So, cannibalism?  Haven’t done that yet, have I?

If you are desperate for context, read about the man with the magical piGxie dust finger, then read about how it probably never happened (or at least not how you would think).

Josh’s relationship with bacon is a long and lustrous one. Whether he’s eating a Baconator from Wendy’s (I’d like to point out that the word “Baconator” is derived from the word “Terminator.” As in the robot sent from the future to kill John Connor and lead the Republicans of California. Think about what that implies regarding the sandwich in question), or mainlining bacon greese into his eyeball (which is really the only way he can get high now) he’s usually… well, ingesting bacon. Like always. If they offered a complete bacon transfusion, he would be in the trials. If it was legal to marry bacon (is there gay bacon? Gaycon?) he would lawfully wed, then devour is crackling, sizzling bride.

Much like Tony Stark needs an electromagnet near his heart to keep the shrapnel out, Josh requires a similar device to prevent the years of bacon build up from strangling his aorta. If it were also able to power a suit of robo-bacon armor, villains worldwide would fear the crushing might and delicious aroma of BACirON Man. Or Iron Bacon, or Cast Iron Skillet or whatever.

Hmmmm…. a bacon super hero? I might be on to something.

Clown Face Ham!

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  1. "Now let's to teriyaki."

    I don't know if that's a typo, if you meant "let's DO teriyaki," or "let's MOVE ON to teriyaki," but something about it tickles me just the right way. Fortunately, I eat enough teriyaki that I'll be able to use it. A lot.

  2. I think you referenced cannibalism in one of the Lost comics with Hurley talking about staying fat by eating all the Others, or I could just be dreaming that. This reminds me of a recent story on the Escape Pod podcast where the main character was some kind of weird sex/worship slave whose skin was modified to enhance flavor and people worshiped by eating meals off of his body. With more chainsaws.

    Everything's better with more chainsaws. What other things make everything better? Hummus, peanut butter, sex dwarves. Anything else?

  3. Speaking of Teriyaki (this is a longshot), anyone in the Denver area have a recommendation for good teriyaki? I can get pretty decent Thai food out here, but in 10 years I have yet to find anything above just passable teriyaki. I've pretty much given up looking. But whenever I go back to see family in Seattle, a trip to Nasai is always on the schedule, sometimes multiple trips. So I'll see Josh's BACirON MAN and join forces as TERIYAKIron MAN, with my sidekick, The Potsticker!

  4. I dunno… my stomach's kinda churning with this one. I think it may have been some food poisoning from bad pork I ate yesterday.

    Then again, cannibalism's never really been my sorta thing. Had I been born a carrot, that'd probably be another story…

  5. Oh god, you got the marbling and everything. I wonder if Eli is man enough – or bacon-mad enough – to even eat the deformed claw that Josh's hand has become.

    I love how he's peeking through his fingers as the chainsaw edges closer…

  6. Hmm, xkcd ran a bacon-themed comic last Friday. Coincidence? Or did that comic lead you to the glorious revelation that you can indeed cook bacon anytime you want, and you haven't been able to think about, much less eat, anything but bacon ever since?

    I'm currently in Japan, where bacon does not exist. They have something that they call bacon, but it is in fact a mockery of bacon. It is to bacon what Mystic Quest was to Final Fantasy VI.

  7. Naw, Josh told me the original story at lunch before CAPE on Saturday. His love for bacon is nothing short of legendary so the idea that bacon proposed some sort of fountain of youth for him seemed fitting.

    Diesel Sweeties does a lot with bacon from what I hear.

    If Japan does not have bacon… that just… it explains everything.

  8. I have a similar relationship with bacon. And gravy. I have an IV bag full pumping it into my veins at all times.

    And I can't believe you mentioned Freddy Got Fingered/Tom Green without mentioning his battle with ADD, and its hyperactive cousin, ADHD.

  9. Dude, seriously?

    "Somehow the matrix summons the cells and tell them what to do […] where they need to go, how they need to differentiate – […] become a blood vessel, a nerve, a muscle cell or whatever."

    The matrix tells them what to do… really? XD

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