Dog Ownership: A Review

We got a dog for the Kiddo a little over a week ago on “Clear The Shelters” day. However, the dog has decided that I, not Kiddo, am the All Knowing, Benevolent MAN-GOD of her little Dogiverse. I told Kiddo that the puppy imprinted on me and thinks I’m her mommy. She said, “Don’t you mean DADDY?” To which I replied, “Nope.”

When my Patreon hits the next goal ($2000), I’ll start making Patron-only exclusive monthly comics! Your $5 a month can make that a real thing for real!

I’ve never had a dog before, so it’s an altogether new experience having another living being get just as excited about my naps as I do. It’s also been awhile since another creature went completely apeshit just because it noticed that I continue to exist. It’s a pretty validating feeling. Is that what dogs are for? To be our ever-constant, nonjudgemental cheerleaders? To just follow us around and root us on for our every dumb, lumbering mistake? Cool.

Here’s a T-Shirt I made about how much people care about fictional depictions of long past interstellar conflicts.

People With Idiot Cat Brains: A Bug

Hey! It’s another “People With Idiot Cat Brains!” Here’s the previous installments. When my cat, Tivo, was young he would catch grasshoppers, chase them around the house, then systematically maim them, reducing their mobility and life expectancy a little bit at a time. Finally, he’d take it one step too far, bop it pretty good on the thorax or whatever, and stare puzzled as to why it was no longer half-hopping and spastically twitching around our living room.

When my Patreon hits the next goal ($2000), I’ll start making Patron-only exclusive monthly comics! Your $5 a month can make that a real thing for real!

Nowadays, both of our cats will just sort of sit in one spot, transfixed on a moth or junebug that’s made its way inside. They are infinitely interested in its activities, yet infinitely disinterested in moving their lazy asses in order to effect any change on its circumstance. If it happens to cross within an arm’s length radius of one of the cats, a couple of quick bops, and it’s a motionless pile of formerly-a-bug. Then they stare at it for another couple of hours for good measure.

Here’s a T-Shirt I made about how much people care about fictional depictions of long past interstellar conflicts.

How Many Lights Do You See?

Here’s (I believe) THE FINAL redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.

The Star Trek: TNG episode “Chain Of Command Pt. 2″ is such a wonderful hour of television. Patrick Stewart just DESTROYS your preconceived notions about cheesy acting in Star Trek or in science fiction in general. He Shakespeares THE SHIT out of that final torture scene. Picard is a man physically and mentally broken, but his will triumphs in the face of unbearable pain and almost total, partial nudity. Cardassians, man. Fucking Cardassians.

Here’s a T-Shirt I made about how much people care about fictional depictions of long past interstellar conflicts.

Cosmic Sans

Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic. This was one of the first ones I ever did, one of my favorites and the one that probably the fewest people who aren’t me understand. You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in April 2014 below.

I wrote at least three different comics about “Darmok.” I am definitely making at least one of them, but I haven’t decided if I’m going to save it for later or just do it now. I also haven’t decided if I’m just going to give up HijiNKS ENSUE and FANEURYSM and just make Darmok comics every day until I’m dead. Decisions are tough. It feels like that one time… with Temba… and the arms or whatever. Metaphors are also tough.

As much as I love “Darmok,” I do take issue with it. Actually, I take a metric assload of issue with it. Let’s assume that at some point the Tamarians didn’t talk like stupid idiots. They HAD to have regular language at some point in order to pass down the stories that allow their metaphors to be relatable. So perhaps they gave up on coherent speech as a people at some point and the Head Tamarian In Charge said, “Guys, here me out. We all know about Darmok, and Temba, and Shaka and what they were all about and what not. How’s about when I finish THIS SENTENCE, we only speak in reference to our shared cultural stories from here on out starrrrrtiiiiiinnnnnng…. NOW?”

I’m sure it worked out great for maybe a day or two, and everyone felt super cool about their complicated new way of not really communicating very well, and how funny it was that they were super frustrating to every other species in the Galaxy, but then… THEN someone needed to find a way to say, “Hey, I think I dropped the remote behind the couch when I was vacuuming. Can you reach back there and check? I would, but you know how my back is.” Then it was just kill or be killed. I wouldn’t be surprised if Captain Dathon and his crew were the last six surviving Tamarians. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were only six of them left and they had JUST started talking this way maybe 6 weeks ago.

Of course it makes a hell of a lot more sense if you consider that maybe they only speak that way in adulthood, or in formal settings, or if they belong to a particular religion are political affiliation, or if they are high born or when they want to infuriate an uncharacteristically dense in this particular episode Starfleet Captain until they are eaten by an invisible monster in order to prove a point.

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FARGOne Conclusion

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Here’s another redrawn/recolored FANEURYSM comic, newly reborn as a SHARKSPLODE comic. Bask in its unholy tranformation! You can see the original here, and read the blog post I wrote back in March 2014 below. Fargo season 2 is about to start, so now’s a good time to shotgun season 1.

The Fargo TV series is really good. Like REALLY good, dontchaknow. My wife and I started shotgunning it via VOD based on numerous accounts of it being of high quality and damn, if it didn’t grab me right away. At first I was confused, thinking that it was a retelling of the original Coen brothers movie. A lot of the characters and many of the situations seemed to be analogous to the those in the 1996 film. Also, they both started with an onscreen message about being based on a true story. So was it the same true story, or two very similar true stories that happened nearly 20 years apart? Was Martin Freeman’s character supposed to be the TV version of William H. Macey’s character? They both had dead end jobs and got involved with criminals before quickly getting in way over their heads.

So, what was the deal? It turns out the answers to my questions were basically, “Yessss? But also noooo?” Fargo, the movie, is NOT based on a true story. There are a few true crime stories that might have been inspiration, but one of them took place in Connecticut, and neither of them are similar enough to the film to call it “true.” That was just a lie the film makers used when marketing the movie to a world that didn’t yet have immediate access to all recorded facts in their pockets. Bullshitting was easier in the 90’s. Likewise, the FX show is also NOT a true story. It’s a great story, but a false one none the less. After a few episodes you actually learn that Fargo the show is a direct sequel to Fargo the movie in that they take place in the same universe, and at least one plot point carries over directly from one to the next. It is ALSO a bit of a remake/retelling in that many of the characters and situations are TV-ised versions of their movie counterparts. It’s a bit confusing when you analyze it, but it’s also great TV. And I should point out that knowledge of the movie is in no way necessary to enjoy the show.

Now go have some hotdish, hon, and enjoy the nice, gruesome murders on the TV.

Look at these Harry Potter Owl Post Earrings, Doctor Who Dalek Earrings and Star Wars Lightsaber Earrings my wife made!

Look at them with your eyes, buy them with your hands and jam them into your ears!