What Lies Beneath

hijinks-ensue-january-2015-book-sale-2UPDATE: ONE(ish) WEEKS LEFT! THEN THEY’RE GONE GONE GONE!!!

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER

I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE. 

POTTER AND DAUGHTER IS NIGH! The Harry Potter podcast I’ve been recording with my daughter is dangerously close to getting released (when my Patreon reaches $1750). Read more about it here.

COMMENTERS: Why do some of you pretend all cats are not evil? Why do you lie? Does your cat have information on you that you don’t want getting out? Does it have a member of your family hidden beneath the floor boards or trapped inside its cat tree? Do you need help? If you need help, blink three times. If the cat has already chewed off your eyelids to prevent blinking, try screaming hysterically, “OH GOD OH FUCK OH NO THE CAT OHHHH GAAAAAAAHD MY EYES THE CAT HAS OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT HAS IT DONNNNNNE?!?! WHAT WILL BECOME OF MEEEEEEE?!?! OH GAHHHGHGHGHGLLLLLNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!”

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25 Comments

  1. People have a habit of anthromorphosizing their pets no matter how ridiculous it is. You'll notice the people who squee about their cats the most always treat them like people rather than the semi-undomesticated predators they are. I blame Disney, personally.

  2. Cats aren't completely evil. They're just conforming to their Cat Commandments, which are the antithesis of Asimov's robot laws.

  3. The dark evil housed within my cat's furry body is mostly directed toward all the stupid rodents that seem to live around here, so I call that fair.

    Bit of a pain to clean up though.

  4. I guess being forced to live in a quite unnatural state for felines made my parent's' cats learn really strange behaviours: they're six, all permanently living together. So they're nice to each other most of the time, they like being pet and ask for it, and if a stranger attacks one of them, the others come to the rescue. They don't fight for food either, but it's because there's too much of it for them to fight over it. I guess it's the reason why they're still there.

  5. Ha, I even have a cat in the neighborhood I've nicknamed "EVUL KITTEH" because he's Darth Vader, Stalin, and Hitler rolled into one fat orange furry lump of claws.

    I heard a dog screaming, and it was some purse-mutt being worked by Evul Kitteh like Mohammed Ali working a punching bag… buddaYARFbuddaYARFbuddaYARF. The cat was up on his hind legs just giving him the rights and lefts.

    I heard another dog and there's Evul Kitteh giving a Doberman the "this is MY yard, and you WILL get out of it" stare.

    He'll walk by and I'll go "ohhh wookiewook! it's da cutie widdle evul kitteh!" just to get the f— you shrug of the shoulders.

  6. Very few cats are Evil. Because Evil is just too darn much Work. And rarely the fun kind, either.

    Besides, 'In Ancient Egypt, cats were worshipped as gods. They have never forgotten this'. What you mistake for evil is simple the extreme self-confidence that comes of that memory

  7. Not ALL cats are "evil" some are perfectly nice furry people who just want to live nice peaceful lives.

    No I am not just saying this because there is one sleeping in my lap right now… No I am not scared for my life… No do not send help….

    (Oh, oh god. it's looking at the screen while I type. THEY HAVE LEARNED TO READ OUR LANGUAGE)

  8. I've read HE for a long time and tried to stick with this new direction, but I just can't. HE used to make me laugh, but now it's just that parent who can't stop talking about his kid. I've got a daughter of my own and I get being proud. But it doesn't make for nearly as good a comic as HE used to be. Thanks for all the laughs and best of luck with the new direction.

    • This was completely unnecessary. This whole "compliment, insult, followed by insulting compliment" breakup letter that is so common among internet culture these days is such a load of bullshit. If don't like something, just stop reading/watching/doing it. No one cares what your reasons are and you adding them to the conversation doesn't do anything but make you look like as asshole and insert negativity into the content creator's day.

      "I've read HE for a long time and tried to stick with this new direction, but I just can't."
      Sounds like a real struggle. How you found the courage to stick with it this far is beyond me.

      "HE used to make me laugh, but now it's just that parent who can't stop talking about his kid."
      Correct, on both accounts, I assume. Our interests have diverged. Embrace your new found freedom.

      "I've got a daughter of my own and I get being proud. But it doesn't make for nearly as good a comic as HE used to be."
      Go read her a book, instead of ruining other people's days with your unsolicited opinions of their work.

      "Thanks for all the laughs and best of luck with the new direction."
      You don't actually mean that, or you wouldn't have bothered couching your well-wishes in insults. You won't be missed.

      • But if he doesnt post a passive agressive goodbye post, you wont know the horrible pain you caused him by slightly altering the premise of the entertainment you post online for free.

      • I could tell you the story about a bopper in the 90's who purchased Alice in Chains "Jar of Flies" and was disappointed because he was expecting the hard, crunchy, angsty, rock darkness that he desired at the time. That disappointment transmogrified into a great love (To this day I play it more than the others)…. As an artist myself, I could say that some fans don't recognise that the creative process is a living entity, and it's direction and fuel can and will change. (often without regard to shrieking opinions of the peanut gallery).
        Mostly I just wanna tell you you're comic rocks! I've been reading for years and it just keeps getting better! (and I don't even have kids..lol)

        love you long time, Joel!!

        • Thank you for the kind words, and the AiC analogy. If you want to get a point across to me effectively and succinctly, speaking in 90's alt-grunge references might as well be a secret shorthand. AiC made their name as a metal band that wasn't quite metal and a grunge band that wasn't grunge at all, but their greatest creative achievement was their final one (with the original lineup): MTv Unplugged. It was the quintessential ideal of everything Unplugged was supposed to be or ever could be. A dozen tracks from a hard rock band, stripped down to their bare essence. No flash, no production, no crunch to hide behind and all of the songs are still amazing. Actually most of the unplugged versions are superior to their originals. It was so raw and emotional. I'm sure they knew their band, if not their singer wasn't long for this world and they gave it everything they had. In my mind, Unplugged is what AiC sounds like. As much as I love their hardest songs, they might have always been an acoustic band. They just didn't realize it until it was over.

          • And, to your point, when a band I love takes a new direction that I just can't follow them on despite my best efforts, I never get mad at them. I stay grateful for the music I loved, and perhaps lament the loss of more of it, but I never hate them for creating what they wanted to create.

            • A lot of people get caught up in superficials when it comes to art. Journey is a good example of this. After Steve Perry left the band, they went through two other singers and several dozen albums between them. The stylistic content and quality of their music never changed, and the new singers were skilled enough to absolutely nail their old material in a live setting. Yet most of the fanbase was so disappointed that Steve Perry had left, they never bothered to notice that the band was putting out music that was just as good as their old stuff, if not better for the natural progression of skill. They missed out on some great new material, some stellar touring years, and some awesome limited print swag. They missed some of the band members' stories coming full circle with epic studio collaborations and accolades for their work. Just because something changes doesn't mean a story has to end; it is often just the start of a new chapter.

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