Behold, A Temptress

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ONE WEEK LEFT! THEN BOOKS 1 & 2 ARE GONE GONE GONE!!!

Books are $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print.  Grab them HERE. 

POTTER AND DAUGHTER IS NIGH! The Harry Potter podcast I’ve been recording with my daughter is dangerously close to getting released (when my Patreon reaches $1750). Read more about it here.

COMMENTERS: For me it’s the Samoas (or Caramel Delights, as they are called now). I’ve already made two boxes disappear and I expect two more will go missing in my care before the cookie dust has settled. For my wife, it’s the Thin Mints. She too has left multiple green box carcasses in her wake. Do you have a similar affliction? 

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86 Comments

  1. Tagalons. My wife ordered six boxes for me last time. I will not comment on how long they lasted, but tales of the "Great Cookie Massacre of '14" are still whispered by the shifting glow of my children's light saber nightlights.

    • I use to buy these by the case (8 boxes IIRC) and finish them off inside of a month. Now I don't have the GS hookup, seeing as my sister is 25 and my nieces are 4 so I get them outside Safeway like a normal person. I just feel weird ordering more than 1-2 boxes from a cookie stand.

  2. Last season(?), we were going to have a "food challenge" at work, trying to eat a whole sleeve of Thin Mints in a set amount of time. However, after some testing, we decided they would be too dry, much like the cracker challenges of our youths. I also made the mistake of counting up the calories, figured we might end up killing the participants.

  7. Why haven't they yet equipped those girls with an iPhone that has a Square dongle? Their profits would go up 600% overnight.

  8. Thin Mints and the peanut butter sandwich cookies are my Kryptonite.

    I've been known to down a sleeve of Thin Mints in 15 minutes or less. Without milk.

  9. Somoas still exist. Girl Scout Cookies are baked by a few different bakeries. Apparently Carmel Delights are just a name used by a different bakery. In Austin we still have Samoas, DFW has Carmel Delights. When Girl Scout regional councils change bakeries you "loose" or "gain" cookies (or they get their names changed).

  10. FYI, when it's not cookie selling season, Keebler makes GREAT versions. I mean, they sell them all year around, but when it's cookie season I'd rather my money goes to support girl scouts than keebler. Anyway, the Caramel DeLites/Samoas are called Coconut Dreams IIRC. The Thin Mint version is, I think, called a Grasshopper (like the drink or the pie). I prefer the Keebler versions, which are also cheaper, but again… gonna support them girl scouts.

    My best friend used to store Thin Mints in the freezer and allow herself one a day. She'd pull it out ahead of time so it could defrost. Then I pointed out that they actually taste perfectly good still frozen and we ate an entire sleeve while watching "Wolf Lake."

  11. Thin Mints are my favorites, followed by the Caramel Delights. In the cookie off-season when the Girl Scouts aren't selling cookies, Keebler's Grasshopper and Coconut Caramel cookies are very cheap and reasonable substitutes.

    • I prefer to think if GS cookies as an annual event like an eclipse. Every 12 months you get to eat an entire box of cookies in 2 days and only sort of mostly feel like a giant piece of shit. I couldn't live that lifestyle year round.

      • So it's like being a werewolf under a full moon, but instead of waking up naked and covered in blood, you're coated in smudges of chocolate and minty crumbs.

    • The two organizations in America couldn't be more different ideologically. They are essentially the good and evil sides of the same coin in terms of their "core values" with regards to civil rights and basic human equality. I would assume the Canadian organization is an entirely separate entity. And OF COURSE it makes more sense not to quarantine children off by gender. If I had a son, I'd rather him join Girl Scouts.

      • We do have the Girl Guides (along with their various divisions) in Canada, which is essentially the British version of Girl Scouts. They also sell Girl Guide cookies, although they may be re-branded as Girl Guide cookies now. I seem to remember the last time I bought cookies from a Girl Guide, which was probably 15-20 years ago, they did say Girl Scout on the box. The only reason this seems to stick in my mind is that I remember thinking that I wasn't aware the two organizations were the same.

          • They're also not the same cookies. I've only recently been living in Canada, but the Girl Guides don't even get their cookies from the same places the Scouts do in the States. They're not even close to being the same cookies either, which makes it very hard to find the Thin Mints and Tagalongs that I crave.

      • I was a Boy Scout for a couple years and until a particularly bad camping trip ruined it for me (Legs covered in mosquito bites for about a month), I loved it. Learning survival skills like how to build a fire, how to tie knots, and how to use a compass were exceedingly enjoyable to me as a boy. Community service was also a big part of scouts, at least in my troupe. I have never understood why Girl Scouts are so fundamentally different. Basically all you hear about them are the cookies.

        • Just FYI, I'm a GS troop leader and I agree with you, all you hear about them is the cookies. And since the sales go not only to our troops needs and wants but to donations to local charities – picked by our girls – I'm okay with the GS organization pushing the cookies. Our girls learn much of the same things as the boys. Survival skills, camping, archery, boating – here in SD surfing as well, first aid all are part of the basics. My girls have earned badges learning about bugs, exotic animals, historical female figures. They'd toured fire houses and met female firefighters and paramedics. They've met female police officers, pilots, business owners, dentists, vets, nurses and doctors. My entire goal in leading them is to show them there are real life examples of who they can be, right here where they live.

      • I should clarify, I view the Girl Scouts as the "good" side of that coin in terms of inclusiveness and their stance on civil/human rights and discrimination.

        • Yeah I figured lol. I was speaking out for Boy Scouts. They do good stuff. They teach self reliance, encourage community and service as well as competition and sportsmanship, and it's generally a fun atmosphere for boys who enjoy that sort of thing. Are they perfect? No. Is every troupe going to be as positive an experience as mine was? Of course not. Assholes can show up anywhere. But I believe that as a whole, Boy Scouts of America is a worthwhile organization and far from "evil".

          • "Evil" is probably the wrong word. "Systematically discriminatory" is probably a more accurate choice of words. I'm sure thousands of boys have great experiences, and obviously you did. I'm sure they teach great lessons too. Unfortunately, one of those lessons is that homosexuals aren't fit to be leaders or trusted with children, and I can't abide by that. For that kind of bigotry I'll throw the baby out with the bathwater. And that mandate does come from the organization as a whole, not the troupe leaders or the scouts.

            I apologize if it sounds like I'm picking on you. I'm really not trying to, and I don't want to disparage your positive experiences. Personally, I just have a zero tolerance policy for any organization that is willfully against equal treatment for all humans.

            • I suppose I understand that and can respect that. You gotta stick by what you believe. As for the policy you mentioned, I was unaware of it and agree that it is a reprehensible one and I would happily see it changed. However if my hypothetical son wishes to join somewhere down the line, I would encourage him to do so. Just my thoughts.

              Now back to the cookies… The coconut caramel ones are my favorite.

              • Oops didn't see this before posting! Apologies. Yeah the policy also used to ban gay scouts as well, but that ban was lifted last year (when I was a scout I once had a conversation with a scout at a BSA Youth Leadership Training camp who said the phrase "morally straight" meant being straight…that was a fun convo)

                I'm oddly okay with my hypothetical son joining. I would need to scope out the troop like my Dad did and make sure I was okay with the people first though. (And hopefully policies have changed by then!)

                And agreed, the coconut caramel ones are the best

            • clearly Scouts in the USA is completely different to other nations. Maybe it is a Commonwealth thing in terms of differences. I am a Warranted Scout leader here in Australia and my troupe has almost as many girls as it does boys. We have almost 80 kids all up and they are a great bunch. I don't see any bigotry or discrimination in my region. It is still a predominantly non demoninational "religious" organisation , but if they can let an Athiest (me) be a troupe leader then I guess they are more forward thinking than the USA organisation

              • Interesting! I remember my first time seeing a scouting group from another country and it was surprising to see girls in what I thought was a Boy Scout troop. And yeah, atheists and agnostics are not technically allowed to be scouts or scout leaders in Boy Scouts of America. When a group of us scouts were discussing agnosticism and atheism at the National Jamboree, we had a scoutmaster warn us that atheists and agnostics are not allowed in the BSA.

                  • Almost exactly my experience-I was told to lie about my atheistic religious stance in case it was held against me. It only really came up as an issue when I was getting my Eagle scout, however.

                    • I was in a troop with some pretty religious leaders, so the question came up a couple of times in Boards of Review, mostly in the framework of the Scout Law and the "reverent" bit. I just nudged those into the direction of reverence of nature, of a sense of wonder, etc., and it got me by. Tolerance of atheism– as well as homosexuality–varies from troop to troop, despite the official mandate. Undoubtedly there are a number of troops across America that would not have been so accommodating.

          • It's interesting how much your troop dictates your experience! I too had a really good time in Boy Scouts (made it to Eagle and everything) and it is entirely because of my troop leadership. I ended up attending two National Jamborees and was really surprised at the drastic differences apparent between my troop and others.

            I was questioning EVERYTHING (religion, sexuality, etc.) throughout my time in Boy Scouts and I found out that in a different troop the wrong answers would have meant expulsion! And this wasn't a few troops that were discriminatory, this was the national policy of the Boy Scouts of America. It was disheartening in some ways. I do agree that "evil" is a bit of a dramatization but this isn't about some "assholes" in Boy Scouts, discrimination is a pervasive problem throughout the organization. Girl Scouts is doing much better in that regard.

            • I was an agnostic Jew in a Mormon scout troop, and never had any problems. Great folks, made friends and learned a lot.

  13. I cannot resist frozen Thin Mints. Only a residual trace of shame has kept me from ordering them by the case. As it is, my husband will cross 4 lanes of traffic at ridiculous speed if there are Girl Scout Cookies to be had.

      • wait why, in the hunter gatherer mindset that is the most efficient manner of acquiring required high caloric cookies and minimizing the required sacrifice of the almighty greenbacks. think car-ma-gedon "the cookie expansion pack"

  14. I remember when I was a girl scout, and selling Girl Scout Cookies was actually kinda hard. Even though I am not particularly old, that makes me FEEL really old. Girl Scout cookies seem to sell themselves now. Like you could just put up a sign, and people would come to YOU. … I'm a weirdo, and my favorite is actually the shortbread. Those are so, so good with milk.

    • I was reading down to the end of the comments, dismayed at being the only one! Shortbread with milk is the best thing ever invented, hands down!

      I hate chocolate, so my husband gets his own thin mints and I get my own shortbread. His have this weird mystical ability to stay in our house for longer than two days; I'm not sure how that works.

      • You're both correct that the shortbreads ARE delicious. Sometimes the simpler flavors are the best. They don't overwhelm the palette (which is sort of exactly what most GS cookies do). If you ever want to know how good an ice cream brand is, try their vanilla.

        • I always took Bluebell for granted (best vanilla ever!), until I spent a few months in Washington. No. Bluebell. Anywhere. They'd never even heard of it. Horrible!

        • So true. I just like that they're really close to actual shortbread. Most things labeled shortbread these days are just dry vanilla cookies. Which entirely misses the point: Shortbread is supposed to be delicate, buttery, rich. And the GS cookies actually are kinda like that! <3

    • Girl Scout shortbreads are okay, sure, but man, I've had some Scottish shortbread that was just uuuuuunnnnnggg, so goooood. Like, melts gracefully on your tongue sort of good. I know of places where I can get the better shortbread so I generally don't spend money on the GS stuff.

      • I have a recipe for those, which are insanely good, but when I'm too lazy to make any, and in a place where they really don't sell real shortbread anywhere, GS cookies are next best. They have a certain appeal of their own, even though you're right, they're not scottish short bread for sure. Real shortbread is so delicate that it can just break if you touch it too hard. Those are the best.

    • Door to door is harder now. 2 of my daughters are still in it and they get frequent replies of "Sorry, I don't have any cash" when they go door to door. (The cookies do go fast at booths at supermarkets etc. — I guess people have cash when they go shopping.) That isn't how it was when my sisters were selling the cookies.

      • It's probably true in most cases, though. I literally have maybe $3 in cash right now, and that's kind of unusual… a situation that was created by a local fair, where some booths don't take cards. Maybe your troop could invest in some card swipers, that would attach to a smart phone, and have a paypal account for your troop? The swipers pretty cheap. I think paypal's are $15 per swiper. I think paypal also waives or lowers fees for nonprofits.

  16. I'm an Aussie, so I've never had Girl Scout cookies, but reading about them in the comments is making me want cookies.

  17. Samoas or Do-Si-Dos should not be left anywhere within my sights. They will all end up in my belly by sheer cookie-telekinesis-portation.

    • Cookiekinesis would be a pretty cool mutant super power. You couldn't fight crime, but you could be best friends with The Blob (or really anyone).

  19. It's probably against the interest of my personal health that my neighbor not only works for a liquor import company, but his youngest child is in the Girl Scouts. We've reached an understanding of sorts— as long as I keep their computers running throughout the year, and I draw funny pictures for her on request, every few months I get a surprise gift basket on my front step made of malt scotch and Thin Mints. Not sure if this is a "mob favor, under the table" thing, but I'll take it. Also, his littlest one knows to stop over first thing when doing the house-to-house rounds for "civilian" sales so that she can go the rest of the way insulated against the elements in a jacket made of filled-out order forms and all my income that should go to rent or utility bills. I think she knows an addict when she sees one.

  20. I moved to Canada and while they have the Girl Guides here, they do NOT have the same cookies as the Girl Scouts. Upon discovering this, I was distraught. Luckily, all of my family still lives in the States and I can have my mom buy me cookies. Mmmm, Tagalongs and Thin Mints.

    When I was in Girl Scouts myself, I remember going door to door to sell cookies. I lived in a small town (around 3000 people) though so it was hard to find people who didn't know the other girls in the troupes. Most of the cookies I sold were to my dad's co-workers (as he worked in the bigger city nearby). I did try to do some of the legwork myself. It's weird though, but it seems like it was harder to sell them back then than you'd expect. It seems like everyone LOVES girl scout cookies, at least on the internet, but I had a hard time convincing people to buy. Maybe I'm just not a good seller. =p

  21. I work at a supermarket that sponsors the girl scouts. This means that when it is cookie season they are setup in the front of the store every day. Talk about a test of will power.

  22. And the worst part of this, like any interaction with other human beings, is having to put on pants. Pants are prisons for the legs and butts!

  23. Who would've thought a strip about GS cookies would generate so many comments?

    When I was a GS, it was the early 1980s, and I don't remember *anybody* setting up in front of stores with a table. It was all door-to-door in my area. Maybe nobody in my troop considered it as an option. Hell, my grandparents sold their eggs in the front lobby of a local supermarket, which I doubt would be able to happen nowadays. But yeah, it should have been an option then. I HATED selling door-to-door.

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