And The Bartender Says, “Why The Long Face?”

Wil Wheaton Plushie from HijiNKS ENSUE, Wil Wheaton Plush toy doll

The Lil’ Wil Wheaton plushie is going to go on presale this coming Monday (6/11) at midnight (Tuesday morning 6/12) HERE in the HE Store. The ONLY way to make sure you get one by the holidays is to order during the presale which I believe is going to be one week, maybe two. They’ll be $20 + shipping. 

So as I got ready to abandon the recent comic continuity and write a gag NOT involving the E.F.E. and his transition into a new phase of evil, I naturally found myself following up with the characters right where the last plot(ish) point(let) left off. I still got the gooey, nougaty Bladerunner gag in that I wanted, but I sort of accidentally wrapped it in a hard candy shell of continuing canon. It’s like continuity has infected my brain like a brain disease! I’m not saying it’s always going to be like this, but I felt like voicing my mini-revelation as I experiment more with the new format.

All that aside, if Harrison Ford IS in Bladerunner 2, it better be because someone is saying, “Hey, old man! You look just like this robot I used to know who died like 30 years ago. You know, if he had lived to be old like you, which he didn’t because he was a robot and robots aren’t allowed to live that long. Anyway, give you all your money before I shoot you with a gun.”

COMMENTERS: If Harrison ford is in the sequel, how can they do it without betraying the fact that Deckard WAS a replicant? HE WAS! SHUT UP! WHO SAYS HE WASN’T!? TELL THEM TO SHUT UP FOREVER! Maybe he could have a cameo has the “old guy who Deckard’s face was based on.” Otherwise they’d have to CGI de-age him like Jeff Bridges or Snape, which we all know has SUPER creep-tastic results. Why are there glowing patches of smoothness where your eye bags are supposed to be? WHY!?

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51 Comments

  1. They should just have a scene with a character in their apartment eating instant future noodles (they're the futuriest!), through the window you can see an out of focus albino dude and a guy in a trenchcoat in the building opposite beating the shit out of each other and waxing philosophical.

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  2. ooooh man, eli is wasting beer,

    also now i request an image of eli drunk hanging with a unicorn while his eyes are replicant glowing

    also, holy shit that's one pink drink they're ordering

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  3. I imagine that Ridley Scott can CGI better than Joseph Kosinski did on Tron Legacy and Gavin Hood did on X-Men Origins: Wolverine. It isn't difficult these days to deage someone with special effects, as long as you don't have a drunken six-year-old on LSD at the computer controls.

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    • But that's everyone that de-ages actors

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      • David Fincher says hi. :)

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  4. I just…I know I'm a bad film nerd, but Blade Runner was so very boring. Whether or not H. Ford is in the new one, I just hope watching it doesn't make me want to crawl out of my skin.

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    • This is not an unfair assessment of the film. It is beautiful and the level of detail is extraordinary, but it DOES draaaaaaaaaag a lot. The dialog is pretty heavy too. It's a noir film in the future. Theyre designed to be slow.

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      • Yeah, VERY slow burn film, with all the talking and symbolism and atmosphere, not to mention all the FALSE leads that imply Deckard wasn't human, WHICH HE TOTALLY IS, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! EAT IT, REPLI-WANKERS!! TROLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

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      • The secret to watching blade runner is to take long pee brakes. That always helps me.

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    • You know, then I first saw it (which was the Final cut, I think) I couldn't finish it because it was so goddamn slow. I think the theatrical release was a lot tighter paced.

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  5. Glowing Eye Bags is the name of my next band.

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  6. Joel, you're finding a nifty balance between Continuity (which is NOT a dirty word, sir) and one-off gags. Don't fight it. Let the sweet embrace of long-tail storylines wrap you in a warm blankie. Hey, doesn't this rag smell like chloroform? …

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  7. You see when I emailed you about funding a way to put asides in the continuity, this is exactly what I was thinking. While I'm sure you never really read that email, I will still take credit for this, because you did it well. And you got to add the joke about drinking falling, which is always funny.

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    • I definitely read your email. Took a lot of it to heart. I have a couple hundred emails set aside to respond to that all arrived within the same week concerning the changes to the comic. I hope I get to them eventually. You asked about a faccebook fan page. The funny thing is there IS a facebook fan page but it is poorly named and hard to find. Thats why I made the facebook group so people can finally start talking and getting to know each other like they used to on the forum. Your email helped. Thanks!

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  8. about 10 years ago Ridley Scott put out a press release and stated for a fact that Decker was a replicant, maybe he's one they didn't give a limited lifespan to

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  9. Your dates are wrong. Monday is the 11th and Tuesday is the 12th.

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    • really?

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  10. I always assumed Decker was special like the woman, with no fixed expirey date.

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  11. Am I the only one thinking that one's homosexuality should not be discovered in a situation that involves the expression, "bad ass?"

    Here allllll week, folks.

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  12. I will always carry an undying love/lust for Josh, but Eli has really been freakin awsome lately. What with the "pink that shit up" and "let's make a drunk happen." Him and Toby Keith should get together and make a record or some such.

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    • I really appreciate that. Eli has always been in the background because… (here comes the laziest thing I will ever say as an artist)… I did not like drawing him since he took twice as long to draw as the other two guys. With the beard, the glasses, the hat, the hair and the hoodie he had way too many details and I couldnt draw him fast. I would write stuff for eli and give it to Josh so that I didnt have to draw him. That just goes to show how I was writing everyone with the same voice and not developing the characters. You'll notice that now he has a stocking cap. MUCH easier to draw than the old hat. I HATED drawing that hat. One day i realized that I had control over whether or not I ever had to draw that hat again.

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      • I've been digging Eli's lines for a while now. I vaguely remember a line of his that went something like, "Let's go to the beer place. Where drunk happens." That, and the last line in this comic, "Uh-oh. Here comes floor.," has had me chortling to myself all day. I think my coworkers are beginning to doubt my sanity. And they are right to do so.

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  13. A dash of Red Bull in a martini glass of Bubble Gum Vodka is a very pink Joshtail. Trust me, I know this.
    The 4 umbrellas are a nice touch. I must remember to buy him some small umbrellas next time I'm at the drunk store

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    • just leave them all over the house. Put them in his xbox controllers and sticking out of the headphone jacks of all his iDevices.

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  14. Is there any reason to believe that replicants can't be designed to age? I mean, they are a fictitious piece of futuretech. I assume Decker ate food and went to the bathroom regularly because his makers wanted him to be a realistic as possible. Who's to say they didn't design his replicant skin to age just like a person's.

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    • I guess not. In my mind it was just that he was going to die after 4 years or whatever. Maybe Im wrong.

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      • Also, wasn't the whole unlimited end date just something added in the original theatrical cut to make it less depressing? With all the Director's Cuts and "Really?-I-Can-Still-Keep-Making-Money-By-Just -Tweeking-One-Thing?"Cuts that have Deckard's voice over removed, the unrestricted end date isn't mentioned. I've always figured that Deckard was a replicant like Rachael with a cushion of memories, quite possibly Gaff, which would explain the unicorn.

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        • I think all the versions (at least the ones I've seen) have had the 4 year limit, but it might have been artificially imposed (actually I think it was) to keep them from being a threat should they leave the off world colony.

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          • They do all have the 4-year limit, it's the mention of Rachael being special with no end date that was removed from the later versions. It was Deckard's voice over response to Gaff's comment about "Too bad she won't live, but then again, who does?"…I thought the slightly happier prospect of her (or him) not dying was only in the theatrical versions, so in final cuts it's likely he'd die like normal replicants.

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  15. the new HE has taught me one thing. Eli is the most consistant drinker ever but he's not very good at holding it.

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    • This will be explained in the coming comics.

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      • Damn you, Continuity! I love it. Can't wait.

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  16. Also, no BR 2. Forever no. A thousand hundred million billion times no.

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  17. Perhaps they are going to use that new skill of Hollywood's… ya know, like how they made that dude in Tron all young looking again? Maybe they're going to Avatar the Bladerunner2 with the magic of CG.

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    • GAG BARF!!!!!! That is my response to BR2, Harrison Ford in BR2, CGI, de-aging, and the color pink!!

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  18. I'm impressed by the pinkness of that drink. Looks delicious. I want one. Joel, where can I find a drink that pink?

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    • Check Jeff's comment above. Pink Bubblegum Vodka and a splash of RedBull.

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  19. I think the Blade Runner sequel will be about how Weyland Yutani buys out the Tyrell Corporation after the death of Eldon Tyrell. All of Tyrell's research on the Replicants are turned over to Weyland's R&D division, Cyberdyne Systems, which uses it to develop advanced cybernetic lifeforms designed for corporate espionage to combat the Blue Sun Corporation's telepathic spies and assassins.

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  20. Well, if they put it on an off-world colony, they could say Deckard, after realizing he was a replicant, has been laying low with Rachael. He would be currently working dead end jobs, all the while struggling to cope with the fact that he is a replicant who made a living killing other replicants. He might be an alcoholic, or having serious mental delusions. During all this, there could be a civil rights movement for replicants, who have been fighting for equal rights, and Deckard could be caught in the middle.

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  21. Harrison Ford is not a replicant. In the Special Edition Theatrical Director's Cut they say that Harrison Ford is not a replicant.

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    • That's true, Harrison Ford is not a replicant 😉

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  22. I hope that 'Bladerunner 2: Electric Sheepgaloo' is the actual title they're using!

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  23. Personally, I think bringing Indiana Jones out of cryo-stasis for one more relic hunt to prove the existence of ancient Meso-American replicants will make for an awesome movie.

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  24. Maybe they'll come up with a plot point that Deckard was a prototype Replicant that can age.
    Or some other stupid plot point to justify their money grab.

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  25. What if Deckland gets plastic surgery or wears makeup to look old, so he can hide that he's a replicant?

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  26. Look at Harrison Ford in Bladerunner, then look at Harrison Ford now – would you really believe they were the same person? They could just pass him off as a different person and it would be entirely believable! (seriously, it looks like his face melted then was run over by some sort of farming machinery).

    Or we could go with Ridley Scott's excuse for the plot holes in Prometheus which was "It's a sci-fi, people are already suspending disbelief by believing it's the future so they'll accept any other lazy film making I throw at them."

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  27. Dekker's face could have been based on someone else who was actually alive.

    I like the idea of a robot conspiracy. The Deckard unit work with second gen robots, ie robots made by robots. At the end of the 1 year life span it scan’s it memory to be uploaded into a replacement unit. Kind of like “the sixth day’ but for robots. Dialing during the year of ‘life’ the model can be aged with hair color updates and change of posture and then the subsequent model that activates starts where the other left off. New robot, same memory.

    Clone-bots or Clone-droids

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  28. Considering how awful Prometheus was (saw it last night and regret every minute of it), I hold very little hope of Bladerunner 2 being anything more than a big let down. Has nothing to do with who stars in it.

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  29. First off, the movie is an a-d-a-p-t-a-t-i-o-n of the book, so read the book.
    Go read it.
    READ THE %$^%ing BOOK!
    Okay done yet?
    I'll give you a week.
    Okay done now?
    <spoiler>
    So first off the androids are 100% organic and are functionally human – oh, the movie covered this …
    Second – He was already dying from radiation poisoning and only had a few months to live.
    Third – He is married and is wife is still alive… well kinda.
    ….lots of other story points here …
    The book ends with him driving off into a desert, having an epiphany and discovering a living toad in the radioactive wastes.
    Toad turns out to be artificial as well.
    </spoiler>
    There is no expiry date or best before date on anything.
    That was something introduced by the script writers.
    The real thing was that runaway 'droids were illegal on earth even though earth had their own droids everywhere.

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    • & the sequel is a sequel to the m-o-v-i-e, so the book is kinda irrelevant to the discussion of how they can work Ford into the second movie.

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  30. Josh is referencing a gay experience in college in panel 3.

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