If Man Is 5 And The Nexus 6, Then That Must Make Me 7

NEWS:
My new podcast Potter & Daughter is live now! You can download the first episode here or subscribe via RSS or iTunes. Fancy Patreon Patrons get each episode a week early!

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COMMENTERS: What bad behavior, if ceased, would cause your family or coworkers to think you’d been replaced with a replicant. For me, it would probably be if I suddenly started updating the comic at the same time on the same days each week.

Setting The Mood

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I will put up with pretty much anything to get a great service for free. I have ALLLLMOST pulled the trigger on Spotify Premium a dozen or so times, but I always end up asking myself, “Are the ads, that bad? Do I really need one more bill?” Turns out the ads aren’t so much “that bad” as they are often “innapropriate” for “trying to have” some of the “sex.” Hell, I JUST signed up for Amazon Prime after months of doing to the math to see how much I typically spend on shipping with Amazon each year. The answer was “none.” I spend none dollars on shipping with Amazon because I always opt for Free Super-Saver Shipping and the impossibly long wait that comes with it. Eventually you have to weight he cost/benefit of not having to wait two weeks for your new angled USB adapter to show up at your doorstep and NOT being coitally interrupted by rootin’ tootin’ car commercials. Treat yo’ self every once in a while.

COMMENTERS: What free service do you use that you still refuse to upgrade to the premium version? Is it the cost, or that you just don’t care enough about alleviating the minor inconveniences. What made you finally pull the trigger to the paid version?

Meowmicry (Tivo’s Perspective)

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

I mentioned in the comments to THIS COMIC how I thought it would be neat to see the same events from the cats’ perspectives. Then, I made good on that threat HERE. And now, yet again, I am your macabre host as we journey into the inner monologue of nature’s dumbest dumb butthole, the cat.

Tivo was our first cat. He was frisky and cute and insanely hyperactive, so we got him a friend – Replay. Instead of calming him down, this action irreparably broke his brain. Ever since introducing replay into our lives, Tivo has been paranoid, nervous, skittish and terrified of basically everything. Add to that the grumpiness and whininess that comes with being 10 years old (275 in cat years), and he’s basically just a musty bag of spite and complaints.

Tivo’s only desire and only pleasure in life is to be sitting on my wife. When this is possible, he is content and quiet. When wife-sitting is not a possibility he just sort of roams around the house, carrying his favorite scarf and cries through his clenched teeth. It’s an inconceivably pathetic display to behold. We’ve long assumed that his only hope for the future is to burrow into my wife’s ribcage and lie there, completely content, until he dies. Christ, what a dumbass.

COMMENTERS: What would your pets name you and the other members of your household?

Meowmicry (Replay’s Perspective)

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

I mentioned in the comments to THIS COMIC how I thought it would be neat to see the same events from the cats’ perspectives. Now BEHOLD, for I have followed through with that threat.

Replay, our black and white fuzzy idiot, is the kind of cat who knows his bowl is full, and knows YOU know his bowl is full, yet refuses to eat out of it until you escort him over to it and everyone just goes right ahead and acknowledges that it is full. Christ, what an asshole.

COMMENTERS: Your pets are stupid. This is a given. In what specific ways are your pets stupid?

Meowmicry

It’s freaking cold! Use code 10offhoodies to get $10 off any and all hoodies in the HE store! Use it as many times as you like.

When my wife and I are speaking to each other, we are either A) Talking about our kid, B) Repeating something our kid said, C) Talking about our cats or D) Screaming whatever our cats are screaming, right back in their dumb, little, fuzzy, stupid idiot faces.

Our kid and our cats are basically our own, 2 person only, super-exclusive pop culture memes. What I mean to say, is we spend an awful lot of time conversing in references and memes to things that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE ELSE in the world would understand. Being a people is weird.

COMMENTERS: Do you talk to your animals or mimic their behavior when you’re alone in ways that you WOULD NOT do in mixed company for fear of having to defend yourself in a committal trial?