The Reason For The Season

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Put the Krampus back in Krampusnacht! I demand my crazy holiday beliefs receive equal commercial exposure! Keep your horn of plenty, because Krampus has horns o’plenty! Wait, I think that last one was more about Thanksgiving! STRIKE THAT ONE, but pay the necessary attention to the first two! OPINIONS!

It’s a sign of the degeneration of our culture that more people aren’t aware of Krampus. Much less aren’t strangled by fear of him year ’round. There are shocking similarities between Santa Claus and the exalted cloven hoofed one. They both have sacks that deal with children, they both have more hair than the average person, they both have 18″ red tongues, though santa’s is generally hidden by his beard, and they both live in remote lairs that the average child would not be able to find their way home from, were they dragged there in a sack.

You have a few days left. Please start saying “Beware Krampus” to any and all people you encounter, regardless of the situation. And do report back with your findings.

COMMENTERS: Have you encountered any “you should really be greeting me in the holiday salutation of MY preference instead of YOURS” type of situations? Any that stick out as particularly ridiculous? Alternately, please insert Krampus into the Christmas movie of your choice. Perhaps Tim Allen could have starred in The Krampus Clause? Or children might dread their annual viewing of How the Grinch Supported Krampusnacht. Spoilers: he was in favor of the beatings. Don’t do anything with that one where Michael Keaton was reincarnated as a snowman. That was terrifying enough as is.

“You there, boy. What day is it?”

“Today, sir? Why it’s Krampusnacht.”

“Then it’s not too late! Here, boy, take this and run to the butcher! Buy the fattest goose they have and take it to the Cratchet house! Paint it’s blood over their door and drape its entrails across their threshold! Leave the carcass as an offering to Krampus! No Cratchet child shall be tossed in a sack this night!”

Unhitched

Buy my book. Buy my book. BUY MY BOOK!

Why is Joel reading a newspaper?

Perhaps you remember the treatment that Steve Jobs, a Buddhist, had at the hands of the editorial cartoonists of America. Yesterday, upon learning of Christopher Hitchens’ untimely death, my friend Josh Cagan commented via twitter:

“That sound you hear is every editorial cartoonist shitting a brick, realizing they can’t draw Hitchens at the pearly gates.”

To which I replied: “the second sound is them doing it anyway because, hey, fuck it.”

I’m sure a lot of you didn’t agree with Hitch’s politics or views on religion, but I hope you can all at least respect that he wanted to see humanity evolve beyond the constraints of fear and doubt and better ourselves through a greater understanding of ourselves and the universe around us.

COMMENTERS: If you find anyone that actually makes a “Hitch and St. Peter” comic, please link it in the comments so I can be sad. If you find anyone that does something clever with the idea, please link that as well. If you have a favorite Hitch quote, story or a link to tribute or article, please feel free to link that as well. Please please please PLEASE do not start a religious or political flame war in the comments. Anyone doing that will be banned.

Is Your Incorporeal Clock Ticking?

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!!

Me, Randy Milholland, David Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastards should NOT miss it.

More details HERE.

Of the recent slate of new shows, I’d have to say American Horror Story is probably my favorite. That title comes with an asterisk, however. The creators of the show, are also the creators of Nip/Tuck and Glee. Their pedigree screams, “GREAT CONCEPT! GREAT FIRST SEASON! THEN EVERYONE STARTS ACTING LIKE CARTOONS AND THE WHOLE THING TAKES THE SUCK TRAIN TO SHIT TOWN FOR 5 MORE SEASONS!!!” AHS has been showing some of the Nip/Tuck stink since day one (in that people, haunted or not, continually behave in ways that human beings would never behave, so much so that it begins to distract you from the story), but it has managed to balance that out by also keeping the plot moving and continually surprising the viewer.

It also suffers a bit from having no likable characters. Not one. Not one who is living, at least. Some of the ghosts are sympathetic, but they also suffer from being extremely one note as ghosts are wont to do. I get the idea that being stuck between realms with unfinished business might lead one to having a very singular focus, but eventually the ghosts constantly chanting their one desire over and over gets annoying. Add to that the fact and all of the living human characters are also dumb as tombstones and things get more annoying still. The ghosts are the only ones that seems to have understandable motivation. “I was murdered and I am pissed about that HAUNT HAUNT HAUNT” is more relatable than “If we move out of this crazy murder house where ghosts keep trying to murder us with ghost murder we would be upside down on the mortgage.” That said, these are flaws in what is still a VERY compelling show. Jessica Lange just steals the screen every time she’s on it. The whole thing is almost worth it just for her performance. I give it a strong recommendation, especially considering this week’s episode, which was a real game changer for the series. Just as it seemed like they had already run the entire course of the premise they have found a way to keep the family connected to the house for the foreseeable future, which is not contrived or lazy.

I do kind of want to see Quinto and the other ghost-gay get the babies. My Two Ghost Dads would be a fantastic phantasmic spin-off.

COMMENTERS: I was a little harsh on American Horror Story the first time around, but now I’ve warmed up to its cold, dead, etherial fingers. Have you given it a shot? What do you think? NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS PLEASE, considering the severity of this week’s episode.

The Boy Who Waited

Nothing says, “I bought you some stuff from the Internet,” like buying people stuff from the Internet.

More details HERE.

In honor of The Doctor and my current allergy-related headsplosion, I am drinking a cocktail of Dayquil, Sudaphed, vodka and orange juice. I call it a Sonic Screwdriver*. I can’t say I’m happy that The Doctor is leaving for so long, but I would rather them make a great series than rush to meet some arbitrary deadline. Plus, The Doctor always comes back eventually.

My daughter is starting to figure out that Santa Claus isn’t real. [SPOILERS] Recently she’s said things like, “I bet scientists don’t think that Santa can really see everyone all the time,” and “I don’t think Santa’s reindeer can really fly. I bet they just walk everywhere.” I think I’m going to start telling her that Santa is and has always been a lie, because it’s The Doctor that brings her presents every year. Then we can leave fish fingers and custard on the fireplace for him on Christmas Eve.

COMMENTERS: Mofftatt said the incredibly long Doctor Who hiatus (Doctor Whiatus) is due to his feelings that new adventures in the blue box should start in fall. In this age of DVR’s, Netflix streaming, and all manner of time-shifted TV, does any of that really matter? Would we be better off if series were released all at once or in chunks, 6-10 episodes at a time?

Also, what are you doing to cope with the year long break from Doctor Who? Any shows taking its place? What about other activities? Do you go… outside? Do you know where outside is? Are their people out there? Please don’t tell them where I am.

*Seriously guys, do not try this.

Comfortably Numb

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

Saturday 8-11 pm
Sunday 12-5 pm

**Q&A panels by reservation only!**
Sat: 6-8 pm
Sun: 10-12 before signings
8-11 pm after signings

There is a whole class of “gift” one may receive around the holidays that says, “Hey. I don’t really know you that well, nor do I care to. Here’s some bullshit I paid money for.” The Snuggie (the blanket with arm holes) and the Forever Lazy (the blanket you wear like a shame-suit while you go tailgating or play Wii) have the distinction of falling not only into this category, but all into the “Thing that solves a problem that isn’t really a problem at all and actually makes trying to solve that fake problem more difficult that using the thing you already have or just ignoring it outright” category.

These types of items flood the stores around December as if to say, “SHOPPING IT TOO HARD! BUY LIKE 40 OF THESE AND YOU’LL BE DONE AND YOU CAN GO HOME AND HATE YOURSELF!” They also play into the worst part of Christmas and other gift-giving holidays: the idea that buying something, ANYTHING, for someone is a requirement. Nay, an obligation.

I have successfully managed to strategically distance myself from most of my family in such a way that I A) Do not receive any bullshit X-mas trinkets, and B) Do not have to purchase any such bullshit for others. I buy gifts for my wife, my mother, my in-laws and my daughter. I know those people and I have a pretty good idea of what they like. Often that thing does not cost very much, if any money. My in-laws certainly don’t need me to spend money on them. They have plenty. We give them gifts they wouldn’t think to give themselves or something you can’t buy in any store. With my mom, it’s more about giving time, memories, etc. For the kiddo it’s about treating her to a few special or larger items than she would normally get during the year while simultaneously instilling the value of giving to others in her. Every year she has to fill up a box (sometimes 2 or 3) with toys that she doesn’t play with any more to donate to needy kids. This year she is doing that and using her own money from chores to purchase a new toy from the store to donate.

I say all of that to say this: When you see a commercial that starts with “Doing [insert extremely easy, every day task] is hard! Don’t you wish there was a better way?” DO NOT BUY THAT THING! No one wants it. No one needs it. Stop buying stuff for people just because you think you have to. Make something. Frame a photo of the best day you ever had with that person. Take them on an adventure. Knit a freakin’ scarf. Give them something that doesn’t have a direct monetary value and isn’t available at Best Buy. Otherwise you might as well just write how much cash you were intending to spend on a piece of paper, give it to the other person, take their slip of paper and work out the change owed.

I should probably mention that NONE of the above logic applies if you are giving gifts from The HE STORE or Sharksplode. Seriously. Go buy that shit up.

COMMENTERS: Whats the worst “Here’s some bullshit” gift you have ever given or received? One time I got a set of pocket knives (a SET of pocket knives… like 6… as if you would ever need more than one) with the last 6 U.S. president’s faces on them. If that doesn’t say “I have no idea who you are. Here, take this,” I don’t know what does. ALTERNATELY: What’s your favorite “As Seen On TV” product to hate? Mine is the “Make a giant cupcake” pan whose commercial starts out with “Regular cake is boring…” NO IT IS NOT. FUCK YOU. CAKE IS AWESOME.