A soul as black as eyeliner

I saw Spider-Man 3 on opening weekend. It has since made god-caliber moneys. Somewhere in the neighborhood of a gabillion-fillion if I’m not mistaken. The effects were more believable than the previous two. The CG Peter was less “burley brawl” this time around. That being said, the movie as a whole left me empty, or possibly hungry. The performances were stalled and uninteresting, and the story served only to facilitate the gaps between aerial battles (fun to watch though they were). I took great pleasure in the fact that the shift from “Sweet Lovable Hero Peter” to “Gropey Horny Asshole Peter” was illustrated with a determined downward drag of the comb.

As I expected, they got Venom all wrong (casting and execution). If I had to pick a “That 70’s show” alumnus to play Eddie Brock, it would have been Kurtwood Smith. Also, I don’t remember Harry Osbourne’s Green Goblin being a character from SSX Tricky. They should have made him the dude from Excite Bike. He’d spend the whole movie creating a custom track, only to find that after hours of work it was impossible to ride due to the overuse of ramps.

Update 5/17/07

Apparently Rolling Stone and 25% of Fall Out Boy agree with my assessment.

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  1. I spent way too much of my spider-cents on that crap. But the effects were cool. So, I need someone to edit it down to an hour and re-release it. Like the Transformers. If a 30 minute edit of that film came out I’d watch it.

  2. I wondered aloud this weekend to my wife if the Emo movement is actually in some way related to Emo Phillips. He rocked the short, black hair before it was hip. He could also rock a woman’s vest like no one since Ellen and Rosie when they did stand-up. Don’t get me started on Paula Poundstone. Don’t even get me started.

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