdy T-shirts and stuff. Tags: chris hardwick, jonah ray, matt mira, nerdist, scifi, the internet, tv, twilight...
Winter Is Coming

Winter Is Coming

UPDATE: “Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! I’ve been tossing this Calvin and Hobbes meets Game of Thrones idea around for a while. Originally it was going to be Calvin/Jon Snow and Hobbes/Sam standing atop the wall mirroring the dialog from the final Calvin And Hobbes strip, ending with “Let’s Go Exploring.” As I was doing research for reference images I came across the cover to the Attack… collection and realized it was basically already a scene out of GoT, complete with a White Walker and everything. So there you go. I hope you enjoy it. Baltimore Comic-Con is this weekend! I will be in the Artist Alley right next to Dannielle Corsetto at Table #A187 or so. I will have books 1 and 2, “The Doctor Is In” shirts, “Team Edward [James Olmos]” shirts and “Ewok Stare” shirts, plus prints, stickers and Fancy Sketches. We have had a really fantastic Fancy Bastard meetup each year. Details HERE on G+ or talk to FB Adam (who is organizing it) directly on G+ or Twitter. Hope to see you at the show and the meetup! Commenters: Please come up with your own Game Of Thrones/ Sunday Comics crossover and let us know how it plays out. I’ll get you started: The Family Circus as the Lannisters. Jeffy = Joffrey? Right? Amirite? UPDATE: You asked for it, so I added a “Winter Is Coming” desktop to The Vault. I’ve also added “Chibi Wolverine” and “Three Wheaton Moon” desktops as well. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscriptionand you’ll get access. I’ve also added mobile versions...
Hello, Harkness, My Old Friend

Hello, Harkness, My Old Friend

Big thanks to Mike Phirman for letting me use his Tweet as the title to this comic. You MUST check out his new album! He was one of the big standout performances at this year’s w00tstock (a show about which he just released a very funny new song). Alternate Title: The Dart Of Harkness Hollywood certainly seems to like its “gay” easily identifiable. It’s the clandestine gays they don’t seem to fond of. Every once in a while a show or movie gets it right and actually portrays a homosexual as a regular person as opposed to a frolicking, mincing, bedazzled stereotype. That’s one of the things I like so much about Captain Jack Harkness. He’s a hero first, an adventurer second, a time traveler third, a bit of a slut fourth and an omni-sexual man somewhere towards the end. That’s how you build a character that actually promotes a positive image of homosexuals. You show them as a human, flaws and all, then (when the story dictates) you address their sexuality. Torchwood: Miracle Day is built around a fascinating concept. What if one day everyone stopped dying? The execution is… compelling if not a little uneven. Last week’s episode was about 14 minutes of story poured into a 50 minute bucket. I still enjoyed it quite a bit, but the pacing (considering it was the series’ halfway point) seemed sluggish. I will certainly be sticking around until the end if only to see who’s behind the “Miracle.” It’s a good mystery with a decent balance between questions and payoff. Still, it leaves me wondering: Where is The Doctor...
The Tell-Tale Brains

The Tell-Tale Brains

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!! The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con. What’s that in the distance? Why, it’s the faint siren song of the undead. Hearing them is SO much scarier than seeing them. I can only image their desiccated corpses, somehow animated by a perversion of biology, their skin sloughed off to reveal muscle and bone, their entrails spilling out of their gaping abdominal cavities, their… oh, you get the picture. No need to see any of that. Let’s go inside for a long time and talk about how there are probably zombies all over the place. All of the news about what AMC is doing to The Walking Dead (firing Frank Darabont, requiring 13 episodes for less money than they had to make 6 last season, threatening the cast and crew to keep quiet) sounds BAD. Like REALLY really bad. Why can’y hollywood just pet the pretty rabbit? Why do they have to crush its tiny rabbit skull every time? Is AMC ‘terrorizing’ Walking Dead cast over Darabont departure? AMC’s Crazy Ideas for Cutting Costs on The Walking Dead Unnamed Sources Reveal Truth Behind Frank Darabont’s Departure From ‘The Walking Dead’ Sons of Anarchy creator rips AMC for Walking Dead turmoil COMMENTERS: How else are AMC going to ruin cut costs on The Walking Dead? Tags: amc, frank darabont, horror, the walking dead, tv,...
Ghost Protocol

Ghost Protocol

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode. The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon. After getting rave reviews for season 4.5, shooting all of season 5 (to air next year) and getting picked up for at least a 6 episode 6th season, Eureka got up-picked up and cancelled. Normally I would nerd-rage against SyFy or its parent company NBC/Universal or their new parent company Kabletown… err, Comcast for being short sighted or too focused on profits at the expense of quality, but this time it’s a little different. This is the first prematurely cancelled show I’ve enjoyed  where I’ve had multiple friends working on said show. Amy Berg, pictured in the panels above, is the co-executive producer and a writer on Eureka, and Wil (as most of you know) plays Dr. Issaac Parrish on the show. So instead of spitting indignant geek venom all over the internet, I’ve decided instead to focus on my friends, the great show they’ve created and what they’ve (we’ve) lost. At San Diego Comic-Con this year I went to the Eureka screening with Amy and our friend Dammit Liz. As we watched the never-before-seen episode I found myself getting nervous. What if the crowd didn’t respond well? What if I didn’t laugh enough? The lady right next to me made this show! Luckily the crowd loved it, and lack of laughter was not...