The Hardware Upgrade Cycle

Hey! It’s Boxcar Pete! You know, the lovable hobo that talks like a pirate? Little known fact about Pete, there’s no eyeball behind his monocle. Some say he isn’t a man at all, but a horde of ravenous rats stacked 6 feet high. Those people are stupid. He’s obviously a stab-happy hobo. Josh must be meeting him in a dark alley way to make arrangements for BCP (yeah, you know me) to wait in line for him on iPhone 3GS launch day.

I bought the original iPhone (2G? I guess that’s what we’re calling it.) a little over a year ago. I got one for my wife for her birthday and another one for myself for her birthday. We’ve really enjoyed the “internet in your hand at all times” aspects of the iPhone but have always been frustrated by the slow speed. I resisted the urge to upgrade to the iPhone 3G since it would raise our bill a bit and we had only had our phones for 6 months when it came out. Now that the iPhone 3GS is coming, the “upgrade bug” is irrisistable. There are a few contributing factors: A) It’s fucking sweet. Have you seen it? Sweet. B) My wife’s iPhone has screen issues that are a giant pain in the ass C) I can actually sell my iPhone and her wonky-screen iPhone on eBay for nearly (if not entirely) enough to buy 2 of the 32Gb iPhones 3GS.

It turned out in our favor that we never upgraded before now because AT&T isn’t extending the promotional pricing to existing 3G owners. They really can’t complain, though. They already got to break an existing contract and get ANOTHER subsidized iPhone. Bitch all you want but there isn’t really an argument to justify, “BUT I REALLY WANT ANOTHER NEW iPHONE AT A PRICE DRASTICALLY BELOW RETAIL!!! WAHHHH!!

So I ordered the new iPhones from the Apple store yesterday after a bit of confusion regarding how to keep my familytalk plan, and I’ll post our original iPhones for sale on eBay this coming Monday. Hopefully I’ll walk away breaking even and getting a far superior handheld. You guys know I’m super broke-sauce, so I’m REALLY hoping this works out. My desire for a new iPhone and my lack of funds don’t see eye to eye.

I have learned one thing in the last couple of days. NO ONE at Apple has any idea what’s going on right now. I called Apple customer support to find out if I could keep my familytalk plan and I was on hold for an hour and a half. Eventually I got a guy that told me I had to go into an Apple retail store to do what needed to be done. I loaded up the family and went to our local Apple goodsery and I was greeted almost instantly buy 3 or 4 dudes talking over each other, “We don’t know anything about reserving iPhone 3GS’s, they haven’t told us anything, please go away, WE’RE FREAKING THE SHIT OUT!!!

Dismayed I went home and took my problems to the fine folks of the internet. I got a lot of helpful ideas and suggestions. One of the FB’s even works at Apple Tech Support and emailed to let me know that everyone there is “FREAKING THE SHIT OUT!!!” My buddy Bill, told me I was a stupid asshead for creating this problem as that it was a non-issue. Turns out he was right (and bald! Did I mention he’s horribly bald?). If you just go through the online upgrade process, it eventually tells you that your voice plan is “unchanged.”

I first put two black iPhones 3GS in the cart and it told me I couldn’t have two black ones. So, reluctantly, I removed one and added a white model to the cart. I went through the rest of the checkout and eventually got a notice that said something like “Why are you buying two iPhones at all? What’s  your deal? Are you some kind of asshole? Are you a terrorist? Are you bald?” So I closed the door to my office making sure my wife couldn’t hear me removing “her” phone from the cart and checked out. Then I started over and bought another black one. Simple as that. You absolutely can’t ever never never ever buy two iPhones at once unless you order them about 45 seconds apart. Then you can do whatever you want.

iPhone owning FB’s: Are you upgrading to the 3GS? Why?

Non-iphoning FB’s: Is the new $100 price point on the original 3G going to bring you into the fold?

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  1. What happened to BP's last iPhone?
    Did Josh deliver? Is there some sort of sordid tale we do not know about Josh ripping off homeless men?

  2. I had a dead-rat-and-can phone once. It had yellow teeth (an earlier version of blue tooth, I guess), a Jaw Bone (most rats come with jaw bones unless the cat chews them off) and I got a whole bunch of bars no matter where I was (varying widths, but that’s typical for UPCs).

  3. I'd like an Iphone, but I don't want to get AT&T so I'm already basically dead in my tracks.

    I know there's all this jailbreaking and unlocking and whatnot to put other companies on the Iphone (at least, the old ones or secondhand ones that don't require you to get an AT&T plan at the store) but when it comes to IPhones I am way over my head.

    I'd like one. They're shiny and fun. But um..I hear they can't do stuff my regular phone can. That's basically all I know about the haxor culture of the IPhone.

    Teach me, FBs.

  4. I'm with you, I really want an iPhone, but I like Verizon and I don't want to switch to what I've heard is pretty crappy service. Also I'm super broke-sauce too. Someday, when I'm less broke, they will expand to more services, and I will get one. Someday…

    I love the art, BTW! Very nice.

    • I'm right there with you on not wanting to leave Verizon.

      But I also don't know if I can give up having a real QWERTY keyboard and switch to a virtual one, which is what I'd have to do if I gave my my Voyager and got the iPhone.

      Hopefully by the time I have to get a new phone anyway I'll have the option.

      • I agree with the above, the day Verizon offers the iPhone (which will happen at some point… right?) is the day I'll get one. I would rather have an iRat than use AT&T's service.

        • Seeing as how Verizon is CDMA and not GSM…. I wouldn't hold my breath. Apple has thus-far never deviated from the "we make a single piece of hardware and we sell it world-wide" mantra.

          Now in the future, the 4G networks do converge back to a single standard so… who knows how long that will take.

  5. Lovely comic. And I lol'd at the post. Especially "horribly bald." I'm gonna put that phrase on my resume, thanks!

    And I am going to happily upgrade my bought-on-day-2-that-is-June-30-2007 iphone. And just as I avoided lines by doing day 2, I am avoiding lines this time by having Apple beam the phone directly to me.

  6. Stuck with T-Mobile for the foreseeable future. Breaking your contract can be a little expensive, from what I hear. I've got some serious techno-lust, though.

  7. Stupid question time: why did you call the hardware manufacturer to ask them about the carrier’s phone plan?

  8. Apple should hire Boxcar Pete! His designs are much more interesting than the usual white, sleek and shiny-look. Dead vermin and assorted scraps are the future!


  9. Sorry for getting up on this soap box, but part of the reason that you're "broke-sauce" is that you are paying through the ass to have the "internet in your hand". I just went on AT&T's website to check it out — the minimum individual plan is $39.99/month plus the required $30/month = $70 a month = $840 a year! Family talk unlimited w/ unlimited text messages = ~$3,100 per year. If you're broke-sauce, learn some self-discipline and start living like you can't afford everything you want.

  10. Yup, I’m finally jumping in the iPhone pool! I’ve been limping along with an ancient Treo 650 for years. Finally this spring my company situation changed so an iPhone became an option, and I decided to hold out a few months in the hope of new hardware. Good move, woot! My 3GS will be arriving next Friday.

  11. I refuse to go to AT&T, so the 3G and 3GS don't really offer enough for me to upgrade from my jailbroken and unlocked 2G iPhone. So, I'll be sticking with the OG iPhone on T-Mobile for the foreseeable future.

    Also, I'm horribly bald.

  12. I've always managed to avoid Apple products on principle (I know they have a dedicated fanbase but a lot of their business practices make MicroSoft look like Amnesty International), but I'm so ridiculously tempted by the 3GS. I just wish they'd upgraded that camera a little more as I'm used to the very decent 5MP Carl Zeiss in my Nokia (it's one of the few none phone related flashy add-on features they load these things up with to sell them to us filthy technophiles that I actually use on a regular basis) and have a horrible feeling I'd miss it a lot… but at the same time I don't want to upgrade to the over-hyped and (by all accounts) under-powered N97.

    My dilemma is that if I upgrade now, and in a year's time Apple release son of 3GS with a sooper dooper camera, I'll be one of those people whining that I want to have my subsidised phone contract cake and eat it too, and I really don't want to be that guy.

  13. hey, are you or josh going to be in my store tomorrow? if you are, give me a call! i'll drop by and say hello. : )

    • Mine is being delivered to home. I know josh ordered his over the phone but not sure if its being delivered or not. Is there already a line?

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