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He’s a Demon on Wheels
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Literally. This movie looks like if Lucifer impregnated Las Vegas.
I have no real intention of seeing it. Regardless of sexual deviance, or bent genders, the Wachowski’s are clearly off their collective gourd. The first Matrix was a fluke. It was nearly (if not totally) perfect SciFi in all respects. Since then they’ve… faltered. I don’t count “V” because it wasn’t really their film, any more than “From Dusk Till Dawn” was a Tarantino film. Somehow they eeked out a good screenplay for that movie, but praise be to Robot-Jesus they didn’t direct it. Otherwise V would have been played by a neon digital Keanu and it would have taken place in am underground rave-cave.
I can imagine the Wachowski’s directing style. One is screaming, “LESS ACTING! MORE EFFECTS!!!” while the other is trying on stilletos and taintless chaps.
I watched the Speed Racer cartoons on Mtv when I was in middle school. I always wondered what Speed was actually hoping to achieve. He just seemed to race, and race and race with no real goal in sight. He often said he had to be “the best” but that’s about as vague and “gotta’ catch em all. ” I’m sure he had a complex or two dozen. Pops named the kid “Speed.” That limited his career choices to race car driver or meth addict. I gathered from the show, he was both.
I just realized that the title sequence from the cartoon actually had animated “bullet time” when Speed jumps out of the Mach V. Weird.
Tags: anime, movies, scifi, speed racer, the matrix
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I hope I never watch this movie.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I grew up watching speed racer. It had great moral values for kids.
Bad guy : Where is your brother?
Spridle : I won't tell.
Bad Guy: How about some Candy?
Spridle : Ok (grabs candy) He's over there.
When I heard they were going to make a movie, I was excited. Then I learned that the ENTIRE environment was going to be CGI, and that the W bros created "Car-Fu" (Take on Kung-fu.) I then lost all respect for the movie. The trailer looks horrible.
Once again Hollywood takes something that is almost good, and turns it into utter crap.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
sadly(?) I feel that your interpretation of the film will be better than the actual movie. Oh crap, a mongoose!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
While I agree with everything that has been said, I still think I'll end up seeing it. I imagine I'll be alone in the theater.
"Underground rave cave" sums up everything that was wrong with the matrix sequels.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Movies in pill form–I like it! Will you be adding Wachowski-vision pills to the store? The David Lynch pills would have to be _very_ oddly shaped.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
To be honest, I don't see myself going to the theater to see this movie, or buying the dvd, or getting it from comcrap on-demand, or downloading it by any means. I would probably not watch it on tv ever, and actually turn off the tv if I ever see it running. I still have trouble believing that they made such a movie.
That aside, V was one of the best movies I have seen lately. But that is mostly due to Hugo Weaving's acting.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
cool, but apparently you need to grammar-check the shit out of yourself before you post things to teh intarwebz for all to see.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
*sigh*
I'm actually looking forward to this movie. You take a dumb fucking kids cartoon and make it a ridiculous, colorful trip with both John Goodman *and* Christina Ricci? AND a monkey? "Best Movie Ever" indeed.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
What did you expect from a kid named Spritle? He's probably turning tricks in a tokyo bus station now. Car-Fu sounds terrifyingly bad.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The flashlight in the eyes alone is better than this movie.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Bring a book and a reading light.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Well its not so much a movie-pill as it is hallucinogens. I assume they case long term brain damage too. Just like Revolutions did.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Seriously, I want Hugo weaving to play me. Not in a movie, but in real life. I want to be replaced by him. I wonder if he can draw?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I knew you would be. Notice how quickly you take the red pill. No hesitation. You welcome this bullshit.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Yeah, but we need to take into account that our opinions and tastes might be… erm… "outside the mainstream."
For instance, I'm way excited because I got the entire Tremors series in one box yesterday. I'm aware that only the first one was good, but they were all AWESOME. It just depends on what you want out of your movie experience ^_^
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
And he's probably still getting payed in candy. It is Tokyo, after all.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
If Eli is so tight with Jesus, why doesn't he just ask him directly why he's riding a T-Rex? He seems cool enough.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
But that's exactly why Jesus IS riding that T-rex. Because he's cool enough.
http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/6/...
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
You said it better than I ever could. In the immortal words of Bart Simpson, "I didn't think it was possible, but this both sucks and blows."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Seriously, is there any actor more intense than Hugo Weaving? The man is is a machine. He's seriously under-utilized in Hollywood, but I think it's because it must be hard to find parts that he can bring that kind of intensity to.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
What I like about that statement is that it is applicable to both the Underground Rave Cave and the Speed Racer showing.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Man…what is with Japan? That place creeps me out…damn them and their animated TV shows-they're so stupid.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
"I just realized that the title sequence from the cartoon actually had animated “bullet time” when Speed jumps out of the Mach V. Weird."
Which is why I started getting horny for this movie as soon as I heard they were making it. As I've said before and will again, there's a lot of stuff we were into as kids that when you see it as an adult, just sucks rotting zombie-dick. I used to watch Speed Racer (long before there was an MTV – I have a couple of years on you), and when I think back on it, all I remember is pretty colors and WHOOSHBAMSPLODE action. I see it now, all I see is limited walk-cycles and shite lipsync.
This is the genius of the Wachowskis: their Speed Racer is NOT based on the actual show. It's based on what we REMEMBER the show to be. And I'd much rather see that than the actual show.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
He should be outraged he only 1 line.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Hell yeah, Tremors FTW. On a related note, being live action I wonder how much more expensive it is to do those long dialogue scenes. You know the ones I'm talking about, where speed racer would be in his car against a slowly looping background, talking really really fast, but without his body actually moving. I.E. the same animation cell for like 400 frames (that was in fact recycled from previous episodes. Seriously, they must have done like a third of the cartoon series with just that one cell).
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
GOT. He only GOT 1 line.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I think we really didnt perceive that as kids. The whole looping and non-moving bodies thing. Every cartoon did it, but early anime and japanese imports were the worst. Scratch that. Hanna Barbara was the worst. You could always tells what was about to move because it was a lighter paint color than everything else that had moved for 3 min.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
"For relaxing times. Make it Santori Times."
MORE INTENSITY!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I suppose it would be Poki(sp?) .
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
"grammar-check the shit out of yourself"
Isn't that a Chuck-D lyric? "grammar-check the shit out of yourself, before you wreckity-wreck yourself."
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Yeah, because he's played a drag-queen and a .net fait-accompli…. Oooh! -He's sooo talented! Phbbt…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
You have to utilize Josh sparingly, otherwise he will dominate the whole comic.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
1 was actually a really fun movie. A very different take on the standard monster genre. I liked 2 but I was probably 14 the last time I saw it, so who knows. Never saw the rest.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I think his questions was actually , "Why is Jesus riding that T-Rex, instead of wrestling it?" We just didnt give him a chance to finish.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
LOL. Back when the Simpson's was funny. Good times. Good times.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I was pretty surprised when I learned as a teen that almost every cartoon I ever loved (Transformers) were dubbed anime. Our cultures sort of feed off each other in cycles. In the 80's they were years ahead of us with technology, animation, scifi, comics, horror, etc. Now they are emulating western culture in dress, music, and other entertainment. They are still lightyears ahead in tech. I guess we are due for a switch in the coming decade.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
You make an excellent point. If you can capture the essence of childhood wonder, you can pretty much sell anyone anything.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Despite being a super scary drag queen, he is very talented. Especially with respect to the geekiness of the parts he choses. I just have a permanent boner for him.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
All I'm saying is, he seems pretty well endowed. And all I'm saying is, it's a little difficult to maintain the suspension of disbelief that this rampaging g-man is really a computer program when his junk is punching out like the fist of god from the front of his sensible trousers. -A good actor would have recognized this and strapped that shit back.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
This is just going to be another case of Transformers, where the film is terrible but people who loved the cartoon as kids are going to praise it and say the Wachowskis got the magic touch back.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Well, maybe my inability to understand Japanese cartoons comes from the fact that I spent my early childhood years over in Germany and so I didn't get to watch too many kids shows over there since most weren't in English and when I got back state-side I'd already missed out on all the cultural trends.
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/earthquake_s... is a good piece about why Japan scares me sometimes…what the hell is with those outfits?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Tremors 1 is B-Movie gold. I didn't like the rest simply because the Tremors mutated into the little ones that could walk and fly. That to me isn't nearly as frightening as a giant worm that can drag an entire car into the ground.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Stampeeeeeeede!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
C'mon, you have to admit that the world of the first Matrix was the raver's wet dream come true. Speed Racer seems to be one of those fucked up acid trip worlds that looks like a natural future view of the Beatles' Yellow Submarine.
What bugs me most is the choice of Christina Ricci to play Trixie… she seems a little old for Speed/Emilie Hirsch.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
A dash here, a dash there, otherwise you turn into Emeril
BAM!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
think about it. the best acting from a man behind a mask the entire film.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
it's got Matthew Fox as Racer X…
I never watched Speed Racer, so I only know it in parody. I didn;t even think it could be made into a movie when I heard the movie was going to be made.
But yeah, go ahead, Hollywood. Rape a childhood some more.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Why must I take sides with josh so early in my posting?
For Christina Ricci, that’s why.
I know, I know. I should have learned my lesson with Monster. But as long as she keeps showing up in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and (lets not forget the role that spawned a thousand Goths), Addams Family… I’ll continue to give her my hard earned cash.
Do I think speed racer will be a defining moment in cinematic history? No.
Am I dumb enough to go see it anyways?… Does Jesus ride T-Rex?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Let’s not forget the worst childhood rape yet. No I'm not talking about Uncle Larry; I'm talking about Garfield… I absolutely loved that cartoon… Then they took a gigantic dump, painted it orange, filmed it for two days, and ruined two hours of my life. I watched it in a moral tent in Iraq a few years back. I had no choice but to sit thru it. It was like that scene from clockwork orange where they hold his lids open and force feed him video. Only it didn’t end with me having sex with some chick in the snow, surrounded by an applauding crowd, with Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in the background.
Though, it never does, does it?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Gah! I can't believe we have to wait till Monday for a new comic; I want to know WTF is happening in BSG! Did what I think just happened on the Cylon basestar just happen (Not wanting to spoil it for anyone)? Did those previews show the president's aide about to shove Cally out an airlock (Not really a spoiler in my opinion since its part of the preview)? Dammit, we have to wait a whole week…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Yeah, I like Josh taking pill with heavy-lidded ennui, Eli with mild concern, and Joel raging (briefly) before capitulating.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Oh, I know–pupils in last panel are great–but I still like the idea of movie pills. "Markham's New Double-Action Super-Hi-Def Movie Pills: Saving you the tedium of 90 minutes at the googleplex!"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
hard to take something that didn't have much substance to begin with, and make it any worse.
"Then they took a gigantic dump, painted it orange, filmed it for two days, and ruined two hours of my life."
I LOL'D for minutes!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I thought Transformers was going to blow but it was actually awesome, so I have some hope for Speed Racer. I think it would be a great movie to see in the theater due to all of the special effects, sound, and whatnot, but I'll probably wait until it's out on DVD.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I took the blue pill. Now i have erectile disfunction. THANKS ALOT WACHOWSKI BROTHERS!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
The pictures you paint with words can even outshine the actual comics at times.
"the other is trying on stilletos and taintless chaps"
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Exactly. And he is so freaking good that he makes the audience "see" his facial gestures thru his voice…
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
One of the original ideas for HijiNKS Ensue was a comic about an American Exchange student that goes to Japan but when he gets there its exactly like anime. I realized Id have to learn to draw anime so I never did it.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Did you see her in "Pumpkin" where she falls in love with a retarded guy?
Also, does she seem to be de-aging?
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Poor Brecken Myer(sp?). Im sure the check cashed and sometimes thats all that you need to suck it up and be John Arbuckle.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Sometimes I REALLY dont want to write the posts. Glad you enjoy them.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
I just want the Wachowski's to do another great SCI FI flick, like that DreamScapesAxis movie that's been on hold for several years now.
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Heh, that would have been funny. By the way, were these aside posts referenced in your recent podcasts? That makes me "One of the readers" doesn't it?
Tomorrow belongs to me!
February 5th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Havent heard of DreamScapesAxis. Is it based on an anime?