La Semana De Los Tiburones

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon, now that we are all back from Comic-Con.

Alternate Title: Shark Weakness
He’s also been watching a lot of Shark Macgyver, Shark Wheel of Fortune and Shark Friends, the show about 6 friends who live above a coffee shop in New York and also they are sharks.

COMMENTERS: Gimme more Shark shows!

The Monte Crisco

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon.

I fucking hate Applebees. I hate them so much that I feel like they must already know how much I hate them. Like some Applebees general manager walks past me in a grocery store and gets a shiver down his spine. He thinks it’s a ghost or maybe because we’re on the deli meats aisle, but it’s my hate. My freezing cold burning hate. It’s just the worst restaurant there is. The food, the service, the atmosphere, the food… all just terrible.

One time I ordered a chicken sandwich there and told the waiter I would like it with mustard. He informed me that wasn’t an option. I asked if they had mustard. He replied in the affirmative. I asked if the cook in the back had hands with which to apply the mustard to my sandwich. Again, affirmative. I restated my original request and he told me that the best he could do was to bring me a cup of mustard and a knife. I told him to go ahead and prepare the cup of mustard, pare it with a knife and simply deliver that whole situation to the cook who was preparing my sandwich and inform him of my sauce desires. He made this face like, “I know if I do this, it will be the end of me. If I ask him to put the mustard ON the sandwich… the cook will murder me with his non-mustard-applying-to-sandwiches hands.” He returned 15 minutes later with a sandwich, a cup of mustard and a knife.

I fucking hate Applebees.

And yes, I know the Monte Cristo Sandwich was a Bennigan’s thing, but they’re gone and Applesbees certainly has their fair share of ridiculous carnival food.

COMMENTERS: What restaurant do you hate and why? I don’t mean the place you don’t like to go. I mean the place that you will break up with someone over if they suggest going there. The place you will watch your children go hungry, rather than stepping foot inside. Mine is Applebees. Did I mention that? If not a restaurant, is there a business of any kind that has wronged you so much you’ll never spend a cent there again? VENT!

AC DEATH UPDATE: As some of you know, my AC diedrecently and Texas is going through its worst heat wave in some 40 years. If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode. In the last week you wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated over $1000 towards the AC repairs. Holy crap! What else can I say? I am humbled by your generosity and kindness.

Curiosity Kills

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

The newly relaunched HE Store is up and running over at Blind Ferret. Please go check it out and maybe buy a book or a shirt or something. Shirts will begin shipping soon.

I’m probably going to go see this Rise Of The Planet of The Apes movie. I hope it’s better than the last one with Marky Mark and Chimpraham Lincoln.

I worked really hard to recreate the style of the classic Curious George books. I hope you enjoy that aspect of the comic. I watch a lot of the current Curious George series with my daughter being that it is infinitely more palatable than your Doras and Diegos and such. One thing that always confuses me is how often people are leaving George in charge of their store or their restaurant while they go run errands. There’s a lot of, “Now George, keep an eye on the store while I’m gone and don’t get into any trouble.” What? What?! He’s a god damn monkey? The moment your back is turned he’s throwing poo at your customers and having sex with your cash register.

Maybe this is how it all starts. First we let them mind our stores, and pizza parlors and hair salons. Next they are throwing school busses into helicopters and running for political office. We need to do what we can to keep these apes oppressed. Next time you see a monkey, look it right in the eyes and call it a shit head. Maybe throw a rock at it. And taped to the rock is a note that says, “Hey Monkey. You’re a shithead.” We’ll know if they are getting too smart if they start throwing the rocks back with new notes that say, “Nah uh! You are!”

COMMENTERS: You going to see this Ape film?

Dallas Fancy Bastards! I am going to be at STRIP: The Dallas Webcomic Expo this Saturday [August 6th] from 10-5pm. It’s only $5 to get in. Come get a book or a sketch. It’s a very low key show and I’ll probably be doing a fun times panel with the dude from Cyanide and Happiness.

AC DEATH UPDATE: As some of you know, my AC died last week and living without AC in Texas is not an option. Buying a replacement unit is $3000 (all of which I do not have). If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode. In the last week you wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated nearly $800 towards the AC repairs. Thank you so very much. Your generosity means so much to me and my family.

The Thin Furry Duke

THE HIJINKS ENSUE STORE IS BACK!!!

UPDATE: You asked for it, so I added a “Chibi Wolverine” desktop to The Vault. I’ve also added “Winter Is Coming” and “Three Wheaton Moon” desktops as well. Just make a donation of any amount, or sign up for a recurring donation subscription and you’ll get access. I’ve also added mobile versions of these desktops HERE.

Long story short: Short mutant tall. I watched the premiere of Wolverine (Marvel Anime version) on G4TV and it just wasn’t for me. I’m not a huge anime fan to begin with, so let that color my opinions however you like. The show was done in my absolute least favorite style of anime. The “lovers exchanging long, silent looks over the ocean while 80’s casio keyboards set to vibraphone play softly in the distance… then everybody fights” style. It wasn’t terrible, but it certainly wasn’t Wolverine. This cat was about 24 years old, tall, slender and pointy in all the wrong places. From chin to Aladdin Sane-esque frock, he was all points. The only thing I really enjoyed about Wolvanime was the completely shoehorned moment reminding the audience”Hey! Wolverine is Canadian!” when the incredibly Japanese Logan is seen standing atop a random Manhattan building drinking a can of clearly labelled “CANADIAN BEER.” Yatta bub!

COMMENTERS: What other unexpected anime characteristics might Logan or any other Japanimated Marvel character have? What sort of situations might they find themselves in? Does Chibi-Charles Xavier have to catch (’em) all the mutants in order to be a true mutant training master?

WATCH THIS WITH YOUR EYES! My friends Yuri Lowenthal and Tara Platt are both fantastic voice over actors (Yuri is the voice of Ben 10, Sasuke Uchiha from Naruto, and tons of video game characters, and Tara has voiced characters in Naruto, Final Fantasy XIII, Bleach and dozens of anime series and video games) and now they have stepped out of the booth, in front of the camera to create their own show. Shelf Life is a live action web series about four action figures living on a young boy’s shelf. It’s like Toy Story for those of us that grew up with He-Man and Spider-Man. You can watch the trailer HERE and check out the full series when it premieres later this summer. You can also follow them on the Facing Books.

LAST THING: My AC died last week and living without AC in Texas is not an option. The new unit is costing me $3000. SPOILERS: I don’t have 1 thousand of dollars, let alone 3 of them. If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode.

UPDATE: You wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated nearly $650 towards the AC repairs. Thank you so very much. Your generosity means so much to me and my family.

Hush My Darling, Don’t Fear My Darling

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made a thing! Check out our University of Gallifrey Fighting Time Lords Shirt over at Sharksplode.

I find myself in this position with Josh IRL more often than I like. That is, the position of him “fixing” my computer to be more to his liking. “YOU AREN’T USING SPACES, THE MOST INFURIATINGLY FRUSTRATING THIS ABOUT OS X?!?! [click click click] THERE! I TURNED IT ON FOR YOU SO THAT I LIKE USING YOUR COMPUTER MORE!” Once, Josh IRL didn’t like the latency on my MIDI keyboard so he “upgraded” my soundcard driver to one that totally reduced the latency by not allowing my computer to boot any more.

I’m still adjusting to OS X Lion, but I did disable reverse scrolling after about 5 minutes. That shit made me feel like I was in the International Space Station. I don’t want my Internet browsing to cause bone loss. I don’t roll like an astronaut.

COMMENTERS: What other gestures are available in OSX LION? What about the one armed reverse awkward hug, or the Captain’s embrace? How about the one finger Ankh – where you draw gender symbology on the trackpad while singing Ace of Base songs? Gimme your best example and what they might accomplish within the OS.

I am also going to be attending the Marian Call concert TONIGHT (Tuesday the 2nd) at Poor David’s Pub in Dallas. You should come.

Last thing: My AC died yesterday and living without AC in Texas is not an option. The new unit is costing me $3000. SPOILERS: I don’t have 1 thousand of dollars, let alone 3 of them. If you enjoy my ability to make comics without dying of heat stroke, please consider making a donation, buying something from the store or buying something from Sharksplode.

UPDATE: You wonderful Fancy Bastards have already donated nearly $400 towards the AC repairs. Thank you so very much. I am always speechless at your kindness and generosity.