If You See Something, Say Something

TORONTO FANCY BASTARDS! I will be with Cyanide & Happiness at FANExpo Canada, August 28-31 at booth 456! I’ll have lots of shirts and prints and we’ll be doing sketches all weekend. We’ll also be hosting the 3rd annual Toronto Banana Bar Crawl! I hope to see you there! MORE INFO HERE! 


Cartoonists are an odd lot. You put a pen in our hand and it just starts drawing dicks. It’s a reflex. To tell a cartoonist NOT to draw a dozen dicks on a table cloth at a nice restaurant is like telling them not to exhale. Our bodies just DO that. So there’s the physiological side of this issue and there’s also the sociological imperative. As this comic mentions, I… WE are from THE INTERNET, so we are not bound by the traditional and outdated “Do not draw a hundred dicks on everything” based system of values. We are evolved. Much like the anthropomorphic dicks I might draw, who they THEMSELVES have their own dicks. See? That kind of forward penis thinking doesn’t come from being confined by societal norms! It comes from the unadulterated freedom an Internet cartoonist has to express their-self through FREE EXPRESSION. The kind of expression where a humanoid dick can be depicted with any number of additional dicks! Dicks for arms? Sure! Dicks for eyes? YOU BET! An ever repeating fractal dick where the dick’s dick ought to be? THIS IS AMERICA, GOD DAMMIT! DRAW DAT DICK!


Calling all Whovians with holes in their ears! Just look at these Sonic Screwdriver earrings my wife made! 

sonic screwdriver earings matt smith elevelth doctor who etsy


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  1. I have proof of that axiom, in the form of a 20+ ft long green plastic table cloth from a past Dragon's Lair Webcomic Rampage panel. Several of the attendees got surprise later notification that we had won them. (several panels were held) It is covered in dicks (and butts, as David was one of the panel guests.) There were about 8 or 9 artists scribbling their high-brow contributions, during the Q&A.
    I plan to attach dowels to either end, so it can be stored/displayed as a scroll.

  2. I think we have a new prime suspect for the Whiteboard Ding-Dong Bandit. (And I'm not talking about Mary…though that might also be a good guess!)

    • We have a chat at work that we're supposed to behave ourselves in, because we're Internet tech support and corporate can see videos of our screens during calls if they want to, so no swearing etc.

      The other day we were doodling ASCII characters back and forth between calls and someone posted 8=====D and tried to convince us it was just a happy guy with a really long nose.

      Yeah, we're from the Internet, too, heh.

    • Now I'm reminded of how few (none) computer pun shirts I have. My favorite one is "There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who can understand binary code, and those who can't."

  3. This and the last one are pretty hilarious. Honestly, I think this one might've been even funnier with just the first speech bubble.

    • True, with the rest in the alt text, and the current alt text moved to a SECONDARY Alt Text.


      Whoa….Second Level ALT text…. We need those….

  4. "Cock-cooned"?

    That sounds like a porno parody of "Cocoon" about some glowy aliens gang-banging a bunch of horny senior citizens in a pool. And unsurprisingly, it will also star Steve Guttenberg.

  5. "Put a pen in our hand and we start drawing dicks."

    This makes signing checks particularly awkward, which often leads to awkward conversations with bank employees.

    "No, it's NOT sexual harassment! I'm a WEBCARTOONIST. Look, my legal signature is now a stylized human phallus. I have a note from my doctor AND the Secretary of State's office."

  6. Where can one get one of those cards which explains that someone is from the Internet and so has no understanding about the social mores of the real world? It's…. for a friend.

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