Darlin’ Don’t You Go And Cut Your Hair

BIG BIG BIG BIG NEWS! 
Today, HijiNKS ENSUE turns 8 years old!
(*COUGH! COUGH! Obligatory links to Patreon, donation page and wishlist *COUGH!)

Also HijiNKS ENSUE is ending. Read more about the end of HijiNKS ENSUE and the new comic project I am starting in June HERE.

With this comic ending, I wanted comic Joel’s haircut to reflect my own for the last leg of the journey. At least, that’s what I wanted until I drew it and realized it takes maybe 100 times longer and a million percent more lines to draw than his own “hair tusk,” as my friend David Willis liked to call it. You’ll know if I get sick of drawing it when comic Joel just magically grows all of his old hair back and no one ever mentions it.

 This comic is based on two very real problems for me. One: I hate making, hearing or in any way otherwise participating in small talk. I have documented this issue previously. Two: I take off my glasses when I get a haircut, so I have to squint to see what the stylist is doing in the mirror. This invariably leads to me looking like I am HORRIFICALLY PISSED OFF during the entire haircut. So then I sit there, blind and terrified to speak, worried that everything the situation I am in is making me do… is making said situation worse, while having the added benefit of making the person holding blades near my head and face uncomfortable and annoyed. Cool brain, right? Please contain your brain related jealousy.

The third issue of mine this comic illustrates is that not everyone immediately understands how fantastically hilarious I am. In fact, some go so far as to interpret my HILARIOUS JIBES as ACTUAL RUDENESS or HURTFUL INSULTS. I am much better and not saying everything I want to say now than I was 10 years ago, but I still manage to show my disdain for smallness talkings in an incredibly effective manor to anyone who attempts to engage me in the littlest of tiny speech.

I wrote the idea for this strip over a year ago, and when I sat down last night to draw it, I realized some ways in that comic Joel does not in fact WEAR glasses. This sort of undermined my plans and required a bit of a reimagining of the problem at hand. I should point out, should she ever end up reading this, that my current stylist is the first person to ever cut my hair that I actually enjoy talking to.

 

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17 Comments

  1. I solve this by going to an Algerian barbershop. The barbers just speak Arabic to each other, and I can safely avoid any smalltalk

    • I used to go to a Chinese massage place in a mall, and all the dudes would just furiously chat with each other the entire time. It was interesting to try and suss out if they were arguing or just talking because everything had such an inflection to it. Eventually I started bringing headphones because it was sort of counterproductive to the whole "relaxation" aspect of it.

      • What did you listen to I find slayer cannibal corpse and system of a down calming especially meat hook sodomy

  2. Sort of the same thing living in Thailand. I can get away with "Chai, raun mak, kap." ("Yes, it is very hot.") I had to take in a picture the first time to show him what I wanted, now I don't have to squint until he's done. And all for less than four buck American (including a 50% tip).

  3. I have exactly the same problems, my only saving grace is that squinting wouldn't help me, so I just sit there staring off into space until it's time to look at my hair. After the first few questions my barbers usually catch on to the idea of me not being a small talker, so after the first couple minutes, my haircut goes smoothly.

    By the way, is the haircut the Kate Leth?

  4. There is NO WAY I can see my reflection in a mirror without my glasses so haircuts are generally this vague mysterious thing that happens around me. it's not so bad when I have long hair and am just getting a trim, but when I go long to short (which I do every few years, nbd, hair grows back) the stylist is always SUPER CONCERNED that I'LL REGRET IT and keeps asking for feedback and I'm all LOL NO CAN'T SEE and also I have some (mild) hearing loss and kinnnnnnd of rely on seeing peoples' mouths to REALLY hear them so I can't always hear what she's saying either. IT IS SO MUCH FUN.

    • Brigid, I am 98.357% certain you and I are the same person, because I too cannot see, have hearing loss that has turned me into a little bit of a lip-reader, and routinely go from long to short, to the utter dismay of the people I rope into cutting my hair. I almost feel like we should have a support group.

      • Wow you guys, samesies! I deliberately wear contacts to haircuts, because I'm fortunate enough to have that option, but I'll still move my head too much when the hairdresser talks, so I can keep their mouth in sight.

        As for the long-to-short thing, it's best if you go in and say very confidently that you want to donate your hair. Then they'll do the ponytail thing, ask once if you're sure, and then snip. They feel guilty for trying to make you feel guilty for cutting off all that long, beautiful hair, or whatever, so they stop harassing you about it.

  5. The kooks just came on while i read this. The lyric I'm a good man moving on to better things struck a chord. Go move in your own way 🙂

  6. I am growing out my hair to live my dream of being in the next cannibal corpse so I don't have to worry about the horrifying idea of small talk

  7. I have both these problems too! I'm nearsighted and bad at small talk. know if my problem is hating small talk so much as I don't really DO that much. I'm not married and don't have kids or grandkids , and some people act like that's either a huge tragedy or that I'm really weird or abnormal, especially since I'm a woman. I don't even have that many friends, and I'm ok with all this, but try telling anyone else that. I usually try to ask them about their stuff and listen to them. But I avoid getting my hair done until absolutely necessary for this reason.

  8. I go to a "gentleman's salon." There are scantily young employees. Televisions at each station that can be tuned to whatever channel is desired. A free beer is served while waiting. I hardly even notice the haircut process at all.

    They also keep a record of what kind of style you ask for so they can repeat it next time.

  9. I recommend going bald at an early age. Very economical. My hairline started to recede in high school; I got sick of waiting for the inevitable and shaved my head when I was eighteen. I haven't been to a salon/barber for a haircut in twenty years.

    On the down side, twenty years of Bic'ing my scalp and not (until the past few years) using sunscreen have turned my head into +1 leather armor.

  10. My best friend is a hair stylist and gives me free hair cuts cuz I watched a baby come out of her. Best. Ever. Plus I don't have to hide my appreciation for her boobs while she washes my hair.

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