Tragedy + Irony = April Fools Comedy!

Multiply that equation by “orphans” and you have a recipe for hilarity.

Josh is basically a monster. More like Charlise Theron (in that movie), than say like Mothra or Nancy Grace. I don’t think he would actually burn orphans alive, but I doubt he would go out of his way to stop it from happening. Like if he saw the orphanage a blaze, but the phone was “all the way over there.” Well, then you got yourself some teriyaki orphans. Oh, forsaken children, when will you STOP being funny? My sides can’t take it.

Experiment Update:

I’m into my second week of full time comic’ing. This is the first Wednesday strip I’ve ever done, and with promise of a Friday strip, this will be the first 3 comic week for me ever. I’m already behind on pretty much everything I had planned for the week, including THE STORE, THE DONATIONS PROGRAM, MORE SITE ENHANCEMENTS, THE MANIFESTO, THE PODCAST and THE VIDEO BLOG.

That’s a lot of items. If I am slow to respond to comments this week, don’t feel bad. I read EVERY SINGLE COMMENT that you post. You guys have been so encouraging since my announcement. I really do appreciate it.

Expect the Podcast later today (in 2 parts!). We have an interview with someone who worked with Joss Whedon on “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-Long Blog” for your geeky ears to devour.

Assignment 1: Name “The Experiment.” I’m fine with calling it just that, unless you have a better idea.

Assignment 2: Name yourselves. What are HE readers called? I’m leaning towards “The Fancy Bastards.” I am absolutely making a shirt for GYFB.

Out.

The Architect’s Dilemma

I’ve spent most of the last week rebuilding the site using the new design that my friend Mikey created. I think he did a fantastic job and the site looks 100 times better for it. I am still doing upgrades and tweaks here and there, so if you see anything weird let me know.

The comic pretty well illustrates what my week was like. I COMPLETELY finished the site before digging a Windows PC out of the closet so I could check it on IE 6 and 7. As soon as it came up in the browser window, it asplode. This might only be funny/sad to web designers and CSS junkies, but it’s a heart break that we all share. Cross browser compatibility is the bain of many an existence.

So…uhh… check out that banner… it doesn’t so much say “Update’s Monday and Thursday” as it says “Mon – Wed – Fri.” No, this is not new slang that I learned on the mean streets. This actually means that I’m going to be (attempting to) update the site with 3 comics a week.

How is this possible? Where did I get the sudden influx of free time? I lost my job! My day job, that is. Yes, I was laid off a week ago. So about all the big plans I’ve been hinting at?

Here’s the short version:

I am giving myself 4-6 months to try and make a living as a cartoonist through this website (or at least carve out a path towards that goal). I am going to put my all into this site and NOT look for another day job. At the end of 4-6 months I’m going to evaluate the progress and decide whether or not to proceed as a full time cartoonist, or quietly slink back into the workforce.

I say this is the short version because this is NOT the “Manifesto” I’ve been promising. That is coming this week. I want you to know why I am doing this and what this site, and you readers mean to me. I want to be very open and transparent about the whole situation and the “experiment” that I will be running.

I also need your help. Each and every one of you. If you are interested in helping… in making this lifelong dream a reality, then stay tuned. Instructions will follow. Expect something new on the site every day this week. Here’s a bit of what I have planned:

Continued site overhauling and graphic improvements
Rewriting the sections of the site to give more and better information about myself, the comic, the process etc
A video blog – I am going to document my progress through out the experiment on YouTube
3 COMICS A WEEK! – Come back Wednesday for sure to see if I can do it!
More frequent blog posts
A ENTIRELY NEW STORE WITH NEW SHIRTS and such!

As always I want your feedback. You can either post your thoughts and feedback in the comments now or wait for the more detailed version of the announcement.

I want to add that the 11 months I’ve spent on HijiNKS Ensue have been the most fulfilling and meaningful work I’ve ever done. You readers are 100% responsible for that. Even if it all ended today I would be eternally grateful to you for this happiness.

Thank you,

Joel Watson

He’s a maniac, a maniac on the floor

Despite the fact that we know almost nothing about Joss Whedon’s internet musical (they have those now?), “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog,” it now has it’s own fan blog. That may be a little “putting the fan-blorg before the actual blorg” but that’s how the kids roll these days. Ideas that Whedon hasn’t even had yet already have fan forums, erotic fan-fic, crossover slash with “Veronica Mars” and “Save Joss’s Future Idea from Cancellation!” petitions.

His followers (of which I certainly am one) are quite devoted. I can only assume that all 7 season’s of “Buffy” were laden with subliminal messages that will allow Joss to activate us in his time of need. Look out world. If a zombie-like hoard of kids with ironic tee shirts and even more ironic haircuts come lumbering at you, GET OUT OF THEY WAY! It could only mean Joss Whedon is in trouble and rest assured they will kill you to get to him. They might eat you. Depends on what kind of suggestion he implanted.

So anyway, say we (the Whedon Zombie Hoard) are called and we march to his rescue from… an IRS audit or something. Does he say the secret Mandarin Chinese word and deactivate us like so much River Tam, or does he keep as his personal militia of devout killing machines? I, for one, would gladly live out my days as one of his elite death squad. Why do I assume Whedon has so many enemies?

Based on Joel’s wardrobe and Denise’s comment, what guilty pleasures do you indulge in. Mine is typically watching TV shows I hate until they are cancelled. It’s like once I start something I have to see it through to the end despite loathing ever god forsaken minute of it. Past and current offenders include “Dawson’s Creek”(i know), “Enterprise,” and “Smallville.” I’ve come clean. What about you?

UPDATE: Whedon filmed in this guy’s personal super villain lair! He was a home owner from the show “Monster House” that had his home transformed into an evil dungeon. Everything about this story is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.

2008: A Spam Odyssey

I was pretty surprised when I found out the almost all of the SPAM in the world (85%) comes from just 6 bots. 40% comes from just one source. I wondered which computer would be insidious enough to produce that much junk e-mail? WOPR, Deep Blue, Deep Thought, GlaDOS, The Gibson, Majel Barret, Vector Sigma, Max Headroom, Ziggy, or Skynet?

No, none of those. It could only be the most misunderstood A.I. since Haley Joel Osment: HAL 9000. Poor HAL. He really had the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission.

Just open the freakin’ pod bay doors, for Christ’s sake.

So what was your favorite fictional computer (not robot, mind you)? Comments ho!

Check out this week’s Special Giant Sized HijiNKS Ensue Podcast, “It’s an Easter Miracle.” There are special guests out the wazoo and we answer your questions. Did I mention wazoo?

PPS

If you are super crazy lost, click here.

An Offer He Can’t Refuse

Alternate title: “Meesa Makin’ Him An Offer Heesa Can’t Be Refusin’ ”

The idea that the upcoming Star Wars TV series would be like “Deadwood meets The Sopranos ” does little else other than make me twitch. Not that I have anything against either show (I’ve never seen them). I just can’t understand how, when given the opportunity to resurrect his now laughable franchise Lucas will ignore each and every single one of his (former) fans as they scream in unison, “ALL WE WANT IS JEDI AND LIGHTSABERS AND SPACE BATTLES AND DROIDS!!!” That’s it.

Now you might say, “The dreaded prequels had all of those things. You must be some kind of idiot.” Let me clarify. We want those things and ONLY those things. No Senate sub-committees, no trade disputes, no convoluted political posturing, no biology to explain the metaphysics of the universe, no terrible child actors, no great actors forced into mediocrity by poor writing and worse directing, none of that shit!

This is also not to say that we don’t want story elements. We do. We crave it like delicious mango’s or spiced meats. We want action, suspense, love, Wookies, “The Heroes Journey,” all of it. But you are so fucking bad at those things, George. You are just terrible at each and every one… at least you have been for the last decade or so. Stick to your guns. And by that I mean guns. The kinds with lasers. If you try and reinvent this franchise as a mafia drama or anything other than “Knights of the Old Republic: The Series” I’m going to kick you in the neck-scrotum.

George, you have spent 100% of your effort focusing on perfecting the technology of film making and in the process you have robbed your films of their soul. The Original Trilogy was a technical masterpiece, but it had heart. You are trying so hard to control everything down to the smallest detail that you’ve completely lost your way. The people that cared about you don’t even recognize you behind all of the machinery and computers. You seem fueled by a lust for ultimate control and power, but you are alienating everyone that loves you and transforming into more machine than… ohmyfuckinggod George Lucas is Darth Vader.

The prequels were a cry for help. George, I know there is still good in you. Come back to the light side.

On a side note, rather than make this rediculous “The HutFather” series, hire these two kids and let them run wild. I had more fun watching Ryan and Dorkman than I had during all 3 prequels combined.

So, give it to me. What’s your IDEAL Star Wars series? I would accept either “Jedi Academy” or “KOTOR: The Series.”

P.S.

Here’s a decapitated horse head in a bed. I’m just saying is all.