Tim Kring makes puppies commit adultery

Somehow “The Writers Guild” evokes imagery of shadowy figures in heavy velvet cloaks gathered around mammoth stone tables to perform sacred blood rights and cast runes. This ancient band of clandestine scribes is now on strike. They’ve struck… stricken… whatever. To be fair, the studios should just agree to remove all writing from DVD’s and downloaded shows. Heroes season 2 would be unaffected. O00hhh. Burn.

Today’s comic deals with the declining quality of the television show Heroes and the merits of its “creator,” one Mr. R. Timothy Kring. I’ve decided season 1 was a fluke. Season 2 is a testament to how little this guy understands about comic books or geekery in general.

The short list:

The only thing we wanted to know is what happened to Peter. We still don’t know.
Amnesia is teh kop 0uts.
Focusing on new boring characters worked so well for LOST that we should totaly do it. I hope Dora and Diego get buried alive.
Wiping out NY was last year’s big bad. This year’s is… wiping out..oh god.
- For instructions on how to do a new apocalypse every season, see Buffy: Seasons 1-7. Take notes.
Mutant virus, eh? Don’t read much X-Men, huh?
Claire’s boyfriend is a tool
Hiro is an idiot. He was in feudal Japan about 8 episodes too long.
Parkman’s dad is the killer? One more Hero needed Daddy issues? Seriously. Think about it for 5 seconds. Who on this show wasn’t permanently scarred by their father?

It turns out Tim Kring time traveled forward, read this post, went back in time and apologized for his transgressions. That’s certainly a different approach than we get from Lindelhof and Cuse. They are more of “Fuck off! Let me see you make a better show! Dick holes!” Where as Kring is taking the stance of “yeah, I really don’t know what I’m doing. You guys got any ideas? Where do you post your fan fics? Oh, here they are…. why are all the dudes gay?”

You can download today’s comic for your Webcomic Remixing delights here:

Have some fun with it and email your entries to comics (at) hijinksensue (dot) com.

UPDATE:

I moved the remix entires here and gave them their own category.

Save Dollhouse!

All I’m saying is if we started collecting signatures on the petition now, it will save us time in the long run. How many of you want to wait until Fox actually cancels “Dollhouse” to start the “Save Dollhouse” campaign. We’ve learned our lesson so many times before. Let’s just be prepared. We need to go ahead and organize a few fan get-togethers, rallies, meetups, etc. We need to spread the word that Fox can’t cancel this new and original show without giving it a chance.

Yes, I understand that it hasn’t even begun production yet. That’s besides the point. If we had started campaigning for Firefly’s renewal before they had even cast all the parts, we might still be watch Captain Tight Pants, and Space Whore, and the rest every alternate Friday at 4am and each 3rd Tuesday after the infomercials go off (prime slots for the 18-34 demo).

Also, seeing as how it’s Monday, November 5th, the Writer’s Guild ~~probably just went on strike~~ just went on strike. This means basically all non-reality shows will be halting production. In an act of solidarity (or something) with my creative brethren, I am providing a “speechless” version of today’s comic.

You can download it here:

Please take it and fill in whatever words you like (unless you are a member of the Writer’s Guild. Then you aren’t allowed to write words). Make it funny, make it stupid, or make it make less sense than the original. When you are done, email it to comics (at) hijinksensue (dot) com. Don’t forget to tag it with your name. I will post the ones I like best on the site. If this works out and you guys enjoy it, I will make “Webcomic Remix” an ongoing feature.

Quick decision making skills

Not that there’s anything wrong with that

You muggles make me sick. With all your hang ups about who’s gay and who humps house elves and who gets off to watching people drink unicorn blood while being asphyxiated. Just sick. Where a wizard chooses to stick his wand is his own business.

So what if Dumbledore’s gay? He’s not hurting anyone. Well, he’s dead, so he’s really not doing anything. Also he’s fictional.

Speaking of fiction, there ARE victims associated with this outing. The slash fic writers. You can’t very well craft rich and textural homo erotic slash fiction for a character who’s ACTUALLY gay. How is that naughty? Slash where the only men having new and exciting sexual encounters with other men is only worth reading if the pairing are supposed to be straight. You don’t do Willow/ Tara slash. You do Xander/Spike slash or Giles/Jonathan slash. Or maybe even The Master/Andrew/Giles/Uncle Enyos slash. I would even settle for Joyce/Anthropomorphic Ms. Kitty Fantastico/Rat Amy slash. But NEVER actual gay character slash. Gross. That gives me the heebies and makes me want to call my congressman (who is probably gay).

In retrospect, instead of the Dumbledisco, I should have done a comic about Dumbledore in an airport bathroom and the ensuing press coverage.

Matt Lauer: “But, Headmaster, why did you start tapping your toes under the stall?”
Dumbledore: “It’s really very silly, Matt. This has all been blown out of proportion. I was going to proposition the young man in the adjacent stall for anonymous gay sex and that seemed like the best way to get his attention. I had written a note on my shoe that said “I want to have sex with you in a gay way” and I wanted him to notice it. Thus the aforementioned tapping.”

Also, if you want to see that last panel as a desktop let me know. If you want to see it as a shirt, then wait a couple of days. Oh, I’m so not kidding.

Chicken in a bread pan picken’ out dough

Josh had, what I like to call, a moment of clarity when I told him that “Devil Went Down to Georgia was the King Koopa of Guitar Hero 3. A wave of calm came over him. He shed a single, joyful tear and he said softly “I know now what I have to do. I know what you have been preparing me for.” He was talking to his 360. It was like years of training and suffering were about to pay off.

I guess I get it. I suppose if you spent all of your time masturbating and them someone told you there was going to be this big masturbating contest and only the best masturbators could compete you would be pretty happy. Ya’ know, because you’ve nearly ruined your penis with all the masturbating but you’ve gotten really good at it and you want a chance to show the world. Actually, Josh should just sign up for that.

Update:

Just to be clear, Josh does actually put his penis down from time to time in order to fondle a different instrument. He apparently does so which such prowess that he’s wasted his life away right into the top 1% of Guitar Hero 2 360 players world wide.

Congratulate or pity him. It’s all the same.