I Hear Congratulations Are In Order

EXCELLENT NEWS! Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushies are SHIPPING NOW!

Wil Wheaton Plushie Box - HijiNKS ENSUE

You can order yours HERE and get them in time for the holidays.

Here’s a follow up to the maddest of mad sciences that began in THIS comic. Why is Eli putting a lock on his door? Is it because of the horrible, chicken strangling snake trapped inside? YES! Most likely IT IS! That would make PERFECT SENSE! Snakes are INCREDIBLY TERRIFYING. If he really thought the snake was a limbless lizard, I suppose he would have tried to make some sort of wheeled sling for it. Maybe something using LEGO Mindstorms or some K’Nex. Or maybe the snake would have bitten him in the face until he died when he tried to strap a contraption onto it. My cat hates it when I put a Kleenex box on his head, and he’s not even technically a snake.

COMMENTERS: What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made with an animal with regards to trying to get it to do something or bothering it on purpose like a dummy? When I was about 8 my cat was giving birth and we had her all penned up in the front porch with pet gates and cardboard. I peeked over the cardboard, not wearing a shirt, and she lept onto my torso and dug all three and a half feet (she had seen better days) worth of feet into my chest. Unfortunately, all of her kittens died and she ate them because nature is HORRIFIC.

Fan Days Dallas 2012 Fancy Sketch

Fan Days Dallas was a good time. Thanks to everyone that came out and bought a thing or a sketch or whatever. It’s nice to be able to do a show near home and sleep in my own bed.

This particular artistic atrocity came from a reader asking for “mad science” themed drawings for his sketch book. He didn’t quite know what to make of it when I handed it over. He gave me this look that simultaneously said “What?” and “Why? Why would you?” Then his voice said those things as well. I’m not sure what Josh has intended for the double pig butt or what he did with the discarded front halves. Perhaps they’re sewn together in the other room, screaming… squealing… in perfect porcine harmony.

 

The Island Of Dr. Moron

CLICK ON SOME WORDS!

[Sorry for the lack of color in the comic. I have to be at a convention in a few hours and I very much need to be asleep for exactly all few of those aforementioned hours.]

FINALLY! Science debunks at least SOMETHING about the flawless science in Jurassic Park. I knew there had to be a hole in that airtight “we injected dinorsaur blood into frogs or whatever OH SHIT RAPTORS FOREVER WE’RE ALL DEAD!” plot. Despite these new findings, I am pretty certain the movie got one thing exactly right. A Triceratops (which may or may not have actually been a real thing) takes a HUGE shit.

If you are waiting on a sketch from the Fancy Sketch Drive, I am working on them all weekend while at the con and will be shipping out a whole heeping ton of them next week. Sorry for the delay. 100+ commissioned drawings was an ambitious undertaking.

If you are waiting on a Lil’ Wil Wheaton Plushie, I have received word that they are on schedule to begin shipping in November. More info as I know…fo.

Might Club (His Name Is Phillip Coulson)

PAY ATTENTION TO THESE THINGS! THE THINGS AFTER THE TINY DOTS: 

Thanks to Joss Whedon, we can now utter Phil Coulson in the same breath as Tara and Wash. Whedon really knows how to go straight for the heart, which is funny consdering each of those characters were “the heart” of their show (maybe less so with Tara), they were ACTUALLY shot IN the heart (with a bullet, a giant pike and a magic spear) and their deaths hit us, the audience, right in the heart (specifically in the area governing the FEELS).

I know Coulson will make at least an appearance in the new S.H.I.E.L.D TV series, but I hope they find a way to bring him back as more than just the occasional flashback. I don’t, however, hope this means the whole series would be set in a world before The Avengers. I’d like to see a team of post-Avengers S.H.I.E.L.D agents making passing references to “the big green guy” and “the pompous ass in the robot suit. Maybe Coulson will be an A.I. construct the team consults with. Or perhaps one agent is studying Coulson’s video logs to learn more about his methods. Or maybe he’s the god damn Vision. Who knows. All things being equal, Joss is probably going to use Coulson as his personal Kenny, and find a different, more brutal way to kill him in every episode.

OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED PHIL! YOU BASTARDS! 

COMMENTERS: Are you glad that Coulson is returning (in some unspecified capacity)? How would you like to see his character used in the new S.H.I.E.L.D show? Why does Joss Whedon love to see us cry real human tears? Outside of the Whedonverse, which character deaths in TV, movies, comics, books or otherwise hit you the hardest? Please use the SPOILERS!!! tag if it’s a current series or a popular book series that people are still reading. 

The ADristocrats

KNOW THESE THINGS TO BE TRUE: 

My wife and I are currently plowing through all 5 seasons of Mad Men. We’ve been running an average of about 3 episodes per night and are about halfway through season 4 (NO SPOILERS!!!!). Almost immediately I knew everything I’d heard about the show was true. The acting, the writing, the believability of the world, ALL were superior to nearly everything else on TV (save for Breaking Bad). There are moments when the racism and sexism are TRULY and BRUTALLY shocking, but those elements are never used in a sensationalist way. Rather they just remind the viewer how far society has come in 50 years and occasionally how far we’ve left to go.

Consuming so much superlative TV in such a short amount of time (the same way I blasted through Breaking bad, 1-2 episodes a night, every night), I’m starting to really coalesce a Unified Theory of Television. What I mean is, I’m beginning to realize that regardless of genre, setting or subject matter, every television show geared towards me (a human person smack in the middle of all the prime demographics) either fails or succeeds based on the exact same successes or shortcomings. I noticed that not even 3 episodes into Mad Men, I was pausing the show to talk to my wife about a character’s motivation, how they really felt vs. what they were saying/doing, what their next actions might be and what repercussions those actions would have on their future and the other characters around them. This and THIS ALONE is the halmark of quality television.

I understand the formula is complex (writing, plus acting, plus directing, divided by budget, times network confidence and promotion, times Pi, etc, etc), and can rarely be duplicated with a resolvable, remainderless and equal solution, but my point is that all of these issues will have for the most part already been addressed before you and I, the viewers, see the end result. So let’s assume that all television shows have an equal opportunity of having a good premise, quality writing, and strong actors (which they do not, but let’s assume it anyway to simplify things). If, by the second or third episode, I am not either questioning or relating to a character’s motivation (which implies that said motivation is presented CLEARLY), then there is little hope that this show will hold my full attention. Let’s hope it has plenty of special effects and maybe dinosaurs (which we all know can’t always save a boring show).

My friend Amy Berg is a talented and successful writer in Hollywood machine and she always says, “What does your character WANT, and what is PREVENTING THEM from getting it?” While watching Mad Men, I began to think more and more about this idea. You see, at first I avoided Mad Men because I thought the whole “Period piece set in the 60’s” was a gimmick and would be overwhelming to the story or hokey in some way. I very quickly realized that, when executed correctly, the story and the characters trump the setting or the gimmick. As long as the show is telling a human story that explores wants, needs, hardships and triumphs then it will be relatable to the audience. Be it set in the 1960’s or a derelict spaceship during a robot war, a good writer can always tell a human story and a good actor can always convey emotions that will suck the audience in to their world.

I began comparing Mad Men to Revolution and that’s when my hypothesis really started to pan out. I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was I didn’t like about Revolution. It had most of the elements that typically draw me in to a televised work of fiction. It had a distopia and a dude from Breaking Bad and Katniss is there too. Lots of things to like. So why was I ready to give up after 3 episodes? I realized the premise, the show iteself WAS the character. Every human in Revolution acts solely as an extension of the premise and serves only to further the overall plot. “Where did the power go? Will it ever come back.” The individual characters are all replaceable and interchangeable. The thing needs to get from point A to point C, but only after it blows up the other thing at point B. ANY CHARACTER can achieve these goals. The plot still gets where it’s going and the audience is only attached to the action or the mystery rather than the characters. I would get just as much enjoyment out of an episode of Revolution if all I did was read the synopsis. In this case I think the failure is writing. I know at least 2 of the actors in Revolution are quite talented, but they are delivering less than captivating performances and I believe they haven’t been given much of a reason to think about what their characters really want. I could go on and on about Revolution‘s failure to impress me, but this is supposed to be about Mad Men.

Another thing I realized while shotgunning season upon season of Mad Men was how important the “show don’t tell” rule can be in television. Take another example of a show I try very hard to like, but can’t seem to stop finding fault with: Falling Skies. Every single character on Falling Skies speaks with the same voice. They all talk the same way, express themselves in the same way, get angry, get happy, get whatever in identical fashion. This starts to become super apparent when you realize that every character on Falling Skies explains their motivations with the same technique: the fond remembrance. Character 1 says, “Why did you let those aliens go? We’re at war.” Character 2 replies with a pause, then, “When I was 8, my dad used to take me to the batting cages to hit balls. There was this other kid who BLAH BLAH BLAH THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS WHATEVER.” They all do it. ALL OF THEM. Kill them all and replace them with a new cast on the next episode and I won’t notice because THE SHOW IS THE MAIN CHARACTER. Don Draper can raise or lower an eyebrow and it SPEAKS VOLUMES. Now again, is it fair to compare exceptionally bad writing to exceptionally good acting? It depends. How much of Draper’s eyebrow movement relies on the page saying “Don raises eyebrow as if to say…” and how much relies on John Hamm’s ability to execute those instructions. Obviously both are required, but I presume that neither works without the other.

So what’s my point? I’m not even sure I have one. I just know that high quality premises are being ruined by lack of attention to character detail, and high quality actors are getting shafted by sub par dialog and a lack of overall vision for what a show is, what story it is trying to tell, WHOSE story it even is and where the whole thing is going. Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Fringe, The first 3.5 seasons of BSG, Firely… these are the shows that prove the impossible is actually all too entirely possible and that everyone else is slacking off.