The Clothes Make The Man Miserable

I tend to monologue a lot. Another word for what I do would be “rant.” I am uncommonly good at preparing a lengthy series of complaints with little provocation and no preparation. It comes from having a good memory. I can quickly recall all the things that make me mad about something without having to dig around for the anger. My gripes are stored in RAM, as it were. That isn’t to say I’m an angry person. Far from it. I’m just good at rattling off the particulars of what I don’t like about stuff, people, etc. I’m also pretty good at quickly and succinctly enunciating what I like about something, but I tend to do it with less loudness and hand gestures.

 When I was a young man, a teen even (guh… TEEENS!) this skill made me quite adept at arguing. Rather, it made me good at seeming like I had won arguments when, in fact, I had simply managed to speak more confidently and for a longer period of time without confusion or exhaustion than my opponent. Since then, I’ve tried to truncate my rants (positive and negative) with a rule I learned from Seinfeld. Go out on a high note. When you get the big laugh say, “Goodnight everybody” and show yourself offstage. When explaining, ranting, whatevering the moment I get my point across and the audience seems to be receptive and understanding (if not amused), I try my best to shut up. I fail at this a lot on interviews, but I am trying to get better. I am endeavoring to use words more as a precision instrument than a melee weapon.

COMMENTERS: Are you a ranter? What gets your a-rantin’ a-goin’? Do you have to DEAL with a ranter on a regular basis? How do you cope?

Comments (29)

Admin Options

Stranger's avatar

Stranger · 84 weeks ago

I know that feeling, I havent even worn a shirt with buttons for over a decade. Yeah, I know I look like a vagrant, but I dont care.
daveren's avatar

daveren · 84 weeks ago

I don’t think you’re getting the point.
Steve's avatar

Steve · 84 weeks ago

Buzz, meet Bennettbf. Bennettbf, meet Buzz…oh. Wait. You’ve met. Bennettbf, please take your knife out of Buzz’s throat. No, don’t twist…don’t TWIST–dammit. Now you’ve killed it. You’ve killed our Buzz, Bennettbf. Killed it deader’n’disco.
nate's avatar

nate · 84 weeks ago

Steve I just need to say “Killed it deader’n’disco.” made my day thank you sir.
Ali's avatar

Ali · 84 weeks ago

I wish it were more expected for both sexes to wear ties. I have a lot of cool ties that I never really have an excuse to wear, unless I’m crossplaying, and even then only one or two of them really fit into the costumes.

3 replies · active 84 weeks ago

Wear ’em. Go for it. Why not?
Ali's avatar

Ali · 84 weeks ago

I wish I could, but my job has separate dress codes for men and women, and I’d be written up for breaking it…and I wish I were in a place in life where I could afford to quit my job and find one that would let me wear what I wanted, but I’m not.
Aww… Joel wasn’t in a happy place back then.
Rikonius's avatar

Rikonius · 84 weeks ago

Ugh… Ties are the worst. I absolutely hated the rare occasions I had to wear one.

BTW, I don’t know if you’re familiar with Lewis Grizzard, but you’d probably appreciate his sentiments on neckties (http://grittree.wordpress.com/category/lewis/page/6/)
“Ties are detrimental to men’s health. Men who have to wear ties all the time tend to be terribly highstrung and nervous because they’ve got this piece of cloth strung tightly around their necks. It’s ties, not cholesterol, that cause most heart attacks and strokes.
Also, besides being terribly uncomfortable and unhealthy, it is a known fact that wearing a tie eventually leads to baldness. The tie hinders the circulation to the scalp and that’s why men’s hair falls out.
You don’t see that many bald-headed women, do you? Of course not. That’s because they don’t wear ties.”

TJ "Kiltman" 's avatar

TJ “Kiltman” · 84 weeks ago

On kilts, or another reason I wear kilts.

Feb 25, 2009

i’ll probably post this as a blog as well..

from a strictly fashion stand point … go take a look at a “business suit” some time.. just online or next time you’re watchin the news … what a SILLY looking IMPRACTICAL costume.

ever watch historcal fictional movies .. ? men used to wear stockings.. and knickers .. and gawdy hats with feathers ?
how much different is todays suit… with starch collars, buttons /cufflinks on the sleeves .. “double breasted” (what are those silly flaps for?? ) jackets with SHOULDER PADS?!?!? (what they gonna do play football on lunch???) pleats in the front of their pants that makes it look like they’re sportin a Woodrow when they sit down.. which makes their pants ride up their legs so we can see their STUPID feminine patterned socks and ultra fem leather shoes with…TASSLES!! on a shoe.. tassles… really..
tassles??

…. oh and the tie… A TIE??? its a bloody sewn scarf that serves no purpose other than to get caught in some machine and pull you in to your gruesome death, or just to choke you while you bend over to pick up that TPS report .. in a reminder.. that you are nothing more than a corporate slave…

or maybe the tie is a “gift” by the corporate masters.. the last bit of free speech left in the glum corporate servititude, where you can show some (but not too much) personality by wearing unique ties.. that serve no purpose other than the occasional “ohh nice tie” from people wishing they had enough balls to even wear a different tie..

i once was asked by three guys in suits at a restaurant “whats the costume for” refering to my Utilikilt… i kinda looked at the guy… looked at his two buddies.. gave a big smile and said “i’d say lookin at the three of you.. that YOU are in the costumes, i happen to be completely comfortable.” passed out a few utilikilt business cards and went on my way..

and then womens corporate fashion?? two words…HILLARY CLINTON . nuff said. **shudders** make that image go away mommy peeeeeeeeeeeesh??? its scary!!

TJ "Kiltman"Anderson's avatar

TJ “Kiltman”Anderson · 84 weeks ago

Feb 25, 2009

from a strictly fashion stand point … go take a look at a “business suit” some time.. just online or next time you’re watchin the news … what a SILLY looking IMPRACTICAL costume.

ever watch historcal fictional movies .. ? men used to wear stockings.. and knickers .. and gawdy hats with feathers ?
how much different is todays suit… with starch collars, buttons /cufflinks on the sleeves .. “double breasted” (what are those silly flaps for?? ) jackets with SHOULDER PADS?!?!? (what they gonna do play football on lunch???) pleats in the front of their pants that makes it look like they’re sportin a Woodrow when they sit down.. which makes their pants ride up their legs so we can see their STUPID feminine patterned socks and ultra fem leather shoes with…TASSLES!! on a shoe.. tassles… really..
tassles??

…. oh and the tie… A TIE??? its a bloody sewn scarf that serves no purpose other than to get caught in some machine and pull you in to your gruesome death, or just to choke you while you bend over to pick up that TPS report .. in a reminder.. that you are nothing more than a corporate slave…

or maybe the tie is a “gift” by the corporate masters.. the last bit of free speech left in the glum corporate servititude, where you can show some (but not too much) personality by wearing unique ties.. that serve no purpose other than the occasional “ohh nice tie” from people wishing they had enough balls to even wear a different tie..

i once was asked by three guys in suits at a restaurant “whats the costume for” refering to my Utilikilt… i kinda looked at the guy… looked at his two buddies.. gave a big smile and said “i’d say lookin at the three of you.. that YOU are in the costumes, i happen to be completely comfortable.” passed out a few utilikilt business cards and went on my way..

and then womens corporate fashion?? two words…HILLARY CLINTON . nuff said. **shudders** make that image go away mommy peeeeeeeeeeeesh??? its scary!!

1 reply · active 84 weeks ago

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 84 weeks ago

But don’t forget…you’ll get smacked at some places if you go too far in showing your personality with “unique” tie/shirt/sock colors.
Even though men have a bit more leeway in colors/patterns, you still get the CorpConformO prog running in certain places.

For myself, I’m not allowed to wear “golf shirts” (what my GM terms polo shirts) or any dress pant with a cargo pocket on it, or any non-businessy shoe. Might upset a FASHION CLIENT to see someone male not dressed as a faux banker up in their building.

echo's avatar

echo · 84 weeks ago

Don’t know if you intended to make a deep and moving comic, but it was.

1 reply · active 84 weeks ago

Hey thanks! I really didn’t know how to end this comic until the last minute.
eviljimmy's avatar

eviljimmy · 84 weeks ago

HATE – ties.

Neck prisons indeed 🙂

Dean's avatar

Dean · 84 weeks ago

I kind of like wearing a tie to work. It makes me feel more professional.
I hate ties, and I hate suits. I can’t stand reading GQ because they act like suits are the end-all be-all of fashion.

1 reply · active 84 weeks ago

The Unknown FB's avatar

The Unknown FB · 84 weeks ago

Same with Details magazine, many times. They at least do a mix of other types of clothes, but frequently it’s “mix your suit pants/jacket with your weekend wear”.
Um, no…and then explain to me why I subscribe to you again?
This strip got me right in the feels
Bruceski's avatar

Bruceski · 84 weeks ago

I rant for two things: abuse of statistics (common in TV media and there outta be a crime for saying “a study has found that…” laundering something that is so flawed and deliberately skewed that should the “studier” have submitted it to an actual journal they would have been shot, so they just posted it on the internet) and bad salsa. The latter comes in two flavors: a bowl full of water somebody tossed a bit of onion and tomato in or going full-on capsasin without any interest in flavor. A good salsa blends flavor with heat and can come out any temperature. For example contrast Pace medium (a pretty good one even if proper snobs sneer at getting something so generic) with their hot (nothing but pepper seeds, basicly a hot sauce instead of a salsa).
DuckAmuck's avatar

DuckAmuck · 84 weeks ago

My biggest hot-button is Disney. Seriously, don’t get me started on my Disney rant. And the rant just keeps growing now that everything I USED to have as evidence of “better than Disney” is now OWNED BY DISNEY! There’s no escape.

I come from a long line of ranters. The winner is usually the one who is willing to NOT rant.

StephR's avatar

StephR · 84 weeks ago

Ties are just a flaccid penis pointing down to your real one.
Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , .

One Comment

Leave a Reply to eviljimmy Cancel reply