This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

ONLY TWO DAYS LEFT!!! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back, in case you want one of those.

CONVENTION NEWS: I will be at San Diego Comicon at the Blind Ferret Booth with Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, Gutters, Girls With Slingshots and possibly more. It’s going to be a blast and a frakking half.

I can say with certainty that, while I do not share an enthusiasm for any organized sporting contest, I can understand fully why many (most) people do. There’s camaraderie, civic pride, a perceived communal goal, competition, statistics to geek out over, rivalries, drama, etc, etc. The part of “sports enthusiasm” that I can’t even begin to relate to on even the most basic level is the mentality of the vast minority of sports fans where in a particular game doesn’t result in their chosen team winning, and they decide the only way to express their disappointment is to set shit on fire, assault people and destroy public and private property. Not to mention proving to any hyper-advanced alien races who may be watching us that, yes, we are all a bunch of beastly fuck ups, and you should probably go ahead and lazer-doze our stupid planet to make way for your intergalactic throughway.

Seriously, if all it takes to devolve a random group of previous reasonable people into god damn rage monkeys is a little alcohol and some sad hockey times, then we don’t deserve nice things like societies and civilization. “MY SPORTS WAS BAD! I NEED TO HURT THINGS AND PEOPLE!” just isn’t acceptable. I know this seems odd, but this kind of behavior scares me more for the future of the human race than war. There’s something incredibly sinister and terrifying about the snap change from “I’m a regular guy, hanging out at a hockey game. I have a job, and an apartment and I’m in a long term relationship” to “I bet this car should be on fire and then things will be better. How about a brick to this guy’s head? Yeah, this is an excellent way for me to behave, and afterwards there will be no negative repercussions.” That borders on sociopathy. So does littering (I’m quite serious), but that’s a different argument all together.

Many of the riotous fuckwits were photographed and videoed by onlookers and uploaded to this tumblr. Here’s hoping they are identified and held responsible for their crimes. That reminds me of the cell phone surveillance system in The Dark Knight, except we don’t need Bruce Wayne to build it for us. We’re already doing it ourselves. The next time you plan to throw a flaming trashcan through a local business window, keep in mind that nearly everyone around you has an HD video camera in their pocket.

At least this deplorable display of inhumanity allowed an opportunity for others to step up and show some real selflessness and kindness. My friend Amy posted this on Twitter today:

I’m not from Vancouver, but I’ve gotten to know the city and its people pretty well. They’re AWESOME. Last night was an aberration. What you won’t hear about is how thousands of residents volunteered their time today to clean up the city after a few drunks got outta hand. RT @LizTheCanadian Here’s a gallery on Facebook of the volunteers cleaning up today http://on.fb.me/ionVCR

Commenters: What the fuck is going on? Are we just god damned savages? How are we ever going to get into The Federation like this?

Porta-John Smith

UPDATE 9/23/13: This comic is now a shirt over at Sharksplode!

STORE NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back, in case you want one of those.

I had this idea back in Phoenix while having dinner at this neat little Neapolitan Pizza place with some friends. About halfway through drawing it, I did a quick google and saw that Jon Rosenberg had already touched on the idea of a PorTARDIS-John with “Doctor Whoah” in Scenes From A Multiverse. Oh well. I guess it’s a pretty obvious comparison for two guys that think allot about science fiction and poop jokes. His comic is great. Go read it.

Commenters: GOD DAMNIT NO NEW SEASON OF DOCTOR WHO UNTIL 2012?!?!

BEST THING EVER: My good friend Lar “Poned” me. I have never been so happy or honored in all my stupid life. [click to embiggen]

The Mystery Box

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

BIG NEWS! The HijiNKS ENSUE Store will be shutting down for a few weeks so I can make some big, exciting changes. [READ MORE HERE] If there is a shirt you want, and you DON’T WANT to wait until sometime after San Diego Comicon, you should probably buy it now. This week will be your last chance for a at least a few weeks. Please check out this blog post to see which designs won’t be coming back, in case you want one of those.

NEWS 2: I will be at San Diego Comicon at the Blind Ferret Booth with Least I Could Do, Looking For Group, Gutters, Girls With Slingshots and possibly more. It’s going to be a blast and a frakking half.

Make sure you check out my guest comic over at Sam & Fuzzy! It is one of my favorite things that I have ever made (for serious). It stars Sam, Jeph and me and finally brings to life my favorite of Sam’s intentionally terrible shirt ideas all the way back from SDCC 2010.

To Josh, vaginas might as well be the Higgs boson particle. He can see evidence of their existence and their perceived effect on objects around them, but he can’t directly view them or fully understand their purpose.

I still haven’t seen a single episode of Game Of Thrones, but from what I understand the season is nearly over so I should be able to acquire it and binge the whole thing over a weekend pretty soon. The typical post show review I see on the Twitters goes something like: “OMG GAMEOFTHRONES WTFBALLS?!?!?!! WHY IS THIS SHOW SO RAPEY?! ALSO WHY IS IT SO GOOOOOOOD?!?!?!? #aGameOfRape #aRapeOfThrones #twincest #soooorapey #sexslaves #bestshow” Being the world’s foremost Internet cryptographer, I am able to feed those mad ramblings into my Code-puter, cross reference them with The Talmud and decipher what is essentially a positive review. Good enough for me.

COMMENTERS: I Feel free to post your spoiler free thoughts on the Game Of Thrones television program or other stuff. You know. Whatever.

A Friend Of A Friend

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again.

NEWS: You can hear me briefly on this ABC Australia podcast, Nerdzilla, talking about X-Men: First Class. The full interview will be posted sometime next week.

NEWS 2: I have donated a copy of HijiNKS ENSUE Volume 2: My Heart Is A Hate-Filled Pineapple to be auctioned off by the Toronto Chapter of Can’t Stop The Serenity. It features THIS SKETCH. The auction is June 18th.

NEWS 3: The story I recorded for the Machine Of Death Podcast, “Loss Of Blood,” can be downloaded NOW. It’s been so long since I recorded it that I can’t remember if I sucked or not. Either way the story is very cool.

Josh IRL did see a preview of Super 8 last night. I did not. How do I compensate? Hmmm… let’s check my bag of tricks… OH! Make fun of George Lucas. Blammo! Comic!

I probably won’t have a chance to see Super 8 this weekend, so I doubt I will be able to offer insightful commentary on the subject in a timely fashion. Of course I didn’t see the first seven in the series anyway, so I would probably be totally lost with this eighth installment. I wonder if Dwight and Juno starred in all of them. Is this one a prequel?

It seems like Super 8 sends a very clear message. That message is: HEY! Remember in the 70’s and 80’s when Spielberg’s movie were the bees tits? Remember that combined sense of suspense and wonderment? You want more of that shit? You NEED it? Well, we gots it for ya’!

They even released a Spielberg stye painted portrait poster for Super 8. I wonder if there’s a cameo by a young CG Drew Barrymore. For now I am just going to attempt to avoid the constant barrage of spoilers that the next few days are going to bring.

COMMENTERS: Post your spoiler free thoughts on Super 8! Also, post other ideas Lucas had for this movie or any other movie made by his friends.

The Sound Of An Ambulance In The Distance

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

I am closing out some current t-shirt and print designs. Please check out this blog post since the stuff on closeout probably won’t be available again.

Everything Josh touches at E3 turns to shit. Even though I am not a gamer myself, I do have quite a few friends exhibiting at, attending or simply possessing a vested interest in this years Electronic Entertainment Expo. Josh IRL’s company, Gearbox Software, is showing off Duke Nukem: Forfuckingfinally, Aliens: Colonial Marines [they mostly come out at night… mostly] on the above-mentioned Wii U, plus the latest Brothers In Arms release, Brothers In Arms: Fast Five: Faster Five: The Fastest Furious Four: Bros In Arms Before Ho’s In Arms. I played Private Garnett in the first three Brothers In Arms games and I got my face shot right off [SPOILERS].

Eli IRL’s company, Terminal Reality, is unveiling their long awaited “Star Wars Kid” simulator, Kinect Star Wars. It’s got all the Jedi powers you’ve always wanted to act out: Force Flail, Light Saber Trip Over, Jump Fall, and Hurt Floor.

Nintendo has continued their tradition of creating poorly named, obscenely awkward hardware which has amazing capabilities that no one asked for, and that everyone will eventually love for 6 months before it turns out to be more popular with your mom’s friends than with your own.

COMMENTERS: What do you think of the Wii U? Will you Wii U? Anything else that you’ve seen from E3 that has sparked any sort of reaction? What about that Playstation Pita Pocket I keep hearing about?