UPDATE 3: Conan’s actual response: No Thanks, NBC
UPDATE 2: David Letterman’s Advice To NBC
UPDATE: Conan addresses the rumors. Sort of.

In a statement about the decision to move Jay Leno back to his original time slot and bump Conan to 12:05am, a spokesperson for NBC called Leno “one of the most compelling entertainers in the world today.” IN THE WORLD. Let’s see how I stack up to Mr. Leno. Here we go:

“Hey folks. Did you hear ‘The Tonight Show’ is getting moved to 12: 05am. That’s true. It is.  Yeah, they’re changing the name to ‘The Tomorrow Show’.”

ZING! POW! PUNS! I must be one of the most compelling entertainers in the world too. Here’s another from the same awesome monologue of compelling, world class comedy:

“Jimmy Fallon’s show won’t start until 1:05am. That’s true. Now they’re going to call it The ‘Shouldn’t You Be Asleep? I Thought Weed Made You Sleepy’ Show with Jimmy Fallon.”

One more. Can your sides handle it?

“Did you hear about this? Something something veiled dick joke. Amiright folks? Kevin? Amiright?”

I got a million of ‘em.

FOLLW ME ON TWITTER, because why not? Also check out Kevin Eubanks’s album art and tremble at the majesty.