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The Sound Of An Ambulance In The Distance

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Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

Gallifrey University Fighting Time Lords Shirt - Doctor Who parody, geeky tees, funny t-shirts, nerdy shirts

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again.

Everything Josh touches at E3 turns to shit. Even though I am not a gamer myself, I do have quite a few friends exhibiting at, attending or simply possessing a vested interest in this years Electronic Entertainment Expo. Josh IRL’s company, Gearbox Software, is showing off Duke Nukem: Forfuckingfinally, Aliens: Colonial Marines [they mostly come out at night… mostly] on the above-mentioned Wii U, plus the latest Brothers In Arms release, Brothers In Arms: Fast Five: Faster Five: The Fastest Furious Four: Bros In Arms Before Ho’s In Arms. I played Private Garnett in the first three Brothers In Arms games and I got my face shot right off [SPOILERS].

Eli IRL’s company, Terminal Reality, is unveiling their long awaited “Star Wars Kid” simulator, Kinect Star Wars. It’s got all the Jedi powers you’ve always wanted to act out: Force Flail, Light Saber Trip Over, Jump Fall, and Hurt Floor.

Nintendo has continued their tradition of creating poorly named, obscenely awkward hardware which has amazing capabilities that no one asked for, and that everyone will eventually love for 6 months before it turns out to be more popular with your mom’s friends than with your own.

COMMENTERS: What do you think of the Wii U? Will you Wii U? Anything else that you’ve seen from E3 that has sparked any sort of reaction? What about that Playstation Pita Pocket I keep hearing about?

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Our Buttonless Future

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There was some sort of trend at E3 2009 towards getting gamers off their collective ass-flesh. Microsoft debuted it’s full body/no controller Project Natal while Sony offered their magic wand/raver glow stick hybrid dubbed the… well, nothing. They’re just calling it the PS3 motion controller. I’m sure by the time it’s released they’ll be calling it the “Cyber Lance” or “Excitement Bulb” or something.

Not being an active gamer, these products hold little promise for me for future entertainment, but I am quite intrigued by the technology involved. Microsoft has opted to do away with the controller completely (a ballsy yet foolish movie IMO) so that you can swipe furiously at menus, roundhouse kick your gamer tag to log in and scream movie preferences at your TV with all the fervor and zeal of someone who’s been on the phone with a Discover card voice-robot for 45 minutes (I think you said “Cock Shitting Fuck Mouthed Piece of Shit… If that is correct say “Yes” or Press 1). Their tech-demo was impressive but I really don’t see it translating well into an actual living room gaming experience. Although, finale getting to act out a “Hadouken” and having it actually accomplish something other than confused stares from the cats would be pretty sweet.

I think Sony actually came a lot closer to creating something people can actually use to play games. Their “web cam tracks the glowing orb in 3d space” tech makes a lot more sense to me than the Wii’s clumsier set up. Plus, you need buttons. That’s just how it is. Why would anyone think it’s easier to cartwheel across your living room than to hit A or X? Unfortunately, everyone already has an X-Box 360 (I don’t even have one and I HAVE ONE) so their arm flapping, high kicking back injury inducing system will probably prevail (if any of them do).

Oh, and Nintendo (Intenda to you Grandma’s in 1988) made a heart monitor that you ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO CLIP ON YOUR PENIS. Big deal.

Do any of these new control schemes excite you? Would you buy a system you didn’t already have to take adantage of one? Anything else from E3 that got your geek juices flowing? Why am I doing a gaming comic?

UPDATE: Lots of FB E3 09 talk on the Forum

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99 Lives And A Bitch Ain’t One

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If you outta’ mans, I feel bad for you son.

Yes, I know “99 Lives” is more of a Mario thing, or a Contra 4 DS glitch thing, and the Konami Code only gave you 30 lives in Contra, but I couldn’t resist. My lyrical flow mustn’t be stifled.

I love the idea of an NES pad powered security system that can only be cracked by geeks or nerds. I wouldn’t consider it all that secure, since there are hojillions of us out there, but the idea is pleasing all the same. Maybe you could just have a box full of awesome free candy in your dorm room, and the only way to open it was to divide X-Men action figures into the Gold and Blue teams, or type in at least 3 aliases for Aragorn.

Let’s hear your ideas for “Geek/Nerd locks” in the comments. Some of your fellow Fancy Bastards have already weighed in on the FB Forum.

It should also be noted that the sign on Josh’s apartment door usually reads “Delivery Boys Come in the Back Door.