Behind Enemy Lines

Fighting Time Lords hoodies are at Sharksplode right now! Wibbly Wobbly Hoodie Warmy! 

I was a guest on Earwolf’s The Wolf Den Podcast. We talk about the beginnings of HE, The Experiment and making a living doing the thing you love doing. I had a fun time, and I think it was a pretty interesting conversation.

HijiNKS ENSUE The Wolf Den Earwolf Podcast

Me, Randy MilhollandDavid Willis, Danielle Corsetto, Jeph Jaques, Rob Denbleyker and MORE will be at the Dragon’s Lair Webcomic Rampage panel/signing event on December 10th and 11th. It is always a good time. Austin Fancy Bastard should NOT miss it.

HijiNKS ENSUE at Dragons Lair Webcomic Rampage

The discovery of strontium in Peru’s water supply is only the most recent evidence of how the gays are trying to gay us all gay. It is well established that Josh is working his way up the ranks of the secret gay cabal that controls all media, the world banks, and the appletini industry. Call them what you will, The Body Builder-bergers, the Fierce Masons or The Illumi-naughty, they are out to remake the world in their image and frankly that image is just fabulous. If you want to know who’s really behind all of this, just follow the strontium. It goes all the way to the top. All the way to Big Molybdenum.

COMMENTERS: How are the gays gaying you gay? Heavy metals in your water? They keep putting cucumber slices in mine, and dammit, it’s working.

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54 Comments

  1. Too soon! That wound is far too raw Joel. Poor wash :<
    He died like most of us can only dream of.
    Being a cast member of Firefly/Serenity (as well as a Leaf on the Wind).

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    • Yeah, but each successive Josh regenerates with no memory of his demise, so he still dreams of giving up his death-cherry to Whedon.

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      • I thought he regenerated like Doomsday does, where each time he regenerates completely invincible to the thing that killed him beforehand.

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      • Yeah, like someone else here said before, he's the Kenny of this comic. And now we know HOW Kenny keeps coming back to life!

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        • to be fair I stopped doing that a while ago. I didnt want to rely on the same 3 or 4 tropes over and over again. Once a gag is stale, it's time to retire it or it loses it's impact.

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          • Hmmm Josh as a gay Dr. Who? No wonder he just wouldn't stay dead.

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    • Also, there better fucking be an awesome part 2 for this comic where i'm the motherfucking batman or we aren't friends anymore.

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      • Not sure why… But I first read that as; "where I'm fucking batman".

        I'm not sure if Joel does "fanservice" commission sketches…

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  2. Do you mean "santorum" instead of "strontium"? Wait… maybe that's for E.Coli.

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  3. I think you'd best return to watching Glee, and not talk about any conpiracy's that aren't happening… OR ELSE!

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  4. Christina Hendricks. That's how the gays are gaying me gay.

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    • Yeah I could buy that. Her boobs are kinda like hypnotoad…except they're real, and they tend to make my pants tight.

      An amoral huckster type could easily slip in a few "suggestions" to the captive audiences and we wouldn't suspect a thing.

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    • I was going to say the girl who agrees to make out with me is turning me gay, but Christina Hendricks is a very close second.

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    • Dammit, I became even MORE gay now from looking at her.. Like.. gay squared with extra gaysauce

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      • I'm sorry. I blacked out when you guys said Christina Hendr…*slam*

        What were we talking about?

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  5. This is why you need to check your gaydiation detector batteries every year. I always make sure that I have the most advanced gayonic resonance beacons I can buy and I use Sodom-Eye, the best and most dependable homo firewall solution in the world. I am instantly notified when gaydioactivity around my house hits "Fierce" level and my backdoor is instantly locked down if gaydiation ever reaches "Fabluous" concentrations to keep gayonic penetration to a minimum.

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    • You poor bastard. You neglected the most insidious threat, gaydon gas. It's odorless and seeps up from the "cracks" in your house's foundations.

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      • Ha, I am fully aware of that threat and I am more than prepared. I have a Master's Degree in Defense Against Lesbomancy. My wand and I are more than ready to meat any gaytrusion. My mastery of alchemy has also allowed me to create a gel that protects me from gaydon gas. Not to mention the fact that I follow a strict cleansing and moisturizing schedule so that there is no dry cracked skin for the gaydon gas to seep into or clogged pores to trap the gas. Plus I get bimonthly manicures and pedicures that clean up any gayifying chemicals may have gotten under my nails.

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        • That all sounds pretty fabulous, to be honest with you.

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          • That's the sound of the art the French perfected, satire… or was it latent homosexuality.

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  6. Alright, I'm posting this under a TOTALLY REAL name, so they don't know who I am (WE KNOW). I have it on a really GAY authority that the Internet IS COMPLETELY SAFE AND NON-GAY, which is why I'm only using it MANY HOURS a day. Google DOES NOT put <gay> tag into its app pages by OUR orders. NO ONE'S Facebook profiles have been compromised by US. Your browsers DO NOT secretly replace your cat pictures by photos of APPEALING men/women based on the aggregation of your personal information online when you're not looking to NOT subliminally change your tastes. Save yourselves, USE THE INTERNET DAILY! IT IS SAFE AND NON-THREATENING! HAVE A NICE DAY!!

    P.S.: IF The gay conspiracy EXISTED, THEY WOULD NOT replace all anti-gay talk on the Internet with capital letters to make the person seem crazy, BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO POST IN ALL CAPS ARE OBVIOUSLY STUPID AND SHOULD NOT BE CONTACTED FOR NON-INTERNET CONVERSATION EVER.

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  7. Reminds me of an episode from Will & Grace where one of them was afraid the Gay Mafia was out to get them, at the end of the episode Elton John reveals himself as the leader. Thus I offer up the conclusion that this is the doing of the Gay Mafia.

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    • I thought it was obvious that HE takes place in the Willandgraceiverse.

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    • The bunch you really need to watch out for are the Velvet Mafia, but I can't say anything more than that or they'll change my curtains into blinds….oh noes, TOO LATE!

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    • "…the doing of the Gay Mafia"
      Wasn't that the title of Josh's High School video project?

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    • There is no Gay Mafia. <glances over shoulder> Nope, no Gay Mafia at all.

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  8. My husband keeps making me dinner and doing nice things, but I'm not falling for it.

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    • Stay strong! Don't let his warmness and delicious cooking gay you all up! That's what THEY want!

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      • It's not the food and the things he dose to to my private bits that have me worried…it's that cat I can tell she's making me all gay with her gay cat stare

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        • AH, yes. Those cat's are certainly gay little devils. Semper Vigilance! Keep up the good fight!

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  9. You cannot resist, soon you will all be completely fabulous!

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  10. Im not sure what theyre doing, but I think its working. Yesterday, I had an odd desire to actually wash my hair with something except water.

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  11. Obviously they're accomplishing their Grand Conversion Plan primarily by being so goshdarn fabulous. It's a well-known fact that straight men are easily tempted by shiny things.

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  12. When did you guys get a pool?

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  13. "Gay-wad" is just a mispronunciation of "Gay-Water." And those of us in the upper echelon of The Gay Conspiracy like to laugh at Josh's feeble attempts. That one scheme with the strontium laced bacon is on our blooper reel!

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  14. I'm pretty sure the gays turned me into an atheist by inventing science. It's only a matter of time before they genetically engineer a man so attractive, no straight man will be able to resist.

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      • I'm sorry, you seemed to have spelled John Barrowman wrong, let me fix that for you

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  15. I'm pretty sure the gay's started deploying weapons of mass-gaying when they revealed Niel Patrick Harris, who plays characters that are the straightest strait men to have ever humped a woman, was gay.

    If NPH is gay, can any of us really be sure we aren't?

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    • We actually started the mass meat-marketing program with Rock Hudson and Tab Hunter. NPH is our 5G model, though.

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  16. Depends: how much have the gays infiltrated the music industry? Last month, at Judas Priest's last show in California, I danced to the faster paced songs (like a spazz, but so did everybody), joined shoulder-to-shoulder with other people to sway to the slower ones, and sang along. Yes, I know Rob Halford's gay, and I don't really care.

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  17. You are all missing the true matter, which is, Eli is the one Joss would kill. Probably in act one.

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  18. Wow a Fulton Extraction System.

    Someone has been watching Batman Begins recently.

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  19. I was going to say placing Nathan Fillion as the next "Captain Man Symbol" ,…a kick ass Star-ship captain then come to find out he is a gay homosexual [yes I had no clue about this till fairly recently and by fairly I mean in the past few mnths],….damn you Gay-spiracy,..there were many impressionable little boys who wanted to grow up to be Capt. Mal. Then add to that Neil Patrick Harris [again found out only recently that Dougie was gay]. Pull it all the way back to David Bowie,…I mean regardless of that mans sexual leanings you can say he was/is a damn good looking man and still be a straight guy. So far I have no succumbed to the Gay-spiracy but people are starting to wonder as I have been spending time [read hours] at JoAnn Fabric and Hancock Fabric lately looking for cloth to make my Medieval/Pirate gear for next season,..my only saving grace is I am colorblind and according to the guy at JoAnns have such twisted fashion sense when it comes to pattern and such that I am so far removed from Gay that I am Nega-Gay,….lol. In all seriousness though there does seem to be a leaning toward a more open idea of sexuality lately,…a case of who cares if you prefer Men, Women, or Both as long as you do not make a big deal noone else will,……

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    • When did Nathan Fillion come out? Ive never heard anything about this.

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      • That was my reaction, but the rest of the post is borderline incoherent, so I suspect it's based in rumor of some kind. Fillion coming out would be big news, considering that 'Castle' is built on sexual tension.

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      • Really,…. then I have been duped,… I apologize. I actually got the info at Necronomicon where 2 separate groups of Browncoats made a big deal of it before one of the panels and no one corrected them. On the incoherent side I apologize for that as well,..I was 27hr no sleep at the time I wrote it.

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  20. It's the fluoride in the water that's making us all gay!! Also the black helicopters! Its so slimming and sexy! Oh the homomanity!

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  21. Oh, Josh. You're not the Wash here; [gravelly voice] YOU'RE THE BATMAN [/gravelly voice].

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    • *Punch* I'm Batman!

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  22. haha, 'illumi-naughty'. Well done sir.

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  23. As a member of the gay community, I can assure all of you that we have no plans to take over the world. Just stack your cute boys in a corner, and we'll come pick them up for you. Like Goodwill donations, or lawn trimmings. Heh heh…lawn trimmings…wood…

    I'd worry about the Gay Mafia, but we all know there is no Gay Mafia. And I'm not a regional Fairy Godfather. That would just be silly.

    <trasmission ends in a burst of sparkle confetti>

    Reply

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