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Hola, me llamo Manuel Labor

This comic happened because of this IM:

12:39:53 PM Josh: i won a mountain bike
12:40:00 PM Josh: you should come over today and help me put it together
12:40:08 PM Joel: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
12:40:12 PM Joel: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
12:40:14 PM Joel: yeah
12:40:14 PM Joel: no
12:40:24 PM Josh: it was worth a shot
12:41:41 PM Joel: i suppose it will be easier to ignore after its put together

That was good. I needed to laugh. It’s cathartic. Cleansing.

Saturday night me, Wife, Josh and Eli went to a Zach Galifianakis show here in Dallas. If you aren’t familiar with Zach “Chad Farthouse” Galifianakis, check out the TubeYous and enjoy. He is a truly fantastic performer. He has sort of an Andy Kaufman quality in that he really doesn’t give a shit if you like him while he’s on stage. Anyone who’s a fan of watching people writhe in an uncomfortable situation will enjoy his comedy. Any one interested should pick up Zach’s new DVD, which is selling like the opposite of hot cakes, and The Comedians of Comedy, which also features Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn and Maria Bamford.

At one point he came out into the audience and accosted Eli (no shit) for being a trendy skater punk. I assume the jeans and beanie were enough to get him labeled as such. Eli froze when Zach put his foot up on Eli’s knee and his balls in Eli’s face. It was a Christmas miracle.

Magical.

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Rock Band is exactly the same as Real Band

I repeat, this is NOT a gaming comic. That said, here’s a comic about video games.

Josh picked up Rock Band on launch day and by 5am the following morning he was #270 on the Live leaderboard.

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The following weekend I swung by to see what all the fuss was about. Josh was teeming with excitement at the chance of fulfilling his group-gaming/musical orgy fantasy. (This part is so great. Seriously, just wait for it). Let me re-emphasize his anticipation and excitement. It was palpable. So he sets up the drums and I open the mic from it’s original packaging. Guitar in hand he opens the cabinet that houses his 360 and leaves the room (for some reason). I’m holding the mic and thinking to myself, “I can scream RED RING! RED RING! or I can let events unfold naturally.” I choose the more passive path. It’s easier to drink in the ruination of a man when you know it’s coming.

A blinking red beacon, like a reverse lighthouse to hell steered Josh towards his impending anguish. The Red Ring of Death. The timing was poetic. Waves of sadness rippled in concentric rings through the floor boards at his feet. I just cracked a smile. I wouldn’t be playing Rock Band this day, but it’s not that often you get to watch someone’s spirits get deconstructed. I was sufficiently entertained.

He still blames the whole affair on me. As if my mere presence shaped the outcome of events. I contend that his “Launch Day” 360 was on borrowed time as it was and possessed its own warped sense of humor. The absolute best part was his attempt to save the situation. He runs to the bathroom and comes back producing a towel and wrapping, nay, swaddling his ailing Xbox in it. “Does it have to get its ass to Mars?” I asked.

We eventually got together and rocked out (on Josh’s NEW Xbox). The above panels are more historical record than clever conjecture. The drums particularly frustrated Eli, an actual drummer, in that the game requested beats that would be incorrect were they played on real drums.

I play both guitar and (some)drums in real life but I’m for shit when it comes to either controller in Rock Band. However, I found the whole vocal experience to be excellent. It was just an outstanding amount of fun. Being able to correct your pitch in real time with on screen feedback made it a perfect vocal tutor. I managed to pull off a 94% or so on “Welcome Home” but the Xbox actually threw beer bottles at us when we tried “Tom Sawyer.” It looked disappointed.

Come with me if you want to love

His CPU is a neural net processor, a learning computer. You honestly have no idea how many times I’ve seen that movie. Let’s just say the number of times was a lot. A lot of times. Google is definitely trying to buy part of the air or the waves or the bleep-bloops or something. Google’s open mobile handset os platform strategic initiative alliance (they should have called it GOMHOPSIA), dubbed Android, is poised to create a very attractive, very open alternative to Windows Mobile 6 (they should call it Windows Mobile Sux… are ya’ with me? Ha ha… right?) and the iPhone. One speculation is that they are bidding on the 700mhz squiggly lines because they intend to go forward WITHOUT a cell phone carrier to partner with. How rad would that be? Super rad. I hope they don’t even charge for cell service and instead Android listens to your calls and targets ads to you based on what you talked about that day. Like if you have a 2 hour break up call with your girlfriend, Android can txt msg you with alcohol and hooker ads. If you were about to say “Super Rad,” we are on the same page. If Google does end up building a real android, I hope it comes out more like Data than Lore. Lore was intensely clever but ultimately evil. Data played the violin and loved his cat. He wasn’t that great of a whistler but he never fed a colony to a space dwelling entity, did he? I’m sure Dr. Soong’s Christmas family newsletters were primarily full of Data related news.

The Soongs have had a blessed year. Data received another commendation from Starfleet this year. He was promoted to Commander, he mastered over 600 styles of classical painting, learned to dream, created a daughter, made sweet love to a lesbian security officer and bested evil holodeck characters on 4 separate occasions. Lore killed a planet. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

(If none of that last bit made sense, start reading here.)

Here’s the webcomic remix blank

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Have fun with it and email your entries to comics(at)hijinksensue(dot)com before Monday.

I only got 1 entry for the Doug Morris comic remix. If anyone else wants to submit one, let me know and I will hold off on posting it. Here’s the blank again.

2 Girls, 1 Cup, 6 Senses

I was first “Goatse‘d” back in the year Nineteen hundred and Ninety Nine, followed shortly by a rousing “Tubgirl‘ing.” I was in intensive care for 3 months. Another 18 months of recuperative therapy and I had almost regained my vision and ability to comprehend language. You see, my brain had simply refused to go on. “Game over, man. Game over. I quit,” says my brain. I would have taken a holiday too if I’d been in his shoes.

That was traumatic, but apparently not EXTREME enough for today’s hip internet youth. Now they have to Rickroll each other into watching some sort of girl-on-girl fecal fetish video that reminds me of the soft serve machine at The Golden Coral. What’s wrong with the youth of this internet.

Here’s me as an old man on a porch,

“In my day we showed our friends still pictures… JPEGs of men with gaping anuses. We didn’t have these online moving pictures to torture anyone with. We’d IM somebody with “Hey, check out this hottie,” then we’d send him a link to a picture of a girl in a bath wearing a stocking on her head and geysering a shit fountain into her own face. It was a simpler time.”

As far as memes go, 2 girls 1 cup is a great way to close out 2007. Let’s go ahead and put a moritorium on memes for the rest of the year. Let’s ride this one out into January, then get back together as a group and decide if we want any more. The same process that brought us Laugh Out Loud Felines, has also caused me to know what it looks like when women that have been eating shit throw up on each other. That’s unacceptable, internet. You should know better.

I guess the guy that “directed it” is in trouble. All I know is Jacky needs to talk to somebody.

Also, “2 girls, 1 cup” sounds like a great name for a lesbian coffee shop.