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Batfleck

While in Toronto last weekend, I only had internet access late and night and early in the morning. I went to the con on Thursday and lived my life in this weird information void where news could only be transmitted from human to human, or Canadian to human directly. With words. Actual mouth words. It was a slow and cumbersome analog form of communication that allowed WAY more than 140 characters. Still, not a single Internet wielding Canadian saw fit to fill me in on the day’s significant development in the world of cinematic geekery. When I got back to Andrew’s house that night I connected with his wifi, exhaled in a way that felt as if I had been holding my breath for 12 hours and asked Twitter if anything happened while I was gone.

The news poured out of my phone like a tsunami of nerd rage. “AFFLECK IS BATMAN!!! WHAT DOES ANYTHING EVEN MEAN ANYMORE?! DO WE STILL HAVE A GOVERNMENT?! A WORLD?! CAN MATT DAMON BE NIGHTWING BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE PRETTY SWEET?!?!” I popped out a few sarcastically outraged tweets (which, come the next morning, would have gained some popularity), and went to bed fairly confident that this casting revelation was, in several words, extremely very bad news.

Over the next couple of days I saw a ton of hate online directed toward Batfleck. “He’s going to ruin Batman like he ruined Daredevil!” “Ben Affleck is great in somethings and bad in others! How can he Batman if not perfect always!?”  “Gigli was a movie that made me throw up with anger and he was in that movie and he didn’t help me clean up the throw up!” A pattern was becoming apparent. The reactions all smelled of nerd fear. Nerd fear is different than nerd rage. Nerd fear comes from a place of hurt. Of past betrayal. Batman movies have been unkind to nerds (and humanity in general) in the past, and nerds were afraid again that Batman (a character who has been elevated via cinema over the last almost-decade) was about to betray them again.

My initial, honest, snark free reaction was, “It’s Bat-Clooney all over again! This guy is Hollywood royalty, he LOOKS just like Bruce Wayne ought to look and he has NO BUSINESS playing the ACTUAL Batman.” Then I realized that this Batman movie was ACTUALLY a Superman movie. More accurately a sequel to Man of Steel. A movie that was pretty god damn terrible, all things considered. Those things being !!!SPOILERS AHEAD!!!  the story, the completely unnecessary way Pa Kent dies, the desolation of Metropolis at the hands of Superman himself, the character assassination of Superman at the hands of Superman himself in that he used those hands to assassinate Zod and toss his entire what-Superman-is-all-about deal out the window, the fact that America and the world do not consider him an uncontrollable threat and banish him from Earth at the end, the story, the writing, the story… I could go on. !!!END SPOILERS!!!

Affleck might actually be the best possible thing to happen to a Superman franchise that, so far, has left me hating their Superman. And Bryan Cranston as Lex Luthor? This is a performance I have got to see. Talk about being in the “empire business.”

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABRE NECKLACES AND EARRINGS! 

lightsaber necklace and earrings

COMMENTERS: How do you feel about the Batfleck casting? If not him, then who? Well, OF COURSE Jon Hamm, but who else? Just Jon Hamm? Really? Ok, you’re right. He should ALSO play Superman because he should have all along, you say? Man, you are a smart person.

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thevoxpopuli· 94 weeks ago

I could see Patrick Wilson doing a bang up job as the caped crusader.
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Bill Murphy · 94 weeks ago

I thought Michael Keaton was an awful choice to play a superhero but once he was covered in the bat suit, it was fine. And I enjoyed him in both movies.
So Ben can be the next Batman. If he stinks, they’ll be plenty more Batman’s to come! 😉

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

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dralou · 94 weeks ago

My thoughts exactly. And if it ends up being Bat-Clooney all over again, well. At least we will be laughing. Don’t let the bad movies hurt your fan-feelings, it’s not healthy.
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autojim· 94 weeks ago

With the understanding that this is a Superman movie, not a Batman movie, Bats is going to be a supporting player. Or not: they apparently haven’t written the script yet.
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Diggy · 94 weeks ago

It is the Batman/ Bond law of casting: fans are pessimistic whiny-pantses about the choice, until the movie comes out and everyone has a joygasm.
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JonS253 · 94 weeks ago

I still remember the tsunami of rage when Heath Ledger was announced as the Joker. No teen heartthrob could possibly portray the Clown Prince of Crime!!

Except then he turned in (IMO) the very best live-action Joker *ever*. (I haven’t yet decided if Ledger’s Joker was better than the animated Joker voiced by Mark Hamill, speaking of people you never would have guessed would be excellent in a role.)

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Tree-Vor · 94 weeks ago

Personally I don’t really care all that much about the batfleck casting. While Batman and associated characters are in my opinion the best thing DC has going for it, I’ve yet to be impressed by a single DC movie. I’m sure I’ll earn allot of hate points for this but I’m not even a fan of the BatBale movies, I’ll spare you the details but basically my feelings on them is “meh no need to watch that again”. Ben Afleck is a decent actor with the right direction and I doubt he’ll do any harm to the movie. I’m more concern with it being directed by Zack Snyder because in my opinion his movies have good visuals but that’s about it. I’m sure plenty of people will disagree with me and that is perfectly fine and you have every right to do so but that just my opinion.
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lttlsqrl · 94 weeks ago

To completely ignore batfleck, I hope that a Batman Beyond movie with Old Bruce played by a now old Micheal Keaton is a possibility.
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cartoons · 15 weeks ago

When I got back to Andrew’s house that night I connected with his wifi, exhaled in a way that felt as if I had been holding my breath for 12 hours and asked Twitter if anything happened while I was gone.

Toronto Fan Expo 2013 Fancy Sketches

Soory I had a good time in Toronto, eh? I accomplished all of my goals. I attended Fan Expo and spoke to some nice northern Fancy Bastards, I ate 100% of Toronto’s meat supply at Korean Grill House (my actual favorite restaurant in all of the world), I wrote a musical about meat during that meal (much to the chagrin of my co-dining cartoonist friends), and I attended the Banana Bar Crawl (more on that in a second).

Big big thanks to Andrew of I Am ARG and Paul “Leftovers” Westover for hosting me for my Canadian Weekend. Additional thanks to the all the Torontonian(?) Fancy Bastards who came out to say hi and to the Cyanide and Happiness fans that I did sketches for.

Here are a few more things I drew at Fan Expo: A couple of D&D characters, a fractal penis (probably too sexy for work) and a photo comic I made this morning about David Willis on my phone from a plane that was trying to take off.

About that Banana Bar Crawl… I REALLY don’t like bar crawls. I like nice quiet evenings with friends. If we find a good bar with a good atmosphere and a good volume level, I like to stay there until everyone has drank 100 drinks, laughed 1000 laughs and fallen down into a pile on the floor which has to be pushed into the gutter with a large-ish broom. The Cyanide and Happiness fellows have been trying to drag me to the annual Dallas Banana Bar Crawl for years. Since they decided to have on in Toronto, and seeing as how I was trapped there, AND on the condition that they pay for all of my drinks, I agreed to 1) come along and 2) complain a little less.

Guys… oh man, guys… it was a fun time. I stepped out of my comfort zone and partied with my friends and about 200 weirdos in banana suits across 3 or 4 bars in Toronto and I had an amazing time. If you are in Dallas or Toronto and you are not swayed by my words, BE SWAYED AS ALL HELL BY THIS VIDEO EVIDENCE OF FUN TIMES! 

Have you seen my wife’s latest geeky jewelry creation? MOTHER EFFING LIGHTSABRE NECKLACES AND EARRINGS! 

lightsaber necklace and earrings

COMMENTERS: When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone, tried something you thought you’d hate and actually loved it?

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Stephanie · 94 weeks ago

Never. My comfort zone is freaking AWESOME!
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Dio · 94 weeks ago

Wow, those lightsaber necklaces are cool! Does your wife make them for boys, too?

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 94 weeks ago

if all you need is a longer chain just message her through etsy
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tzeentchling· 94 weeks ago

4 lights is amazing!
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hijinksensue· 94 weeks ago

my costume was accidentally left at the booth. my blessing and my curse.
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gabepuratekuta· 94 weeks ago

I’m a bit confused on the Batman one… Why is he gloating to Supes about bagging the Joker

2 replies · active 94 weeks ago

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seriously · 94 weeks ago

Maybe he’s gloating, because Batman’s archenemy can’t carry around a little green rock that turns him into a pussy like Superman’s can?
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Allen · 94 weeks ago

It’s a reference to Good Will Hunting. (Matt Damon and, most importantly in this case, Ben Affleck were in it and wrote the screenplay.)
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Gumbules · 94 weeks ago

Totally agree with tzeentchling. “There are 4 lights!” is brilliant!
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zathael · 94 weeks ago

Never. My comfort zone is surrounded by cement fortifications and razorwire. The Guards on the towers have sniper rifles and have standing orders to shoot to kill.
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Allen · 94 weeks ago

Is it just that imagines that restaurant as the one Supes and Bats hang out in in the How It Should Have Ended videos?

1 reply · active 94 weeks ago

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Leshka · 94 weeks ago

I thought so as well. Of course, he wasn’t saying “Because I’m Batman” so maybe not.
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Siirenias · 94 weeks ago

Well…I used to be a fairly distant sort and didn’t like being touched.

Then I decided to go to massage school because I wanted to heal people, and it turned out to be a pretty awesome decision.

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neph sy · 94 weeks ago

Hey, I noticed that Hijinks Ensue joined in with other comics like Girls with Slingshots, Eerie Cuties, etc.(through Hiveworks??)
Just wanted you to know that when I click on the Hijinks drawing, the LINK ISN’T WORKING to HijinksEnsue.
Google Chrome message is Oops Google Chrome could not find http. Did you mean Hijinksensue.com (this is a link that connect to your site).

Firefox message is: Firefox can’t find the server at http.

El Chivo Expiatorio

I am at Fan Expo Canada in Toronto right now with Blind Ferret and Randy Milholland of of Something*Positive at booth #844. More info HERE.

I sketched this comic on an airplane, I inked it at my friend Paul‘s house in Buffalo and I colored it at my new friend Andrew’s house in Toronto. And now I am sitting on the floor in Andew‘s hall posting it for you. What I’m saying is this comic has traveled across many states, time zones, altitudes and countries (two countries to be exact) in order to make your face do a not-mad kind of face. I hope it was worth it.

Despite being portrayed as a selfish monster in this comic, Josh IRL once gave me a $2000 Wacom Cintiq 21UX for my birthday just to celebrate the 4 year anniversary of the comic. Eli IRL gave me a 13″ Cintiq and a an iMac a year or so earlier also just to help me along with The Experiment. I’m lucky to have those guys in m life. Not for the money they spent, but for the belief they had in my endeavor to live an honest, fulfilled and creative life. FRIENDSHIP AMIRITE?!

COMMENTERS: What’s the nicest thing anyone ever did for you just to be a friend, wanting nothing in return? 

ANOTHER THING! 

Check out these Tetris earrings my wife made! 

Tetris Earings!

 

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lebbrin· 95 weeks ago

They listened. Sometimes the best thing a true friend can do is sit there and listen and let you get things “off your chest” and then help you laugh when things are going Tango Uniform.
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DeadRobot · 95 weeks ago

My friend didn’t vomit on me when we went binge drinking in Vancouver. That was nice.
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Poodles McGee · 95 weeks ago

I took up knitting in 2003 to a) honor a long tradition of skilled domestic crafting among the women in my family and b) keep my hands busy when I watched TV so I didn’t use them to shove food in my face. After I’d made a few things as was starting to design my own pieces rather than just working from patterns, my friend Anna Banana from Savannah went to Michael’s and bought me a really nice little organizer to hold all my bits and bobs for doing my wizardry I mean knitting. For the next several years, not a day went by when I didn’t need some tiny little item that I knew exactly where to get because it was in that organizer. Ten years later I don’t knit nearly as much as I used to, but to this day that organizer is one of the most useful things I own.
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Bill Murphy · 95 weeks ago

They all want something. No matter what, they all are after something…. 😛
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DuckAmuck · 95 weeks ago

A family member recently bought us a house.
Mostly just to be cool. And also for us to live.

There is a bit of “proving we’re worth it”, but that’s what WE bring to the party, not what the party is expecting us to bring.

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Miles · 95 weeks ago

V8 and Vodka alone does not a bloody Mary make. One needs Worchestershire sauce, but I prefer to use A1 instead, black pepper (though I use Cayenne), lemon juice, olive juice.

It turns out just fine for the purposes to which I use it; which is usually to be able to function the morning after a heavy drink and drink some more.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

Sorry, i deleted that bit from the post since it was accidentally copied and pasted from the previous comic’s post.
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jujyfruit0· 95 weeks ago

One time this nice guy named…something with a J…Jor-El? Something like that. He trekked me all the way through the bowels of ECCC to meet his other friend…Walter? Willow? Whatsit? Just so we could show him a silly thing I made.

It might have changed my life, and I might be forever grateful to whats-his-name.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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jeffcg · 95 weeks ago

Several years ago, my wife (girlfriend at the time) and I ran out of heating oil right at Thanksgiving, and it was a cold November. Our friend Patrick, without warning, stopped by and dropped off a very nice (not very combustible) space heater and wouldn’t take anything for it.
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Mads · 95 weeks ago

A three-day road trip from Vancouver to San Bernardino and back to have lunch with a friend, and give them a new VCR. One day to get from Vancouver to Sacramento, one day to get from Sacramento to San Bernardino, a couple hours for lunch, and back to Sacramento, and one day to get back from Sacramento to Vancouver.

Silicone Enhancements

I will be at Fan Expo Canada in Toronto TODAY (and all of this weekend) with Blind Ferret and Randy Milholland of of Something*Positive. I will be at booth #844. More info HERE.

Here’s a comic I made after staying in a hotel in San Antonio where someone had “fixed” a bathroom tile with caulk. It was a large tile that had cracked in half and come loose from the floor. So naturally they caulked the two broken pieces back together, then caulked the whole thing down the floor, EXACTLY how you’re supposed to. It looked really professional… if you squinted… in the dark… looking the other direction… in a different hotel.

Caulk is near and dear to my heart, seeing has how my first home was a 35 year old “fixer upper,” or “fixer constantly upper” or “FIX EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME OH GOD I THINK THE HOUSE IS ACTUALLY BEING SWALLOWED BY A SINKHOLE HOW MUCH CAULK AND DRYWALL COMPOUND DO WE NEED TO KEEP THE HOUSE ABOVE GROUND?!?!?!?… upper.”

Living in that house was a second job. We’d get off work, stop at Home Depot or Lowe’s, spend between $10 and $40 on average, come home then work until about 2am. Every day. Every single day. I did things in that house. Things with caulk. Things I am not proud of. Things that probably aren’t legal. Often I would cram a wooden shim in between a sink or counter top that in NO WAY lined up with the crooked-ass wall, then just caulk and caulk and caulk until it looked level, square and flush. I’m not proud of what I did, but after 3 years of constant fixery upping, the house, which was really more caulk than house at that point, sold to the very first person who looked at it. I walked away from that house like Bruce Willis walks away from an explosion. Eyes straight ahead.

COMMENTERS: What is the most questionable home/car/whatever repair that you’ve ever been a part of? 

ANOTHER THING! 

Check out these Tetris earrings my wife made! 

Tetris Earings!

 

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Karl · 95 weeks ago

Is that man sucking the caulk?

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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Ali · 95 weeks ago

He’s clearly a caulksucker
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benthorp· 95 weeks ago

In my front hall there are 4 lightswitches – kitchen, upstairs landing, hall and outside light*. All of different style. None of them straight.

* The outside light caused many issues when we moved in. I could never find the switch or fuse for it, and replacing the bulb didn’t seem to do anything. Eventually, whilst other electrical work was being done in the house, I asked the electrician to look at it. Turns out it had never been wired to anything. 🙁

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Dan · 95 weeks ago

Our house was originally a little colonial that the previous owners had doubled in size. But they never upgraded the furnace. So this tiny 50-year old thing was working its butt off, doing double the work it was designed for. Until one day, in the middle of summer, when it had been off for months, it committed suicide. It turned itself on and boiled its water tank dry until it cracked open, shooting out steam and fire. Poor thing must have been thinking about one more winter, and couldn’t take the pressure.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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Larry · 95 weeks ago

My father-in-law had a power drill that you needed to stand on a rubber mat to use or else you’d get shocked. His father had once replaced a rusty exhaust pipe on the family car with a sleeve from a WWII raincoat.

Also, http://failblog.cheezburger.com/thereifixedit

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Bill Murphy · 95 weeks ago

Ha, ha! I loved today’s comic. Guilty as charged!
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Paul1963 · 95 weeks ago

I once broke the bolt holding the lid on my car’s master cylinder and tied it down with a piece of wire so I could drive it (veryveryvery carefully) to the shop instead of paying for a tow.
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Stephen · 95 weeks ago

I briefly worked for a contractor (side note: he was a racist dickbag) that constantly said “Builders never line things up right, you use calk to cover it up.” We went through several tubes of caulk “fixing” one guys awning. I wonder if he realized he was just paying for a bunch of caulk…

In regard to your house, my wife and I currently live in a 50 year old little house, and the only real problem we have is that THE WALLS HAVE NO STUDS! (that we can find) I swear, I think the house is held up by magic. And time we try to hang something, the stud-finder gives very confused results and we end up having to use mollies. If you don’t know what those are, they are life savers! Perhaps the walls are actually held up by CAULK!!!!

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seriously · 95 weeks ago

I got two:

1.) When I moved out of my first apartment I REALLY needed the security deposit back, but due to a few accidents I’d managed to put a couple of holes in the walls.

With $15 to my name I bought a very small container of Spackle and managed to cover them up/fill them enough to pass a quick look exam. To fill in the nail holes from my picture frames I used an old college trick and used toothpaste.

My landlord didn’t even check it turns out, and I heard from my old neighbor that the new tenants upon moving in wound up caving in half a wall when they moved in because of my half-assed repairs.

2.) A buddy once cracked a toilet tank in his dad’s house by accidentally dripping liquid nitrogen on it. (He was storing a thermos of the stuff in there and spilled some when he went to pick it up.) We shut off the water, drained what little water was still in the tank and lined it with styrofoam that we custom-cut and krazy glued to the inside of the tank. Oddly enough, his dad never noticed and even sold the house years later without any problems.

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JonS253 · 95 weeks ago

I once owned a Geo Metro. (Hey, I was broke and divorced! Don’t judge me!) There came a day when the starter went out. I had no money for a new starter; what I did have was a bunch of wire, an industrial-strength doorbell (intended for some sort of nonstandard high-voltage circuit), and a basic knowledge of what I needed to do, having had to hotwire the silly thing when the starter first died.

So I ran a wire from the hot side of the battery, into the inside of the car, where I connected it to the doorbell (which I affixed into the underside of the plastic dash with some screws). Then I ran another wire from the other terminal of the doorbell to the starter solenoid. To turn the car on, I had to turn the key to the “on” position, then press and hold the doorbell until the engine caught. On the plus side, it worked as a secondary deterrent to theft (beyond the car itself) – who expects a hidden push-button starter in a ’93 Metro?

1 reply · active 93 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 93 weeks ago

“I once owned a Geo Metro.”

You could have stopped there.

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Aetheling · 95 weeks ago

I had a little MZ ETZ251 motorbike that had been my uncle’s. He’d name it Lucrezia, and it fitted. A stretch of the exhaust was made of a beer can with the ends cut off and held on with pipe grips (which needed replacing periodically if you drove faster than thirty miles an hour, so I kept my eyes peeled for interesting cans), the seat was made of waterproofed hessian sacking, the paint scheme was a mixture of tar paint, rust red, and shit brown, and when you started it up it coughed a worrying amount of black smoke around. In summer you needed periodic stops to let the heat build-up dissipate. It needed almost constant tinkering to stay working and I never went near a garage in fear that the mechanics would either laugh at me or summarily condemn it. It eventually had a blowout on the way to work one morning and sprayed the car behind me with hot, oily chunks of cylinder. I loved that bike
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Khel · 94 weeks ago

My roommate’s terrible little subaru svx kept falling apart on him. The flex pipe going from the engine block to the carburetor broke open, causing the car to constantly pour carbon monoxide right into the drives seat. To stop at a light you would have to hang your head out the window so as not to pass out. Anyways, I “fixed” it for him with a piece of dryer vent tube and a couple of metal zip ties.

Strange Brew

I will be at Fan Expo Canada in Toronto this weekend with Blind Ferret and Randy Milholland of of Something*Positive. I will be at booth #844. More info HERE.

I’m leaving for the airport in 5 hours. Perhaps I should pretend to sleep between now and then.

COMMENTERS: What’s the weirdest flavored alcohol or other drink have you ever tried? What drink concoctions were you certain would work, but ultimately failed? Which were the tastiest?

According to my friend, David, you cannot mix V-8 juice and vodka to make some sort of bastardized health conscious bloody Mary. I once, for lack of heavy half and half, mixed vodka, Kahlua and eggnog to make a holiday themed White Russian I called a St. Petersburg Christmas. I later found out I was not the first person to “invent” this drink, but that didn’t make it any less delicious.

ANOTHER THING! 

Check out these Tetris earrings my wife made! 

Tetris Earings!

 

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Greg · 95 weeks ago

Can your wife do Sugar Crush jewellery? My wife is addicted to that game.
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Mike · 95 weeks ago

Half Pineapple juice, half vodka….we called it “boat gas”. I seem to remember drinking it out of a jerrycan.

Crown Royal and root beer. A bit too sweet for most, but I like it.

2 replies · active 95 weeks ago

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bix · 95 weeks ago

You can make a “pineapple upside down cake” with cake-flavoured vodka, pineapple juice, and some club soda — one of the most delicious drinks I’ve ever had.
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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

I just love the name. I’d drink anything you called “boat gas.”
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Bill Murphy · 95 weeks ago

Manhattans made with Southern Comfort. Awful!
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Dan · 95 weeks ago

My friends and I found an internet recipe for Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters. It was 16 ounces of alcohol and 2 ounces of Gatorade (I assume you’re supposed to use lemon Gatorade, for the twist of lemon). It’s bad. It was like doing a terrible, terrible tequila shot (the Jose Cuervo overwhelmed all other flavours despite being only 25% of the alcohol) and knowing that you have 17 more terrible shots left to go. It is the worst thing we’ve ever done. Twice. And there’s talk of round three.
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Waldon Best · 95 weeks ago

Whiskey and diet iced tea. Worst mistake of my life, right above bear hunting wearing my steak meat necklace.
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Crotalus · 95 weeks ago

Mix 1 shot Jagermeister, 1 shot Barenjager or Krupnik, and 1 12oz. can of Moxie. I call it a Jagermonster. (apologies to Phil & Kaja Foglio).
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InkBlot· 95 weeks ago

And now I have Cream’s “Strange Brew” stuck in my head without having to get the CD out. This will keep me placated for a few hours. Thanks Joel 🙂
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InkBlot· 95 weeks ago

To your question: The Molotov Cocktail – 3/4 of a shot of vodka, 1/4 shot of Frank’s Extra Red Hot, Three dashes of Frostbite hot sauce (flavorless but burns like crazy) and garnished with Morton’s Hot Salt. You feel it going down, and then feel it about 2 days later, screaming out of you like a cruise missile.

I also had a college friend who would do a “Chumbawamba” – in a large mug, a bottle of lager, a bottle of cider (his usual was Woodchuck Granny Smith), 2 shots of vodka and 2 shots of whiskey.

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Ali · 95 weeks ago

Root beer and Bailey’s.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

One time I was tricked into drinking rootbeer and whipped cream vodka.
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jake · 95 weeks ago

This isn’t about a drink per se, but my sister lived in Wisconsin for a while and at one point brought back alcohol laced whipped cream for one of her family visits. Now mind you, we live in the glorious vice-hating state of Pennsylvania, and as we are all puritans we have the country’s largest monopoly in the form of the Liquor Control Board (PLCV). Suffices to say that the concept of alcohol laced whipped cream probably keeps the chairman of the PLCB up at night in a cold sweat. Regrettably, after having tried it I decided that there was a very good reason the chairman banned it from our halls of sin. It had the consistency of shaving cream, the aroma of cake vodka and dispensed with a combustible cloud of everclear and rubbing alcohol. Incidentally, one should probably not trust a “cream” product that has (in very large lettering) DO NOT REFRIGERATE on the container.

Live, learn, move on to other booze.

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dustwindbun · 95 weeks ago

My sorority threw a party one time. We were a small service group, so it was all bring your own, and they had juice and pop to mix. So, I grabbed what I had on hand, being a nerd who had only just turned 21 and didn’t do any underage drinking, which was amaretto, cherry Pucker, and creme de cassis (I was a French major). Long story short, we ended up with a brown ominous-looking drink we named The Sludge: amaretto, cherry Pucker, orange juice, and Sprite (we were too scared to put in the cassis at that point). It was, surprisingly, a lot better than it looked. Kind of like an amaretto stone sour with grenadine added for extra sweetness. Though I don’t think I’d make it on purpose again.

Oh btw, Mike, above, with the “boat gas” – that, or swap out rum for vodka, is my mom’s favorite drink to make at home, because it’s simple and pineappley. Sometimes we throw some cranberry juice on top.

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James · 95 weeks ago

There’s a scene in “The Room” where Lisa and Johnny drink a half scotch, half vodka cocktail that my friends and I call the Tommy Wisseau. It is really bad.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

The toast should be, “Oh hi, Mark!”
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{CB}Marsupial Vomit · 95 weeks ago

We used to drink Kentucky Panzers
It’s like a Jack and Coke, but we used A&W Root Beer and Jim Beam, with a dash of root beer schnapps.
It didn’t taste like alcohol. Nor did it feel like it until you got through the third or fourth one, and it ran you over like a tank.
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Sonia · 95 weeks ago

I did not invent this but it’s Rum and rootbeer…they call it a Rumbeer and it’s surprisingly good

3 replies · active 94 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

Try a Dark and Stormy. Rum and Ginger Beer. Or was it gin? Either way it was delicious.
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Aetheling · 95 weeks ago

It’s ginger beer, and they are fantastic. And I hate rum!
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Crotalus · 94 weeks ago

Rum
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Dan · 95 weeks ago

We here in Canada have clearly gone crazy for flavoured vodkas. Cake vodka is awesome and delicious, but I learned the hard way that you can never, ever mix the vodkas. Cake vodka and whipped cream vodka will just cancel each other out, and the shot just tastes like vodka.

What I really like is the Mass Effect tribute cocktail, the Keelah Se’Lemonade. Vodka, Parfait Amour, Mandarin Liqueur (or equivalent, I use Golden Pear), lemonade to fill. Tasty.

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Liam · 95 weeks ago

I have mixed root beer and butterscotch schnapps together and I’ve also mixed sweet tea and malt liquor together.
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Mitch · 95 weeks ago

I’m not sure this qualifies, but in my youth I would mix copious amounts of Hershey’s chocolate syrup with Mountain Dew.

I found it delicious, but haven’t been brave enough to try it again.

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MrPlow99 · 95 weeks ago

There’s a drink that friends of mine make called “Skip And Go Naked.” It consists of:
– bottle of cheap vodka
– 30-pack of Keystone Light
– Country Time pink lemonade mix

It sounds terrible, but it’s surprisingly not half bad.

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Chaucer59 · 95 weeks ago

Back in 1979, the fast-attack sub I was assigned to went on out to wait in the Gulf if Oman while the politicians decided what not to do about the hostages held in Tehran. While we were out bobbing along with the seagulls, one of our chiefs decided to try out his new wine-making kit. He made wine with cherry juice, apple juice, cranberry juice, and kept sending the results of his experiments back to engineering. After three days, the entire nuclear plant operations crew (except the engineer, one Mormon engineman, and a hardcore Evangelist junior officer) were sloshed. Then the experiments got weird. First, Steely Adam notwithstanding, grapefruit wine is a bad idea. Pineapple juice wine is even worse (I swear you could watch it eating through ceramic mugs.

The worst, however, was bug juice wine. Bug juice is some generic brand of sweetened Kool-aid knockoff–lime flavored (well, green food coloring-flavored anyway). The four poor bastards who drank the bug juice wine were drunk for three more days, and had to have their stomachs pumped.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 95 weeks ago

You lived BSG. That’s fucking fantastic.
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Jeff W. · 95 weeks ago

Two flavored beers that I tried this year Redd’s Apple Ale and Bud Light Lime Straw-Ber-Rita were two of the worst concoctions I have ever had.

I tried the Ber-Rita at a restaurant, because I have a great recipe for a beer based margarita and I love Pete’s Strawberry Blonde, so what could go wrong?

Since I had bought a six-pack of the Redd’s I felt obligated to drink it. After the second one I had more than a passing notion about giving-up drinking. Getting some real beer into me brought me back to my senses.

1 reply · active 95 weeks ago

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FuryOfFirestorm· 95 weeks ago

Redd’s is an ale, not a beer. There are no hops in it.

I actually like Redd’s, but that Straw-ber-rita is horrible. I tried it and the Lime-erita a few weeks ago because they were $1 each….big mistake. Both tasted like something I would use to clean my toilet. ICK.

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Carol Elane · 95 weeks ago

I think got a hangover from reading this thread. Gah.

When I was vegan, I decided to make a bastardized White Russian using vodka, Kahlua, and flavored coffee creamer. While quite tasty on an occasional evening, I do not recommend it on nights where one is determined to drink to excess. Nor do I recommend drinking it when you’re also doing shots of high quality rum when playing poker and drinking champagne. One of the very few times I’ve ever gotten sick when drinking was on that night. Too much sugar!!!!

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seriously · 95 weeks ago

What’s the weirdest flavored alcohol or other drink have you ever tried?

An ill-advised cocktail a buddy made which he dubbed a “monkey’s ass”. It was equal parts Bailey’s and Yoo Hoo, mixed with the cheapest gin and vodka you could stomach.
It actually tasted better on the way up for some reason.

What drink concoctions were you certain would work, but ultimately failed?

When my brother was into skating he and his buddies would chip in and get a case of Jolt cola and a bottle of Bacardi to mix up “Party fuel”. Despite being basically a rum and coke it tasted nasty as hell. It got you drunk, but it still tasted nasty.

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Aetheling · 95 weeks ago

A bar in York UK where I live used to do something called the HellShot. Whilst not weird per se, it was a one way trip to cirrhosis. 89% Balkan vodka, the sort of stuff that Serbian tank crews clean the main gun barrel with, and a blend of absinthe including an 85% one direct from Prague. The effects of this drink were…awful. I woke up on top of the the city walls at four in the morning with a headache the size of Scotland and an inability to talk, laugh, or even walk properly. It got banned a few years ago, alas.
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PowersOfAnOrdinary · 95 weeks ago

I made a cocktail out of equal parts pineapple juice, tequila, and beer, with a slice of jalapeno. It has a surprisingly delicious and complex flavor. I, of course, named it the Hate-Filled Pineapple.

1 reply · active 93 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 93 weeks ago

I was with you until the beer. I do love the name though.
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Hielario · 95 weeks ago

The weirdest flavored acohol?

Some german pear liquor my mom bought once. I tried it once… imagine someone gets one of those enormous pears that are 50 % vater, and then it shoves it brutally into your mouth without asking. That’s how it tastes.

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Sandy · 95 weeks ago

Worst drink, bacon vodka. Hands down worst. Wierdest was an co-invention called the flaming gummyworm. A layerd shot of midori, goldschlager, and galliano with a 151 float. Light, toast, blow out and down it. Under no circumstances make it bigger than a shot.
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Candace · 95 weeks ago

The weirdest flavored alcohol I’ve ever had was a lavender-infused liqueur from Provence. It was very weird, and not in a good way. It eventually got discarded unfinished, because it was basically like drinking perfume. If you’ve ever tasted perfume, either accidentally or on purpose, you know what I mean.
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Zazu Yen· 95 weeks ago

When I was young we had family friend who worked for a marketing company and he’d bring over promotional products his firm was working on sometimes, to get our take on them. One time he brought over Mrs. Fields Brand Chocolate Chip Cookie Soda and apologetically asked us to try it. We cracked open a can and pored it over ice and each had a swallow. Well, it did taste just like a mrs. Fields cookie, but cookies should not be cold, liquid, and fizzy. They got the flavor right, but it was awful in a weird way. They never released it officially. A wise choice.
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Nechie · 95 weeks ago

Sapin liqueur made out of young sproutsof firs, it tastes as weird as it sounds.
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FuryOfFirestorm· 95 weeks ago

I love V-8 based Bloody Marys. So much better tasting and better for you than plain old tomato juice based Bloody Marys. I recently found out that it’s actually called an 8 Ball.
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H.S. · 95 weeks ago

Passoã (passion fruit liqueur) and chocolate/mint vodka, 50/50 in a shot. Discovered on a “what strange stuff from the bar can we mix”-night. Surprisingly good, was coined as Dark Passion on the night.
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Adam D. · 95 weeks ago

My college roommate regularly drank SoCo and Mountain Dew… I wouldn’t know what to call it other than fucking disgusting…

SoDew?

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Jason · 95 weeks ago

Not to be all whatever about it, but one time I drank Vodka through a Twinkie straw…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vat0fFPXAS4&fe…

1 reply · active 93 weeks ago

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hijinksensue· 93 weeks ago

This never happened.