The Big Chill

If this comic makes no sense or seems out of place, perhaps it is because you didn’t read yesterday’s comic. Oh, what’s that? You didn’t notice the continuity? Well, it’s new. We just had it installed. I’m not sure if I like the color, but we have 30 days to return it, so…

If you are still confused, the guys WERE in line to see The Avengers and now they ARE in the theater, taking their seats. A betting man might assume they will next be watching the movie, then perhaps after that the movie will be over.

There has been nothing short of an outpouring of support from you, The Fancy Bastards, regarding my blog post yesterday dealing with the shortcomings I see in the comic and the changes/improvements I want to make. I am not exaggerating when I say I spent the whole of Tuesday reading comments, emails and tweets, processing them, responding to as many as I could and just thinking about what you guys had to say. The reactions ranged from “I love the comic and I will continue to support whatever you decide to do,” to “While I do still enjoy the comic, I don’t read it as much and I think you’re right in wanting to fix all those things that you want to fix,” to “YES! All of those things are wrong with the comic! Also here is another list of all the things you are doing wrong! Fix those things now!” Granted, that last group was a vast minority, but for some reason their words rang the loudest between my ears inside my overstressed, emotionally exhausted brains.

Major thanks to everyone that donated yesterday, especially to the few new donation subscribers. If you enjoy HE and would like to see it continue, I have added $2, $3, and $4 monthly donation subscription options. If you can spare $2 a month for a bunch of free comics, I would very much appreciate it.

It’s taking every single ounce of… is humility the word? Probably not. Anyway, it’s taking all of the stuff that I can muster… MUSTERSTUFF! That’s the word! It’s taking all of that to read the comments and really absorb the constructive criticism without taking it too personally or getting offended. I basically opened a huge wound then gave everyone one of your a band-aid and a jar of pee and asked you NOT to throw the jar of pee at the wound. There’s sand in the pee jar too. It’s a bad scene where open wounds are concerned. A day later, I am extremely grateful for the band-aids and even the slightly pee-soaked band-aids… OK this metaphor was out of hand before it even started. Abandoning metaphor. Thank you for the feedback. I’m keeping a running list of ideas that I’ve gotten from you guys and I will be considering them strongly and implementing many of the changes you’ve suggested the make sense.

I was really shocked by the number of people that suggested that I take the comic out of the RSS feed and instead just give a link to the site in order to improve ad revenue. These comments came mainly from people who read the comic in the RSS feed. I don’t know how I feel about that since I read everything in Google Reader and get frustrated when I am linked out of it, but I am willing to experiment with anything at this point.

I can certainly say that writing for this week has gone MUCH faster than it typically does. The concept of “picking up where I left off” is altogether new to me and is far preferable to desperately searching for a new topic to write about every day. I am still scared of this new territory, but I am already optimistic about the direction I am taking the comic and my ability to produce better comics, more often and with some degree of reliability in terms of update schedule. More on that as this phase of The Experiment progresses.

COMMENTERS: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen anyone do in a movie theater? I mean, being a teen is pretty bad, but one time I was seeing Equilibrium and a dude just it up a freakin’ cigarette. IN THE THEATER! That’s some seriously sociopathic behavior. Another time, while watching either Paycheck or The Time Machine (I don’t remember which), I had to yell at a guy to wake him up because he was snoring so loud. I don’t remember the film, but once I saw a mom let her two small boys run up and down the aisles of the theater with toy swords during the entire movie. They were like teens, only smaller. It was terrible.

The Unwashed Masses

I’m doing something different with the comics starting this week. A bit of an experiment, or rather a continuation of The Experiment. I could certainly use your feedback and your support. Please take a few minutes and READ MORE here.

The thing I hate the most about going to movies in the theater, especially popular ones, is the people. Specifically the teens. I HATE YOU TEENS! I HATE YOUR STUPID PRETTY BUT STILL AWKWARD FACES! I am an adult, and as such I believe I have a right to live a life totally devoid of teens. I am all for teen segregation. They already have their own schools. Why not their own restaurants and movie theaters?

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! Let the healing begin.

There was a kid in line behind me bitching THE ENTIRE TIME about how “fucking retarded” this particular movie theater was because he stood in the wrong line for an hour and missed his showing of Avengers and no one did anything to stop him from doing such an incredibly stupid thing. To be fair, the theater was so incredibly packed that it was difficult to tell which line was for which showing. This kid, however, allowed himself to stay in the wrong line for over an hour PAST the start time printed on his ticket. Movies do not start an hour late. They are not concerts. Iron Man and The Hulk are not getting high in the green room while Thor gets his Mjolnir hammered by some Asgardian groupie. At one point he called his mom to complain that he was going to be late getting home because of how stupid the theater was and how he doesn’t want to just leave because he already spent like $20 (certainly hers, not his) on snacks. I should not have to endure such teenage dumbness just in order to see a film on opening weekend. Can I pay $5 more to sit in the Adults Only theater? Does that theater serve booze? Who wants to invest in this idea? It’s quite possibly the best idea anyone has ever had.

So what about The Avengers? Quite simply, it was a triumph. It rivals Iron Man and Spider-Man 2 for the title of “Best Super Hero Movie Of All Time” (I do not count The Dark Knight in this category because I just don’t. It’s its own thing.) Without question it is certainly the best Thor movie, the best Hulk movie, the best Captain America movie and the best Iron Man sequel produced to date. And the Hulk… Jesus the Hulk. I have NEVER liked any incarnation of the Hulk in any form of media, filmed, televised or printed. Yet give this character to Joss Whedon and he uses him with such precision and skill that he steals not just every scene he’s in, but quite possibly the entire movie. The use the words “the Hulk” and “subtlety” in the same sentence seems contradictory, but that’s what it was. As a matter of fact, every single thing I loved about The Avengers stemmed from that Whedonesque subtlety that I’ve grown to love so well. A throw away line here that is anything but a throw away, a bit of body language that goes almost unnoticed but tells an entire story. God dammit, Hollywood! Do you see now what we’ve been trying to tell you for a decade?

I want to write a thesis deconstructing the ways in which Michael Bay and Joss Whedon destroy downtown Manhattan. The ham fisted wrecking ball vs. the artist with the soft touch. In the end, the city is still rubble, but the way it got there could not be more disperate. I am not exaggerating when I say I fell asleep during the climactic battle of Transformer 3. I honestly could not tell what was happening on the screen for the last half hour of the movie and I just lost interest in fighting the boredom. The last 30 minutes of The Avengers, however, might be the most fun I have ever had in a movie theater. Oh, and did I mention The Hulk? HULKHULKHULKHULKHULK HULLLLLLLLLLLLK!!! Seriously, it was that good.

COMMENTERS: Post your thoughts on The Avengers in the comments. SPOILERS MUST MUST MUST BE TAGGED or your comments will be deleted and you will be banned from commenting. DO NOT RUIN THIS MOVIE FOR ANYONE.

Don’t Be That Guy

UPDATE: There’s now a shirt inspired by this comic in the HE Store!

Did you know I have published two books of my comics containing NEW COMMENTARY for absolutely every comic, embarrassing stuff I drew in middle school and high school, and LOTS more extras that have never been published online? Well, I did and I’m really proud of them and they have funny names and I think you should buy them.

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! MORE INFO HERE.

GAHHH! Stop being such a Grammar Dalek! (Yes, you should probably start using this phrase in daily life.)

I made this comic almost entirely on my iPad in the PHX airport during a layover on my way to Calgary. Some of the template and text layout was done ahead of time in Photoshop, and some of the mistakes will probably be cleared up in Photoshop after I get back, but I don’t feel at all bad about being proud of what I was able to accomplish on zero hours sleep with a tablet and a stylus sitting at an airport Burger King. The app I used was ProCreate and the styli were the Adonit Jot Pro and the Wacom Bamboo. A word of warning to would be iPad artists, I had to start using a screen protector with the Adonit Jot to prevent (additional) scratches on the screen. The good news is the recently released Zagg Invisible Sheld HD is a MUCH better screen protector than their previous versions. Very smooth, glass-like surface with little to no texture and far less friction. I also took a Fancy Bastard suggestion and used an app called Photogene to resize the comic and I was pleasantly surprised to see that it will resize, rename and upload straight to my server via FTP.

So there’s a bunch of stuff about apps and whatever. Super funny haha entertaining, right? I haven’t slept since Tuesday night and facts are the only things my brain can process. The sky is up, the rest is down and the harvest approacheth. The time of the Bloodwolves is upon us and only the cunning and the swift will be spared in the flesh reaping. These are all facts. I am so tired. Come buy my stuff in Calgary. All the commercials here are for stores and things I have never heard of. What are Rogers and Shaw and what is a Honda Civic?

COMMENTERS: Feel free to come up with your best Grammar Dalek lines.

Of Tradition And Obligation

First things first: The Cabin The Woods is really good. I mean REALLY good. It’s original and exciting and fun, and funny and SO VERY Whedony. The smart dialog is there, the heartbreak is there (in spades), as are the characters that you either love immediately, hate immediately, love to hate immediately or can’t wait to see get eaten by something terrible. At it’s core it is a horror movie, but in a world of Saws and Hostels and torture porn films that only exists to up the gore on their previous installment, The Cabin In The Woods takes the genre and turns it back into an actual genre of film making. It isn’t just a series of stabbings strung loosely together with nameless knife fodder characters. It builds a world, sucks you in and tells a real story. Also it’s hilarious. So funny that it could almost be classified a comedy before a horror film. Almost.

Every review or tweet I see regarding Cabin seems to emphasize, “GO SEE IT BEFORE SOMEONE SPOILS THE CRAZY TWIST!” I feel like that only applies to the average movie goer. A Whedon fan, sci-fi junky or geek aficionado should have the “surprise” figured out mere minutes into the movie. I actually pegged it during the opening credits. That isn’t to say it isn’t a fantastic premise or even that it’s well trodden ground. On the contrary. I just don’t believe there was a “I NEVER SAW THAT COMING!!!” moment, especially if you are already immersed in genre fiction. With that in mind, I can honestly say that no horror movie has ever taken this particular angle in terms of what the “big bad” actually is. Like I said, Cabin is original and refreshing and 100% worth your time and dollars.

I almost felt it was too meta to do a comic about a “Save Cabin In The Woods” campaign, since the film was actually shot in 2009 and sat on the shelf for 3 years. There was a time when it would have likely never seen the light of day. I am certain that Chris Hemsworth and Joss Whedon’s recently rising stars have more than a bit to do with it finally getting released. I imagine some studio exec looked at it like an investment portfolio that had suddenly matured. Odd that both Whedon and Hemsworth are now legitimized by the same franchise, if not the same movie.

I hesitate to say we’ve reached a point where our Whedon no longer needs us to save him. I would like nothing more, but I think the knee jerk reaction to get up in arms over his projects being treated unfairly by Hollywood will be with me for years to come. It’s probably a good thing I don’t know him personally, because I have a feeling I would cause a scene if we were at Taco Bell together and he asked for a chilli cheese burrito and got a regular bean burrito instead. He’d be all, “It’s not a big deal. They have basically the same ingredients in a different configuration.” And I’d be crying havoc and letting slip the dogs of war at a $6 an hour taco-teen with a caulk gun full of sour cream. What do you do when the guy whose back you have made it a habit of having, no longer needs your unwavering devotion? I’m sure there are others out there that need our collective complaining power on their side. Maybe we geeks should just adopt the slogan: “SAVE WHATEVER SCI-FI SHOW IS ABOUT TO BE CANCELLED!”

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! The whole cast of Star Trek: TNG is going to be there as well, but you are probably more excited about seeing me or whatever. Right? RIGHT?! Well, you know who AIN’T gonna be there? Lieutenant Barkley. Fuck that noise, Space Admiral Dickhole. Broccoli or GTFO. MORE INFO HERE.

COMMENTERS: Feel free to give your SPOILER FREE impression of The Cabin In The Woods. NO SPOILERS AT ALL PLEASE.

Earth’s Most Magnetic Heroes

Wow, we haven’t seen the Evil Fox Executive in a LONG time. I know Fox doesn’t have anything to do with The Avengers, but who else could be behind such a nefarious plot besides Joss Whedon’s oldest nemesis? Who else would want to take something good and geeky and pure like The Avengers and turn it into a commercial for fucking bullshit “magic” magnetic bracelets?

I’ve shared my thoughts on the carnival scam that is Magnetic/Hologram/Power Bracelets in the past. Let’s just say I am not in favor of them as those who sell them prey on the uninformed with parlor tricks and chicanery. In exchange for a bit of misplaced blind faith and $25 – $50 each mark gets the promise of a no effort, no side effect miracle cure for basically everything and the only convincing they require is a bit of slight of hand and some extremely vague technobabble. I seriously want to rage-flip the kiosks selling these things every time I see them in the mall.

So why am I upset about them again? Apparently there is a subplot in The Avengers that involves Tony getting a set of magnet bracelets as a gift which inspires him to make a new suit of armor (possibly his current nano-tech/neural interface armor). This would be innocuous enough (you can see him putting them on when he confronts Loki), except that Marvel and Paramount are actually shilling for a real $200 bullshit magnet bracelet that you can actually buy if you are A) the stupidest dummy in the world B) suffer from the fictional condition known as improperly polarized blood and C) do not understand that $200 is a lot of money which can be spent on things that are not fucking bullshit.

I uncovered this dastardly plot when watching a 7 minute prequel motion comic concerning all of the movie incarnations of Iron Man’s armor. I felt like such a fucking asshole when, during the last 30 seconds, I realized the entire thing was a set up for an ad for the bracelets. Motion comic’d Tony, upon receiving the gift, actually says “Don’t I see a lot of professional golfers and athletes wearing these?” to which Pepper replies, “They are considered a medical assistive device in China.” You know what Ms. Pots? So is ground up tiger dick! How dare they interject this fucking anti-science horsefuck into the biggest geek movie of the year?! They might as well have The Hulk raving about those Japanese foot pads that suck all the negative energy out of your body “just like the roots of a tree” because people are essentially trees and Hulks are essentially idiots. Fuck this noise. I wanted to love everything about this movie. I bet Cap keeps his 80 year old abs in such great shape wearing one of those belts that electrocutes your fat until it magically turns into an 8-pack. Just 4 easy payments of GO FUCK YOURSELF and you to can possess the abdominal excellence of a super soldier!

COMMENTERS: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! Am I overreacting or not reacting overly enough? Is it possible this whole thing is just a silly plot point that I have somehow self-trolled? If so, then whey is there a REAL tie in magic magnet bracelet for sale that claims to have wondrous health benefits? This isn’t just some over priced limited edition movie prop. These jackoffs actually claim “voodoo blood magicks” will occur when you wear their jewelry. Tell me I’m not crazy.