Built Like A Dick Wheelhouse

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

My friend Corn Mo tweeted something that inspired this comic. Philip K. Dick is certainly a prolific sci-fi author, but he does dance around four or five core concepts in most of his work. It’s not surprising that the issues he wrote about (paranoia, the definition of reality, the machinations of the supposed puppet masters behind the curtain, what it means to be human, the threat of war, etc) were the very things that plagued his addled mind. He also had a penchant for overly verbose titles. Had Radiohead’s OK Computer actually been inspired by Dick, I assume it would have been titled Alright, Computer. Let’s Do This Thing. Let’s Get This Show On The Road.

I’ve said before that the concept of a Blade Runner sequel doesn’t offend me. That’s a rich world and I’m sure there are more stories to be told. The idea that Deckard (Harrison Ford) would be in the sequel, however, makes me want to [ZOOM/ENHANCE] SHIT MY LUNGS OUT OF MY FACE. What a great way to completely invalidate one of the most important ambiguous movie endings in all of geek culture. Of course we all KNOW Deckard was a replicant, but the slight nagging voice in the back of our collective minds that says, “Was he? Was he really?” is part of the film’s appeal. I don’t want to see 70 year old Deckard in the sequel hooked up to 100 car batteries with a USB mod-chip plugged into his ear. Doesn’t he realize he’s going to get his IP permanently banned from Repli-net Live?

Of course, Blade Runner is one of those movies with so many OFFICIAL DEFINITIVE FINAL DIRECTOR’S cuts that you can’t even really discuss it in mixed company without first checking Wikipedia and synchronizing your memory watches. Did your version even HAVE a unicorn? No? Then we should probably talk about something else. So how’s about that local news item with the murder and whatever?

COMMENTERS: Is there a Dick story that you would love to see adapted rather than a a sequel to Blade Runner, or did The Matrix Trilogy cover (lift) essentially every original idea that Dick ever proposed (it did). Will you support a Blade Runner sequel WITH Harrison Ford?

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Black Magic Woman

Wizard Pride T-Shirts at Sharksplode!

My friend Dave saw The Woman In Black and experienced a “muggle heckler” as pictured above. Some people are just so clever, they have to share it with a room full of strangers who’ve paid money to concentrate on something else.

I am never going to be able to look at Daniel Radcliffe and NOT see Harry Potter, but I don’t think that means I won’t be able to take him seriously in other roles. I will just have a harder time concentrating on whatever it is he is doing on screen that does not involve horcruxes, hippogriffs and Hagrids. Emma Watson, on the otherhand… well she has that new short haircut… and the soft skin… soooo sooooft… sooooo skinnnnnnn… [eh hem] Yeah, I think her career will be just fine. Then there’s Rupert Grint. Look, Rupe, I know a lot of guys at comic conventions all over the country and I’m sure I can get you brought in as a guest to a few of them. Have your mom call my people.

Oh, and I did something very bad on my Tumblr.

COMMENTERS: Do you think the Harry Potter kids will be taken seriously as actors beyond their magical personas, or will they get shuffled off into convention circuit oblivion? Who do you think is the best example of a child star overcoming their “big” role? Which actors were you never able to see as anything but the role that made them famous?

We Are The 5%

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

Josh IRL actually got a stern warning from AT&T that his “unlimited” data usage was approaching it’s lim… utmost boundary. I find this kind of shit infuriating. The trend among data service providers (cell, internet, tv, etc) is to give the customer a reasonable deal in exchange for a reasonable level of service UNTIL the service is widely adopted, at which point they reduce features and raise fees. I’m in a situation where I can NEVER alter my AT&T plan up or down in any direction because I am also grandfathered into unlimited data and a calling plan that was phased out years ago, and which has no comparable equivalent in terms of features/price. I guess It’s good to know that the grandfathered “unlimited” data plan I’ve been clinging onto so tenaciously is really only a “5GB or we get cranky” plan. That said, their current 5GB plan costs nearly twice what my “unlimited” plan does.

Still, I have no idea how Josh uses nearly 4GB of cell data a month. I use my phone almost constantly and I have never even reached 500mb in a month. I suspect there are secret gay data shenanigans afoot to which I am not privy.

UPDATE: Looks like Josh is not alone.
UPDATE 2: More info from Consumerist. Apparently the cap for “unlimited” is actually 2gb.

COMMENTERS: Once I needed a screencap of Superman II for photo reference on a comic that I couldn’t find online. The only person I knew with the movie was Josh, so I had him video chat with me while pointing his laptop at his TV as I took screenshots. Keep in mind this was 2007 or 2008, before we were all connected to the MotherGrid and had instant access to all information instantaneously. Have you ever constructed such a Rube Goldberg machine in a time of need?

The Welcome Wagon

NEWT FOR PRESIDENT!!! GET AWAY FROM HER, YOU BITCH!!!

There’s got to be more to it than warp drive, right? What about Mr. Clean Magic Easers? How could you consider a species for eventual admission into the United Federation of Planets if they can’t even get tough, baked on spaghetti stains off their glass top ranges? I say it breaks down like this: You want to roll with the galactic big boys? You need ten things. 1) Warp drive 2) Equality 3) Mostly functional government with short campaign periods, minimal television coverage, and strict caps on campaign donations to minimize big business influence 4) Press’N Seal Wrap 5) Magic Erasers 6) Dyson vacuums 7) Segways (Not that anyone actually uses them. We just need to see that you CAN make them.) 8) Multiroom DVR or GTFO 9) Peanut butter and jelly in the SAME jar (Same as with the Segway or a nuclear bomb. Just a proof of concept.) 10) … I don’t know. World peace or something.

COMMENTERS: What are the other necessities for initiating first contact with a new species? Should they have created, abandoned, re-created and re-abandon 3D movies? What are the hallmarks of true readiness to join the galactic society? Should they have developed a method for merging a Pizza Hut AND a Taco Bell?