The Disorder Of The Phoenix

[reddit-me]Also, known as “Wizard Withdrawal” and “Phantom Wand Syndrome.”

the-hijinks-ensue-store-e28094-sci-five-t-shirtNow that I’m done with the whole Harry Potter series, I feel a little empty. Like I’ve learned everything there is no know and life poses no more challenges [not actually… I just really enjoyed the books]. I find myself wanting to engage strangers in Harry Potter related discourse, and make constant references to HP characters and events in normal conversation. “Who does this jackoff think he is? The Minister of fucking Magic? C’Mon!

Die hard fans may disagree, but I think the HP mythos is crying for an expanded universe. I still desire to immerse myself in the wizarding world, and there’s no more magical waters in which to dip my dainty toes. Maybe the release of “The Half-Blood Prince” movie will liven my spirits. The early reviews all say it’s the best in the series.

If nothing else, having finished all 7 books I am better equipped to make veiled sexual references using the vernacular of the Potter-verse. Armed only with knowledge of the movies I might have said something like “I bet he wants to stick his bludger in her snitch, if ya’ know what I mean.” While humorous to the average muggle, that phrasing and word substitution is all wrong. You see “snitch” bares a striking resemblance in spelling to “snatch,” a crude euphemism for vagina. Saturated with Potter lore as I am now I realize, other than in name, a snitch doesn’t accurately convey the idea of an “opening” in which to place a phallus. Unless, you count Harry’s first golden snitch in which Dumbledore hid… well you get the point.

I’d probably be better off comparing, let’s say, an old woman’s (perhaps your mother’s) vagina to the Sorting Hat. Leathery, patched up and floppity.

Thanks to everyone who followed along with my live tweeting while reading (with my ears) the books. I got a lot of positive feedback and only a few “STOP! NO! SPOILERS! AHHH!” A lot of you commented about the long buried emotional scars I was stirring up with my tweets. I admit to getting a little misty on more than one occasion towards the end.

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