Not My Hero

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Superman: Where is The Birth Certificate Shirt

If you are waiting on your copy of HE Book 2, PLEASE READ THIS!!!

This incredibly stupid idea hit me last night while watching TV. I did a quick Google search to see if anyone had already thought of it and came across this article about Law And The Multiverse: a blog that discusses the real world legal ramifications that superheroes would face. They actually talk about a Superman story line where, in an alternate universe, Supes became president of the U.S. There’s a decent little line of logic that proves he’s an American-born citizen. Fun stuff, so check it out.

COMMENTERS: Let’s keep the crazy train rolling full steam right into Metropolis. Give me your best Superman-Birther slogan. Here are a few more:

The Last son of WHERE exactly?
Go back to Krypton… Oh, that’s right. YOU BLEW IT UP. Don’t let Superman blow up Earth too (or Earth 2).
Superman? Or Super Socialist?
Why is your identity a secret? TIME FOR THE TRUTH!
In America we speak ENGLISH, NOT Kryptonian!
[picture of Lex Luthor] “Miss me yet?”
Clark “Kal El” Kent: There’s an illegal alien at the Daily Planet
Secret identity? More like secret lie-entity, amirite?

 

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63 Comments

  1. Let one krytonian anchorbaby stay and next thing you know the country will be crawling with them! eating our food, dating our women and stealing jobs from hard working american super heroes and villians! For every 'good' kryptonian there are three more waiting to sneak in from the phantom zone! The majority of krytonians have tried to destroy this contry!

  2. Fortress of Solitude? Secret Identity? Hero? Where do we draw the line, Superman? Where do we draw the line?

  3. "Leaps tall buildings in a single bound." Yeah, if by buildings you mean fences. He's a Krypto-Communo-fascist! Hasn't anyone here read "Superman: Red Son?" That's the TRUTH! Wake up, sheeple! Luthor/Palin 2012!

    • Superman: Red Son is set in an alternate universe ( I think it's called Earth-30, but I'm not so sure), and an excellent book.

  4. And let's not forget he gets his powers from OUR yellow sun. I bet he doesn't pay taxes on THAT EITHER! That's right, Kal-El… take all of our natural resources for your own selfish purposes. PAY YOUR SHARE!!!

  5. Ya know, I'd march right on up to Superman and make these here accusations myself, but my cousin done that and ol' Supes done kicked him right straight to the Moon! Figgers if'n I cain't even wrassle the cuss proper, I ain't got a dog's chance in Ko-rea. 'Sides, I can still take my ol' John Deere ridin' tractor up the corner store an' gets me my Silver Bullets an' it's NASCAR season, so I gots things to do! Reckon y'all can handle ol' Superman fer me, cain't yas? I mean, shucks, if'n y'all was worried 'bout them illegal fellers 'round this country y'all ought not've put that feller up there in Warshintun, right?

  6. I think you're all forgetting the most important point: all Kryptonians are elists!
    SUPER man? SUPER? Really? Just because you're taller, stronger, handsomer and can FLY? You think you're so much better than us lowly Earthicans? Because we're NOT super?
    You even import villains from other planets – because Earth people aren't even worth fighting.
    And how can you call yourself a journalist? How can you be unbiased, when you so obviously think you're better than us? President… bah! Give me Bruce Wayne for President any day.

  7. Well gosh, Lois, Star Labs said he was born in Kansas in Action Comics Annual #3. *pushes glasses up bridge of nose*

  8. Superman.

    He stands there, cape flapping in the breeze, big red S on his chest. He says he fights for "Truth, Justice and the American Way". But what does that mean to him? What do his ACTIONS say?

    Truth? *chuckle* Truth?? Folks, he keeps a secret identity. When he's not Superman, he spends literally EVERY OTHER WAKING MOMENT lying to us. What truth is he fighting for? It's not the truth that we talk about on this show, that's for sure. What truth IS it then? Let's cross that one off and move on.

    Justice? Again, I just don't see it. I mean, I WANT to, but he just won't give us the proof! Where was he when the fascists on the left were forcing this illegal, unconstitutional Obamacare down our throats? How about when we swore in a non-citizen as president? Where was all this concern for "Justice" then? How about his own numerous assaults and illegal detentions of a certain respectable businessman? Where was his sense of justice then? Hmm? I don't know. I wish I did, but I just don't know. Cross it off.

    Now we get to the interesting one. "The American Way". Whose American way could it be, folks? Is it his? I doubt it, because he's not really American, now is he? It isn't the "American Way" of capitalism and the free market, as his constant harassment of LexLuthor shows. What "American Way" could it be?? Well, I think we might be able to figure this one out, just you and me. Maybe it's an organization…like, say, PEOPLE for the American Way.

    And right there, we see what Superman REALLY stands for! People for the American Way! Which is, of course, a project funded by the Tides Foundation, which any loyal viewer knows all about. And now that we know what Superman stands for, I think we also know what that big bright red S on his chest stands for.

    Soros.

    And if that doesn't scare the heck out of you, then I just don't know what will.

    • Well played, good sir or madam. Ordinarily I would never want to hear Glenn Beck's voice in my head as I read something, but this was just perfect.

    • That's hilarious. However, you might want to cut back on the Beck-ness. I hear it's toxic in large doses.

      • I figured that the "Buy Gold" spiel would work better when railing against Green Lantern.

        Secure your family's financial future AND secure your home against "One Galaxy Government" thugs (at least, the ones who haven't overcome the Yellow Impurity….yet ANOTHER way Goldline is screwing its customers!)

    • Wow man, this is great. You should keep doing these, taking people and things we can all agree are awesome, and Glen Beck them into seeming horrible, just to show how f'd up that dude is. Like Robin Hood. "He takes money from the hard working individuals and redistributes the wealth to the poor. I just….(start to cry) I just don't know why I'm the only one who can see it! He should be wearing red instead of green so we might have a clue that he's a Communist. "

    • "Now, our sponsor this half hour is Gold Line. Friends, in these troubled and uncertain times, you need to do two things. One, put your faith in God. Two, buy gold. I've been with Gold Line now for many years. They have many options for you to choose from, from certificates, ingots, doubloons, and now, a new investment opportunity: kryptonite. Lex Luthor himself told me that he has part of his assets in kryptonite just for a sense of security. Call Gold Line now."

    • No American, huh? Not even Batman, The Flashes, The Green Lanterns from Earth, or any of the JLA or JSA? Didn't think that one through, didja?

  9. This is all well and good, but can we get to the main issue. I don't mind that Superman isn't American, as long as the actor playing him is. We already have a Britisher playing Batman in the movies, now another one wants to be Superman? Didn't we fight a revolution to prevent this sort of thing?

  10. You know who else called themselves Supermen or Ubermensch? The Nazis that's who! If we let him have his way we'll all be saying "Heil Kal-El." Not in my America!

      • The House of El is supposed to be royalty, isn't it?
        Royalty wearing big mu-mu's, capes, and what not?
        Who else wears that kind of clothing, and thinks of themselves as royalty…people of Kenyan descent, who "claim" to be born in Hawaii…that's who!
        And communist Muslim terrorist sleeper cells…that could be in YOUR HOME TOWN! Seducing your daughters to get abortions, and making your son's gay socialist recyclers!

        *waves at some scribbles on a chalkboard*

  11. We're struggling to get a simple drilling operation in the Arctic but Mr. Superman here constructs a hidden Fortress without prior approval. Where's the government oversight, the public outcry? Just how much radiation does that place produce? Where are the U.N. nuclear inspectors?
    And the company he keeps? An elitist Billionaire who's never been married,but maintains a string of young "Wards".
    Seduction of the Innocent indeed. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE ACROBATICALLY GIFTED CHILDREN!!?

  12. This Kal El person,( El probably mexican) goes around giving away his version of justice to just anyone. There are hard working Americans losing work right now from the likes of him. What "superman" calls justice, I call socialism. He's just another elitist going around forcing his Krypto-Libral agenda on this great country. Wake up people this is all part of Kal El's anti-colonial kryptonian father's past reaching us from a extinct world. Truth, Justice, and Liberty for all, my ass.

  13. Obama could have been born on Krypton for all we know since can't or won't produce a birth certificate. And you know what that means? Absolutely nothing. His mother was and is an American and that makes him a citizen the moment he's born. I do love that fact that none of the birthers seem particularly opposed to McCain, who actually would be disqualified by their logic (born to American parents in Panama).

  14. Birth Certifice, what about his Visa? Has anyone seen his Green Card? This sounds like a cover up at the HIGHEST levels!!!!!

  15. I get the whole “haha he’s an alien” thing about the states…
    But does everyone forget he’s really the love child of two
    Jewish Canadians that had to sell their only son to the U.S?

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