This Is A Safe Place

George R.R. You Done Yet? Shirt, A Game Of Thrones Parody Funny Shirt George R.R. Martin

Sometimes you have let the one’s you love know how their path to self destruction is really inconveniencing you. Other times you have to say, “F-Balls to that!” and go grind your man-bits (Tim Bits if you’re Canadian) right into another man’s pants-parts while the sweet sounds of oontz-oontz-oontz rhythmically lull you into the waiting appendages of anonymous club sex. You know how it goes.

I’m not entirely sure Eli actually needs an intervention. I suspect something much more sinister is behind his recent constant drankishness. Or maybe he’s an alcoholic. I guess we’ll see.

Oh, and Oreo? You didn’t have to do anything to make me love you more than all other cookies, but it’s nice that you tried.

The initial Preorder for the Lil’ Wil Wheaton plushie ends on 6/30/12. If you definitely want one before the holidays, NOW is the time to order.

The first HE iBook/eBook is nearly done. You can see the cover HERE. Donation subscribers will get it for free. Everyone else will be able to get it for a pay-what-you-like donation.

COMMENTERS: Have you ever intervened for a friend or family member on a NON-life threatening problem? Ever gotten up the courage to tell a room mate they needed to bathe more often, or that eating nothing but Romen noodles was going to kill them? I guess that IS life-threatening. I once flat out told a guy (friend of a friend, but not MY friend) that he couldn’t come into our apartment any more because he reeked so terribly if cigarettes that it made my eyes water and and my allergies go nuts. He remained not my friend from that day forth.

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  1. Seriously, is Eli ok? I remember him getting married and since then, constant drunkeness (in the strip)…

  2. I once had to tell my roommate that her sheets should not have a grayish-brown oblong that marked where she lay on it, and that probably she ought to wash her bedding more than once a year. She was a good roommate in all other respects, though.

    What I want to know is: Where can I get my hands on some of those four-inch-thick Oreos?! They need to make them! They would sell!

      • Everyone knows it's all about girth, not length. Look at that thing! It's got girth up the wazoo! And don't even get started about the cream filling.

  3. I have tried to confront my mother about her road rage… but it seems to always only happen while she's driving. Not exactly the best time to discuss it.
    And then she argues about the definition of road rage. So the issue is nowhere near resolved.

  4. I know you hate people pointing out your typos, so instead, I'm just going to assume it's intentional and suggest that Stereotypical Italian Accent Hovertext Guy has potential to be a great new character. "The intervention almost came-a to an abrupt halt… Mama mia!"

    And it creates an interesting artistic challenge. How can you have a disembodied text-box evoke that true, fake Italian feeling, when he has no hands with which to gesticulate in an exaggerated fashion? Bravo on not doing something easy.

    On a completely unrelated topic, does anyone ever get that feeling while making a joke? The one where you're just like "God! Why does this have to be a joke? Why can't it be reality and I be sarcastically suggesting the bleak horror of a world without such a thing, rather than suggesting with thinly veiled hope that such a thing could already have existed, nay, should already have been the norm?" Don't know why I thought of that just now…

  5. Had a small New Year party and my then boyfriend invited a friend who stunk. I kept running around lighting scented candles so the other guests would not pass out. Boyfriend had to tell his friend that he could not come over again unless he showered first. Apparently this guy's whole place smelled, and things grew in his toilet.

    Another roommate had a prospective suitor who lived in a musty basement so all his clothes smelled moldy, and he ate garlic every day for "health". He was very sweet and cute but she had a hard time kissing him, didn't want to hurt his feelings so avoided him. I had the pleasure of answering his daily phone calls, "No she's not home, yes I'll give her your message."

  6. Very much yes.

    I had a roommate who was a computer programmer and was fairly low on social skills. The first – daily showering, even if we were just gaming all weekend. Then it was dice control – keep them in a bag when not in use, or I will spread d4 all over your floor one morning. It never actually came to that. Then it was getting food that he was finished with in the trash, instead of sitting around on plates. He actually was a good guy, funny, very kind, he'd just lived with his mother too long.

    He turned out to be about the best roommate I ever had, until my husband came along.

  7. I'd like you to know that I pause my ad blockers and click on your website's banners so that you get money. I'm very poor. My apologies. (I steal wifi like a baus). If I could subscribe with moneys I would.

  8. That outfit is really similar to the "Godspeed you fancy bastard" getup. Is that his official gay uniform? Is there a gay army? Are they mobilizing?

  9. I hadn't actually seen that picture from Nabisco before. Loath though I normally am to buy the name-brands (I'm cheap, and buy the store-brand knockoffs as a general rule), I may have to buck up and purchase some real Oreos now. Maybe two bags, and send one to my niece and her wife…

  10. The story about the ex-friend who reeked (the correct spelling :D) of cigarettes resonated with me. I grew up with both parents smoking (Dad much more than Mom), during the tail end of the time when you could smoke anywhere that wasn't actually filled with flammable gas and/or liquid, and I thought I knew what people who smoked smelled like.
    That is, until I encountered some of the customers at the video store where I worked from 1985-87. There were a couple of semi-regulars who had such a powerful stale-tobacco-smoke stench about them that I needed to blow my nose and rinse my mouth out after they left. 1970s diesel buses didn't put out that many particulates…

    • I don't know, I think "wreaked" might be the right word when it comes to cigarette smoke odor. Or maybe "inflicted."

  11. Three or four of us once got together and cornered a friend to tell him he *was* going to grow a beard. At least a goatee. Seriously, the guy totally had no chin and it desperately needed the definition.

    He grew the goatee, and then ended up marrying one of my co-interveners. SO IT WORKED. XD Also the goatee made him look much more awesome.

    • Oh, so he was like my father. Never seen him without a beard, an my mom says it's because he has no chin and looks frikkin weird when beardless.

  12. I once dated a guy who grew his hair long (we were in college, it seemed like the thing to do), but I couldn't get him to use a comb or brush. Then when I finally attacked him with a comb, we found mats in his hair. Huge ones. Bigger than I've ever cut out of any dog's fur, all just hiding on the underside. He actually looked good with his head shaved, though.

  13. My brother once ate nothing but Ramen noodles, for a considerable length of time when he was first starting to support himself after high school.

    He turned sheet-pale and had the shakes like some kind of druggie. My parents became so concerned that they actually started buying him food again. He's doing much better now.

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