Dare All The Things!

My home air conditioner died last week (and Texas has decided to be even more of a giant demon-asshole than usual with temps WELL over 100 for the last few weeks) and it’s $5400 to replace. To that end, there are 50 more custom Fancy Sketches available and all donations in August will go straight to the AC fund. Your help and support in this time of RIDICULOUS SWELTERING BULLSHIT is much appreciated. Read more HERE and see some of the recent Fancy Sketches HERE.

So how’s about that triumph of the human spirit and what not last night? Pretty impressive indeed. And what about those hairdos in the control room? There was “Fancy Blond Pompadour” and “Original Gangster NASA Hippie Beard” and WHO COULD FORGET “Emo Brohawk Star Head”? I mean, sure we sent a nuclear space truck 160 million miles through the vacuum of space, landed it safely on another planet and received pictures back from it moments later, but HOW DID HE GET THOSE TINY YELLOW STARS ON HIS HEAD?! Science: how does it work, amirite?

Joking and silly haircuts aside, GOD DAMN was that ever an impressive feat of human ingenuity! Why is it again that we don’t just let the nerds run everything and solve all the world’s problems? How exactly are the popular, rich, jock assholes still in charge? Can’t we just make a giant space robot and all get inside it and be like, “Hey assholes! Cut it out with the only caring about your own personal wealth and power and stop catering to the most ignorant and fearful by by limiting the civil rights of certain people or we’ll blast you with our massive laser arm cannon!”

My only regret is that NASA didn’t refer to this mission as “Operation Get Ya Ass Ta Mars.” What a wasted opportunity. Still, it warms my heart to see a bunch of nerds science a thing into space just so humanity as whole can be smarter. It’s nice to see millions of dollars being spent on an endeavor that won’t earn anyone millions of dollars. The wealth we’ll gain from this mission is intangible and immeasurable. I can’t wait to see the photo of the first human on Mars standing next to the broken down hull of the Curiosity. That is, assuming we don’t stop space exploration all together before then or just completely blow ourselves up.

COMMENTERS: Did you watch the Mars Curiosity landing? What are your feelings on the current state of and potential future of space exploration? Did you see that one professional science doer with the mohawk and the head stars? What was up with that?

The Recruitment Process

As soon as I wrote the words “hobo hunting” I got this blast from the Alternative Nation/120 Minutes past stuck in my brain hole. Now I am sharing it with you in the hopes that we will all perish together in the gorge of 90’s alt-rock insanity.

So today, one year to the day that my indoor air handler died and cost me $3000, my outdoor AC unit went kaput. It’s $5400 to replace it. It’s going to be 108+ degrees in my neck of the inferno called Texas for the next couple of weeks and living without AC is NOT an option. Any one time donations made in the month of August will be applied directly to the AC fund. If you would like to get something other than karma in return, expect a “HOLY FUCK $5400 FOR A NEW AC HEY MAYBE BUY SOME CUSTOM SKETCHES” announcement Monday.

Speaking of Fancy Sketches: I am finishing up the current batch of Fancy Sketch drive sketch cards and hope to mail them out next week. I’m really happy with how they are turning out and I’m putting some extra juice into them, so I hope those of you that ordered will feel your patience has been rewarded.

COMMENTERS: Has a friend ever tried to get you to tag along for a terrible idea? If you went along, was it because you were equally bad at decision making or you just wanted to keep them safe? Any close “if I would have gone, then I would have suffered horrible consequences too!” close calls? Why are your friends so dumb? Maybe get some less dumb friends.

Five Rings To Bring Them All

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!
The preorder is going on now!

There’s more new shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! A good preorder means I will get to take these new shirts to cons!

[Actually published on 8/1/12 as that I was unable to finish this comic while in LA for Wil Wheaton’s super secret surprise 40th Birthday Party. Most of the inking was done on his living room couch on my iPad. A young guy by the name of Ed Brubaker inked part of this comic. He’s a sweet kid. I think he’ll go far in this business if someone just gives him a chance.]

I watched the opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympic Games and live-Tweeted it. The resulting tweets are as follows:

Opening ceremonies: “Hey, it’s us, London. We’re quaint. Remember?”
“You boy! What day is it?” “Why it’s Olympics day, Kenneth Branagh!”
Based on their opening ceremonies, China should probably just go ahead and invade Britain. It would be over in like 20 minutes.
This drum witch and her army of chimney sweeps are putting a spell on the Olympics!
Dickensian crumpers!
The parade of mutton chops!
This is the most expensive Coldplay video to date.
Replace all this beauty and nature with smoke! Throw the goats in the machinery that their blood may lubricate the cogs of industry!
(snark aside, this show is getting cooler and cooler by the moment. Resuming snark in 3, 2…)
Sauron only had two towers. Churchill is a madman! [the inspiration for this comic]
Bully! Bully for us! Harrumph harrumph harrumph! Top hats and all that what.
After Bond talks to the Queen he’s going to escort the Minister for Magic to his private box.
The Churchill golem has been awakened by Bond!
The Queen doesn’t have a parachute. Her Union Jack knickers are just THAT big.
The Children’s Wallpaper Pattern Pajama Choir sings the national anthem.
At this time Britain would like to remind America that none of them will ever go bankrupt from medical bills so there. Nyahhh!
See kids? You were right! When you go to bed your parents just stay up all night swing dancing!
Ahh but it’s two sick children per bed. NHS isn’t so great after all, eh?
Britain would like to welcome our most lifelike robot billionaire, JK Rowling!
Ohh good. Nightmare fuel.
HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!
Terrify the chillldrennnnn. Tuppence a bag…
When The Doctor finally realizes Marry Poppins survived the Time War, he’ll never be lonely again.
That giant baby at the end was Voldemort’s soul from the end of Book 7, right?
I apologize for my ignorance, Brits. How does Mr. Bean fit into the royal hierarchy? Is he better than a duke?
Wake me up when they get to Kylie Minogue and Dubstep.
An army of Ziggys Stardust!
When the Glam Clone wars begin you will have to choose a side. Are you with the Freddys or the Ziggys?
You will show your allegiance with your choice of unitard.
Tell me I’m not the only one that saw the Queen bob her head during The Prodigy.
I love at the end of the video for Smack My Bitch Up when the protagonist looks in the mirror and you realize it’s Sarah Ferguson.
The Olympic torch is actually fueled by residual handsomeness energy radiating from David Beckam’s carefully manicured stubble.
Thank god we’ve taken a break from all this pomp and majesty so Ryan Seacrest can be a smug, boring shit pile on TV some more.
Wait there are athletes at this thing?
Can’t wait for team Iceland to show up in their traditional swan costumes.
Team Armenia is lead by their ambassador Serj Tankian and the rest of System Of A Down.
The Chinese flag bearer is actually five smaller Chinese athletes who have been bound together in a human Voltron since birth.
The team from the Congo is seen here riding the killer mutant gorillas that guard all their country’s giant diamonds.
The North Korean team apologizes that Dear Leader is absent from the ceremonies as he is busy recharging the Sun with his smile
Read about Dear Leader’s adventures in All-Star Kim Jong Il by Grant Morrison, the only comic to ever sell more copies than there are people
Here are the competitors from Cydonia. Fun fact: They must fight for their rights. They must fight to survive.
Alright I’m done. There’s 2 hours left and my family says they miss me. If you are still following me then YOU are the gold medal whatever.
Here to close the ceremonies is Paul McCartney, the last surviving Beatle. Hey what about Ring… Yes, THE LAST surviving Beatle.

COMMENTERS: Are you an Olympics enthusiast? Do you even watch them? Any reaction to the opening ceremonies? Any particular Olympic memories that affected you personally? How about the NBC coverage? ALTERNATELY: Please feel free to continue the Olympics/LoTR meme.

An Unexpected Journey

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!
The preorder is going on now!

There’s more new shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! A good preorder means I will get to take these new shirts to cons!

Check out my friend Sam’s massive SDCC Jam Comic, to which I contributed a panel.

So finally, Eli is out of the house and off to seek out Boxcar Pete. I’m finding that when writing storylines 3 panels at a time and only every other day or so, it takes a REALLY long time to get things moving. A couple of minutes of conversation can take more than a week’s worth of comics to get out. I am very much in the “figuring this out as I go along” category with regards to these story lines. It’s like that thing where you are having fun, but also terrified? The Batman ride at Six Flags? Yes. It is like the Batman ride. Especially because sometimes everything runs in reverse with no warning and something is cackling maniacally in the distance, then you throw up. That metaphor works for pretty much everything.

COMMENTERS: Do you have any stories to share about setting out on an adventure on your own? When I was 17 I drove up to Dallas from SE Texas to visit some friends for a week. During that time I met a girl, and decided to move 300 miles away from my family so we could maybe date or whatever. Thirteen years later we are quite married, intensely not tired of each other and entirely parents to a wonderful and ridiculously intelligent little girl. Sometimes you just have to shut your eyes and leap.

El Trueno Marrón

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!
The preorder is going on now!

There’s more shirt news HERE including a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT!

I suspect I won’t get around to making an actual comic about The Dark Knight Rises during this storyline, so I feel like I need to direct you to the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group threads on the subject, both spoiler free and SUPER SPOILERY. I have shared SO MANY OPINIONS on that particular bit of cinematic Batmanery and such a STRONG DESIRE to share them.

COMMENTERS: If you have Batman opinions and don’t want to join the Facebook discussion, feel free to post them below. If you are going to post spoilers, please start your comment with !!!SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

Alternately: Any experience, positive or negative with homebrew, moonshine, or other jars of miscellaneous clear or brown liquids?