Method Man

Emerald City ComiCon 2013

Emerald City Comicon is THIS WEEKEND in Seattle. It is my favorite show of the year and I will be at the Blind Ferret Booth (#1106-1108) all weekend. Check out the new mini-banner/ price sheet I made for ECCC on my Tumblr.

I will have a lot of the stuff pictured in the ad below with me at the con, but what I really want is for YOU to have it. In return I want to have your dollars.

OK, I know this is crazy bonkers banana sauce, but hear me out Hollywood. How about for the next Oscars you hire a professional entertainer to host? Maybe someone who is used to being on stage in front of a lot of people. Maybe someone who doesn’t come off like he is reading his bad jokes for the very first time in front of 100 million people. Maybe, oh I dunno, a comedian? Or a seasoned veteran of the stage? Someone who isn’t constantly shouting, “I REALLY DON’T BELONG UP HERE!!!” with his eyebrows. The 2013 Oscars were a crap stabbing train wreck. Perhaps not quite as train wrecky has last years “Which host has greater contempt for the other?” contest, but the train was thoroughly and irrefutably wrecked.

Seth MacFarlane has a fantastic voice, and he’s managed to become the highest paid comedy writer in history (despite having relied on the same 7 jokes for the last 15 years), but Oscar host is a job he is in no way qualified for. His subpar hosting performance could have been saved by some top notch writing, but they seem to have gone instead with NO writing. I found myself staring at nearly every bit and bit of banter with the face I usually reserve for Five Gum commercials. A sort sideway eye-SQUONK that says, “I know what all of these things are individually, but when you put them together in this way, I suffer complete cognitive disconnect from whatever emotions you may have intended to evoke, or message you were attempting to relay.” Did anyone have any idea what the dudes from The Avengers were talking about? If the real Avengers were that unrehearsed and disorganized, you know who would be hosting the Oscars? MOTHER FUCKING THANOS. That’s who.

When Daniel Day-Lewis took the stage to accept his Best Actor Award (which at this point really shouldn’t be applied to any particular film since he is just THE. BEST. ACTOR.) he seemed to either have rehearsed his jokes so much that they seemed completely off the cuff and hilariously perfect or HE’S JUST THAT GOD DAMN WONDERFUL. My vote is for the latter. I was really hoping D-Day-Lew would have just decked MacFarlane right in the beady black shark eyes and, as his foe lay gobsmacked on the floor, let out a John Lovitz-esque, “ACTING!”

COMMENTERS: Speaking of method acting, or The Method, as purveyors of douchebaggery might call it, have you ever kept up a falsehood for so long that it eventually became true? For instance, did you ever pretend to like something (say to impress a potential partner) that you eventually really liked it, or at least knew so much about it that you were nearly an expert?

At my last real job, one of the requirements during the interview was than I be proficient in Photoshop (a particular proficiency that I totally lacked, despite what my resume might have said). I had to fake it nearly every day with tricks like the “I know how I would do it, but how would YOU do it?” technique or the “Yeah, I can do that [QUICK GO WATCH A TUTORIAL ON YOUTUBE]” process. I did this so much so  that I did eventually become somewhat of a Photoshop expert. Now it’s the main medium I work in for my comic-maker job.

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  1. Yes, Seth MacFarlane, I too grew up in the late eighties and am capable of remembering things that happened. Now stop trying to force laughter and go back to making stoners forget what comedy is.

  2. To be fair, Seth hasn't had a lot of screen time (actual face in front of a camera), compared to DDL. In this case, quantity AND quality is an easy win over fart jokes.

  3. I think the moment that encapsulates his hosting spot for me was after the (almost funny and charming – he probably didn't write it) Sound of Music bit. There was laughter and polite applause and then rather than let it go so that he could introduce the inimitable Christopher Plummer, Seth pauses, chuckles, and says "So…there's that joke."

    WHAT!?! Yes, thank you for pointing a giant red arrow at the joke. You know, just in case the folks at home didn't get it. I really wanted Plummer to come out and light the stage on fire.

    • That's one of the few tricks in his comedy bag, though. The "overly self aware bad joke." The more I thought about it, the more I realized that incredibly uncomfortable banter between Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy might as well have been spoken by Peter and Stewie. He put his MacFarlane stink all over the whole party.

  4. I think you’re being a little harsh. I liked the “we’ve seen your boobs” song especially with the cutaways. Shows that Charlize and Jennifer Lawrence aren’t as up tight as the critics screaming “mysogyny!!!” And seeing JGL and Harry Potter soft shoe was bizarre.

    As to the Avengers what I want to know is where was Chris “Thor” Hemsworth and Scarlett “Black Widow” Johansen.

    I pretended to know how to do soooo many things in my current profession before I knew squat. It’s been over a decade now though and I’ve picked it all up so good I get asked to guest lecture at the university occasionally. PS – I didn’t go to said Uni, I went to my countries equivalent of community college.

    • Charlize Theron definitely did NOT seem to take it in stride. Lawrence did but that's because we haven't seen her boobs… yet.

      For some reason, I'd like to think that Halle Berry would have laughed it off, same with Kate Winslet

        • The only "source" you need is to have been paying attention while watching the thing. Captain Kirk showed that clip as an example of what MacFarlane shouldn't do. It wasn't live.

          • The trick was to pay attention to the dresses of the women in the audience, as they looked different from what they wore to the actual awards show. It was funny when jennifer lawrence gave a thumbs up to the camera after the line about no-one seeing her boobs in a movie.

            • I thought it was hilarious – I guess I have no taste, but it helps keep me more easily amused. 😀 I'm not generally an Oscars fan, but Seth MacFarlane had me saying "Maybe I'll tune in for the first 15 minutes of the Oscars next year, too."

    • "I liked the "we've seen your boobs" song"

      I liked it too, but I didn't like that they had to couch it in "this is the kind of thing we can't do" context. Either go for the joke or don't. The whole show was downhill from there.

  5. 20+ year ago I exited the military when PCs were not quite as ubiquitous as now and had little hands on experience with a computer. In my first civilian job as an admin assistance I needed to know Wordstar (or was it WordPerfect? Maybe both.) and had to fake my way around that. Ah good times then.

  6. Personally, I LOVED this year's Oscars hosted by Seth Macfarlane. I dont need the in-house crowd to laugh for me to realize something is hilarious. He's not for everyone, but that's what the producers signed up for.

    Also, I get a kick out of media outlets screaming about how "mean-spirited" and "misogynist" his jokes were…..right before the same media cut to people critiquing how ugly so-and-so looked in her dreadful gown and shouldnt she wear something that compliments her skin tone and body type???

  7. Skipped Oscars this year, not regretting it, but perhaps I should catch up with the bit where Daniel Day-Lewis wins everything.
    I do adore DD-L, though I always wonder how much of a Method man he was back in the eighties when he played a gay thug in My Beautiful Laundrette..

  8. When my husband and I first started dating, we went out for breakfast. I got some ketchup, and he made a face and asked "Is that for your eggs?!" I laughed and said no, it's for my hash browns! It was about 5 years before I admitted to him that I lied, that I've always eaten my eggs with ketchup, but I didn't want him to think I was gross… Of course, now I think ketchup on my eggs is disgusting. Not an exciting story, I suppose, but we still laugh about it. 🙂

  9. I think The Method was how I got into Tupac. It started as a joke; something I would play every once in a while to throw my friends off a bit. And then I really got into his music. That was my gateway drug to the genre of rap as a whole.

  10. me personally….i kinda though mcfarlane did alright

    i mean it was his same old song and dance, but at least it wasn't awful

    that said d-day lewis (killer wrestling name alert) and christolph waltz were kinda awesome

    • "at least it wasn't awful"

      I mostly sort of agree, but it kills me that the Oscars have the access and the money to hire literally the funniest people in the world (and in some cases they do), but the whole thing gets noted to death and the end result is this bland, white washed EXTREMELY middle of the road affair.

      • yeah i get that, i think louis CK would make a great oscar host,
        he could rip people to shreds and they would take it because that's his thing

        on a serious note though, i say we get a fight going between tesla uncoiled and d-day lewis (who knows maybe he's method acting as eisenhower during his later, less known wrestling career)

        and by serious note i mean serious note, cause that shit would be epic

  11. Hollywood needs to stop pretending that it can take a joke and stop hiring ROAST COMICS to host their fancy awards shows.

    That's why Ricky Gervais didn't work out. That's why Seth MacFarlane didn't work out. Hollywood CAN'T TAKE A JOKE – and absolutely does not know how to ACT like it can.

    Maybe next year it should just be Pat Sajak. We know he can host, we know he's not funny – but he's not expected to try to be funny. Brian Williams maybe? These are two guys who are great at introducing things – which is the ONLY thing you need a host to do.
    And then they should hire some writers.

    • I dont understand why the go to schtick is "make fun of the celebrities." It's always just mean enough to be weird and not mean enough (except for whatever Chris Rock hosted a few years back) to really be taken seriously. Just have someone come up with some funny bits. Everything between the speeches should be like the Carol Burnett show. Original comedy (playing on our love of this years movies), some funny songs, and none of this "Hey look! Old guy actor is mean and drunk!"

      • The issue is not whether individuals who work in Hollywood can take a joke or not. A lot can. Hollywood as a "system" or an "environment" can't take a joke – which is often proven by "reporters" making a big deal out of a joke at an actor/actress that the actor/actress in question actually took – but it's big news that the joke was made anyway.

        Hollywood can't take a joke.

  12. I really want to see statler and waldorf(the hecklers from the muppet show) host it, and be running off their own script that's kept secret from the presenters/etc.

    and get some REALLY good writers for it, give them enough scotch to be funny and cutthroat but not incoherent(prolly have to meter the scotch).

  13. Joel, you're thinking of two years ago where the hosts had contempt for each other (Hathaway and Franco). Last year was the equally train-wrecky "let's trot Billy Crystal out of storage for another hosting gig and hope no one notices he hasn't caught up with the times."

  14. I don't think it was the fault of the Avengers cast as a whole, I think it was Samuel L. Jackson, who seems lately to think he's too good for silly scripted stuff and just wants to do his own thing. He kept interrupting and talking over RDJ when RDJ was trying to respectfully present the award.

    • How much of a kick in the teeth was it they lost their only nomination? They were right there on stage and they should have just yanked the award and took off!

      • Hehe, agreed. It did strike me as odd that they were presenting an award they were nominated for…GRAB IT AND RUN!

  15. I’m wondering if we could get Robert Downey Jnr to present the whole thing next year, but as Tony Stark. And then maybe halfway through there’s a huge explosion and the Wrecking Crew come in through the wall!

  16. Well, thus ends my most short subscription to your web comic. Good luck with your overly wordy web comic about two homosexuals sitting on a couch making catty remarks about news items.

        • Gather 'round Fancy Bastards. It's lesson time. I have a zero tolerance policy for pointless negativity, dickery, asshatery and general Internet douchebaggery. Stephen's comment above (and subsequent email after realizing he was banned from commenting… more on that in a bit) is a prime example of the type of behavior that will never be tolerated on any site that I am in charge. Popping in just to say, "I don't like this. Bye." is unacceptable. What is the goal if this type of comment? Does the perpetrator expect me to see the error of my ways and change how I do things? Does he expect me to beg him to give me another shot? Or is it that he was wondering if I was having a good day, feeling excited about my trip to Seattle, the friends I was about to see, the fun I was about to have, and the general satisfaction that comes from living a full life, doing what you love to do for a living and maybe, just maybe whether or not I wanted someone to help me have a worse day. "Sup, Bro. I hate your comic. Nothing else to offer. Just wanted you to feel bad. Peace out." The actual answer is that people do this because they are unhappy, and they expect everyone else to be as unhappy as they are, so when they open their mouthes in order to spread unhappiness, they think it will be well received. The other option is that they are such a flamboyant narcissist that they can't imagine a world where a total stranger doesn't value their opinion.

          I've written about this before, but I do not create and post comics on this site seeking your criticism. I post them because I enjoy making them and people enjoy reading them. It's a very simple equation. If you don't enjoy them, just stop reading. There's no need to inform ANYONE of your decision. When I want feedback, on my art, I consult my peers. I talk to other people that make funny things for a living, or draw or have some idea of what goes into the creative process. When I DO actually want feedback from my audience, I ask for it. This might not seem like a democratic policy, because it is not. It's a rule. A very important rule that allows me to keep putting my work online for mass consumption without getting too depressed to continue doing so. It is a necessity.

          With that out of the way, here's the email I received from "Stephen" about 30 minutes after I banned him from commenting. He really does hit ALL of the RAGE QUIT EMAIL bullet points. I assume there's a form in MS Word you can use to make these. Why else would they all be so identical?
          HijiNKS Ensue Contact Form: How Sad You Must Be

          Stephen <> wrote:
          You fixate on one aspect of my comment and point out that I mistakenly thought
          both of your characters were gay and attempt to diagnose my comment through your
          limited prism as 'hateful'. I had come back to actually qualify my disinterest
          in reading your web comic after this final nail in the coffin only to find your
          knee-jerk reactionary comments. Then when putting up a response I find that
          you've hidden behind the wall of ban. I went from disliking your comic and your
          brand of humor to now just feeling sorry for you and your sense of
          self-importance. I understand that at this point I'm just feeding you, but still
          I want you to know that I truly pity you and your inability to deal with
          criticism. It's really too bad because you seem plenty capable of dishing it
          out. But, it's your website, so you're welcome to live in your world of
          'everyone here loves you' as you see fit. Still, it's pretty cowardly to squash
          discussion the way you have. Good luck, champ.

          A couple of things to consider, other than his flagrant narcissism. 1) He did not realize my comment about "one of them" being gay was just making fun of him. 2) He REEEEAAAALLLLY wants me to know why he doesn't intend to read my comic anymore. He does not realize (because of the narcissism) that I REEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLY don't care.

          • Sorry you have to put up with hateful bastards like him, Joel.

            You don't owe us anything. You're not here to create comics that we want or that we think would be funny (I think that would take any fun out of it for you). You share your work so we might enjoy and get some entertainment from what you do. I, for one, thank you for sharing. Sometimes I need a smile or a laugh to get me through the day, and I know I can come here for some nerdy goodness.

            So soak in the love from all your Fancy Bastards and try to forget about the hateful ones. (Wow. I hope that wasn't too hippie-ish.) :o)

          • I tried to tell him to eat a dick, sir, I just tried so very hard, but I hadn’t slept in like two days and your site kept saying no. When next a hater hates, I promise to try harder.

          • I hate when people say "squash" when they mean "quash." In addition to being a douchebag, he has angered the Grammar Dalek.

          • Yeah, after a few words, the little paperclip guy jumps out and goes "It looks like you're trying to write a Rage Quit Email. Would you like some help?"

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