Let Your Geek Gavel Fly

Read the article above concerning the ongoing lawsuit between Todd McFarlane and Neil Gaiman regarding the ownership of Medieval Spawn and other derivative characters and pay close attention to how specific the judge got with her comic book nerding.

“Much as defendant [McFarlane] tries to distinguish the two knight Hellspawn, he never explains why, of all the universe of possible Hellspawn incarnations, he introduced two knights from the same century,” Crabb writes. “Not only does this break the Hellspawn ‘rule’ that Malebolgia never returns a Hellspawns [sic] to Earth more than once every 400 years (or possibly every 100 years, as suggested in Spawn, No. 9, exh. #1, at 4), it suggests that what defendant really wanted to do was exploit the possibilities of the knight introduced in issue no. 9. […]

I would have sold my soul to the Devil for a chance to be in the court room and hear those words come from the mouth of an elected appointed official. Also to be granted nearly limitless power in order to have a chance to exact vengeance on all who had wronged me in life. Standard Devil-soul-selling stuff.

Feel free to post other landmark decisions in the comments that Nerd Judge may have tackled. I would also be super happy pants if one of you came up with lyrics for a Macgruber style theme song for Nerd Judge.

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81 Comments

  1. Damn, this is funny. I read the rest of her ruling and she actually has some very good ideas for alternate Spawns. She does it in a way that actually casts shame and disdain on Todd McFarlane. Who is this Judge?

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  2. Judges are appointed, not elected. Still pretty epic though.

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    • Not in all jurisdictions – there are plenty where judges are elected officials.

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      • Judgepedia (oh my gosh is that a real thing?) says that she was appointed by Jimmy Carter.
        http://judgepedia.org/index.php/Barbara_Crabb

        Still a really outstanding comic (sorry you serve the nitpicky nerd community, Joel). The judge (and the article) go on (geekily):
        "If defendant really wanted to differentiate the new Hellspawn," the judge continues, "why not make him a Portuguese explorer in the 16th century; an officer of the Royal Navy in the 18th century, an idealistic recruit of Simon Bolivar in the 19th century, a companion of Odysseus on his voyages, a Roman gladiator, a younger brother of Emperor Nakamikado in the early 18th century, a Spanish conquistador, an aristocrat in the Qing dynasty, an American Indian warrior or a member of the court of Queen Elizabeth I? It seems far more than coincidence that Dark Ages (McFarlane) Spawn is a knight from the same century as Medieval (Gaiman) Spawn."

        One hopes that if she was a Gaiman fan before this case, that she'd recuse herself. It seems that if she wasn't before, she is now.

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      • This is a federal judge. Federal judges are appointed, not elected.

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        • That really shouldnt affect anyone's ability to enjoy the comic.

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    • Nerdjudges are born, not made. 8)

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  3. I demand a Nerd Judge T-shirt! <3

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    • Indeed – Nerd Judge would make for a great shirt!

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      • thirded

        …it'll go great with my others.

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          • Dude, I'm at law school right now. I can't believe I'm not already wearing it.

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  4. "Gavel" as a sound effect. Pure awesome.

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    • The GL ring and lightsaber handle did it for me.

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      • I like her earrings, and the "pew pew"…it's like a sound fx gavel you'd get at SDCC or Gen Con, or somewhere's like that.

        Only thing that would've made it a teensie bit bitter would be some sort of holo-glasses, or a VISOR. 😎

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  5. "Whereas the defendants did claim their intent toward misbehavior, their possession of incriminating documents, among them a clear statement stating the use of the then-illegal G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate, and intent to distribute said documents prior to government intervention allows them clear protection under ASC 7311380-J-NCC1701 paragraph 42, commonly referred to as the "whistleblower" law."

    From the Judge's decision on Anglo-Sino Alliance Department of Justice v. Reynolds, et al.

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    • Hey Joel, when did you add site admin approval for new comments? I posted a reply and it had no problem, but the new comment gave me the message "Your comment must be approved by the site admins before it will appear publicly." Did I miss something?

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  6. Tennant? seriously? She must just have the hots for him. Myself and ALL my girlfriends KNOW it's Baker. Even if he isn't nearly as sexy.

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    • Not as sexy? With that voice? I beg to differ. Tennant is much prettier, though.

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    • Ahh… but you dont know what the case was actually about. It could have been Tennant v. A specific other Doctor or Tennant v. a kick in the face.

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      • Tennant vs anyone is always a win for me!

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    • Nothing defeats that scarf, it's like Wonder Woman's golden lariat, except it's a wonderful scarf; like Douglas Adams and Wonder Woman had a gay son! And the curls! Oh lord, the curls!

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  7. Settle this fight o Mighty Nerd Judge:
    Lord of the Rings vs. Wheel of Time vs. Song of Ice and Fire.

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  8. Dan Slott's run on She-Hulk played around with the idea of a law office dealing entirely with continuity errors.

    As for geek law: "Lucifer settled out of court with Professor Charles Xavier for an undisclosed amount regarding the damage done to Xavier's legs in a previous incident. The settlement amount would then be put towards rebuilding Xavier's mansion in Westchester, NY…again…and again…and again…and…"

    Also: Neil Gaiman liked this comic. He said so on Twitter.

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    • Yeah the Neil Gaiman RT was pretty rad.

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  9. Yes, Baker was the best! Although Tennant’s definitely more attractive, Smith’s not too bad either. But yeah, Baker’s DRATW.

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  10. Real vampires don't sparkle, GAVEL SOUND!

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    • Some glitter and Elmer's glue oughta fix that.

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  11. Eccleston. No question.

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    • Seconded! Passion wins me over every time.

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    • Thirded. Empty Child/Doctor Dances FTW. Along with the whole rest of his *sob* single season.

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  12. Nerd Judge…
    She rules when there is friction…
    Nerd Judge…
    In suits of fantasy and fiction…

    Disrupt her proceedings, her mighty gavel knocks
    This verdict collector removes jurors from the box!

    Nerd Judge…
    Neither elected nor appointed…
    Nerd Judge…
    This geek tribunal’s Joel-anointed!

    NEEEEEERRRRRDDDD JUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDGE!

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  13. Sooooooo… not to burst anyone's bubble, but it's highly probable that the decision was written by a law clerk, or a summer intern. What you've got here isn't a judge appointed by Carter who has read all of Spawn. You've got a 25 – 40 year old nerdy law student or recent grad.

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    • Dammit, now I'm thinking of a hot 25 year old law student with nerdy glasses wearing a tight skirt, suit jacket and a low cut blouse, who is into comic books enough to have written that… :drool:

      …and yes, I realize I didn't specify gender, because frankly at that point I wouldn't care whether it was female or male because everything else would just be so perfect

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      • As long as he crossdresses if he's a dude, right?.

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    • The premise is funnier when the words are coming from the judge. Thats all that really matters. Jokes! Laughs!

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    • Why are people, who read a webcomic where several of the characters have died horrible deaths only to be resurrected over and over again, pointing out little factoids like "the judge wouldn't have written that' or "the judge wasn't elected" Joel punched though a delivery guy's chest for the new I-Phone! Iron Man has had sex and then blown up Na'vi! It's humor, roll with it.

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  14. (I don't know why this didn't post the last time so I'm going to give it another shot)

    "Whereas the defendants clearly stated their intent to engage in misbehavior, their possession of certain incriminating documents, among them a document revealing the use of the then illegal G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate, clearly places them under ASAC 1138-J subsection NCC-1701 paragraph 42, commonly known as the "whistleblower" law."

    Quoted from the Anglo-Sino Department of Justice v. Reynolds et al

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      • My dad's a lawyer, so I've picked up some things over the years.

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    • Prodigious apologies for the double post…

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  15. I cam here to say that judges are typically appointed, not elected… but I see that I was beaten to the nerd punch, so I'll resume crying in the corner

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    • not sure why that little tidbit was such a hang up. doesnt really affect the comic at all.

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      • SECONDED. God people. Just calm down and bask in the awesomeness that is nerd judge.

        stfu nitpickers

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      • We're scif-fi NERDS. You really didn't expect nit-picking?

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  16. Awesome, Joel!
    I would *so* do "Judge Nerd Judge" costume!
    (I could do "the look", and no spandex involved!)
    I <3 gavel sound FX!, too!

    oh… Slow zombies! *gavel sound*

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  17. OMG how did I not hear about the start of that court case right in my town! of Madison WI! If it were an open court I would have totally been there!

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    • It had been going on for a couple years, I think. Probably out-of-court, till the final ruling.

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  18. Also I admit this fact seems to be irking Joel every time it comes up but at least in WI our supreme court judges are elected. Sorry Joel…I couldn't resist! :O

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  19. Awesome! Both the verdict and the comic. Nerd Judge needs to make more appearances.

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    • I still vote the Technobillies over Nerd Judge.

      Uhh… Gavel!

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  20. Case:
    Ozzy Osbourne v. Tony Stark
    Dispute:
    Who Owns the rights to the name Iron Man.

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  21. Except that she is wrong… Sisco

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    • Damn straight Benjamin Sisko! Especially after he went all Hawk from "Spencer for Hire." You half expected him to pull out a shotgun instead of a phaser.

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      • Sisco's one bad mother…SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

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  22. ….KHAAAAAANNN!!!!!!!!

    <gavel sound!>

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  23. Can we even say there's a *winning* Doctor Who when that role basically sinks everyone's career thereafter? And leads to vicious (though hilarious) fandom infighting?

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    • If anyone's gonna break out of that, it's Tennant. He's already got movies lined up for the next three years, plus he just played Hamlet alongside the geek icon he should aspire to the most: Sir Patrick Stewart!

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      • What if Patrick Stewart played Dr. Who? My geek head would explode!

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  24. Can I tell you how happy I am to finally have a Doctor Who reference up in here? Yay! AND a TNG reference? You, my good man, are absolutely brilliant.

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    • Stick around Joel gives plenty of love to TNG.

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  25. Just noticed all the little details: Green Lantern ring, Spiderman/Captain America earrings, the Communicator Badge and the Light Saber gavel. Way too awesome!

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  26. Tennant shows the most emotion by far. Also, he's Barty. That's a nerd two-fer.

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    • Sorry, but the evidence does not support that viewpoint. Compare Eccleston at the end of The Doctor Dances, or Dalek, to Tennant in The Idiot's Lantern (the first time Rose's life was seriously at risk with Tennant), or 42 (the first time he might seriously lose Martha).

      I had tears rolling down my cheeks at the end of the The Doctor Dances thanks to Eccleston's passionate celebration of his victory "Everybody LIVES Rose!" Whereas when Tennant finds out that Rose has lost her face in The Idiot Lantern there was no discernable emotion there.

      Tennant did become much more believable as his run went on, and I think once Catherine Tate became his companion he really shone, but paired with both Billie Piper and Freema Agyeman I just didn't feel any emotion from him – with the massive exception of the eps where he actually loses Rose and has to say goodbye to her.

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      • His emotion in 42 was intense! And the end of Gridlock, and his speech to Lazarus. And in the two-part with the Family of Blood (granted he wasn't exactly playing the Doctor but it speaks to his ability as an actor).

        Don't get me wrong, Eccleston was great as well, and I too cried during The Doctor Dances. But for me, Tennant takes the cake.

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  27. Peter Parker is an emo! *POW*

    Video games can be art! *KA-CHING*

    The Guardians of Oa are incompetent assholes! *EPA*

    Deadpool should only have one friggin book! *BANG BANG*

    Booster Gold is underrated! *GAVEL*

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  28. B5 over DS9 and Sinclair over Sheridan. *GAVEL* *GAVEL*

    The nerds in the Bush Administration were Klingons not Vulcans. *WHOMP (there it is)*

    Best post-Red Dwarf gig: "Kryten" doing Junkyard Wars over "Lister" doing Robot Wars, by a mile *SMEG*

    Animated Tick over Live-Action Tick *SMACKDOWN*

    Astro Boy over Speed Racer (even in black and white) *HANNA BARBERA RAPID FEET SFX*

    George of the Jungle over Dudley DoRight (Brendan Frasier cancels himself out there) *LAW&ORDER SFX*

    Best Comedy Robot EVER: Hymie on Get Smart *MAXWELL'S SILVER HAMMER COMES DOWN *

    and Geek Judge could beat Judge Judy in a street fight anyday.

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    • Now I've got a mental image of Nerd Judge having an intro like in Street Fighter when she ascends to the podium.

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  29. Baker, you maniac!

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  30. Matt Smith FTW.

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  31. It\’s spooky how cvleer some ppl are. Thanks!

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