Guest Comic By Brian Patterson of D20 Monkey



And My Axe - Gimli shirt by HijiNKS ENSUE at Topatoco

NEW HE Podcast Episode 80: Medium Seabiscuit [or is it Sexbiscuit?]

HijiNKS ENSUE at Emerald City Comicon

OMG EMERALD CITY COMICON IS THIS WEEKEND!!! It is by far my favorite show of the year. Come see me and Angela at booth 307. Here’s a MAP to all the other webcomics I know that will be there. I will be at the Marian Call show in Seattle Thursday night. If any Fancy Bastards are in the audience, feel free to comic up and say hi.

CONVENTION UPDATE: I announced on Twitter today that I wouldn’t be attending the Toronto Comics and Arts Festival [TCAF] due to astronomical airfares. Lots of you suggested I flying into Buffalo, NY and drive from there. This might be a viable possibility, so I’m not counting Toronto out 100% yet. I will make an update via Twitter when my plans are finalized.

BOOK UPDATE: The giant, frost bitten pallet of HE Book 2’s should arrive at my house from Canada today. I’ll be on a plane to Seattle the next morning and start shipping books when I get back. Non-artist edition books will ship first, followed by non-artist UFE’s (still waiting on some of the goodies like stickers and buttons to arrive), followed by all artist editions. I have at least 200 books to sketch, so please be forgiving when it comes to delivery times.

HOW ABOUT THIS FANCY GUEST COMIC, HUH? Very special thanks to Brian Patterson of D20 Monkey for this hilarious guest comic. Though the three of us have never played D&D together in real life, I assume it would go very much like this.

COMMENTERS: What else goes on in the mundane lives of Orcs and other dungeon dwellers BEFORE you party happens upon them?

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    • It's like being at work, right down to the orcs.

      Oddly enough, our building is "auctioning" off old refrigerators, because we're doing a remodel…for free. Most people have said "I wouldn't even use those as a spare beer fridge out in my garage".

      that's some nasty breakroom 'fridges.

  1. Players in my campaigns always kept some kind of rune-decyphering spell handy after one of them determined that the Goblinish scrawl on a nondescript door in a dungeon read "EMPLOYEES ONLY" and they broke into the access tunnels the "wandering" monsters used to get into position and reset traps and such.

  2. "That's fantastic news, Grank! I always thought you and Krushna made a lovely couple. We'll head over to the pub to celebrate right after my retirement party this afternoon."

  3. Orc 1: "Yeah, did you hear? Saruman is calling himself 'The many-colored' now"
    Orc 2: "Man, what a pretentious asshole."
    Orc 3: "Well, he did create a horde out of mud."
    Orcs 1&2: "Stop being a kiss-ass Krishnak!"

    • My vision of the Orc Water Cooler:
      Imagine an machine with a Elf head on top of it, and a dispenser made from dwarf bones. Water is stored in human stomachs.

  4. I always figured orcs spent their time trying to read, then ritually beating the one that reads best. Rather than a sign above the coffee pot – the guy who wrote that has obviously been beaten – there would be a red arrow pointing at the off switch, a pic of flames and then stinky lines.

  5. I'm super excited about ECCC! It's my first Con in ages, and my wife's very first. I'll totally stop by your booth to lend some Fancy Bastard support.

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