Repulsive Behavior

Punned! (not to be confused with Pwned)

It’s 2:30am. Cheap puns are all I have to offer. All the trailers for “Iron Man” make it look like the type of thing I would want to see. At first I thought Robert Downey Jr. (RDJ if you’re nasty) was a bit of bizarro casting, but that’s when I remembered that Tony Stark was a loathsome, womanizing douche-hole. So RDJ is perfect! I’m full on expecting the suit to have a coke-vac nose candy sucking attachment. A face-Hoover of sorts.

I never really read Iron Man comics. Eli read the Marvel Civil War religiously. Apparently Iron Man is the Cheney of the group. I did buy the issues where Tony “died” and his black friend took over the suit-duties and became War Machine. As soon as they resurrected Stark I lost interest. How is a brother supposed to make it in this super hero game if the white man keeps coming back from the dead to take him down. Do you remember Black-Superman or Afro-Flash? Of course not. That’s my point. Stark… like stark white. Now it’s all starting to make sense. I hate the white man so much.

So much.

Alien Vs. Predator: A Bun in the Oven

Since the movie is actually titled “Alien vs. Predator: Requiem” I really wanted to do a “Requiem for a Dream” comic, but I already blew my wad on that reference (or was it my “stash”).

Eli actually saw this movie. I did not. There’s something about purposefully submitting to suffering that doesn’t appeal to me. It’s a self preservation thing. He was in some sort of focus group, so they passed out questionnaire cards for everyone to fill out. Judging from the questions, he was not in their target demographic.

Sample questions:

1) How fucking bad ass was this fucking alien movie and shit?
a) Super fucking bad ass
b) Re-god-damned-badass-diculous
c) LOLZ I SHITTED MY PANTZ!!!LOLZ!!101010ONE!!!TWO

2) Which part of the movie was the most awesome?
a) The explosion(s)
b) The Alien
c) The Predator
d) There were parts?
e) This was a movie?
f) Fuck yeah!
g) The (other) explosion(s)

3) If we keep making movies like this will you keep giving us money?
a) Super fucking bad ass
b) Hell(z) yeah
c) Dude, let me ask my momz…. HELLZ2THaYEAH!
d) LOLZ I SHITTED MY PANTZ!!!LOLZ!!101010ONE!!!TWO

I hope you all are enjoying 2008 thus far. My wife and I rang in the new whatever at Eli’s with cheese dip, and ribs and Pictionary. Regarding pictionary: if the clue is “Puff Daddy” and your drawing elicits the response “Smoke Father,” you should win the whole game right then and there.

Here’s a desktop of the last panel. Enjoy!

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Think Different, but not Secret.

Six or seven years ago my friend, Wes, would call me out of the blue and say things like, “Think Secret says Apple is going to release new flat panel iMacs,” or “Think Secret says Steve Jobs just invested 200 million in Amalgamated Black Turtle Necks.”

I would usually respond with, “It’s four-fucking-thirty in the morning! Why are you calling me, what’s a Think Secret and why should I care about Apple and their queerly user friendly computers?! Aren’t they made of wishes and candy and unicorn entrails? I like my computer cold and hard and sharp and hateful.”

This was many years before my conversion to the teachings of Steve. Even in my ignorance I knew Think Secret was some sort of player in the hardware super spy game. Dangling from a ceiling harness, lifting the microfiche off of the desk of a sleeping Steve Jobs. He would awake moment too late, press the giant red…no, white button on his desk and call for a Cupertino-wide lock down. “It must have been that dastardly double agent from Think Secret!” Steve would say as giant steel doors would slam down over the windows and exits.

Colorful novelization aside, Think Secret is no more. No one knows the real terms of the deal Apple offered the sites creator, Nick Ciarelli, but he took it and bowed out gracefully. The rumble is that it went something like:

Steve: “Stop thinking secretly about our products before we release them! The “Boom” is everthing and you are ruining my fun times!”

TS: “WTF?”

Steve:“Instead of suing you, we’ll offer to buy you out in exchange for you never writing about Apple ever ever again.”

TS: “WTF?!”

I really hope no one is calling “sell out” on this guy. Faced with the options of a crippling lawsuit from a multi billion dollar company that would leave you financially raped and ruined or a nice fat check and something cool to put on your resume, I think we ALL would take option B.

It seemed like Steve-O was on a killing spree when Fake Steve Jobs reported that same thing was being done to him. Turns out it we were all suckers and it was a big fat lie. When you can’t trust a formerly anonymous blogger who impersonates a tech-celebrity online in a mocking fashion to be completely honest all the time, you can’t trust anyone. Especially anyone who’s first name is “Fake.” And to think… I Dugg for him.

With apologies to the baby Jesus

In closing out “ought and seven,” I wanted to give my readers (you lot) a present. This comic pretty much sums up what Christmas means to me. Family, and togetherness, Eli with beer, and Ameria, and Truthiness, and Tron, and LOL Cats and the dark side of the Force. Yep, that is exactly what Christmas means to me.

So, you’ve been good boys and girls. On to your present. Here’s the above comic in nice downloadable desktop wallpaper format. I’ve done one large 4:3 aspect and one large wide aspect. Not sure what dimensions are really popular these days but I assume most of you know how to edit an image to a desired side. So pick square-ish or retangulish and have at it. MERRY SOMETHING WHATEVER!!!

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In this comic Eli’s name is “E-Rex”

Joel’s is “Jomiceiomimus.” Josh’s name is still “Josh.”

“Utah Josh” or “Josh Raptor” just doesn’t sound right.

If you read the comic and you’re all, “Gwah?” proceed immediately to Qwantz.com for an explanation.
I’ve said it before, but I REALLY enjoy me some Dinosaur Comics. Thanks to Ryan North for putting up with this.

“Gwah” sounds like how a guy from Boston would say “Gwar.”

“Hey, fellas. Yah wahnna’ go see Gwah? They’re playing at a bah’ near Hahvid Yahd. We can take my cah. Friggin’ sweat.”