Be Sure To Drink Your Ovaltine

hijinks-ensue-edward-shirt-160There is an entire narrative in my head where Ralphie’s dad comes in during the middle as Gny. Sgt. Hartman berating him while wielding a shard of leg lamp and a can of Simonize, then catches a fatal BB to the gut. Can’t wait for tomorrow when at least one cable channel will be running A Christmas Story back to back for 24 hours. I usually just set the station in the morning and let it run throughout the festivities like so many unleashed Bumpus hounds.

This will be the last comic for the week, but there will be at least a couple more before the end of the year. Here’s hoping Santa brings each of you the firearm of your heart’s desire and not a stupid football.


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  1. Shit would be so cash if "Santa" brought me a crossbow or power tools. As it stands, "Santa" (read: my parents) prefers to get me obnoxiously fuzzy pastel colored scarves and sweaters in a too-little-too-late attempt to impose traditional gender conventions on me.

    • When I worked at the Black and Decker Factory Outlet Store, I had tons of middle aged women and even little old ladies buying power tools so they could get stuff done around the house because their husbands were either stupid and lazy or gone. My daughter wants the pink Red Ryder they sell.

      • I never saw a power to the was gender pcific so if ya want a power tool go out and buy one of those pwer tool bags sets. And go have some fun with them..

  2. A BB is generally smaller than .177, although the barrel of a BB gun will probably be that large. .177 is usually going to be the size of one of those lead pellets you shoot out of an air gun.

  3. Epic Win! You, sir, win the Internets, and all those other cliche's!

    Seriously, combining two of my FAVORITE movies…

    Kinda brings a tear to my eyes. {snif, snif}

  4. My mind has reached a critically unstable state from the simple imagining of recasting R. Lee Ermey as Ralphie's teacher. The phrase "Drop your cocks and grab your blocks" comes to mind.

    Thanks for your celebration of geekdom, Joel. MC&HNY!

  5. My favorite xmas movie and coincidentally I just saw Full Metal Jacket for the first time a week and a half ago. Because of that, I can understand how truly awesome this comic is!

    • Ham. Or turkey if they haven't been subjected to enough Thanksgiving leftovers to be sick of it (and is more likely if that's the holiday the family gets together for instead of Thanksgiving).

    • Some do turkey, some follow the traditional and do goose. My family prefers a non-fowl Christmas Ham.

  6. I just got my shiny, shiny copy of "Godspeed" and just wanted to say thank you for your comic. You drew me a square tomato, and it officialy made my ChristmaChaunaKwanza. Thanks!

  7. I am so going to buy a print of this strip once my bank balance rebounds post-xmas. Thanks for the laugh, Joel, and happy holidays!

  8. So I didn't get much for Christmas aside from money, but that doesn't matter, cause what I did get, I absolutely love! I got a picture of my sister Becky with her husband and son, a DVD set of four sci-fi movies from my grandpa, and two awesome shirts, both black, one with the Grim Reaper on it in red, and another with skulls and "A Fronte Praecipitium, A Tergo Lupi" in shiny blue on it. (from what I can tell, it means, "A forward warning, a running wolf." If anyone can give me a better translation, I'd be grateful.)


    And I want you all to know that I GOT A RED RIDER BB GUN FOR CHRISTMAS.

    However, it is the girls' model and is pink. But I still plan to shoot my eye out as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

  10. This movie (A Christmas Story) was one of my grandfather's all time favourite movies. It's been a holiday tradition in our family for as long as I've been alive. I have one thing to say to you after this comic:
    panel 1
    "It's…s-smiling…at me."

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