Did I get the Spanish right this time? (edit: NO! but I fixed it.)
Enjoy your day off, explodify as many things and possible and eat something that was cooked outdoors. If you see anyone from Great Britain, make sure you enunciate all your “H’s.” That’ll remind them how they lost this sweet ass land mass with all its awesome resources.
If you are British, get drunk and cry yourself to sleep thinking of how beautiful it could have been. Better luck next time, SUCKERS!
EDIT: I guess it’s not obvious that I’m just making jokes and I hold no ill will to the British. New Zealanders… oh that’s another story. Damn Kiwis.
EDIT EDIT: Ok, so after getting a call from the New Zealand Embassy, I have decided to redact all negative comments about those dirty dirty… lovely people. At least they aren’t Merpeople. God damn fishlegs.
EDIT EDIT EDIT: All people of the land and sea are equally appreciated and welcomed to enjoy this comic. We are the world. We are the children.
Well, to be fair, so is mine.
I think I'll assimilate the phrase "I'm going to wait while you think about what you've said." into my regular repertoire. Wonderful.
Not at all. I like FOTC too.
Holy crap, I almost gagged at the thought of Walrus Bacon! Thanks Joel! Have a great 4th, and try not to 'splode off any of your parts!
It's 4th of July?
I hadn't really noticed, well happy quatro de julio to you.
I think I have some m80's lying around…
Chupacabra gravy. It needs to happen.
Awesome. Do Mexicans even celebrate July 4th?
American Independence day? Im going to wait while you think about what you've said.
Happy 4th of July you fancy American bastards! Though as a Britisher, I have to tell you that we sort of got over all that loss of a continent thing a while back. 😉 Enjoy, guys!
If your american, get drunk and cry yourself to sleep thinking that if you lived under british rule you'd never have been afflicted with George W Bush.
Unfortunately for the world there wont be a next time.
Wait, if you dont want it any more there must be something wrong with it? Is this country a lemon? What have you shafted us with?
True. We'd also all be speaking German.
Boosh.
Did I actually say something patriotic? Thats weird. Oh god, please dont misconstrue this for supporting Bush.
We all make mistakes like getting drunk making out with our sister than moving to the Alabama to raise freaks…..
Dont they call that "The Alabaman Dream"?
I wonder how they celebrate it in Denise's homeland of…. I think she's from the same country as Fez.
I love that fireworks are illegal where I live now. I used to live in Missouri and from July 1st to the 6th I had to deal with drunk rednecks blowing shit up in the middle of the street and children shooting bottle rockets at my car.
Man, that sounds like my kind of party!
Everyone complains about drunk rednecks until SHIT NEEDS FIXIN.
Walrus bacon slathered in Chupacabra gravy.
That's what needs to happen.
Nah, this country is all old and busted. Nobody wants it.
Welcome to the comments, glad you are enjoying the comic.
Dear god, theres a "70's show" marathon on thats been playing in the background of my house all day. I've partially seen at least 10 eps today.
We found out it was second hand.
Old and busted? Dude, my house is almost as old as your country!
Well done on the artwork though, and the podcast too! Awesome! I laugh like a crazy person on the tram into work most mornings. People look at me funny because of you.
The irony that the Family channel is showing each Harry Potter movie through 4 this weekend is not lost on me. I wonder if they even realize their transgression.
Walrus bacon? Sounds like a man sandwich to me!
Oh come now. Really. We were just about to take those Germans. They were pissing us off by the end, we were about to lose our temper.
I saw that commercial. "In honor of America we are show all the British Harry Potter Movies!"
Dear Lord…. fiesta haggis? well played… and I know a few of mexican heritage that do allow their children to drink beer and such. I have been waiting all week to see what your 4th of july comic would be about… fantastic as all the others are!
Freedom Haggis! But which kind… the long left legged or the long right legged? (Scottish folks will know what I'm wittering about)
Shame on you Joel Watson! Those Texas colors come busting out in a big sticky gush when nobody's looking, eh? If we hadn't been such nationalist pricks, cowering in our foreskins of selfishness–it never would have gotten so far out of hand.
…as such
That's pretty funny. Somehow I don't think Britain gives a rats behind that they ain't got all this land mass (USA). Of course I could be wrong.
I am so jealous of your artistic ability.
Beamer
Some of us are fab whether blue-hawaiianed or not <snap>!
When I said "machine gun turrets", what I in fact meant to say was "machine gun turrets" 😉 Whether or not the Germans had glass jaws anywhere near their back bottoms is a matter you would have to take up with them… Also, if I may be allowed to gently nuzzle your brain with the penis of my language & linguistics degree, one possible origin of the word poppycock (though disputed by the OED) is the Dutch pappekak, meaning "soft shit"…
Linguistics are for homos. And I thought that poppycock was a slang term for rent-boys supporting a heroin habit.
Homo? You read me like a book, sir!
Takes one to know one–lame'o.
And then I started to laugh, deep rolling guffaws from the middle and south central abdominal areas. Yes, Yes, very Holy Grail credits. Superb.
Kiwis actually think the American accent is sexy, the way (some) ladies here think British accents are sexy.
We are the ones who make a brighter day, so give, to the Will Rogers institute.
Yeah, just Tony Blair. Better to be ruled by the prom-slut sorority girl sucking the dick, than the coke-addled frat-bastard ashing his joint in her hair, is it?
I enjoyed the fact that Eli thought that Whole Foods would have those Mexican "delicacies" that he enjoyed as a child…
Josh's need for walrus bacon sounded vaguely homoerotic… as I'm sure it was meant to be.
I want you to write a new language that I may speak it.
Isn't it "cuatro"? like, with a 'C'?
Wow. My house is from the Victorian era and it's broken like a Yahoo search for "Google"
They're illegal here in Massachusetts, but NO ONE CARES. I have met one person in my entire life here that did not endorse they're use with gusto, and she was crotchety, old, and weird. Fireworks have been going off constantly all night, and I live 40 feet from main street.
We Slovakians keep to our stunted onion jokes.
You REALLY don't want to know what it means. REALLY. It involves utensils.
FIrst of all, awesome post. It made me think of the holy grail intro credits. Also, comic = hilarious!
If the walrus bacon was homoerotic the walrus would have had to be human.
Krav, Eli was being sarcastic.
John Lennon?
If you're an illegal immigrant, is it illegal to celebrate American Independence Day? Is there some largely-unknown, colonial punishment designed for humiliation?
Koo Koo Kachoo?
As a card-carrying Mexican, I can tell you that it's not. The family of illegals across the street from my house were setting of their own fireworks from the back of their F150 long after the actual ones were finished.
We Mexicans (both the legal U.S. Citizens and the not-so-much) hardly need an excuse for a party. We party at weddings, birthdays, all U.S. Government holidays, all the Mexican ones, funerals, graduations, Tuesdays and anniversaries.
I think the PC term is "pre-owned."
*flashes his Mexican badge*
Aye, Joel. The Slovak has a point. It is spelled with a si.
Can I be the Eggman?
So, you've outed Eli as a Messican. I think this was previously mentioned.
And while I definitely don't speak for every Mexican out there, I will say that my 4th is routinely spent in a Mexican gay bar, drinking until I forget where I last stuck my penis.
And narwhal steaks.
Mexicans: Partying Harder Than College Kids Since 1836.
Sloppy seconds. We were a hookup that GB didn't want to call the next day.
(But we were dressed kinda slutty, and were kinda drunk, and kinda asked for it.)
That language has already been written; it's called "Warren Ellis".
Now THOSE are some tasty metaphors. Bravo.
Mah! Fantastic imagery and really poignant too.
I know… I Was being Sarcastic.
That sounds even more homoerotic than previously!
Heaven's! -I've been co-opted!
The part I went to was probably 75% Mexican, 15% Black, 5% White, and 5% Lebanese. It was also 96% gay. Those numbers alone show what a great country this is. Even when it sucks, I love America.
Oh, and there was a moon bounce.
Eli's glee about "bottle rocket cock fights" seems a little like Josh is rubbing off on him. As it were (smirk!).
And didn't Denise already talk about suckling chupacabra and fiesta haggis in the weirdest/favorite foods discussion in the forum? I'm pretty sure those were on her list somewhere.
Like the "bacon wave"? I've tried it, and it doesn't work very well.
We're americans and we like to blow shit up, dammit! It's in the constitution. It's not early July if someone hasn't lost a digit (at least).
They took our jobs!
Mexican gay bar. Only upon reading those words did I realise that those two concepts had never been linked together in my head before. Mexican gays and cheap tequila? That's bound to get untidy…
We have the right to bear arms sir, and we cannot feasibly implant these arms until we've blown off our old ones.
Dont knock it till youve tried it. Its super blubbery!
Actually we make narwhal tusk-kabobs.
I think thats just the demographics for all of LA, right?
So its not rape, then.
Im sure there were exclamations of "poppycock!" and "hrumph!" all around.
"these colors don't run" or something.
GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!
Plus you have a tiny water heater right? Mine's HUGE and runs on coal and makes enough hot water for 100,000 people every day even if I dont need any.
This is a very good point.
Thanks! You gotta get them started young. Build up a tolerance.
Thanks! Those responsible for this comment have been sacked.
Paul is dead.
Somewhere behind live pigeons with cream cheese.
No, no…we kinda had a reputation early on, but then we started going to those Womens' Studies classes, and became our own woman.
Is there kobold kraut? I feel like all of this needs kobold kraut.
Poppycock indeed. Germans were as soft as shit… Get them out from behind their machine gun turrets and they had glass jaws, the lot of them.
Runs on coal, you say? Well, you are in Texas, i suppose. Electricity a bit of a novelty down there, I hear… 🙂
As with many meats, the fat is the best part.
GB? Let me tell you, without England, Wales and Scotland would still be full of celts smearing themselves with woad and speaking languages that sound like people choking. When you say UK or GB, you mean England.
Really? No wonder the Republicans hate California.
As is the child inside of me, now.
Believe it or not, a lot of gay Mexicans are very much of the fey variety. They usually like their drinks fruity and pastel-colored.
Not I, though. I enjoy a good beer over a frilly concoction any day. Though, I will occasionally take a shot of Tequila, only to show my incredible tolerance to it in front of others.
Heh, we had a 4th of July Party with some retired military folks. One talked about being friends with the British liaison officer on post a few years ago and at their party (He and his wife offered to host it), they passed out lipton tea bags to all the guests.
Not Mexican and only sometimes fey, but I do love those electric blue concoctions.
"Does this drink make me look fat?"
Including the majestic møøse
A Møøse once bit my sister …
"Oh thweetie, that Blue Hawaiian makes you look so fabulooouuuus!"
They had glass jaws in their buttholes? Or did you not mean their poppycocks when you said "machine gun turrets?"
DOUBLE SARCASM FAIL!
Didn't Audi make a Quatro, something or other? -You're right, we did wind up speaking German!
as in "sorry about Boston"?
Americans have an accent? i thought we just talked normal and everyone else was a variation on the theme.
Possibly, or a, “But look what you poor bastards have been missing out on for two hundred years!”
Another good story about that guy is that when he came over he wasn’t parachute qualified with the British Army, so they got an agreement with Fort Bragg (home of the XVIII Airborne Corps) to train him here. However each morning, I guess they make them all stand at attention and when they call roll they had to give their numbers. Because he was the lone Brit and didn’t have one, they assigned him one-007. Let it never be said the army has no sense of humor.
Well… I guess it wouldn't be hard to speak perfect Kiwi. I can only do it in short, controlled bursts though.
The kiwi accent is pretty hard to imitate – seen many foreigners try to do it but they all come out sounding Australian *sigh* Bet you didn't think you had any kiwis reading HE eh?
I dont think I've talked to any New Zealander(?) readers directly. Several from Australia frequent the comments, though. I can at least imitate both members of Flight of the Conchords of that counts.
Doing better than 99% of Americans that's for sure – amazed how well Flight of the COnchords is doing in the States. By the way New Zealand is not as backward as depicted in the series – as you can see I'm using the Internet 🙂
WE gave you LOTR, and this is all the thanks we get!? (NZ)
I actually have had somebody ask me that exact same question (except they were drunk), and I responded less with a long-winded and sarcastic description of a ficticious CELEBRATION OF ANOTHER COUNTRY'S INDEPENCENCE YOU IDIOTIC WASTE OF CARBON than with a punch to the nuts (I was drunk as well).
On a related note I like to ask people what the real significance of Cinco de Mayo is, then murder those who say anything about "Mexican Independence Day (that's September 16th)".