An Audience Lost

HEROES CON in CHARLOTTE, NC is NEXT WEEKEND!!!

Here’s a handy map that I made so that you can easily locate your favorite webcomics artists while at the convention. My 29th birthday will be during the con. I am expecting party hats and pasties pastries.

LOST has been done with for over a week now. I miss the hatch. I miss the time traveling bunnies. I miss how Ben’s face looked like canned apricot preserves after a fresh beating. Awwww sonofabitch, Freckles, I miss the dang polar bear.

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Presented in the right way I think “Limbo Beach” could be a smash hit. It’s like Gilligan’s Island meets Fantasty Island meets DHARMA Island meets The Ghost Whisperer [I know I’m being silly, but seriously… can’t you see a network exec just about pissing his pants when he hears that pitch?]. And since ABC passed on picking up “The Boobs n’ Spectre Mystery Hour,” Jennifer Love Hewitt could reprise her role on my new show. She could play the up tight resort operations manager and all sorts of hilarity would ensue because only she and Hurley could speak to the guests [I’m sure Miles would have a small part as the hand man or something]. That goofy ol’ Ben would always be getting into trouble, delivering clean towels to the wrong DHARMA station bungalo, or accidentally murdering Rose and Bernard. I’m telling you it would be a riot of Lucile Ballian proportions.

For you comment challenge, please come up with a different show ABC can produce to recapture their lost LOSTies, OR a plot device (including a LOST cast member guest star) for an episode of “Limbo Beach.”

More LOST links:

Just When I Thought I Was Out…

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There is also a PRINT of this design too!

I wrote this comic right after the Fringe season 2 finale last week, but it was unfortunately preempted by a couple of LOST comics. This is really a shame because part of my job is to relate to you, gentle Fancy Bastard, what I think is worthy of your geeky time, attention and monies. And though the point of deciding between the two series is rendered moot by the completion of one of them (LOST SPOILERS: Everyone dies! No really. Everyone. You, me, everyone eventually dies), Fringe is the one scifi show above all others currently in production that I can say, “IF YOU AREN’T WATCHING IT, YOU SHOULD BE!” It is by far the most satisfying science fiction on TV.Continue reading→

The Glorious Hole

[thanks to Roger for hosting the LOST finale viewing party and giving me the idea for this comic]

MORE LOST FINALE SPOILERS BELOW!!!

Just so we are clear, the main purpose of the castaways’ final moments on The Island was to solve a plumbing problem. “Well, see what you got here is yer stopper what keeps the magic water from drainin’ outta your light beam got removed. Probably by a common household Desmond. You see ’em in these parts all the time. Livin’ in hatches, pushin’ buttons, NOT pushin’ buttons. Gettin’ into a whole mess’o trouble.”

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There is also a PRINT of this design too!

I am still gathering my thoughts on the LOST finale, but I don’t know if I want to post them here or in a podcast or just bury them deep inside until my anus belches out a cloud of murderous black smoke. Continue reading→

Momma! I Traded The Polar Bear For Magic Beans!

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There is also a PRINT of this design too!

This particular volume of “Tales Of the Enchanted Island Where Extremely Coincidental Things Happen All The Time For No Particular Reason, As It Turns Out” presents a difficult challenge to the reader. The first three chapters are actually in the middle of the book. After reading one page of Chapter 1, you have to go back 3 chapters and read one page from Chapter Negative 1. You alternate this way until you get to Chapter 4 (which is the 7th chapter), at which point you alternate reading one page from Chapter 4 and one page from the final chapter of the book. I can’t remember what you do for Chapter 5. Maybe you just skip it. Then for Chapter 6 you alternate reading one page from Chapter 6 and another page from the 6th Chapter of a completely different book. Any book. Reader’s choice.

[Observant HE readers will note that this is my 2nd attempt at this particular metaphor. I think I’ve ironed out most of the kinks and have a good working theorem here.]

Side Note: Soul Hole is my Sexual Chocolate cover band.

Unwavering Devotion

Josh doesn’t actually know what the character on his posterior really means, but if he shows it at the China Dragon Palace he gets a half priced buffet on Tuesdays. Which begs the question, why is he pulling his ass out in Chinese restaurants?

QUICK NEWS!

There’s a new “Godspeed, You Fancy Bastard” shirt in the store.
It looks like I am going to be at San Diego Comic Con 2010 with Topatoco!
Check out the guest appearance of “Edward” in today’s Unshelved.

“Tudykery,” not to be confused with the similarly named, holiday time bird carcass nesting doll, is the quality by which Alan Tudyk makes things better (or at least tolerable) simply by being a part of them. This “human bacon bits” quality is the only reason I was able to get through the first few episodes of V and convince myself it wasn’t horrifically boring. Then they killed him off and the veil of mediocrity was lifted. How to do you make an alien lizard people invasion boring?

Still, there is the issue of “The Browncoat Contract,” by which I mean the obligation of the Firefly/Serenity faithful to give every show or movie featuring one of our bright, shiny stars a more than fair chance. It was this obligation that made me watch Nathan Fillion’s Drive. All 4 episodes of it. And Adam Baldwin‘s short lived The Inside. This same obligation caused many of you to tune in for Jewel Staite in SyFy’s Mothman. My condolences. The kind of made-for-TV scifi garbage that would usually require you to drink a gas can full of ether and Yoohoo to sit through must be given a free pass because the cute space mechanic is the one running from the CG monster that looks like it was created with a Speak’n Spell hooked up to a George Foreman grill.

Luckily for us, there is an escape clause. Once the Firefly veteran’s new show takes off, you are no longer under contract. For instance, both Chuck and Castle are successful shows. My super bonus TV watching ability’s are not required to save them from cancelation since “the normals” are watching it too.

The worst part about the Contract is that it forces me to watch shows that I already know are going to be awful just so I can feel like I am doing my part to support the actors. Have you seen the promos for Summer Glau’s new show The Cape? It’s about a disgraced cop that decides to be Batman. Sounds cool, right? Well, he spends most of his time hanging out with carnies and magicians, so… just watch the promos. Holy lowered expectations, Cape Man!