Taken It 2 The Streets

Thanks to Rob for the joke in panel 4 which inspired this entire comic.

Before I start the next storyline, I thought I would take[n] this opportunity to reinforce a few things about Eli’s personality. First off, he thinks all action movies follow the Rambo naming convention, i.e. the title of the film is the lead character’s name. This goes for Taken, Die Hard, Cliff Hanger (actually THAT one was a real missed opportunity, Hollywood) and Point Break. Secondly, he is a creature of confident confusion. He rarely knows what he’s talking about, but he know’s it’s right. Thirdly, he is probably still drunk. We’ll get into that more later.

I watched the trailer for Taken 2 and it is clear that Taken is Taken it up a notch. This time his daughter, his wife and presumably his entire extended family have been Taken by the (I’m assuming) widowers of the dozens if not hundreds of Ukrainian Albanian human trafficers he murdered in the first movie. I’m actually relieved that they took[en] this direction for the sequel. The only things going through my head at the end of Taken were A) NOT enough blood, because most of it was in my boner and B) the idea that one dude might have the particular set of skills required to take[n] the lives of 150 some odd goons, and he just might get away with it if no one identifies him, BUT how in the ridiculous fuck is he going to murder a wealthy European slave dealer in his own home AND am Iranian Sheik on his own boat and NOT face immediate retribution? The apparent answer is: no. Or he can’t. He doesn’t. Whatever. My money is on him rage-flipping all of Eastern Europe like a lumpy mattress.

SIDE NOTE: if you HAVE seen the trailer for Taken 2: Taken That Shit To The Next Level, is it just me or does the main bad guy look like The Most Interesting Man In The World from the beer commercials? “I don’t always traffic in humans, but when I do… I make it white American women. Stay scummy, my friends.”

COMMENTERS: Please insert John Taken into more films and give him his memorable quote. For example:

V: Taken Out The Lizard People – “What I do have are a very particular set of scales.” That was also works if you put Taken in Blow.

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84 Comments

  1. John Taken as Chewbacca: "I'm not going down that garbage chute. I have a very particular sense of smell."

    • John Taken as Kahn Noonien Singh-Taken from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Taken –
      "I have a particular set of revenge skills"

  2. John Taken as Abe Sapien in Hellboy III: Red Down: "What I do have is a very particular set of gills."

    Also works for Waterworld 2: Aquatic Boogaloo and the Creature from the Black Lagoon 5: Rise of the Fish

  3. Star Trek: First Con-Taken – "what I do have are a very particular set of nacelles."

    Elder Scrolls 5: Knights of the Taken – "what I do have are a very particular set of yells."

    Taking Nemo – "what I do have are a very particular set of gills."

    It's a Takenful Life – "what I do have are a very particular set of bells."

    Taken to the Center of the Earth – "what I do have are a very particular set of drills."

    Don Quixotaken – "what I do have are a very particular set of windmills."

    Mr. Smith Taken to Washington – "what I do have are a very particular set of bills."

    Teenage Mutant Ninja Takens – "what I do have are a very particular set of shells."

    M. C. Escher's Relatakentivity – "what I do have are a very particular set of stairwells."

  4. Wow – Liam Neeson would have been awesome as Nick Fury!
    Also HE IS FROM MY MY COUNTRY and we are relentlessly proud of him, him and George Best

  5. John Taken as John Q:

    John Taken as John Q: "My son has a very particular set of ills."
    Evil Insurance Soul Raper: "He is downing the painkillers like a dated Matthew Perry joke"
    JTaJQ: "My son needs a very particular set of pills.'
    EISR: "Whatever, you have to pay for all of them."
    JTaJQ: "I now have a very particular set of bills."
    EISR: "Pay us now or else we sell your daughter into the sex trade."
    JTaJQ: "Where she will provide a very particular set of thrills?"
    EISR: "Stop it! I mean it!"
    JTaJQ: "Anybody want a peanut?"
    JTaJQ:

      • It was either that or John Taken as Uncle Jesse (Denver Pyle, not John Stamos) with his very particular set of stills, but something about making moonshine jokes on the internet seemed too corny, har har. Now excuse me while I go pick out my dentures for today. I have a very particular set of grills…

      • John Taken as the voice of Silky Smoov in "Kangaroo Jack 2: Pimpin' Down Under"

        "What I have is a very particular set of Jills… you want to get down with one?"

        (Yes, that was awful. No, I have no pride. The only thing stopping me from a very particular set of Cowsills is how hard it would be to set up the gag.)

  6. The "Revenge" in Revenge of the Nerds takes on a whole new meaning when non-traditional student John Taken joins the Tri-Lams.

    I don't have an "I have a very particular set of _________s" for that. I just like the idea of Liam Neeson going all Taken/The Grey on the Alpha Betas during the "wacky hijinks" part of the film

  7. I use that naming convention for every film, just to tick off the movie buffs around me.

    “Remember Simon Pegg as Hot Fuzz?”

    “Jeff Bridges was Tron!”

    “Tron 2 rescued Quorra and saved the Grid!”

    “No, Rent was the guy in glasses.”

    And so on. Doesn’t make people happy, but it’s an extremely fun game.

    • I love that! I liked when Scarecrow was 28 Days Later before Titanic made him Inception after Jason Bourne made Titanic Departed…

    • Erm, Tron does follow the Taken naming convention. Tron was one of the main characters, its just Bruce Boxleiter played him.

  8. John Taken teams up with Geoffery Rush in Quills 2: de Sadening. "I have a very particular set of quills…"

    John Taken discovers a horrifying secret in Shutter 2: When Exactly Was This Picture Taken. "I have a very particular set of stills…"

    John Taken infiltrates the seedy world of competitive marching bands in Drumline Harder. "I have a very particular set of fills."

  9. Mally got my first one, so I'll have to find a new film…

    John Taken in the remake of the 1986 classic 'The Name of the Rose' – "I don't know who you are, or why you're killing these monks. I don't have any patrons. What I do have are a very particular set if quills."

    John Taken as a kid in 'Little Rascals 2" – "I have a very particular set of dills."

  10. John Taken as John Sparten in Demolition Man 2: Enhanced Calm "I have a very particular set of seashells…"

  11. John Taken as Popcorn Sutton in Midnight Moonshine Massacre "I have a very particular set of stills".

    "The only things going through my head at the end of Taken were A) NOT enough blood, because most of it was in my boner" Actual LoLs, because I am twelve.

    Also this comment thread is GOLD.

  12. John Taken in House M.D.: "I have very a particular set of pills."
    John Taken in that chopper buiding show: "I have very a particular set of drills."
    John Taken in Avatar 2 as aqatic Navi: "I have very a particular set of gills."
    John Taken in Little House on the Prarie: "I have very a particular set of mills."

  13. The "Most Interesting Man" lookalike is Rade Serbedzjia! Boris the Blade from Snatch, the scientist from MI2, and just about every Russian/eastern European minor character in the past 10 years of TV and movies.

  14. Can we get a t-shirt of john taken Choking out biff tannen as marty mctaken

    I don't know who you are, but i have a very special set of temporal paradoxes

  15. Guy from Taken as a pirate Captain in the next Pirates of the Caribean movie: "I have a particular set of sails"
    Another one: "I will find you, and I will keelhaul you."

  16. Dirty Dancing: A very particular set in the Catskills
    Mullholland Falls: A very particular set of Stills (also works for The Untouchables, almost)
    Drugstore Cowboy: A very particular set of Pills (also works for The Matrix, a bit)
    The Thing: A very particular set of Chills (and for Into The Wild)
    Contagion: A very particular set of Ills (similarly 28 Days Later)
    Bleak House: A very particular set of Wills (could also be A very particular set of Codicils)
    Finding Nemo: A very particular set of Gills
    Phantom Of The Opera: A very particular set of Trills (Also works for some episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine)
    Star Trek IV: A very particular eater of Krills
    Star Trek: The Trouble With Tribbles: Oh, you know
    Glengarry Glen Ross: A very particular set of Shills
    Krull: A very particular planet of Krull
    Moby Dick: A very particular set of Skiffs
    Nowhere Boy: A very particular set of Skiffle
    ET: A very particular set of Skittles (OK, OK, they're Reese's Pieces)
    Strange Brew: A very particular set of Swills (also A very particular set of Ales)
    Kill Bill: A very particular set of Kills (and one very particular Kill of Bill)
    Degas And The Dancer: A very particular set of Pastels
    Howard The Duck: A very particular set of Bills
    Seven Brides For Seven Brothers: A very particular set of Quadrilles
    Boot Camp: A very particular set of Drills (also Armageddon)
    The Shawshank Redemption: A very particular set of Cells (Also Fantastic Voyage)
    True Blue: A very particular set of Sculls
    The Fellowship Of The Ring: A very particular lack of Bombadil
    Face/Off: A very particular set of Skins
    Skook: A very particular set in Schuylkill

  17. Taken Wears Prada: "I have a very particular set of twill."
    Taken as a guest competitor on Sweet Genius: "I have a very particular type of tuile."

  18. I’m sorry Joel I was just coming to promote the Modest Medusa Season 2 Kickstarter trying to raise it to at least 15000 before the 30th when the kickstarter ends in hopes of getting the same amount of bonus material as the first book http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/232860137/mod

    Wait I think i can churn one out

    Liam Neeson as Quasimodo “I have a very particular set of bells”

    Liam Neeson as Pinhead. “I don’t have any money but what I do have is a particular set of Hells.Hells that I have acquired through a century long career. Hells that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you return my puzzle that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will make you wish you could die.”

  19. Lord of the Rings: The Two Takens
    "I have a very particular set of rings." I'm sure someone less tired than me can probably write one for the whole scene….

    Kirby: The Taken Squad
    "Nya."
    Translation: "I don't have coins, but what I do have is a very eclectic group of skills. Skills I have acquired over a two decade long career. Skills that make me an unpredictable nightmare for people like you. If you return my cake, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will eat you."

  20. Joel, as a friend of a very proud Ukrainian, I must point out that John Taken was killing Albanian Mafia thugs from Albania, not Ukrainian.

    Doctor Taken – "I have a very particular set of screwdrivers. Screwdrivers I have acquired over hundreds of decade long career. If you leave this planet, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will defeat you."

  21. Taken vs. Wild: "What I do have is a very particular set of Grylls"
    Taken and Prejudice: "What I do have is a very particular set of frills"
    Taken on a Plane: No words. Just awesome.

  22. And every time I try to remember Ghost rider name I keep coming up with the name Johnny Cage. And it sounds so right.
    Because Nicolas Cage doenst act as how the character would react in a determinate situation, Nicolas cage act as how Nic Cage would in that set of events.

  23. Taken a Big Bang, the Movie: …what I do have are a particularly evil set of Wil's…

    Shaolin Soccer 2: Taken a Turn in Goal: …what I do have, by virtue of my commitment to killing anyone who tries to score against me, is a very particular set of nils…

    Harry Potter 9: The Secret Hell of Student Loans (as Nigel's Uncle Taken): …what I do have growing is a very particular set of dills…

    As Taken as It Gets: …what I do have is a very particular set of habits and social dysfunctions that I have established as an elaborate defense against the outside world…

  24. For your British readers/Alec Guinness fans:

    Kind Hearts and Coronets: "I have a very particular set of wills".

  25. playing Antonio Smith forensic linguist in the INEVITABLE movie adaptation of Narbonic: What I have are a particular set of Scrawls.

  26. I wish Liam Neeson had been playing Taken in The Phantom Menace. The best I can come up with is that he "has a very particular set of koans," but seriously, Qui-Jon Taken would've been a way better mentor for Obi-Wan and Anakin than Obi-Wan (not trained as a Jedi by Qui-Jon Taken) could've ever been…

    • He has a very particular set of Siths – that he has defeated.
      "Return Annakin Skywalker to Obi-Wan or… well, do or don't, I don't care about that at all. But I will find you, and I will kill you. But you can kill Annakin Skywalker. I won't miss him."

    • My street in Melbourne is named after him 🙂 Surprisingly, no-one ever steals the street sign. Don't want to anger the Batman, I guess.

  27. To me, Liam Neeson will only ever be there to provide *panache*. (Make a little jazz hands when you say it.)

    But let me just say: Skrulls! Thank-you! I feel less alone in the universe when someone references Skrulls!

  28. Ace Ventaken, Pet Detective: "I have a very particular set of mandrills."

    Mr Holland's Opus: "I play a very particular set of trills."

    Matchstick Men: "I have a very particular set of shills."

  29. Stargate 2: Taken Through the Gate – What I have are a particular set of sigils.
    Taken Mo' Money – What I have are a particular set of skrillas.

  30. Some DC Comics characters

    Hourman: "What I do have, are a very particular set of pills."
    Captain Cold/Killer Frost/Mr. Freeze: "What I do have, are a very particular set of chills."

    And Marvel

    Thanos: "What I do have, are a very particular set of nihils."

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