Two Thumbs Deep

Way deep!

Disney owns a movie review show called “At the Movies with Ebert and Roeper.” This year they decided not to renew Roeper’s contract, and in turn Ebert quit (which is odd considering he hasn’t appeared on the show in 2 years do to health problems). So what? Disney is continuing the show without them.

WTF Mickey? It’s not like I have any personal feelings for the show. I am being very serious when I say that there is NO reason to sit through a 30 minute program just to hear what two guys think about 4 movies when you can get on the internet and read 10 or 15 unbiased reviews of ANY movie in 2-3 minutes. The show was a dinosaur. Cancel it. Who cares? But to continue the property without the talent for whom it is named just seems pointless. Is there really so much value in the name “At The Movies“? Did anyone even know that was the show’s name, or did they think it was called “Ebert and Roeper“? Before this incarnation, did anyone know the actual name of the show with “Siskel and Ebert“?

I have a better idea. Wipe the slate clean and call your new show “Two Random Shit Grins Enthusiastically Endorse Movies That  Are Owned by The Walt Disney Corporation and/or its Affiliates for 30 Minutes“. Rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Honestly I put zero stock in the words of any mainstream reviewer. There’s a reason these idiots call “National Treasure 2: The Receding Hairline of Doom” “Breathtaking” and “Action Packed!” These are the same fuck factories that tried to convince an unassuming geek populace to see “Indianna Jones and the Curse of the  Fallen Franchise” by calling it “Thoroughly Viewable!” and “Wonderfully Available!”

UPDATE: Ebert Blogs about his departure. 

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87 Comments

  1. I salute you as well, but since I haven't seen the new batman movie either I'll just do it with my hat.

  6. I'm sure they're just keeping that show around to help all the septuagenarians out there make SOME kind of informed decision before they venture out to the movies. At their age, they can't afford to go to something not enjoyable, not with their fixed income and whatnot.

  8. I try to avoid reviews altogether, whether online or on TV or otherwise. I try to avoid word-of-mouth as well, though I will say that this is generally the most reliable kind of review. But really, I'd rather just see it myself and make my own opinions without outside interference.

  11. First thoughts: "Tumbs" "staring" and "sex in the city/sex AND the city". is that supposed to be Eli not knowing what the movie is even called cause he cares so little for it?

    Also, they replaced Roeper and guest with two douches. One is from E!, and the other guy, well he's from TCM, so maybe not horrible.

    edit: I did enjoy watching At The Movies. Sometimes, I like to hear what they think, and they've even had Kevin Smith on there before.

  15. "So I saw Dark Knight, and then went out and saw they made Batman comic books! No effin' way! Awesome! So I picked one up, and it didn't have the Joker in it at all, and shit wasn't blowing up! What the fuck? Super lame, broham. The Grant Morrison dude writing it should stop. He sucks. Put Michael Bay in there so we can get some explosions and shit!"

  18. There is no such thing as an unbiased review of a work like a movie, or a video game, or photo, etc.

    Did you mean that the people at rottentomato.com weren't getting kickbacks for writing good reviews? Because I'm sure that's going to happen eventually.

  20. I thought Mama Mia was great, at least that's what my girlfriend told me I thought after we got done seeing it and not the new Batman last Saturday night

  21. "But he's giving you that one week off, right? My homeboy Big Dawg got his parents' condo in VA Beach. We're gonna go mad crazy with some Jaeger bombs an' bitches an' shit!"

  22. Check out rottentomatoes.com. They don't review themselves, they link to a hoard of reviews from all over. I think he meant that you could find lots of reviews in one place.

  27. It's user submitted reviews so its as close to unbiased as you are going to find. No one's pockets are being lined by the studios. Sure, the reviewers are biased based on their own likes and dislikes, but you can generally tell if it's a reviewer that you are inclined to agree with based on their comments. Let's say it's a "more honest" review.

  37. I'm calling you out, you're in fact a fat 30 year old white guy sitting in his moms basement aren't you.
    Geek girls are a cruel myth set to taunt us poor geeks from now until the end of time.

  38. These Girl / Gay cards are they a subscription service or are they handed out in some elaborate right of passage ceremony because they sound useful.

  48. ah damn. I was really looking forward to that moment…
    hmm hairy men, wearing leather with big 'tashes and heavy house music playing, time to play the gay card 😉

  49. Umm… I happen to be a cardholding member of Geek Girls R Us. I have a palm pilot and every episode of MST3K ever. The trouble is, most of the male geeks I know have no respect at all for the female geek lineage. Just sayin is all. I went to see Batman by myself because all the male geeks I know were too busy playing WoW. Geeks are so damn antisocial.

  56. No, but we hide when our combo of gaming skills, comic reading and boobs proves too much for the average unsocialized geek boy. 8)

  63. Ah well, I forgotten that not everyone lives in a "retirement state" like I do. I swear, old people think they're so damn badass, roaming the streets in their pimped-out Lincoln Towncars and Buick Centurys. They're categorically more of a threat than the Crips where I live.

  66. Agreed. I remember back when Sweeds were all burning and pilliaging and cool stuff. I even remember when they were all "Gustavus Adolphus" and pwning German ass in the 30 years war. Now look at them…oh how the mighty have fallen…

  74. Seriously. The presence of a geek girl in a room full of geek guys will cause two things to happen…one, she will show them all up upon entry by being entirely superior, or two, someone will try to put her down and she will make a snappy comeback that proves that she is the superior being. Both scenarios tend to end in drooling-but not on her part. 😉

  80. In my experience, geek guys are intimidated by geek girls because they are generally more assertive. remember, half of "geek guy" is "guy." They are still insecure and feel like they have to be in control. Theres actually nothing more heart warming than seeing two geeks sharing a moment over a comic book or an MST ep.

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