Sleeper Agent




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This is a horrifically disgusting true story that has happened to me at least twice. The first time, I did the math and it had been several months since I’d eaten popcorn. I was watching the first Hobbit movie (the least horrible of the three horrible Hobbit movies) at home when I originally ate the popcorn, and they were advertising the extended edition of the movie by the time the offending kernel was forcibly dislodged. It was the stuff of nightmares. Being a person is gross.

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

Sharksplode Harry Potter Earrings Dalek Earrings Lightsaber Star Wars Earrings


Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!

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  1. I had a friend a few years back who went through a period of really bad halitosis – it got gradually worse no matter what he did, to the point that smelling his own breath made him nauseous.

    And then he sneezed….

    The recollection of a drunken BBQ a few weeks early was brought to mind rapidly, almost as rapidly as the piece of undigested beef exited his nasal passage.

    People are gross…

      • Last time I had popcorn was over a year ago…and I do mean the _last time_, I will never eat it again. Got a kernal shell piece stuck near the back of my tongue, it actually CUT INTO my tongue and wouldn’tdislodge for nearly 3 days unti I finally managed it with a dental pick (not eh plastic things, an actual dentis’t metal dental pick!.

        Popcorn is a devil seed!

    • My son had the same kind of thing happen when he was two years old. I’m pretty sure his was some kind of vegetable thing. It was extremely gross, and sadly didn’t dislodge itself. He had to go to the doctor and it had to be forcibly removed while I helped hold him still because, well, a doctor was shoving a metal thing up his nose.

  2. Popcorn is bad. I’ve had to swear it off entirely.
    But what’s even worse is when you have a little gap in between the gum and the tooth and some actual food gets in there, and it’s the very back molar so you don’t notice it and it’s there for at least a week and you get a toothache and then you notice a bump on your gum and you’re like “oh crap I have an abcess or something” and you give it one of those gentle probing pushes and a small chunk of rancid hamburger meat and a dorito corner which have merged into an unholy binity of yuck pop out and land right on the middle of the back of your tongue so you taste it and almost choke from the coughing fit that propels this bit of dank nastiness onto your sink counter.

    • That’s cute, you think floss will help.

      At one point my wisdom teeth were having such a good time coming in that they were leaving rather large openings for food (namely rice) to get lodged into. Floss only jammed it in deeper, and that was only if it was somewhere the floss could even get to. I had to get one of those gum massager things on a stick & actively dig the offending foodstuffs out of a quite tender area (since having teeth break through & jam everything up wasn’t enough to deal with). On the bright side it was an incredible relief once everything was clear again.

      Our bodies hate us.

  3. About a month ago I had my wisdom teeth removed (I only had two on my bottom jaw) and the holes are still healing to some degree so I’ve become hyper aware of any food that’s lodged itself by or in them. It’s probably not helping the healing process but lodged food would probably cause greater issues down the road that I’d rather not deal with.

  4. Another wisdom teeth story – had all 4 out (full sedation, pliers, and a bruise on my chest where he had to kneel on me), and the dentist kindly packed the gaping wound with a poultice that included cloves – apparently antibiotic. Nice flavour that lasted several weeks, too … but it started fading. Then it crept up on me. Something kind of sweet, but sour, and definitely wrong … I now, and forever more, can identify the taste of rotting human flesh. Would that I couldn’t, and I wish never to do so again, but I can.

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