What’s “Taters,” Precious?

“Po-Ta-Toes!”

This is one of those comics that I didn’t have to write, because it just happened. Josh wanted to kill me and be done with it. He said I couldn’t be trusted and there was nothing left but evil in me, but Eli wouldn’t let him do it. Eli had to believe that there was hope for me, because that would mean there may still be hope for him. He recognized that we shared the same burden. We had both been forever changed by The Lord of the Rings Trilogy marathons on TNT HD.

In the end I bit off Josh’s finger when he tried to take the remote and change the channel.

This comic is also a shout out to the listeners of the HijiNKS Ensue Podcast. If you want to be in on all the fun times, download a podcast or subscribe to the feed. Then you will get all the super secret inside jokes.

PODCAST FEEDS:

He’s a Demon on Wheels

Literally. This movie looks like if Lucifer impregnated Las Vegas.

I have no real intention of seeing it. Regardless of sexual deviance, or bent genders, the Wachowski’s are clearly off their collective gourd. The first Matrix was a fluke. It was nearly (if not totally) perfect SciFi in all respects. Since then they’ve… faltered. I don’t count “V” because it wasn’t really their film, any more than “From Dusk Till Dawn” was a Tarantino film. Somehow they eeked out a good screenplay for that movie, but praise be to Robot-Jesus they didn’t direct it. Otherwise V would have been played by a neon digital Keanu and it would have taken place in am underground rave-cave.

I can imagine the Wachowski’s directing style. One is screaming, “LESS ACTING! MORE EFFECTS!!!” while the other is trying on stilletos and taintless chaps.

I watched the Speed Racer cartoons on Mtv when I was in middle school. I always wondered what Speed was actually hoping to achieve. He just seemed to race, and race and race with no real goal in sight. He often said he had to be “the best” but that’s about as vague and “gotta’ catch em all. ” I’m sure he had a complex or two dozen. Pops named the kid “Speed.” That limited his career choices to race car driver or meth addict. I gathered from the show, he was both.

I just realized that the title sequence from the cartoon actually had animated “bullet time” when Speed jumps out of the Mach V. Weird.

I Guess You Can Have His Guns Now

‘Cuz, Ya know… cold dead hands and such.

An alternate idea for this comic had Joel, Eli and Josh eating “Soylent Green” made with “100% Ground Chuck.” I’ll speak of this no more.

Charlton Heston was certainly a Hollywood icon. He was well known and had a career spanning many decades. Despite that I never thought he was that great of an actor. He just had the one schtick and he pretty much pile drove it into the ground (beneath the planet of the apes). I like to call his acting style “loud and disgusted.” He was always appalled and screaming about what was so appalling to him.

I don’t mean to be (totally) disrespectful, but I always get kind of frustrated when someone dies and all of a sudden they are super-fantastic just because they are dead. They should run around and ask people what they think about you the day BEFORE you die, then use those quotes as your eulogy. If you asked average joe movie goer what he thought of Chuck Heston last week he might reply, “He’s alright. Kind of wacky about guns. That freaks me out a bit. Did you see him on “Bowling for Columbine?” Actually he’s kind of nuts. I dig “Planet of the Apes,” though. In a “its so shitty, it’s great” kind of way.”

Ask AJMG today and I’m sure it will go something like, “How do you condense the life of such a profound thespian into mere words? Is there a word that means “more splendid to behold than the face of God?” Take that word and multiply it times infinity and only then will you begin to approach the magnificence that was Charlton Heston.”

If there is a Heaven and if Chuck is there, I bet it sucks for him that Phil Hartman gets tonnes more tail doing his Heston impression than Heston could ever get actually being Heston.

Godspeed, you damn dirty bastard!

Does Whatever an Iron Can

WOW! Sorry for the late comic guys. This one took way longer than expected and I used last night to reset my sleep schedule. One of the caveats of working from home is you can stay up drawing until 3 am and sleep until 11 the next day. A week of that and I’m all screwed up. Looks like I’m back on track for the rest of the week.

The special preview of Iron Man during the Battlestar Galactica premier was almost as exciting as BSG. It looks amazing. Hell, they could show that 2 min trailer over and over and over in the theatre and I would pay to see it.

What do you think? Is Iron Man going to be a Spiderman 1, Spiderman 2 or Batman Begins? Or is it a Spiderman 3, Ghostrider, Elektra or Fantastic 4: ROTSS?

My vote is John Faverau is a comic geek and will do right by all of us.

What were the best and worst comic book movie adaptations since, let’s say, 2000.

UPDATE:

Check out the “Run before you can walk” clip.

I’m going to ask Battlestar Galactica to Homecoming

SciFi Channel has been running a Battlestar Galactica Season 3 marathon for the last week or so. I learned about it yesterday and basically haven’t been productive since. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say BSG is the best show that’s ever been on television. I don’t mean the best SciFi. I mean the best SHOW. In ALL categories.

I don’t really want to write a thesis for why I believe this, because it’s really more of a belief than a theory. I FEEL it in my soul. I have reasons and they are many, but faith isn’t about reasons. It’s about… well, faith. It is also about robots, and space and being totally awesome.

I watched “Exodus” today and I cried (a little). No joke. There were tears. If you can watch that episode without getting misty eyed then I need to check your spine while you have sex because you are probably a Cylon. If it is at all possible I want Bill Adama (not E.J. Olmos) to deliver my eulogy. I want him to deliver it into the receiver end of an old telephone while my friends and family listen from tiny speakers in distant, cramped rooms. I want him to say what an honor it was to have served with such a man as me. And close it with, “Good hunting.”

If none of this means anything to you, then I have a gift for you. That gift is called happiness. Real, lasting happiness. And brotherhood. You will receive this gift when you watch the first 3 season’s of BSG on DVD (don’t forget to Tivo season 4 which starts TODAY (4-4-08).

I watched 1-3 through Netflix. Sometime 4-5 episodes a night. It was like delicious cocaine. This will be the first season I see on SciFi and in HD. The bad part of that equation is the HD quality on SciFi through DirecTV is balls.

I also hear there is a special 12 noon viewing on SciFi.com today if you are so inclined. Once the first half of the season is over and we don’t any new episodes until 2009, I think I’m going to rewatch the series from the beginning. Then I’m probably going to repeat that process from then until infinity. So say we all.