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Hide It Under A Bush? OH NO!

The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST

The HE Podcast is back! Episode 84 is live! 

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!  

GenCon is right now. Hit up Blind Ferret (booth 119) and you’ll be able to pick up some of my shirts and books. You can also bother Randy.

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon!  I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

The Fancy Sketch ends TODAY! Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home.

COMMENTERS: What’s the craziest improvised “weapon” you’ve ever seen or heard of being used in a fight? Was it better than a half a raccoon stuck on an old shovel? The answer is no. No it wasn’t. I’ve only been in 2 or 3 real fights in my entire life and all of them were before I entered high school. Once, in 6th grade, a kid tried to start a fight with me when I was walking home. I was talking all sorts of shit about his “momma” and how said momma owed me “money” because I was her “pimp.” That little fucker up and pulled out a compass from his Trapper Keeper and tried to stab my ass with it. A FUCKING COMPASS! A lesson to would-be purchasers of mathematical school supplies. A compass EASILY doubles as a murder weapon. Protractors are mostly harmless.

 

Every Day I’m Shoveling

The HijiNKS ENSUE PODCAST

The HE Podcast is back! Episode 84 is live! 

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!  

GenCon is right now. Hit up Blind Ferret (booth 119) and you’ll be able to pick up some of my shirts and books. You can also bother Randy.

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon!  I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

The Fancy Sketch ends this Friday. Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home.

I hope you enjoy this comic as much as I enjoyed drawing that raccoon. What weird, stupid animals. Hoboes, I mean. Not raccoons. Raccoons are majestic, like antelope and those bleached cow skulls that cartoons would lead me to believe are randomly strewn about the desert. Raccoons, or “Land Piranha,” are nature’s bitning machines. They say a raccoons bite brings good luck… I mean disease. Good disease. No, that’s not right either. HORRIBLE disease. That’s it. What I’m saying is they’re great and I bet they want to be domesticated and walked around parks on leashes and to NOT eat your face off the moment you let your guard down or remove your raccoon-proof helmet cage. Protip: NEVER REMOVE YOUR RACCOON PROOF HELMET CAGE BECAUSE THAT IS WHEN THEY EAT YOUR FACE OFF. Can you tell that I’ve been awake for 2 days? I CAN’T!

COMMENTERS: Have you ever gone up against a wild animal? Were you toe to toe with a particularly nasty fainting goat? I ferret bit through the meat of my finger once. Have you every known anyone that tried to domesticate a wild animal? Did said animal eventually drag that person around by their genitals before ripping them off? No? Then I bet it wasn’t one of those diaper chimps thats always doing that sort of thing.

 

Breaking Fast

Grammar Dalek T-Shirts are in and shipping now!  

Grammar Dalek Shirt, Fighting Time Lords Shirt, Hijinks ENSUE

There’s also a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT!

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon! Are you coming? I’ll be there with Blind Ferret. The week after that I’ll be at Dallas Animefest with Rob from Explosm.

The Fancy Sketch Drive Sketches are just about sold out. I suspect I’ll be ending the drive this week. Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home to replace the exploded one which is too exploded.

The HE Podcast is coming back! More info HERE. First new episode drops tomorrow!

I posted a tweet on Sunday night that sums up what loving Breaking Bad has done to me:

@hijinksensue So should I send the medical bill for this ulcer to AMC or directly to Vince Gilligan? #BreakingBad

Of course it would be silly to send it directly to Mr. Gilligan. I’m sure he has people for that. Hell, they probably have a whole department devoted to helping fans find treatment for ulcers, nervous disorders, panic attacks, stress induced spontaneously bleeding eyeballs, hyper-wafflefication, Mrs. Butterworth’s Syndrome… the list goes on.

Walter White is perhaps the most fascinating character ever created for the small screen. I could (and DO) talk for hours about the subtlety and complexity with which he has transformed over 5 seasons from a loser (and a bit of an asshole) who wanted to be a bad guy, to a monster (who wants to be an even bigger monster) who fancies himself a good guy. Every time I meet or speak to someone who works as a writer, either for books, tv or film, the conversation ALWAYS ends up squarely at Breaking Bad. It’s a show that’s had 1000 opportunities to jump the shark and it’s never even come close. It has consistently escalated in quality from the pilot to this week’s episode. And thankfully it is ending this season, which almos definitely means it will go out on a high note. If the comic above is correct, the final episode will end with Walter Jr. will fly off into the sunset in his golden brown Wafflecopter and saying, “I thought we were going to Coldstone Creamery.”

COMMENTERS: I’m posting my theory and thoughts for the end of the show in a SPOILER FILLED thread on the Fancy Bastard Facebook Group. Feel free to post non-spoilery Breaking Bad thoughts or musings on Walt. Jr.’s cereal preferences in the comments below.

Motivational

GRAMMAR DALEK SHIRTS ARE HERE!
The preorder is going on now!  

Grammar Dalek Shirt, Fighting Time Lords Shirt, Hijinks ENSUE

There’s also a NEW FIGHTING TIME LORDS SHIRT! A good preorder means I will get to take these new shirts to cons!

Toronto Fan Expo is very soon! Are you coming? I’ll be there with Blind Ferret and we will hopefully have the two new shirts pictures above for their convention debuts!

There are still a few Fancy Sketch Drive Sketches left. Every Fancy Sketch and donation in the month of August goes toward helping me buy a new air conditioner for my home (for $5400) because the current one is (let me make sure I get the technical term right… what did the repairman say?) far too exploded to function. I posted a couple of new Fancy Sketches HERE and HERE.

The HE Podcast is coming back! More info HERE. It’s not the exact same show that it used to be, but I’m really enjoying the direction the recordings are going in and I think you will too. I’d love to keep it going long term this time and DONATION SUBSCRIPTIONS are key to making that happen.

Lo-FiJiNKS Comics are coming back too! Frumph has successfully implemented his fantastic Comic Easel comic management system on the site, so now I have the ability to post two different comics in their own sections of the site. We are still working out the kinks but for now, you can see the most recent Lo-Fi comic HERE and a list of all the Lo-Fi’s HERE.

If you are starting your own comic or are frustrated that the ComicPress theme has been out of active development for years, I STRONGLY suggest you check out Comic Easel. Frumph is basically taking all of the gripes from ComicPress users and building a new system that address all of them. It’s really great.

COMMENTERS: Why happened between Boxcar Pete and the raccoon to instigate a potential shovel beheading? Once when I was little, I was at my grandma’s house and her neighbor found a big ass snake on his porch. He yelled and we ran over to see what was going on. He grabbed a shovel and chopped the snake’s head off and A LIVE MOUSE SCURRIED OUT OF THE NECK HOLE! I have NEVER been the same since seeing that. Have you ever been blown away by just how disgusting/awesome/actually really just disgusting nature is? Care to share?

 

Introduction To Vigilantism

My home air conditioner died last week and it’s $5400 to replace. To that end, there are 50 more custom Fancy Sketches available [actually about 25 left at this point] and all donations in August will go straight to the AC fund. Your help and support in this time of RIDICULOUS SWELTERING TEXAS STYLE BULLSHIT is much appreciated. Read more HERE and see some of the recent Fancy Sketches HERE.

Picking up from where we left off, it looks like Eli’s search for Boxcar Pete is making the opposite of progress. This is typically what happens when you venture outdoors in Texas in the summer time. Inside your air conditioned home you have all these goals and aspirations, then once you open the airlock and step out onto the corona that is your front yard, you forget everything and all life before that moment becomes but a distant half-remembered haze. You struggle to recall your purpose for leaving the safety of your cool, non-hostile environment and just as you begin to have a glimmer of a thought… your name, perhaps your mother’s face, you feel the saliva in your mouth vaporize into steam as your teeth turn to chalk. It’s motherfucking hot is what I’m saying.

Were you a fan of the HijiNKS ENSUE Podcast? Well… it’s coming back. Expect details later this week.

COMMENTERS: Have you have had big plans that were ruined, not by inclemate weather, but simply by your own refusal to deal with the temperature outside? Just today I found myself opening my mouth to offer to take my daughter to park and quickly back pedaling when I realized it was 105 degrees outside and the metal park equipment was probably closer 140. What about you Fancy Bastards that live in colder areas?