Sucker M.C.’s

For the month of January 2015, both of my books are only $5 each. Buy 2 of them and I’ll give you a free mystery mini print. After January they are GONE FOREVER.

I am selling them at or below cost so they can go to Fancy Bastards that will appreciate them, rather than a bonfire. Grab them HERE.

I would say nearly 100% of my daughter’s holiday musical program was this psuedo-hip hop referenced in the panels above. I know you know exactly what I mean without actually having to hear it. For a good decade (between the late 80’s and late 90’s) it was everywhere. In Fruity Pebbles commercials, and Simpsons episodes, in a parody song about Ronald Regan, and an ad for Chiquita Bananas. This style of “rap” was so common in advertisements that I feel like an entire generation (my generation) grew up thinking that a ton of actual rap songs started with “My name is _____ and I’m here to say, I like to ______ in a _______ way!” As far as my Google-fu can suss out, there aren’t any actual songs from that time period that featured this lyrics scheme.

Rap songs from this time DID, however, heavily feature the artist saying who they were and what they liked to do, but it was (at least almost) never in that exact pattern and rarely quite that corny. I mean, that’s some weak ass rhymes right there. But it was so ubiquitous that when adults and kids alike would “make up a rap song,” it would almost always start with that phrase.

I left Kiddo’s program just puzzling over this phenomenon. It’s like a game of cultural telephone. A lyric is misheard or misremembered, then mis-quoted enough times that people take the meme for granted and start building off its foundation. For instance, “Wouldn’t it be cute if the 1st graders sang a song as if they were Santa’s Reindeer? And wouldn’t it be cute if they RAPPED it, because of how the rap is the most popular form of music these days with the kids? And OF COURSE we should start the song, the way every single rap songs starts!” BUT THE THING THAT THEY ARE REFERENCING NEVER ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!

I think this situation is akin to pop culture misquotes like “Beam me up, Scotty,” or “Luke… I am your father.” If enough people just keep saying them, everyone else just assume they’re right and our collective pop cultural memory just forks from that vector and grows in a different, weirder direction.

It’s holidays times, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have an Amazon Wishlist for any of you who are interested in such things.

Underneath The Misanthropy-toe

I’m a people person. Wait, what I mean to say is, “I’m a people, person.” As in, “Hey, you person, I am a people so please afford me the basic courtesy of never speaking to me, making eye contact with me or acknowledging our simultaneous existence in any way. Thanks.”

I do not care for small talk. I find something repulsive and detestable about a stranger feeling so uncomfortable with a shared silence that they feel the need to strangle it to death with meaningless words. It’s like they notice the presence of another human and their lizard brain immediately commands them, “MAKE NOISE! MAKE NOISE TO SEEM SCARY OR IT WILL EAT YOU! ALSO MAKE YOURSELF BIG! LOOK BIGGER AND MAKE NOISE AND YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS!” I love conversation, but I love for it to be real; to have a purpose.

HEY HEY HEY: Go check out my Patreon. Fancy Patrons and potential Fancy Patrons alike should also check out the new Patreon community guidelines.

I’m even happy with casual conversation from a stranger, if it has a purpose. “Am I near the dog park?” “How do you get there?” “Have you seen my dog?” “WHERE AM I?! WHERE IS MY DOG?! WHERE I AM GOING?! HOW DID I GET… oh, there’s my dog. Come along, Crackers.” These are purposeful words. These words are unlike, “Hey… Mondays, am I right?” “That’s some weather we’ve been having.” and “Big plans for the weekend?” You can probably tell that my most frequent exposure to this smallest of talk was in elevators back when I had a regular job. There’s something about elevators that squeezes words out of people like a long since empty tube of toothpaste. There’s nothing in there, but you squeeze and fold and force it none the less until something, anything comes out. In these circumstances, I wouldn’t even mind the small talk if it was just honest. “How about that crippling despair that’s been going around?” “That’s some irreversible damage we’ve done to the only planet we have; the only home our children and our children’s children will inherit, am I right?” “You got any plans for the unending nothingness that awaits us all upon our deaths?”

It’s holidays times, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that I have an Amazon Wishlist for any of you who are interested in such things.

Humbugbrag

EVERY. SINGLE. SCHOOL THING. EVER. Show me the thing my kid made or let me hear my kid sing and GET ME THE FUUUUUUUUCK OUT. If there’s one thing that puts me on edge, it’s chaos. And there’s NOTHING ON THIS EARTH more chaotic than whatever an elementary school wants parents to come down and see. An elementary school is basically a Hellmouth. Disorder and chaos and disease and discord just radiates from every elementary school auditorium like a discordant heartbeat.

Speaking of disease, a third of my kid’s class is out with the flu and one of those little plague vectors gave it to my kid. So this year we’re celebrating Sickmas. Just think of all the less fortunate, healthy children. Do they know it’s Sickmastime at all? As you reflect on those poor, non-immunocompromised souls, throw back a mug of Purellnog and warm yourself by throwing all your clothes and bedsheets in the fire. “I’m dreaming of a bleaaaagh Sickmaaaassss.”

HEY HEY HEY: Go check out my Patreon. Fancy Patrons and potential Fancy Patrons alike should also check out the new Patreon community guidelines. The Patreon team has been working tirelessly for months to craft a set of guidelines that will allow them to keep the community free of abusive, harassing and hateful accounts, as well as any account that counteracts the “Be cool, be nice, make stuff and get paid” philosophy that Patreon was born out of.

DID YOU GET YOUR HOGWARTS LETTER YET?! Check out these Harry Potter inspired owl post earrings and necklaces my wife made:

A Day In The Life Of A Cartoonist

HEY HEY HEY: Go check out my Patreon. Fancy Patrons got to see some of the work in progress on this very comic as I was making it.

I’ve been drawing this 18 panel behemoth for a week solid. I guess panel 19 should be, “Oh and I guess draw this one comic for 6 hours a day, 4 days straight or whatever I suppose.”

I’ve had this idea in the back of my mind for a while and really I’ve just been working up the nerve to START creating something this big. Recently I was approached by Autodesk, the makers of Sketchbook Pro and asked to partner with them to show off the new version of their drawing software. I figured this comic idea, which was completely out of my comfort zone, would be a great way to showcase using a new piece of software, that was also completely out of my comfort zone. I wanted it to look different from my normal stuff, so I thought it best to remove all of the tools and muscle memories that allow me to easily create my “normal stuff.” There was a learning curve, but I soon adapted to Sketchbook Pro’s interface and I was pretty impressed with some of the tools it offered that were catered specifically to drawing. I know that sounds like an odd compliment for a DRAWING application, but I’ve made over 1000 comics using a professional photo editing suite (Photoshop CS through CS6) that ALSO happens to allow drawing.

I’m working with Autodesk to produce a video about my experiences with Sketchbook Pro and the creating of this comic. It will hopefully be available for you to view early next year.

DID YOU GET YOUR HOGWARTS LETTER YET?! Check out these Harry Potter inspired owl post earrings and necklaces my wife made:

This comic is also a further commentary on what it’s like to run a (very) small business. As I mentioned in the previous comic’s post, I had to stop everything for three weeks while I frantically built a new online store and merch fulfillment operation from scratch. There’s so much about the business of creating things and putting them on the Internet that has NOTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH CREATING THINGS or putting them on the Internet. When you are known for one specific type of output, it can seem like 75% of the work you do (the stuff that goes unseen) goes completely unappreciated. One of my goals for 2015 is to talk more about The Experiment and what the ACTUAL BUSINESS of making comics (or music or games or whatever) is like vs. what it may seem to be like to the casual observer. I hope to speak with other creators in similar situations and figure out a way to present our shared experiences to other potential makers, doers and Experimenters. It seems like we all just sort of flop around, making a thousand mistakes and figuring things out as we go. If there was a way I could help a fellow artist get their art out there AND make a living from it without making, let’s say, 500 of the 1000 most common mistakes, I think that’s a project worth pursuing. I’ll talk more about that project next year when I have a better idea of what shape it will take.

They’ve Been Asking Where Ya Been

SHORT VERSION: I didn’t expect to have to drop everything and rebuild/relaunch my online store just a few weeks from Xmas, but I did, it took 3 weeks, it’s done and I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

LONG VERSION: Is posted over at my Patreon.

I usually expect the worst when life gets in the way and the comic has to take a backseat. I expect to be once and for all officially voted off of the Internet. I expect to somehow instantly be made unable to make a living from comics, and forbidden from creating content, putting it out there for free and somehow, eventually getting paid for something tangentially related to that content. So far, despite numerous cases of real life encroaching on my Internet funny time picture production, the Internet has been waiting for me on the other side with open arms.

I expect The Internet to be cruel, because I see the cruelty it heaps on others who do not deserve it. I see the worst of all possible reactions to typical human frailty and imperfection posted in countless Youtube comments. I see threats and rage and spite lobbed from behind the safety of anonymity, and it makes me afraid of screwing up. It makes me afraid of the repercussions of failure. Then I remember that I am incredibly fortunate in that I am not dealing with the TYPICAL Internet. I have, over the last 7ish years, cultivated an audience of thoughtful, kind, respectful, patient, intelligent and empathetic humans. When All the real life dust clears, it’s you, The Fancy Bastards, that allow me to pick up where I left off and keep going. Thank you.

DID YOU GET YOUR HOGWARTS LETTER YET?! Check out these Harry Potter inspired owl post earrings and necklaces my wife made: