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Intelligent Political Discourse

This is probably as close as I get to a political cartoon.

Before you point out that you don’t play tridimensional chess with 3 people (though you should, I mean there are three dimensions), and that all the chess pieces are in the wrong places and don’t look like real chess pieces, let’s go ahead and assume that Joel, Josh and Eli bought this 3D chess set off of Craigslist and they don’t actually know how to play (because no one does).

I know this comic really doesn’t make any sense (unless you are both ME and a SUPER STAR TREK NERD), but I was reading Wiki articles about Star Trek (specifically the ending of DS9, the Dominion War, and Worf”s family) and I got to thinking about how there really were some parallels between Worf and Obama (thin premise, I know). Then I figured it would be fun to draw Obama as a Klingon and thus I birthed the four confusing panels you see above. What can I say? This is EXACTLY how my brain works.

If you were to map out my thought process, it goes something like “need to write a comic -> I haven’t done anything about Obama (I support him) -> should I? This isn’t a political site -> I wonder if Alexander Rozhenko appeared in DS9 after he served with Worf on the Rotaran -> let’s check Wiki -> God I hated Alexander -> Oh I forgot that Sisko got Cassidy pregnant then be became black alien Jesus -> what if Obama was a Klingon?”

See? Actually, when I write it out like that it makes perfect sense.

(10:32am Central – I can’t seem to reply to comments. I’ve emailed ID. We’ll see.)
(1:04pm Central – Comments seem back-ish.)

American Idol II: The Quickening

I wanted some resolution to Josh’s stint on American Idol, and it was either this or the Thunderdome. Two singer’s enter, one singer leaves. In that scenario I think Josh would be riding on the back of a behelmeted retard. I’ve always pictured him “Master” than “Blaster.”

Speaking of Highlander (I think I mentioned this on a podcast), the first movie was pretty much excellent. The 2nd movie retconned this whole thing about the Highlanders being aliens in a galactic civil war or some such shittery. So for the 3rd one they pretended that original sequel never happened and picked back up where the first one left off. It gives me tired-head to think about it.

Wasn’t there another franchise that ignored one of the sequels? Superman Returns sort of did that, acting as a follow up to Superman 2 and all.

So what sequels did you think were “one sequel too many.” Which movies ruined a franchise for you? What’s your X-men 3, or Star Wars Episdodes 1-3? Did the franchise recover, reboot or fade away? Robin! To the Bat-comments!

!!!COMMENTS SEEMED BORKED RIGHT NOW WHICH IS BORKING THE WHOLE SITE!!!
Wait it out. We can make it through this together. Wrap up in a blanket, stay dry and burn your clothes for warmth.We ARE going to make it out alive!

America voted, and… IT’S A TRAP!

The only question is after he was done with the song, would the judges or viewers even know the crime he had just committed? Probably not. I’m sure his performance would illicit the usual:

“Dog, it was a little pitchy. At first I wasn’t feelin’ you but then you hit a couple of big notes and it was HOT! We got a HOT ONE!”

“First let me say that you are a breath of fresh air. You are an absolute joy and your shoes look fantastic. (sobs uncontrollably into an empty pill bottle).”

“Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. I wish you were tied to a tree with razor wire, covered in barbecue sauce and slowly eaten by a pack of rabid former idol contestants.”

The first time I fell victim to a ” Rick Rolling” I was at lunch with people who I thought were my friends. One of them mentioned this awesome Photoshop tutorial he had seen online. Another affirmed its awesomeness and added that it contained the secrets to Photoshop techniques that would open up a whole new world of flares and filters. I chimed in, “That sounds cool. Send me a link.”

Send. Me. A. Link. Four words, spoken alone they mean nothing. Together they are a dark and ancient incantation that invokes the most insidious evil. How many nights did this squadron of assholes stay awake planning my demise? Was I even the original target or were they just waiting for a wounded animal to snag their trap? Where the fuck was Admiral Ackbar when I needed him?

A few nights go by and I remembered that I was supposed to get a link to a certain Photoshop video, but no one had sent it. I IM’d Jeramy “Final Boss” Ook, who was so vocal that day about the wondrous knowledge contained within the tutorial. Why didn’t he send me the link? He wants to keep the magics all to himself! No, it was simpler than that. He had actually forgotten to follow through with his nefarious plot. I REMINDED him to make a fool of me. He sent me the link.

Judas! Betrayer! Lord of treachery! Prince of Lies! General douchebag! Lunch was just the set up and he was supposed to Roll me later that evening. It letting him hold out for two days I somehow made the Rolling more potent. Sweeter for him, but twice as deadly for me. Clicking that link, with enthusiastic expectation visible behind my childlike grin, was like a fucking poison dagger covered in scorpions shoved in my gut. Ever since that day, I’ve been planning my Rick-Revenge. I might just wait and Roll his kid in 20 years or so.

So tell me, what was the best Rick Roll you ever gave or the worst you ever received? Any more elaborate than mine?

Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home

Forget Fisher Stevens! They should get Scott Bakula on LOST. He needs to way to repent for his crimes. Actually, they don’t need any Quantum Leap actors since Desmond is basically a Scottish Dr. Sam Beckett. Think about it. When the hatch blew, that was him “stepping into the Quantum Leap Accelerator.” For a while there with Charlie he was striving to “put right what once went wrong.” Instead of “Oh, boy” he says “(oh) brother.” Al is Sam’s “constant” just as Penny is Desmond’s. Ok, wait. I started typing this as a joke. Now I just think they ripped off Quantum Leap.

Also they had a helicopter… that’s just like “Airwolf!” Those bastards. And Walt is “Small Wonder!” It’s all 80’s TV!

  • Locke = Mr. Belvedere
  • Ecko= Mr. T as B.A. Baracus from “The A Team”
  • Jack = some guy from St. “Elsewhere” or possibly Sam from “Cheers”
  • ummmm… premise getting thin… must recover…
  • Hurley = Natalie from “Facts of Life”
  • Oh wait! Ecko and Locke are both Bull from “Nightcourt!” No! Ecko is Mac, Jack is Judge Harry, Sawyer is Dan Fielding, Kate is Christine Sullivan, Rose is Roz (YES! YES!), Rousseau is Selma, the Others are Phil the homeless guy, the smoke monster is Mel Torme (get it? “The Velvet Fog“), and the island is the courthouse which exists out of phase with the rest of the world (because it’s AT NIGHT!!!) IT ALL MAKES SENSE! I HAVE JUST SOLVED LOST!
  • LOST = NIGHT COURT FTW!!!LOLOLeleventy1!11!00!!LOLZ

I think I just had a faneurysm. Did I ust invent that word? Don’t fucking steal it! I’m going to put it on a shirt or something.