Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy!
Pizza is a vegetable, pepper spray is a food product, rubber bullets are legumes and tear gas is just really enthusiastic onions.
COMMENTERS: Please find more “healthy” foods and weapons to put a “positive spin” on. Jelly doughnuts are fruit, tacos are salad boats with optional meat and a sniper rifle fired through a can of cheeze-whiz is a your recommended daily dose of dairy.
Poutine now occupies the top three tiers of Canada's Food pyramid: The gravy is meat (byproduct), the potatoes are a fruit and the cheese is a Canadian way of saying "Sorry about the heart attack!"
Freedom Fries, Corn Sugar, Cheese Cake, Cool Whip. That should cover the food part.
Bean Bag Shotguns should cover the weapons part. You have to admit, they do sound kind of fun.
and they are actually MADE OF BEANS! DELICIOUS BEANS!
So would that make a Jelly Bean Bag full of only licorice beans fired out of a shotgun adding insult to injury?
They're bean bags but it's like a super-powered air rifle. Jelly Beans would turn it into a scattergun of sugary bits. I'd prefer Jelly Babies more, though. It's like saying the rioting convicts/peaceful protesters could be taken down by red chubby babies.
Haha, yeah bean bag rounds are just a furniture product. Fired at high speed so you can have somewhere to comfortably sit a soon as humanly possible, its a courtesy really.
Be sure to eat some Swedish Fish to get your daily requirement of Omega-3 Fatty Acids.
In the words of Homer Simpson, "Purple is a fruit."
Milk Duds are vitamins and Brussel Sprouts are weapons of Mass Destruction.
Sort of reminds me of that Simpson's episode where they get corporate sponsors for the school and Oscar Myers supplied the new periodic tables:
"Can anyone tell me the atomic weight of Bolognium?"
"Correct. I would have also accepted 'snacktacular'."
I'm not clubbing you citizen. I'm trying to make sure you are getting enough fiber! And these Jackboots will make sure you get your daily recommend amount of protein.
Please keep in mind that bleeding on cops is a form of resisting arrest even if you're unconscious.
Falling unconscious while we give you your daily protein is a sign of disrespect. 1000 dollar fine, and you need more protein when you get to the courthouse.
A Cheetos cannon would be crowd pleasing and crowd quelling.
I believe there was a chainsawsuit strip where some guy dressed as an officer was at an "Occupy Fun Land" or something. His pepper spray was chocolate syrup and he did in fact use it. He was the ice cream decorator.
Best crowd control tool besides bomb threats!
I'm pretty sure bacon is a fruit, a vegetable and high in fiber. And a condiment. And a side dish.
They should spray bacon grease on crowds instead of pepper spray. There'd be far less crying and more falling down, because of all the slippery grease.
I forgot – bacon is also an air freshener, a gum and a perfume.
It would also work for crowd suppression as the people in the crowd began eating each other because now they all taste like bacon…
And they all contract kuru and turn into zombies (a friend reading my post has informed me that kuru is actually not spread through eating a human brain as previously thought. Damn scientists, robbing us of zombies.)
Bacon is also a dessert. Look up bacon chocolate chip cookies. Yum.
Corn is nothing but fiber grenades that terrorize your inside meats and nacho cheese is now the national drink of tailgaters everywhere.
A bomb is just the Super Saiyan form of insect repellent.
being stabbed by a sword is just the recommended way of getting your iron requirements
disburse != disperse, and if it's deliberate I don't get the joke. Of course, I don't get a lot of jokes …
Oh, and rubber can't be a legume; it comes from trees, like apples do, and so must be a fruit. Same goes for maple syrup.
Gotta go, need to patent my idea for maple syrup bullets, for use in crowd disbursement.
So, that means Juicyfruit is a fruit?
In the same manner that EZ-Cheez is a cheese.
How about the fact that chickens actually DO have nuggets?
Chickens have nuggets? O yeah! That must explain the poultry viper pilot academy. Scar really likes his nuggets.
You know this all started when the Council of Assholes and the Douchebag Assembly were reclassified as the House of Representatives and the Senate.
"Undeservedly tazed to crisp perfection" has got to be my favorite thing ever.
Haha very funny. But I see they don't have a nerve gas one…
That Taco Bell party pack. About an hour and a half later be wearing a respirator mask, or be somewhere else.
WMDs are just Satan's way of saying "I love you, and I'll see you real soon"
Diet Donuts! Now with 25% less center.
Fried Butter with Nuts is a complete balanced meal (Butter: dairy, batter: bread Nuts: protein, and cook in Vegetable Oil)
Batons and rubber bullets, while not food items, are merely the short and long range versions of shiatsu massage, which the police are using as crowd-calming techniques.
Jelly Babies are miniature "Recommended Daily Serving" of everything,..as proof I give you the 4th Doctor [played by Tom Baker] who lived on them solely, if a being with 2 hearts who is constantly on the move can exist of nothing but Jelly Babies and continue to run around with no ill effects they MUST be the wonder food. I rest my case your Honors,…..
I would like to see the pizza launcher from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, also Im pretty Hawaiian Punch and knuckle sandwiches could be handed out to those poor starving college students at UC Davis.
Or water boarding with a Brita Pitcher.
the pizza logo in the background didn't register as a pizza logo until i stared at it long enough and realized it wasn't a giant mutant nipple. i think it's the colors.
Chocolate covered coffee beans are now referred to as "A two-bean salad". Adding jelly beans makes it a "three bean salad". Coating the whole thing in chocolate makes it a "bean bag".
You had me at the title.