You muggles make me sick. With all your hang ups about who’s gay and who humps house elves and who gets off to watching people drink unicorn blood while being asphyxiated. Just sick. Where a wizard chooses to stick his wand is his own business.

So what if Dumbledore’s gay? He’s not hurting anyone. Well, he’s dead, so he’s really not doing anything. Also he’s fictional.

Speaking of fiction, there ARE victims associated with this outing. The slash fic writers. You can’t very well craft rich and textural homo erotic slash fiction for a character who’s ACTUALLY gay. How is that naughty? Slash where the only men having new and exciting sexual encounters with other men is only worth reading if the pairing are supposed to be straight. You don’t do Willow/ Tara slash. You do Xander/Spike slash or Giles/Jonathan slash. Or maybe even The Master/Andrew/Giles/Uncle Enyos slash. I would even settle for Joyce/Anthropomorphic Ms. Kitty Fantastico/Rat Amy slash. But NEVER actual gay character slash. Gross. That gives me the heebies and makes me want to call my congressman (who is probably gay).

In retrospect, instead of the Dumbledisco, I should have done a comic about Dumbledore in an airport bathroom and the ensuing press coverage.

Matt Lauer: “But, Headmaster, why did you start tapping your toes under the stall?”
Dumbledore: “It’s really very silly,  Matt. This has all been blown out of proportion. I was going to proposition the young man in the adjacent stall for anonymous gay sex and that seemed like the best way to get his attention. I had written a note on my shoe that said “I want to have sex with you in a gay way” and I wanted him to notice it. Thus the aforementioned tapping.”

Also, if you want to see that last panel as a desktop let me know. If you want to see it as a shirt, then wait a couple of days. Oh, I’m so not kidding.