The Con Job

A few Hollywood writers are working on “ComicCon, The Movie.” The very limited information I could find about the project makes it sound like “Empire Records” meets “Revenge of the Nerds.” Done well this could be an enjoyable flick for the Con-Geeks out there. Hell, they could pay for it by having the characters watch trailers for other movies IN THE MOVIE! I’m a marketing genius.

I’ve told you what I think the movie should be about (lines, lines, Whedon and lines). What characters and scenes MUST be in “ComicCon, The Movie.” An all Boba Fett dance chorus? A foam sword free for all? A Stan Lee/ Storm Troopress love scene? Comment away, you Fancy Bastards!

ALSO A THING!
Check back later today for links to Auction for original HijiNKS Ensue Comic Artwork. This will be to help fund my trip to Webcomics Weekend.

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50 Comments

  1. There needs to be the washed up science fiction tv actor at a table desperate to sign an autograph. At the most recent con I was at they had the guy that played Boomer in the original Battlestar series. The poor bastard had a table beside Lou Ferrigno and the cast of Smallville.

  3. Dude, having them just stand in line for the whole movie could actually work. It could be a Kevin Smith-ish movie, them just standing in line and talking about bullshit and stuff, the way they do in Clerks and such.

  4. If it were technically possible, they should make the movie… hot, flatulent and BO-riffic. Actually, that might work out easily enough in theaters, depending on the movie-going audience. Also, it should be awesome. And have bizarre large-breasted middle-aged women charging 50 bucks for their pictures. That's what I got out my limited con-going experience (Wizard World Chicago some years ago). And awesomeness.

    Obviously, I second the motion to have extremely washed-up old dudes at sad tables. I got to meet and greet the original Beastmaster, Lou Ferrigno, Virgil the superstar wrestler, as well as spying Kevin Smith from a distance (Jason Mewes walked right past us to get to their panel, and I didn't recognize him with short curly brown hair and a trucker cap; go figure). One "real" actress I enjoyed talking to was Rena Owen.

    The real highlights for me included costumed weirdos (big props to obese black Batman, as well as Beetlejuice heckling Darth Vader and his stormtrooper) and "conversing" with Joss Whedon (I showed a camera in his face as he was making his way past the line for a Q&A, realized that I was being a dick and said "Sorry about that", to which he replied something like "Oh, no, that's ok", leaving me overjoyed).

    Gods frakkin' damn it, I type too much. Sorry.

  5. MUST HAVE STORMTROOPERS!. i definitely agree with the consensus that you have to have some nobody, who's pretending to be a somebody, looking sad and dejected w/a pile of 8×10's that nobody wants signed. maybe as a "shock the audience" move they kill somebody, or themselves

  6. And Klingons. Its not a Sci-Fi con without at least three klingons in badly made costumes and one who spent thousands on his outfit and would put the others to shame if he wasn't 30lbs overweight.

  7. The main characters get raped-to-death by a gang of Reavers who jump out from behind the curtain framing Whedon at the autograph table. -Whedon looks on, tossing one-dollar-bills on the melee.

  9. It needs the following:

    1. An assault by Harlan Ellison
    2. Dave Prowse hitting on a girl way too young for him
    3. Klingons in full battle gear
    4. Stormtroopers in all their variations
    5. Overpriced food
    6. Crowded elevators
    7. Various actors who are past their prime desperately hawking their wares
    8. Dealer's room hitting critical mass and a traffic jam of people who can't move at all

    Hm. Looking at this it sounds like I've had mostly bad experiences at cons. Regrettably, a lot of this stuff is very common at the cons I've been to.

  10. It sounds like this is too mainstream, to get the Indie cred you need a bummer/nihilistic ending. Such as: Those who survive the furry attack make it to the head of the line only to be turned away by security. Everyone realizes that life is futile and there is no real resolution to the film, a sad song by an obscure Idahoan band plays over the end credits. Now, slap a sepia filter on it, show it at Sundance, and you could be making tens of hundreds of dollars on film festivals and DVD sales.

    Also, I installed the new Safari beta today, and apparently Hijinks Ensue is in my top twelve most visited sites. Woot!

    edit: indie cred, not Indy cred (which is something you would have with Harrison Ford or a Hoosier

  12. Joss was at the NYCC for a Dollhouse panel and a signing. I seriously considered leaving my apartment at 5 am to catch the earliest train to get a shot at a signing ticket, which I'm glad I didn't do. When we did get to the con I overheard that people were in line at 4:30 am. So instead I sat on line for 2 1/2 hours for the panel. At least I got to see him, if not meet him.

  15. This is datd but – I was at Comicon right after the Blue Beetle got his brains blown out in a DC comic and saw a dude dressed as the Beetle walk passed. To which I remarked – shouldn't he have had a giant hole through his head?

    That would be a good throwaway moment. Because Comicon is sick like that.

    Lots of comic book writer/artists who walk around with 'posse's' and act like their shit don't stink. That's the other thing I always see.

      • As in, Fanboys the movie? The one that looks as though it could be incredibly good on the trailers, but which will possibly prove an absolute bag of watered-down alligator shite? No chance of me getting to the con, I'm thinking of starting some form of geek podcast, getting a huge audience then getting some company to sponser my trip to the states just to go to the con! It'll work… I have faith… and the Force!

      • As in, Fanboys the movie? The one that looks as though it could be incredibly good on the trailers, but which will possibly prove an absolute bag of watered-down alligator shite? No chance of me getting to the con, I'm thinking of starting some form of geek podcast, getting a huge audience then getting some company to sponsor my trip to the states just to go to the con! It'll work… I have faith… and the Force!

  19. The line wasn't THAT bad, and the Boba Fetts were way awesome. Interestingly enough, there were totally 4 FBs in that line for that Whedon that one time at that Comic Con.
    Oh and it wasn't furries, it was Narutards.

    • I was thinking of going as Toad, but bringing a blow-up doll dressed like Peach so I wouldn't have to listen to the bitch moan. However, 1,000,000 to 1 some bugger dressed as Bowser would steal it…

  24. It al depends on the format: are we talking documentary, comedy, adventure, mystery? Maybe we'll have interviews with fans, actors, writers, artists, dealers, etc. if we want to stay "realistic", but Eli, don't just have them stand in line! Make your characters explore all the wonderful-ness of Comic-Con (not that I've been, but some of my friends are going to WonderCon this weekend, so maybe it's similar). Give them conflicts, challenges, an overall mission, or something! Just think of the trailer (think Don LaFontaine is narrating):
    "In a world of spandex, lightsabers, and cosplayers, one man will go to Comic-Con to seek what he's wanted for years…" (cut to geek in a homemade costume, our hero, looking at self in mirror) "I'm going to Comic-Con to finally get the [MacGuffin-du-jure], I will meet face-to-face with [famous sci-fi/fantasy icon], and I'm going to get LAID!!!"
    Go to Title: "COMICCON: THE MOVIE"

  29. there must be 2 characters in mainstream famous costumes. one completely opposite the other. think Trek vs Wars. or maybe Firefly vs BSG.

    always arguing. eventually driving the point home in act 3.

    it is imperative.

    random furry bashing.

    a parade.

    a con goer hooks up with a [famous scifi actor]

    a drum circle.

    after hours parties in random rooms.

    picture taking. dear gods, there must be much picture taking.

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