I Am… Smeagol Fierce

The ONE Ring, that is. Stupid, fat Hobbitses.

I… I don’t know. I watched Return of the King (AGAIN x Infinity) a week or so ago, then I saw the fall finale of Glee and I immediately became fixated on Gollum dancing in a black unitard. It’s a pretty safe bet that Beyonce’s ring and Lord Sauron’s probably have similar inscriptions.
“…and in the darkness bind them.”

I will say that I stand by the idea that Glee pushes all the right geek buttons despite having no alien robots (that we know of… I’m looking at YOU wheelchair kid). Does that make me a “Gleek”? When I was in middle school, “gleeking” was a special way of spitting on people using only the saliva glands. I couldn’t do it. It required intense focus, muscle control and that you be a gigantic asshole that’s always spitting on people.

Oh, and if you’re wondering (or playing “Is He Dead Yet?” bingo at home), yes I was back at the hospital last week. I had an allergic reaction to something (no idea what unless it was a another vitamin C overdose) and most of my torso turned red and began swelling to abnormal size. I put up with it for a few days then got freaked out and went to the ER for some steroids. I am better now… for now.

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY COME SEE ME AT WEBCOMICS RAMPAGE IN AUSTIN, TX!!!
I’ll see you at Dragon’s Lair Comics starting at 12 Noon. [DETAILS HERE]

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34 Comments

  1. Joel, I love you so goddamn much.

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    • and on that note, Im going to bed.

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  2. Oh my frakking gawd! Gleeking! I remember some douchy Indian kid in high school would always be doing that to me right after stuffing his maw with curried banana chips. I. SHITE. YOU. NOT.

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    • Gleeking? That's what it was called? I think my school was about a decade late to, ya know, life because I swear they called it jizzing. Of course, that was before it acquired its current connotation, but still. There was this one guy who made it his life's goal to get good at jleezing or whatever, and he did it ALL. THE. TIME. He only took a break to let the glands refill.

      Ya know, now that I think about it, maybe the "jizz" etymology works.

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      • Jiz is actually the new term for piss. Replace the above post's "jiz" with "piss" and make it 300% funnier.

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  3. Reminds me of my observation that when you look at the absolutely BARREN social lives of the three principal Ring-bearers (thereby excluding Sam, who was a Ring-bearer but only about as long as Kirk's dad was a starship captain) you must conclude that not even the One can plug a hole, and in fact, it also serves to cut off the circulation.

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    • I think you're forgetting a couple people. People who have been in posession of the One Ring for a considerable amount of time: Sauron, Isildur, Smeagol/Gollum, Bilbo, and Frodo.

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      • well, lets look at that for a second. Sauron – Let's assume he never married. Isildur – sure he had kids but did he play catch with them? I bet he sat in his chambers all day brooding. Smeagol – proves the theory totally. Bilbo – hmmm there has to be some reason that he was able to bare the ring for so long without getting even the slightest bit corrupted. Was it because Sauron hadnt returned to full power? Frodo – the ring pretty much ruined him forever. Im sure he spent the rest of his days in the Undying lands just sitting around in his bath robe watching elf soap operas.

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        • hmmm… you have a point. Bilbo was the only one not affected, and that might be cause Sauron wasn't at full power.

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        • in the books, it explains that Bilbo could bear the ring because (a) he's a hobbit the are super-bad-ass, and (b) he never killed for it, unlike all before him.

          …sorry

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  4. You have to be the least well man on earth, is there some sort of prize for that?

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    • The prize is giant bills show up in my mailbox about a month later.

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      • I wish people would write ME letters.

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  5. If you die I will be very upset. At least come to a Canadian convention first.

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    • added to the bucket list. Or perhaps the Fuck-it list.

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  6. Dammit I shoulda put a ring on it! It's scary… after watching the finale, I couldn't get a single sentence to make sense, my brain was not working. It was unfortunate since I am mostly a tech support/phone support person. "You computer not work? Oh you shoulda put a ring on it."

    Well… I wish I said that.

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  7. I'd buy a t-shirt of that last panel. Makes me laugh.

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  8. All the single hobbits all the single hobbits…put your hands up!!

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  9. The last panel of this comic made me LOL harder than any comic has in a long time, Joel. Absolutely brilliant!

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  10. By "pushing the right geek buttons" do you just mean that it's good? I've never understood why so many people seem to think that genre is a major factor in creating quality television. There's just as much shitty sci-fi out there as anything else. We just happen to be living in a sci-fi upswing at the moment, so quality talent is attracted to the field.

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    • I think there's a certain proclivity in a die hard scifi fan to give extra leeway where spaceships and robots are involved. The genre acts like an open door. you are more likely to walk through if you can see space exploding on the other side.

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  11. Could it be as simple as it’s not “cop-drama” this and “crime scene” that, like most other shows currently on TV? It’s an hour-long, singing sitcom. Which makes it halfway interesting in comparison.
    Though I personally am fighting it. “Proud Mary” for a wheelchair dance? Really? What do wheelchairs have to do with marijuana?

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    • I'm pretty sure it has to do with the whole "rollin' on the river" bit. You know, wheelchairs, they roll… (It's silly, I know. But Artie is my favorite character, so any episode he features in, I'm there.)

      I have to agree, though: The sheer novelty—singing! dancing!—is certainly a plus. My best friend, for instance, mostly just watches the History Channel, and he LOVES this show.

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    • Proud Mary is actually a reference to a paddle wheel boat on the mississippi river. And Puff was just a magic dragon.

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  12. I personally look forward to a podcast with Joel doing Gollum singing that song. Hmmm that makes me think….Joel you should consider doing your character voices doing xmas songs. 😀

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  13. *LOVE THIS* Although I am a little distraught to have the that song stuck in my head again… especially in Gollum's voice!

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    • Go to youtube and listen to the pomplamoose version and all will be well.

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  14. That last panel was so funny it reminded me of the chainsawsuit comic posted 3 days prior. are two people both alowd to put a ring on that idea?

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  15. Wirklich Nice! i like it! Wo ist denn der Facebook-Like-Button 😉 Matthias

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  16. Ugh, people still do that. Nasty, nasty people. And it's still called gleeking. It's like it's passed down from asshole sibling to asshole sibling once they reach middle school.

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  17. Last panel for the win!

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