The Unwashed Masses

I’m doing something different with the comics starting this week. A bit of an experiment, or rather a continuation of The Experiment. I could certainly use your feedback and your support. Please take a few minutes and READ MORE here.

The thing I hate the most about going to movies in the theater, especially popular ones, is the people. Specifically the teens. I HATE YOU TEENS! I HATE YOUR STUPID PRETTY BUT STILL AWKWARD FACES! I am an adult, and as such I believe I have a right to live a life totally devoid of teens. I am all for teen segregation. They already have their own schools. Why not their own restaurants and movie theaters?

“George Hurt You” shirts are in the store!!! Let the healing begin.

There was a kid in line behind me bitching THE ENTIRE TIME about how “fucking retarded” this particular movie theater was because he stood in the wrong line for an hour and missed his showing of Avengers and no one did anything to stop him from doing such an incredibly stupid thing. To be fair, the theater was so incredibly packed that it was difficult to tell which line was for which showing. This kid, however, allowed himself to stay in the wrong line for over an hour PAST the start time printed on his ticket. Movies do not start an hour late. They are not concerts. Iron Man and The Hulk are not getting high in the green room while Thor gets his Mjolnir hammered by some Asgardian groupie. At one point he called his mom to complain that he was going to be late getting home because of how stupid the theater was and how he doesn’t want to just leave because he already spent like $20 (certainly hers, not his) on snacks. I should not have to endure such teenage dumbness just in order to see a film on opening weekend. Can I pay $5 more to sit in the Adults Only theater? Does that theater serve booze? Who wants to invest in this idea? It’s quite possibly the best idea anyone has ever had.

So what about The Avengers? Quite simply, it was a triumph. It rivals Iron Man and Spider-Man 2 for the title of “Best Super Hero Movie Of All Time” (I do not count The Dark Knight in this category because I just don’t. It’s its own thing.) Without question it is certainly the best Thor movie, the best Hulk movie, the best Captain America movie and the best Iron Man sequel produced to date. And the Hulk… Jesus the Hulk. I have NEVER liked any incarnation of the Hulk in any form of media, filmed, televised or printed. Yet give this character to Joss Whedon and he uses him with such precision and skill that he steals not just every scene he’s in, but quite possibly the entire movie. The use the words “the Hulk” and “subtlety” in the same sentence seems contradictory, but that’s what it was. As a matter of fact, every single thing I loved about The Avengers stemmed from that Whedonesque subtlety that I’ve grown to love so well. A throw away line here that is anything but a throw away, a bit of body language that goes almost unnoticed but tells an entire story. God dammit, Hollywood! Do you see now what we’ve been trying to tell you for a decade?

I want to write a thesis deconstructing the ways in which Michael Bay and Joss Whedon destroy downtown Manhattan. The ham fisted wrecking ball vs. the artist with the soft touch. In the end, the city is still rubble, but the way it got there could not be more disperate. I am not exaggerating when I say I fell asleep during the climactic battle of Transformer 3. I honestly could not tell what was happening on the screen for the last half hour of the movie and I just lost interest in fighting the boredom. The last 30 minutes of The Avengers, however, might be the most fun I have ever had in a movie theater. Oh, and did I mention The Hulk? HULKHULKHULKHULKHULK HULLLLLLLLLLLLK!!! Seriously, it was that good.

COMMENTERS: Post your thoughts on The Avengers in the comments. SPOILERS MUST MUST MUST BE TAGGED or your comments will be deleted and you will be banned from commenting. DO NOT RUIN THIS MOVIE FOR ANYONE.

Calgary Expo 2012 Fancy Photo Comic Part 3

Calgary is a weird town. Everything is pretty nice and clean and Canadian and there is a series of above ground tubes that you can navigate most of downtown with to avoid actually being on the street, but pretty much everything closes at sundown and NOTHING is open on Sunday. Visting cartoonists need to drink on Sunday too, Calgary! I don’t think Canadian Jesus will mind. Incidentally, Canadian Jesus is the same as American Jesus (the one true Jesus) except he does some occasional ice fishing and pays too much for his mobile data plan.

The Holodeck is for porn! The Holodeck is for porn!

If you are a long time reader of HijiNKS ENSUE, you probably know what Star Trek: TNG means to me. It was more than a show. It was a friend and a guide when I was a confused, ignored and bullied little boy. I learned so much about respect (how to earn and give it), problem solving, avoiding violence at all costs, but still not letting anyone push me around, and what the future can (and should) be if we aren’t too childish, greedy and stupid to get ourselves there. I very large part of who I am, and how I view the world is based on the lessons I learned from TNG. So, with that in mind, I’m sure you can gauge how much it meant to me to be present at the 25th Anniversary reunion of the TNG cast at the Calgary Expo. It was nothing short of magical.

Check out Wil’s touching video from the TNG 25th anniversary reunion here. Thanks to Angela, Alina, Sparks, Wil, The Blind Ferret Crew and the TNG crew!

As the cast members recollected and joked with each other, I quickly realized that they were not performing; not putting on a show, but instead they were just catching up. It was as if 8000 grinning geeks were not in the room with them as they told stories, and reminisced. We were scores and scores of flies on the wall to the greatest geek conversation we could have hoped to hear. That is not to say they ignored the audience or seemed in anyway ungrateful for our contribution to their legacy (quite the contrary, actually). It’s just that they almost seemed lost in their affection for each other. Patrick Stewart in particular spent most of the evening facing not the audience, but turned to face his friends. If asked a question directly, he always had to look for the mic and pick it up because he had long since put it down in order to pay closer attention to what Frakes, Wheaton or Sirtis were saying. It seemed like the whole thing was sponsored and film by Space in Canada, so I am hopeful that the discussion will be broadcast in some fashion soon. I cannot stress enough how perfect a cap that evening was to 25 years (20 for me) of Star Trek: TNG fandom. I must thank Sohmer and our Calgary Expo volunteers for getting me the ticket. It’s one of those things that I wasn’t going to let myself splurge on, but knowing now what I would have missed… let’s just say I would have regretted it.

Speaking of splurging, when I saw that an entire cast photo with the TNG crew was available for $500 and up to six people were allowed to split the cost, I immediately grabbed five friends and got ready to do some convincing. Turns out this is a proposition that, among Star Trek fans, requires little to no convincing. Thanks again to our fantastic volunteers, we were able to score some line-skipping passes which meant we only had to wait for about an hour instead of three to four. Now I normally am not one for photo-ops or impersonal signings at events where celebrities are present. I much prefer a casual encounter, a brief exchange or words, etc. But this was potentially the last time these people were going to be in the same room… forever! I was already mentally clearing family photos off the mantle to make room for this picture. The photo-op itself took all of 15 seconds. Honestly it wasn’t even enough time to make eye contact with the whole crew. We were in, somehow I ended up next to the Captain (in Troi’s spot), they snapped the pic and we were out. As we left I heard Wil say, “Everyone wave to my friend Joel!” That was, uhh… pretty fucking rad. And as you can see, the picture turned out amazing! Look at that grin on Patrick Stewart! I’m going to have it tattooed over my own face so I can see it every time I look in the mirror. Damn, that was a good day.

COMMENTERS: What events go on your “life flashing before my eyes” hit list? What awesome things have happened to you that made you say “I WAS THERE! I ACTUALLY DID THAT!“?

Calgary Expo 2012 Fancy Photo Comic Part 2

Guys, I fully understand that we ARE going to be destroyed by a terror from beyond the stars. I’m OK with that. All I ask is that our destroyer be a cutey-wooty snuggley button of doom. I feel like it’s a reasonable request.

Wil Wheaton and I got excited and made this “Fighting Time Lords” shirt for you!

These furthering adventures from Calgary Expo feature The Blind Ferret crew, specifically the be-balded, be-capped, be-lightsabered and ever be-Red Bulled Mr. Sohmer. Exhibiting with these guys is exactly as much fun as it appears to be. Take that… however you will. One of these days you will probably get to see some of our adventures in full motion complete with audio and additional motion and probably some editing, since Will has been filming us since Emerald City ComiCon. I don’t know when or how the show/documentary/series/??? is going to be released, but from what I’ve seen so far I am in it. So that should be enough, right? I hear the pilot is coming along nicely and I’m sure they will make an official announcement when it’s ready for public consumption.

COMMENTERS: What’s the best geeky baby/kid costume you’ve ever seen? Ever make one for your own kids, or had one made for you as a kid? My wife and I have made our daughter’s Halloween costumes almost every year and our Boo costume is still one of the top Google results when searched.

Calgary Expo 2012 Fancy Photo Comic Part 1

“Winter Is Coming” shirts are now IN THE STORE!!! [based on this comic]

I am dead, Calgary. You killed me with your booze. Also with your meats. That bacon wrapped corn on the cob was NO JOKE. Neither was the pulled pork poutine, which A) Is an actual thing, B) Would either be illegal in the states or elected to public office and C) Is transcendently delicious. Seriously, Calgary, with your meats, meat sauces, oil derricks and cowboy hats I wasn’t entirely sure I had left Texas. I mean, sure, it was cold and the people were polite, unarmed and generally in good health, but a lot of it was like Texas. Ok, the hats were the main thing. Also, the con took place inside a rodeo arena. Luckily the two events were not happening simultaneously.

This Fancy Photo Comic features my friend and convention adventuring partner Angela, the Blind Ferret crew and a guest appearance by Josh Cagan who was at the con to do a panel about the 10th anniversary of Undergrads.

COMMENTERS: In your international travels, have you ever found little pockets that felt like home? A BBQ joint in Calgary might as well be a portal directly to Dallas except for the lack of US beers, and flagrant racism. Have you ever been pressured or otherwise encouraged to take part in a local custom while traveling? What?! Binge drinking is too a custom!

Don’t Be That Guy

UPDATE: There’s now a shirt inspired by this comic in the HE Store!

Did you know I have published two books of my comics containing NEW COMMENTARY for absolutely every comic, embarrassing stuff I drew in middle school and high school, and LOTS more extras that have never been published online? Well, I did and I’m really proud of them and they have funny names and I think you should buy them.

I am going to be at Calgary Expo this coming weekend with Blind Ferret at booths 925/1025! MORE INFO HERE.

GAHHH! Stop being such a Grammar Dalek! (Yes, you should probably start using this phrase in daily life.)

I made this comic almost entirely on my iPad in the PHX airport during a layover on my way to Calgary. Some of the template and text layout was done ahead of time in Photoshop, and some of the mistakes will probably be cleared up in Photoshop after I get back, but I don’t feel at all bad about being proud of what I was able to accomplish on zero hours sleep with a tablet and a stylus sitting at an airport Burger King. The app I used was ProCreate and the styli were the Adonit Jot Pro and the Wacom Bamboo. A word of warning to would be iPad artists, I had to start using a screen protector with the Adonit Jot to prevent (additional) scratches on the screen. The good news is the recently released Zagg Invisible Sheld HD is a MUCH better screen protector than their previous versions. Very smooth, glass-like surface with little to no texture and far less friction. I also took a Fancy Bastard suggestion and used an app called Photogene to resize the comic and I was pleasantly surprised to see that it will resize, rename and upload straight to my server via FTP.

So there’s a bunch of stuff about apps and whatever. Super funny haha entertaining, right? I haven’t slept since Tuesday night and facts are the only things my brain can process. The sky is up, the rest is down and the harvest approacheth. The time of the Bloodwolves is upon us and only the cunning and the swift will be spared in the flesh reaping. These are all facts. I am so tired. Come buy my stuff in Calgary. All the commercials here are for stores and things I have never heard of. What are Rogers and Shaw and what is a Honda Civic?

COMMENTERS: Feel free to come up with your best Grammar Dalek lines.