99 Lives And A Bitch Ain’t One

If you outta’ mans, I feel bad for you son.

Yes, I know “99 Lives” is more of a Mario thing, or a Contra 4 DS glitch thing, and the Konami Code only gave you 30 lives in Contra, but I couldn’t resist. My lyrical flow mustn’t be stifled.

I love the idea of an NES pad powered security system that can only be cracked by geeks or nerds. I wouldn’t consider it all that secure, since there are hojillions of us out there, but the idea is pleasing all the same. Maybe you could just have a box full of awesome free candy in your dorm room, and the only way to open it was to divide X-Men action figures into the Gold and Blue teams, or type in at least 3 aliases for Aragorn.

Let’s hear your ideas for “Geek/Nerd locks” in the comments. Some of your fellow Fancy Bastards have already weighed in on the FB Forum.

It should also be noted that the sign on Josh’s apartment door usually reads “Delivery Boys Come in the Back Door.

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  1. 6-digit code consisting of: The docking port number from New Hope; The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything; and the total number of Cylons in BSG: RMG.

    Answer: 944212.

    I am FULL of AWESOME.

  2. *Pokes head in from teh Twitter….

    Some kind of D20 security system, that requires an entrant to score a critical hit to enter…Kind of random, but effective 19 times out of 20!

  3. 1) why are the comments acting weird in this entry (wordpress instead of intensedebate?!?)

    2) I hate the word “Bois” more than I hate Heroes. Fuck, even more than Smallville. Seriously.

  4. Okay, whack a PS pad on there and make people have to accurately enter the code for King from Tekken's ultimate 10-hit combo move.

    I am rubber, you are glue! LOVE Monkey Island!

    • King's 10-strings are easy. If you want real security, try

      Arm Drag, Back Drop, Full Nelson Slam, Reverse Atomic Drop, Sit-out Gutwrench Powerbomb, Muscle Buster 😉

  5. I'd just have a box of unsorted Heroclix and demand they build a 300pt comic accurate theme team, without crossing universes. But I'd only put one actual complete team in the box, because I'm that little bit more cruel than I need to be.
    Alternatively just use a tile system to sort X-Men villains into order of threat.

    • Ive really been going for bright and bold backgrounds lately. I didnt think about it until it was done, but if we ever see that door again, Im sure it will be a different color.

  6. Similar setup to Josh, only it's a keyboard with a sign that says 'Hack the Gibson'.

    If you touch the keyboard, a shotgun fires at you through the door.

  7. It's a voicelock. You must sing, word-for-word, the Lumberjack song from Monty Python's Flying Circus. That or "Springtime for Hitler" from "The Producers"

  8. It might just be the 2 am fumes, but I think this comic is one of the best ones for portraying the group dynamic:
    Josh is being cruel
    Eli is being Mexican and straightforward
    Joel is coming up with silly schemes
    and Denise isn't in it.

  9. Why not include the galactic coordinates for your room in a sort of stargate-lock that will only grant entry to those who key in the correct sequence?

    Seriously, I'm having a hell of a time guessing Stargate coordinates in Second Life. Someone needs to come up with a directory that doesn't suck.

  10. Hmm.. either the speed of light (in metric!) as a password or…
    You have to correctly enter in the DOS Sound Blaster environment variables… or…
    Answer the unending Wolfenstein 3D question: "How many eyelets are on the boots of B.J.Blaskowitz?"

  11. Dividing X-Men into Blue and Gold teams could prove to be quite challenging since the line-up changed a bit through the years, but I love the idea. It could work if the lock was magnetically controlled and different action figures had different magnets to activate the lock. Damn I wish I had infinite time on my hands.

  12. put in a musical keyboard and make them play the tune from Close Encounters of the 3rd kind

    by the way I'd like to sarcasticly thank your for ruining Heroes for me… I used to tune out and just watch the neat effects and imagine what it would be like if I had powers, but now that you've pointed out the horrid crime against humanity writing it's like a LCD monitor you loved until your buddy points out the dead pixels and now thats all you see when you look at it.

  13. A keypad with only the 1 and the 0, and you have to enter a randomly generated hex code in binary to unlock.

  14. A motion sensor; a monitor displaying a randomly-generated quote with a link to TVTropes; a mouse; a timer; and a shotgun.

    Anyone who stands in front of the monitor for less than five minutes before attempting to enter gets hit with the shotgun (slugs, shot, or rock salt at your discretion). Should filter out everyone but the geeks no prob! XD (And yes, I say that as someone who has lost hoooouuuurs to TVTropes. XD Cumulatively, probably days if not weeks. XD)

  15. I'd use the two-headed door guards from Labyrinth as a security system. It wouldn't matter which door the person picked, they both lead to ba-ba-ba-BOOM certain death! Ooooh….

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